Buying Dolls vs Buying a Car

I was able to find a junkyard car for $400, actually, which is cheaper than some dolls available.

I don't own a BJD as of yet, but that's an interesting discussion. Here in Massachusetts, there's very little need for a car, so what I'm about to say won't exactly be out of first-hand experience, but rather second-hand experience from out-of-state friends and similar situations involving a ride.

No one has any obligation to give anyone else a ride, regardless of their age, financial position, and number of BJDs they own. After all, the amount of dolls one has doesn't exactly express the cost they've put into the hobby. Nevertheless, I would be more willing to give a ride to a minor (under 18) BJD owner, and one who doesn't have a job. People say it's terribly easy to find a job, but from first-hand experience, I can disagree- especially when you're young.

Once you have a job, and therefore have the money to spend freely on either dolls or a car, should you live in an area that requires a car, then it's a bit irresponsible to put forth dolls first, rather than a car. Also, needing a ride once or twice is fine, but if at every single meet-up you're needing someone to drive you, I'm sure that's enough proof that you need to give your hobby a backseat, and instead spend it on something you need.

Since I'm usually... more friendly to people than I should be, I usually go by the rule of 'Every once in a while? Sure. Everytime? Forget it.'

But no, no BJD owner with a car should feel they should give someone a ride out of the simple obligation of being a community member. Do you want to give this person a ride? Sure. Go ahead. But you're by no means forced to. In fact, particularly if this person is one of those 'everytime'-ers, you're doing them a favour by teaching them a lesson about independence, and priorities. Necessities always come before desires.

c: This was written all over the place, forgive me. Yay two hours of sleep.

 

Hm, is this really a debate? I dunno really, some people have really different priorities. Surely you can attend a meet even if you don't have a car- take a bus, or train or taxi or whatever. There's no need to rely on drivers giving you lifts, even if areas where public transport is hard to come by.
I should know- I live in an area where there is little or no public transport (Devon, England) and manage to somehow get around the place, despite not having or car or any desire to learn to drive. I would much rather spend my money on dolls rather than driving lessons or a car- I love dolls and hate cars, so it kind of makes sense. Plus when I'm living in cities, as I usually am, you don't need a car.

Oh, and having just read the post the OP posted before my post, I have to say that refusing to help someone with depression and anxiety attend a doll-meet because they need to "fix their issues" is pretty ridiculous. And they're going to fix their issues sitting at home not meeting people, are they? I have both depression and anxiety, and although I don't particularly want to attend meets, I can see how someone in my position would find them helpful and a good way of meeting new people. People don't "fix their issues" in the same way you sort out paperwork or clean your room.

 

Personally, if I have to drive more than an hour I would much rather not be the only person in the car -- either me driving or them, it doesn't matter. It's just nice to have someone else with me. It makes the drive go by faster, and I have a crappy sense of direction (I also have GPS, but my GPS is not accurate 100% of the time) so it's nice to have someone to help me get unlost. Unless I am uncomfortable with said person (which has never happened to me before), then I see no reason why it would be any kind of an issue.

As for car ownership -- there are various reasons why someone would choose not to buy a car. Dolls are expensive, but don't have the same kind of expensive upkeep such as insurance, taxes, gas, repairs, regular maintenance etc. Someone maybe able to get around town fine without a car, but if a dollmeet is not right in town, it would make things difficult. However, if one does not otherwise want or need a car, buying one just to go to the occasional meetup wouldn't make much sense considering the cost and hassle involved. As a country, the US tends to be very car-centric, but cars aren't everything.

I guess I don't really get what the big deal is?

 

This is the exact point I was going to make.

 

I must say, I'm pretty offended by your attitude toward this whole situation. If you do not feel comfortable giving strangers rides, that is fine, but do not assume that we are completely hopeless and helpless about our situations. And I'm sorry if you don't intend this to be offensive, but I do not appreciate being judged like this. :/

As someone with severe depression, anxiety, and a sleep disorder known as Narcolepsy, the chances of me being able to acquire a license are extremely slim. I am 18, and I have no job, nor am I student because I just graduated high school and am taking a year off of college to get my life in order. I will be job hunting in September, but it's a slow process getting a job, especially in this economy. I also spend a large chunk of my time in therapy working on my issues, I've done so since I was 9 or 10. And I'm sorry, but issues such and anxiety or depression are not solved over night. Work on them all you like, but they will not get better quite so easy. It takes years upon years, and in truth, it's a life-long process. And working on it is tiring. Even if I do have emotional issues that do need to be worked on, I think I deserve to have some fun with my life too, even if I do have to depend on others for rides and what not.

And I'm not sure about anyone else, but having as bad as social anxiety as I do, going to meet ups are actually therapeutic for me and have helped me so much in my treatment.

