buying or not buying when friends/family struggling to make ends meet

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?
Well, sort of. I don't talk about my dolls to much to my classmates because I don't want to create an assumption that I have a lot of money to throw around at every whim. If ever I do mention my dolls, I discuss how I went about saving for them, and how it was difficult to do.

Also, if my family is discussing bills and money matters with one another, I don't mention dolls. Really, I don't mention dolls to most people. I haven't even told anyone else I was trying to save for a third.

If they live with you, I can understand that it can be a difficult topic, but if they don't live with you, I just wouldn't introduce my doll to them if I worried.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?
If I was in a situation where I could help that person, I'd try to help them first. If someone needed an extra $100, for example, for their utilities bill, I'd give them some of my doll money. I wouldn't give the money if I would have a difficult job of saving for it again, but if I could, I'd help. Hopefully, if the tables were turned, I'd hope they'd help me, too.

If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?
I show my dolls because they're my first major purchases that I made on my own. I'm proud of that. Even so, I'm not going to go into how much enjoyment I'm getting out of my dolls when someone near me - and who can hear me - is having money trouble that I know about. Unless that person wants to know about my dolls, and has a genuine interest, I'm not going to bring my dolls up.

 

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?
Umm, frankly that never happen to me. I already have a job, I (luckily) come from a middle-up family which makes me can live a quite comfortable life (although not too extravagant), and most of my friends are richer than me. It is true that my parents are against this hobby ever since I brought it up, because the money used to buy one doll is expensive, and rather than being used to buy one, it is better to use it for other purpose like savings or just to survive.

But so far I think I'm quite good in managing money. I still have some savings yet I can still buy the dolls I like on my own without giving burden to my family. But I never told them the real price of the doll I buy. I only put off buying a doll if there's no extra fund to use. I tried not to touch my saving.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?
Actually, yes. Somehow I also think about it sometimes. Isn't the money better used to help others? Like donation, or simply buy things for my relatives which need the money more? But I think the matter is about fund management. I will still buy the doll, but to help my relatives I will use my other money or from savings. But if big amount of money is really needed to help the people, I won't hesitate to cancel the doll order


If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?
Luckily (or Unfortunately for me?) almost all of my friends live a better life than me, especially my friends in this hobby *or so I thought* But I'm already happy with my life. I struggle at work to buy the dolls for my personal achievement and satisfaction, buy them with my own money, so there is really no problem for a bit of showoff.

But I rarely share the euphoria over those who aren't interested to the hobby, either. Not even to my family, which is quite disagree with the amount of money spent. They just realize a bit late, when my family is growing little by little, haha.

 

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?

No, but I've made sure not to mention it in front of them.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?

I feel a little bad, but at the same time I don't really care that much. We have the money for things like hobbies, including dolls, because we budget our money and save for the things we want, and when we can't afford it we don't buy it. We aren't rich by any means, but we know how to manage our money. Some of the people we know who are struggling refuse to even work, which makes it very hard for me to feel very sympathetic.

If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?

I don't go to great lengths to hide my dolls, but I don't really show off my dolls to anyone. It does make me doubly uncomfortable if they come up (or out) around the people we know who are having money issues, but if they ever started whining about wasting money, I think I would win the argument.

 

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?

I did think twice.... then think again... then heard them complain how hard life is...(resin is hard too hahaha) got stress out... then burn myself out to the point I want to do something terrible.... I bought my first doll... it is my own money... i sleep late and wake up so early to earn the money I have so for once I want to use it for myself...

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?

yes I did... very terrible... to the point I ignore everything.... the sweet feeling of ignorance before I knew it my doll is at my door...


If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?

Until now I cannot show the doll, besides to my really close friends that just enjoying their teenager lives. well guilt did took part why i cannot show it to them, but the main reason is I know family and friends are the one who could hurt me worst by words of criticism.

 

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?

