Did anyone ever get the feeling that they are not welcomed in the doll community?

Honestly, I've never felt that either at meetups or on DoA. Remember, DoA is a big forum with lots of people -- it's inevitable that you will bump into some that you don't get along with, but that doesn't mean that the forum as a whole is snobby and unwelcoming. I've met lots of really nice people through the doll hobby. Also be aware that on-line communication can be tricky. There are no facial expressions or tone of voice, and some people write better than others. A reply that sounds snippy may not be intended that way. I would say give it time, and don't assume that people don't like you. The vast majority of folks here don't really know anything about you.

 

Sometimes. I'm sorry that your experience so far hasn't been a more positive one.

There are snobs in all places, but more often than not it isn't snobbery. I've run into far more socially awkward or incredibly shy (self included, no pitchforks please) people in this hobby than not. Sometimes what looks like a snub is shyness on -their- part. You may even be percieved as the snob or unfriendly one because of your shyness! I'm still the new girl in the big doll group a few hours from me because I don't go very often. The rest live there and they've known eachother for a long time. They share more than a hobby. They're friends. They have something to talk about beyond dolls. I don't know the inside jokes or anything personal like that. Just gotta put yourself out there and be what you'd like to have come back at you. Sometimes on the forum it's that the discussion goes very fast. In the minifee thread, for example, discussion goes crazy fast and there are questions and comments that get buried quickly. It is still common to see people respond to something asked several pages back. If you ask your question again, you're likely to get an apology and a flood of helpful info.

I'm not trying to dismiss your concern, but maybe try giving it a bit more time. The members are still learning you just as much as you are learning them.

 

Oh SaintoftheRose65 its so sad to hear you say that. There are always going to be snobs and those who offend or exclude either unintentionally or otherwise, I feel sad that you have encountered any of them enough to feel you dont belong. I've been a member for a few years now and don't really feel I fit into any particular group but I thoroughly enjoy bouncing from one to another.

The first couple of meets I went to I felt REALLY intimidated by the fact that except for me everyone else had met prior and had a bit of history, so I guess that's only natural to feel a little at odds there, that and some people are just plain shy and can come across as aloof when they are in reality terrified!

I'll be honest and say I found the best way to connect in an anonymous environment like DoA is to find a discussion about something that you like or are interested in, like a particular company or sculpt and jump right on in with questions and comments.... browse the BJD Memes thread, playing the treasure-hunt game is a particularly fun way to put yourself out there and let others know you're online for some dollying fun

Otherwise MASSIVE dolly hugs from Australia and I really hope that the responses you get to this thread make you feel much much more welcome

 

I honestly get that feeling a lot. Although I tend to be outcaste often, due to the fact that I am mentally disabled and very shy and awkward. Iv tried what whitewings suggested, finding a topic that I am particularly interested in, but I still tend to just fall out of the discussion because no one seems interested in what Iv said or anything.. I haven't been all that active in the forum due to that. I cant find anyone to click with and I have been a member for a long time.

I do hope you have better luck finding your own nitch in the forum and a circle of friends you can talk with.

 

Can you put into words exactly what you were expecting from people on DoA? That way, other members might be able to suggest specific forums or threads that might help you feel more involved.

I usually find it helps me if I can think through and then articulate exactly why I'm disappointed in something. Then I can ask for or go after one piece of what I want at a time, and feel much more like I'm taking an active part in shaping my own circumstances, instead of being passive and feeling ignored. Otherwise, it's way too easy to expect other people to read my mind and know what I need. When I fall into that trap, I always wind up feeling hurt when people don't Just Know what's going on with me. You may not be like that at all, but it took me a long time to grow out of that mindset, and I still struggle with it sometimes, even halfway through my life.

 

There are almost 40,000 members on Den Of Angels - you aren't going to get on with all of them! I say the same in real life. The world is full of people, it's no big deal if some don't like me or I don't particularly like them. Often those who feel left out make themselves left out, through insecurity, lack of confidence, not very chatty, etc (speaking from experience). As Whitewings said, involving yourself in discussion is the best way to have fun/make friends.

Sometimes I do feel like some people would rather speak to others than me. But you know what? Some people are more interesting or fun to talk to than me. Some people click with others, who might not necessarily be me. That's not a slight upon myself, but just a fact. Maybe you just haven't met the right people yet!

 

I've been a member here since 2005 and occasionally I get ignored if I ask a question in a doll thread, so it's not just a newbie thing. There may be all kinds of things going on with people. They may be at work and are just logged on for a minute to post a photo of a doll or make a remark, or the thread may be moving slowly because no one has clicked on it for several days. The thread also may be moving very fast because it's about very popular dolls and it's easy for one post to get overlooked. Lots of people only use DOA as reference and don't participate socially here at all. It's good not to take these things personally and seriously. Most of the members here are very polite and wouldn't deliberately hurt someone's feelings for the world, so keep posting and looking around and eventually you will find your niche.

 

I see you are in NC. If at all possible you should try meeting up w/us in Western NC We aren't snobs!

 

I know how you feel. There are some many people here and many of them seem to already have their own groups and friends. Its very easy to feel like you don't really fit in or that no body wants to talk with you- But I guess you are here cos you have an interest in bjds so of course you fit in here. The best way to get on is just to take part, get involved, share your thoughts and photos. If you see someone interesting then send them a friend request or a pm, you might end up with a friend or you might not but its always worth a try. I have never been to a doll meet up, one of the things I would really love to try.