As far as my sleep disorder goes, it's chronic, there is no cure for it although there are treatments. But even with the powerful medication I'm on for it, I still suffer from random sleep attacks that come out of no where. It's also aggravated by anxiety as well. So the more anxious I get, the more likely I am to have a sleep attack. In turn, my anxiety is triggered by my narcolepsy because I always worry that I will fall asleep. If I were to drive, it would be so much worse because I don't trust myself behind a wheel at this point in my life

It's not like I enjoy being dependent on others for rides as much as I am either. I hate it. And seeing things like this hurts, especially when I try so hard to live the so called normal life. :/

 

Okay...so people like me need to be on disability to be "validly" depressed? That's offensive and horrendously misunderstood.

Secondly, I don't think you have any authority to be telling people what to spend their money on. If people would rather buy dolls than buy a car, then that's their choice. This entire topic sounds like a complaint to me...which is a bit silly, because all you really have to do is just say "no" if you don't want to give a ride, and then move on.

 

All pronouns used generically.

My opinion is rather short and simple: unless you are the Dolly Public Transportation Service, you're really uner no obligation to do anything for anyone concerning transport. If you want to give someone a ride, do it. If you don't, don't. If they are out of your way or the meet is far off, ask if they can pitch in a few buck for gas.

I mean, seriously, it's not like there are meets every day. Unless you're in the public transport service, giving someone a ride is not your job. If being out a few bucks of gas once a month is a big deal, don't offer. If you don't feel comfortable, don't offer. If you just plain ol' don't want to give someone a ride, don't offer.

I don't see why there should be "rules" for doing such a thing. Such an extensive list is kind of silly, IMO. A person's personal situation/finances/dolly buying habits shouldn't be factors at all. This seems more like an attempt at validation of a person's viewpoint than a serious debate.

But to answer the questions directly:

Is there an age limit, where you say No I won't give you a ride to a meetup? No. Why should there be?

Does their independance level factor into the situation? No. Why should it?

Is there a limit to the amount of dolls someone can own before you say no I won't give you a ride? No. I have no idea why this should be a factor. The only thing that would matter to me is if the dolls they wanted to take to the meet + my dolls would fit in my small trunk.

If they have a doll on order does that effect things? No. Why should it?

Does the cost of the doll they have on order effect things? No, why should it.

If they are planning on ordering a new doll shortly? No, why should it.

Again does the cost of the doll have an effect on things? No, why should it.

How about distance? Yes. If they live far away from me, or in a place that is not reasonably between me and the meeting spot, I may ask for a few bucks in gas money or some cheap fast food as compensation.

What do you do when suddenly it's not just one person, but one person + their friend? No, but only because my car is a 2-seater. If I had room and they wanted to bring a friend, the more the merrier.

When you do give/receive a ride to a meetup, how do should the issue of 'gas money' be handled? I would appreciate a few bucks, especially if going out of my way, but I'm not going to split hairs, as it was my decision to pick them up. If they are on my way, money is appreciated but not required, since I am going that way anyway.
Since we are a 'community' is there some point that others should be offering transportation to others? It is purely up to the person offering the ride. I don't think there should be a "ommunity" obligation to ensure everyone goes to a doll meet.

Since we know these people via on-line there may be very legitamate reasons they do not have a car (such as medical), is it right to ask about a person's situation? Absolutely not.

If so, how do you go about it? I wouldn't. I would consider that an extremely personal topic and rude to breech.

Now some people will say Cars are thousands of dollars vs dolls which are hundreds only. So what's your opinion in regards to a person renting a car for the day ($50) to attend a meet-up? Absolutely ridiculous. Why should they have to pay that much to use a car for a couple hours max, especially for a leisure activity.

Does your opinion change knowing that now a-days you can typically find a junker (a car the gets you atleast from point A to point B) for $1000? No. Why should it?


P.S. Speaking as someone who lives in a city with one of the highest unemployment rates in the US, I find this statement incredibly callous and uninformed

Just because you are busting your ----- putting in job applications, that doesn't mean the job fairy is going to visit. And I think it's highly unreasonable to spend 24/7 looking for emplyment. I know people who have been looking for jobs for close to two yeas now. Seriously looking. Are they not allowed to have any fun until they find one? Even the unemployed need a break, too. And, believe me, most of them are well aware of how much their situation sucks.

 

Vampireanneke, when it comes right down to it you really have no say what other people will or will not spend their money on, whether it be a car or a new doll, nor do you really have any right to dictate their personal choices, so you'd best be building that bridge very fast and getting over it. And quite honestly, I don't think you have much to worry about with people wanting "free rides" from you as I can think of very few individuals who would to spend a car ride with someone who so clearly judges them and their life based on the stereotypes you have created.

Edit: to include, in case you're oh-so curious, I DO have my own license and my own vehicle, thank you, as that apparently makes my opinion more valid in your eyes.