I'm known for being a "penny pincher" who uses gratuitous amounts of coupons and shops on craigslist and in thrift stores for furniture and other second-hand safe items. I grew up below the poverty line, and my family has strong feelings against government assistance. Yeah, things were often rough, but being under those circumstances has taught me how to stretch my dollar as far as possible. Whenever I want a doll, I go into extreme savings mode until enough money is raised and I can make the purchase. Sadly, both my family and my boyfriend's family are facing foreclosures, divorces, medical bills and other financial/life issues. There's so many issues going on that it would be impossible for us to help out monetarily. Any attempts we have made to offer financial assistance have been turned down. We've even been scorned for offering to help monetarily. If it's food that my family/friends need, I stock up on healthy commodities and other goods whenever they are on sale. I always have spare non-perishables around and I do so for the sole purpose of having them in times of need, either mine or anothers'. Mostly I've found that our families would much rather have a home cooked meal and our love and support than our money. To finally answer the question, no, I have not put off buying a doll because of my family/friend money/life issues. I can still help out without offering money, and it shows more in our families to be there as moral support, not financial support.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?

If I can help it I will never let my family starve or be without a place to stay. As I said earlier, I stock up for times of need. I also own my own home with an "open door" policy for most of the family. I offer my spare bedroom and living room to family at least once a week. Nobody has had to take me up on it yet, but soon that may change pending an upcoming divorce. I don't feel guilty about buying dolls because before I buy a doll I make sure I am well stocked on essentials to give if need be. Between me and the other family members who are doing better, nobody in my family really goes without. It's really a team effort.


If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?

I do at times not announce the addition of a new doll to the collection to my family/friends right off, usually because they aren't as important as other issues. I need to hear about why a sibling is in jail again or the outcome of a bankruptcy filing more than they need to know about dolls. Even if I decide to introduce dolls to family, the issue of cost does not generally come up. My family refuses my monetary help, so there's no reason why I should feel bad, I am always free to offer services/food/lodging/support, and my family would likely not be happy with me if I gave up what brought me joy and happiness. Even in hard times, my family keeps their hobbies. People need hobbies, it helps keep them sane.

 

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member, or close friend complained about not having money?

Well, it's not so much they complained, but my family had a real tough time shortly after I got into the hobby. I held back a bit even though there were quite a few dolls I wanted and could afford.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?

My family has taken care of me since I was born. Even though it's 'my money,' it's also for a hobby that involves hunks of resin. My parents are real people and they needed help. I helped them. I didn't have to, but I did because that's what a child should do (in my opinion). It's how I was raised. Dolls could wait until I knew my family was taken care of. If I had bought a doll while they were struggling, I would have felt an immense guilt. It just wasn't the time to be concerned with my own desires, even though I really really wanted to.

If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?

My family knows of my dolls and, even though they don't care for them, my parents keep an eye out for in-scale props and such. They saw my doll at the time and probably didn't think about it that way. It was my plaything and that was that.

 

This is a very interesting topic, so far I think it looks like who the person is and also why they are in financial strife is a big thing for everyone. You could take the question a lot further and say why should we indulge at all, because there a lot of innocent children and people who live in poverty everyday, who have done nothing to deserve it.

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member, or close friend complained about not having money?

This hasn't happend to me, but I think for me it would depend on why the other person has no money. If it's because they wont or don't want to work or because they have spent their own money on drugs or alcohol or new shoes or whatever. I don't think I would hold back at all.

If it was through no fault of their own and it was my family or a close friend, I would definitely not buy the doll. It would be more important to me that everyone was ok.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?

Most definitely, there is no way in the world I would spend on something that is not an essential in my life, if someone I care about has to go without (food, shelter, utilities, clothes)

If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?

I wouldn't buy it all I don't think, if I did I would like the doll less and wouldn't enjoy having one anyway.

Very tough to think about this one!

 

It can be tough when you have friends and family who are having very tight finances and economic problems.

I have been lucky. My family has always been OK (not that it makes some people understand paying a lot for dolls any easier!).

The worst off people I knew lived in a tiny one-room apartment with no jobs, only disability pay. But they were doll-makers, so they never complained about money and totally understood about people paying money for dolls! (this was before bjds, but they still would understand)

 

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?
I've put off buying my next doll because of my family. If my family is going through a tough financial time, my extra doll/entertainment money is sent to them instead. That's just the sort of family I have.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?
Probably not, because I wouldn't let them go without. If I spend money on my dolls, it's because my bills, savings, family and friends are in a good spot. I've even sent a box of food to some friends one year they owed a lot in taxes. Dolls are wonderful and I love spoiling mine when I can, but human and pets come first.