 

Hi, Saint!

I can feel like that sometimes, but I am an Aspies girl so I always assume that it is just me.
I think that being apart of a community takes time and finding your place there can take time also.
Just try to put in what you would like to get out of a community. (AKA the mirror technique)

Then as a side note about the possible not nice people you have met, there are a few explanations. 1. They were shy/just who they were/exct.. or they were just snobs. However it takes all kinds to make a community and that includes snobby people. My little ponies has a snobby pony in Rarity!

 

Since I joined the hobby/forum in 2008 I have had my times of alienation. I have only been to one doll meet thusfar and the girls there were nice but didnt really talk to me. They did let me hold thier dolls and stuff though so maybe it was my shyness having an effect. On the boards I have had my pictures and posts ignored but I try to give people benefit of the doubt that they are not blatantly ignoring them to be mean. Sometimes people are focused on thier own problems and the threads move so fast its easy to get overlooked.
There are several thousand members on Doa, and though im sure theres its share of snobs and elitists I find the vast majority of people to be extremely pleasant, helpful, and talkative. Try not to get discouraged by a few bad situations, the board really does add a lot to the hobby

 

First of all, I'm sad to hear that you've come across unfriendliness. This is supposed to be a fun hobby, not something you should feel uncomfortable about.
I don't feel unwelcomed, but I also don't feel close to anyone on this forum. DoA is massive. Think of this place as a city the size of New York. There are so many members that it is hard to create that intimate environment a smaller board has and even though I've been a member for years, I don't think anyone here actually 'knows' me and I'm pretty sure there are quite a few who've never even 'seen' me.

Don't take this the wrong way, but when I saw the thread title, I immediately checked the date you signed up and your post count. It wasn't because I wanted to be snarky, but because I didn't recognize your name and I figured that if someone feels this unwelcomed, I should at least recognize him or her.
You are relatively new. On a small forum, 60 posts isn't enough to get an idea of who a person is (well, in some cases, only two or three suffice, but it's usually not a good thing when you gain this much notoriety with so few posts). With DoA being this big, I think people have yet to notice you. It might take hundreds of posts in this place .

If you want to get to know people on this board, it's best to adopt a thread or sub-forum and spend time in there. One of the best ways to meet new people is to join discussions of your favorite dolls. You know beforehand that you and the other members in this thread have something in common: the love for a particular sculpt. It's easier to get a connection.

As for meet-ups:
Yes, sometimes it seems as if people would rather talk among themselves than with someone new, but I don't think this is meant as unkindness. Most meetups I attend are formed by a group of people who've known each other for years and have become friends. Considering that many people feel a bit uncomfortable walking up to a 'newbie' and starting a conversation, it's no surprise that the familiar ground looks more tempting. The only tip I can give you is to not feel intimidated. Just ask if you could join a conversation. Most of the time you'll find out that people didn't even notice you were feeling left alone. Only a few of us have the ability to read minds .

 

I know how you feel. When I first started on the hobby I tryed to be friends with my local community, but it didn't work out well. Not because they were unfriendly or snob (they were adorable actually), but specially because they were friends for a quite long time. The community has got together around 2005 and I just came on 2012, which means that I was the "new girl in town" and while they got beyond the doll thing and are now truly friends, I just have the doll hobby to work with them. I felt kind of bad actually, but it was noone's fault. People with other things in common than just hobbies tend to get together and it's hard for "outsiders" to get involved to them. What I did to help my situation was: instead of just using de Discussion or Gallery thread of our local forum, I got myself inside the off topic thread as well. It helped me a lot to get to know (and make me known to) people. Of course that is people you'll not get along, but I don't believe that is the rule (:.


I'm talking more about small communities because, as other people said, DOA has 40000 members from all different countries and places and it's really hard to be noticed here immediately. Also, people from different backgrounds have different ways of communicate and express themselves, so what can sometimes seems like rudeness is just their way of communicate. Here in Brazil it's very unusual to be mistreated by other doll collectors (Actually it's difficult to be mistreated at all, people are very receptive actually), but it's a small community and everyone gets to know each other pretty quickly. I don't know, however, how it works on other countries. If you wanna talk or anything alike, feel free to send me a PM!

 

I don't feel that way too often, only sometimes. You probably have stumbled across the wrong people sadly; DoA is a big forum with lots of people and everything so there's bound to be some people that are more rude than others on occasion. As people before me said try the discussion threads that interest you and be social! And it'll work out eventually, I'm sure! Don't give up!!

That being said, I don't know if it can be any help but I love meeting new people SaintoftheRose65~ if you ever feel like chatting my inbox is open >u</)

 

I know the feeling. We write a post and somehow expect someone to "click" to our response and start discussing common things. I also was kinda hoping to meet a lot of people at a Doll meet in my city after joining, or at least make friends with some on this forum, especially since I like crafting & costuming so much. It's only a matter of time...

 

Chin up hun!

It takes time to settle in and meet people, to be honest people dont always come across online as well as they do in person. Everyone has a time where they feel a little out of place, if you want to get people talking create threads where people can respond to your questions or ideas.