 

I have social anxiety and then car related anxieties but it is all a moot point cause hubby is a dolly person too so he attends meets with me. I don't have a car right now. I sold mine when I had to stop driving because I have an unrelated medical condition that at the time we believed would leave me unable to drive possibly for the rest of my life. We do have a car as a family and we give rides when we can though it is a small car. I just think car pooling is nice. I may buy a new car in the future though I really want to rebuild a classic. I still wouldn't drive myself to meets as I don't do any real highway driving because of my weird car anxiety. I also don't get out into big groups of strangers alone (social anxiety) so my son or hubby need to be with me anyway. I do think it is irresponsible to make the decision to buy more dolls when you can't pay bills and one of those bills may be the purchase of a needed car. Right now for our family a second car is a luxury not a necessity. Dolls are also a luxury. I just get to choose which luxury to blow my money on. I guess that makes me a lucky girl.

 

Who said that you had to give people rides? How hard is to say 'No, I don't give people rides.'

Overall this just seems like a passive aggressive rant. There are very few people that I would give a ride to, I'm not public transportation. If someone needs a ride and you don't want to do it don't offer.

Plus, some people don't want cars, if they don't feel like dealing with the up keep and they'd much rather buy a doll, that's their choice. And the whole think about mental disorders...really? I'm doubting anyone would want a ride with you, or even attend meets with you with that attitude.

 

Do you have any idea how difficult it is, and how much of a process one must go through to get on disability for mental conditions? Just because someone does not fit the government's definition of disabled, and/or hasn't jumped through all the ridiculous hoops DOES NOT mean that their depression or anxiety is "an excuse". No, it's not your job to help them fix it by getting them to a doll meetup - but you can't seriously expect someone with issues to be spending every waking second in therapy, etc - "fixing themselves" that's ridiculous!

O.K. - so you're saying that if someone has NO other need for a car in their day to day lives - they should still fork over the dough for all the car-related expenses like insurance, upkeep, etc - just to be able to go to a meet-up every month or two?

It sounds like you feel taken advantage by certain people repeatedly asking you for rides - maybe you should just politely tell them "no" if you don't want to give them a ride, and stop making these unnecessarily harsh judgements about other people.

Oh, and to quote InkyBear:

 

It's not my business how other people spend their money. If I feel put-upon by giving someone a ride, then I don't. I don't feel any obligation to do anything for anyone simply because we both collect dolls. Pretty simple, really

 

Almost all the points I would have made, have already been made by other users regarding necessity of transportation etc. However, this statement, just sits a little oddly with me. If the cost a few times a month max is really so big of an issue, why don't you just require your rides chip in for the gas? Is that really such a difficult request?

I mean really, if the only complaint is that, it's a little silly to be upset, I think. Maybe I'm just weirded out by this thought process because I always chip in $10-20 towards gas if I ever need to catch a ride with someone (entirely dependent on location, obviously I would offer more if it was far out of their way or a road trip). If people are paying for your time, then there shouldn't be a problem.

 

I can't help but be offended by your view. I actually don't drive because I'm afraid of driving and have had nothing but panic attacks behind the wheel. Yes, this is an issue that has treatment options available, whether successful or not, but this doesn't mean that, because of it, I should stay home until I so-called get over it and can drive myself everywhere. True, these are your own rules and I'm not going to insist you change them, I just, basically, can't help thinking they're a tad harsh and narrow-mindedly presented.

That aside, why you will and won't give someone a ride is up to the individual and it's silly to list out reasons to the extent of alienating people. Just say no or yes, it's no big deal. Plus, to be perfectly honest, even if you get a cheap junker car, you still have to pay for insurance, gas, and the upkeep and that's still intimidating to people. Sometimes it's easier for people to buy a bus pass and, if they can get a ride, give that person gas money than to take on a responsibility a car. And, yes, there are people who just want dolls and not a car and, frankly, that's okay too. What a person does with their money is on them. You only live this life once, so why spend your money on things you don't want/can't keep up with/can't handle just to please someone else?

 

I don't have a car because, quite frankly, I don't need one. I work from home, even though I don't live in a major city. *shrug* My roommate has one (he gets free rent, so me getting a ride now and then is hardly an issue), and my folks have two -- and they live next door, are retired, and I have copies of their keys. Odds are I can handle my own transportation through him or by borrowing one, and the roomie is always willing to snag other people if they need it and we can find them, and I have no issues picking people up if I can find them, regardless of their personal situation.

I'd consider it a downright ridiculous expense for a single day social function. Going quite a distance for a weekend or a con, it might be worth thinking about. If multiple people were going to be making the trip, expenses can be split amongst them easily enough for the rental.

Since I'm smart enough to know that $1k becomes thousands by the end of the year since you can't drive without insurance, it doesn't change my stance even a little bit.

I could have bought a very nice car instead of dolls. I didn't, because when it comes right down to it, the car would require more consistent influx of cash over time, and my need for one is so exquisitely rare that I consider it vastly more wasteful than the dolls.