If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?
If my friends were remotely interested in dolls, I would show it to them. My friends and I are pretty cool about sharing passions when only one of us can really afford something like that. The doll would essentially be mine, but my best college friend would be the photographer, my brother would be the killer face up artist, etc etc. I know you're trying to be a considerate friend, but sometimes, you just have to pursue your hobby. Help your friends and family out when they really need it and when they're coasting, fed, sheltered, and doing okay with personal entertainment, go ahead and splurge on yourself whether it's for doll things or not.

 

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?
No, I have not, but I don't buy dolls unless I know I will have enough left over that I will have money to spare until the doll is paid off. Typically, though, I get them (or money towards them) as gifts from friends or my boyfriend, so the least I can do is make sure I won't have to skimp on birthdays or anything else just to get a doll for myself.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?
I would feel guilty if I bought the doll at the expense of my friends. My friends always have my back monetarily, so I make a point of having enough to help them if they need it.

If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?
I wouldn't have a friend who couldn't be happy for me, but nor would I shove the doll in their face. If my friends are having trouble with amenities, I'll bring over food and toilet paper and such for them. Even the ones who do have to scrape to make ends meet respect how much I scrimp and save to get anything for my dolls, so it's not usually an issue. Of my friends who live near to me, one collects Transformers and one used to be into Warhammer, so by comparison, my hobby isn't so expensive.

 

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money? No. I have lived with people in the past and our finances were separate. I worked hard and saved up for my doll, I'm not going to hold off on buying something because it may offend someone. I'm not going to flaunt the cost though when I know they are having money troubles, but I would still buy one.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without? I've never really been in that situation. Of course if a family member needed help I would do what I could, but I could never feel guilty about buying something I worked hard and saved for. When I was buying my first doll we had a woman staying with us. She needed money to pay to get her house back. I was young and in front of her I had said I was spending $600 for a doll. I immediately felt bad, but I knew this was something I really wanted. She was an adult and her financial problems were her responsibility.

If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food? I would show the doll to them if they wanted to see her. Im not going to hide her, and of course I wouldn't flaunt the price. I normally lie to people and say I got a good deal. Though you don't always want to lie because they won't be as careful around them. Honestly, if they were upset with me it wouldn't bother me. What I buy for myself is my business. I've had friend who were better off that me, but I never got upset with them because I know they worked hard for what they have. That's the way life is. There will be times when we are at a financial low but we can't be upset at our friends when they buy something they really enjoy. Of course I would see it differently if I had a friend who was in debt and bought a doll. I would be upset with them, but it's their business Im not the type to pick at people. If my friend was that bad off I would do what I could. Bring over some leftovers, basic toiletries, anything I could do. But my life and what I wanna do isn't going to be on hold just to avoid hurting someones feelings.

 

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?

No. My family is made up of extremely frugal, hard working, penny pinching people (lol) and they have never been in a place where they need help, especially not from a kid who hasn't been out of college for a whole year. As for my friends, I went to a prestigious college on scholarships. Most of my friends are...well, rich. Many of them graduated at the same time as me and still have no jobs, because why bother when your parents give you money? @__@ Anyway, no one I know has been in this situation.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?

Depends on a lot of things. Why are they broke? Was it their fault (ie, did they get into credit card debt buying too big of a house, Gucci purses, drugs, whatever?). How close are they to me? Do they have dependents? If they were close enough and innocent in their plight, I would feel bad. However, I have no experience in this, and I can see where someone older than me would take offense at my asking to give them money. It's a tricky situation at best.

If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?

Uh, I don't go around flaunting my dolls. People who are close to me know about them already. Otherwise I keep it quiet, not because I'm embarrassed, but because I'm a private person.

 

First and foremost, I thought that you are really sweet and considerate to your roommate for holding out on the doll. XD

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?
I am lucky enough to not have experienced that kind of situation before.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?
My immediate family definitely comes first. I mean that is pure logic. If my family has problems putting food on the table and footing basic bills, my dolls will have to go. No doubts about that. I will not even consider buying any dolls in that kind of situation. Dolls at the end of the day is just a hobby. If its my friends, then I will have to see the severity of their situation and what causes it. If their situation is one that just do not allow them to indugle in their current lifestyle then too bad. Cut down on the luxuries. I have a good friend who is constantly broke. We are very close but no way am I going to lend her money cos she gambles them away or fritters them on partying and drinks. She has more than enough money for basic survival just that she chose to use them on the less impt things in life. So it really depends.


If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?
As mentioned earlier, I have never really been in that kind of situation where anyone ard me even has problems putting food on the table. But if I did, it will make perfect sense to me to keep it a secret.

 

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?
Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?(Answers both questions.)

I think it would depend on whether or not I was living with that person. If I'm living in the same home, I would put it off... not because of any guilt (though I would feel bad/sympathetic for them having to struggle) but because there's a chance that I might be called upon to help out money-wise - for example, paying their share of the rent until they get back on their feet - because not paying the rent would mean we'd both get evicted. My finances are generally decent but it would be a stretch to buy a doll and pay more rent at the same time.

 

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?

Through college, my best friend was always struggling, even with a job, most of the money earned goes to her family. On the other hand, my parents sent me money to pay for my housing and expenses, I always used some of it to help her out.
I put my mind off of dolls until I graduated and started working for this company.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?

I would feel bad if I did. But, because of my job now, I have no worries about this.
I have enough to give if need to and buy my dolls as well.

If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?

After I got my job, I finally placed the order for my first doll. I didn't tell my best friend right away but when I did she was happy for me because I've been wanting one for a long time.

Luckily, my family doesn't have any problems with me buying dolls. They are fascinated by it and the things I sew for my dolls :] But I haven't told them how much they are exactly, they just know it's expensive.

 

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?
No. Call me selfish, but I've always been the type to look out for myself and expect others to do the same.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?
no. Others' financial planning is not my responsibility. I've personally witnessed close families break up over borrowing and owing each other money. I'd rather financial issues be kept private and not shared.

If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?
I've never hidden my dolls from anyone. I really don't care who thinks I'm wasting money. I've been jealous before when someone has a lot of spending money and I don't, but they've worked to earn it or sold things to get it, and I really have no right to what I didn't earn. I would actually be offended if somebody told me they expected me to give up my pleasures in life and pay somebody else's bills.

 

This is a really interesting and thought provoking topic...

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?
No, not really xD And it depends on each individual situation to be honest. If my mum or dad were still alive though, I'd definately help them, no questions asked. But otherwise the money I get is mine and I don't think I should feel guilty for spending it.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?
Probably, I would try and help before I bought the doll though.

If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?
I would probably keep it a secret unless they asked. I wouldn't lie to them.

 

I haven't had this situation so I'm going on a 'hypothetical' basis:

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?

No. I work hard for my money and I will spend it as I want. Now, I'm not going to flaunt it in their face and brag, but I wouldn't stop myself. Most of my friends are working college students and we know what it's like to have what we jokingly call "ramen weeks". We eat nothing but cup o' noodles and pop tarts. I have eaten broken up hotdogs in cup o noodles too many times...

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?

No, and here's why: I help my friends when they ask. I help my friends even when they don't ask. I offer my aid all the time to my circle so if they really needed something I have already offered it. They know I'm generous and if they needed something I would provide it or try to provide it.

If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?

I wouldn't flaunt or brag but I wouldn't hide either. And, again, if that person was that close to me, my aid would be offered. If they chose not to take my help, that's on them but the offer is still good. If they did take my help, we can eat cup o noodle and hotdogs together.

 

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?
No. Denying myself something I want isn't going to improve anyone else's finances.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?
Not unless doing so prevented me from helping them out. At this point, none of my friends/family would ever accept money from me due to their pride (plus they know I don't have that much), but if they did, I'd loan them money.

If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?
I'd definitely keep it a secret. Not everyone is poor because they're lazy, and I wouldn't want to flaunt a luxury item in front of someone who can barely afford rent/food/medical care. The only way I'd show it to them is if I knew seeing the doll would make them happy.