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Fear...(Directed towards the Guys)

Jun 21, 2009

    1. Alright I don't know about all of you out there, but doll owning hasn't been the most comfortable thing for me growing up. I'm a guy and I like dolls; however, I'm extremely picky about the dolls I go near. Growing up I had about 4-6 dolls in total, all before the BJD scene came along. I know that I enjoyed playing with them, styling their hair and getting new stuff for them, and I was never one to go outta my way to do anything that would cause any attention. Whenever I got strange looks from the people at the check out counters I would simply tell them it was for a sibling or a cousin, and I always made sure that these trips were extremely far apart from each other so that my motives were never in question.

      I wasn't comfortable with people knowing about any of the dolls I had especially after the ridicule my own mother gave me after my first one, which mind you she threw out less than a year later in a misguided attempt to keep me from being "strange." They also threw out the others as they discovered them... ((this were all over a course of several years)). These kinds of actions and the way I was treated when they found out about them, caused me great apprehension about even letting people know about my like of dolls.

      Sorry about the lengthy post. My questions to all of you guys out there are:
      1-Did you grow up liking dolls or did you only recently start to like them when you learned of the BJDs?

      2-Were/are you apprehensive about allowing people other than other BJD admirers see your dolls?

      3-In what ways do you try to deal with this?
       
    2. 1-I always liked action figures growing up and I would play with dolls with my younger sister.

      And to answer the second two.. I used to be really nervous about it. My parents were never very positive (but they would never dare throw away anything of mine). Once I started making friends online, lots of people were really receptive and even lots of other guys I talk to tend to think it's a really neat hobby.
       
    3. 1-Did you grow up liking dolls or did you only recently start to like them when you learned of the BJDs?
      Actually for most of my life, I've been absolutely terrified by dolls!
      Then, two years back, something just snapped and all my phobias were gone, including this one.
      At first I looked into those creepy, gothic and scary dolls, but then I found this place and never looked back :D

      2-Were/are you apprehensive about allowing people other than other BJD admirers see your dolls?
      Oh yes. I feared/knew that I'd hear all kinds of negative things about their price, style and my sudden iterest in them. Many people are concerned about my mental stability (parents), so any sudden changes in my hobbies or interests are sure to raise suspicion.

      3-In what ways do you try to deal with this?
      Before I show anyone my boys, I make sure to talk about them and the hobby in length, so there won't be any misguided ideas.
      I also prepare myself to accept the simple fact that this person won't be as excited about them or might not even consider them beautiful.
      It happens alot and you shouldn't let that bring you down.
      Lastly, when they see the doll, I make myself open to all questions and concerns and answer them in a positive, reassuring manner.
      The person you are dealing with, be it your parent or a friend, should not be allowed to forget that this is your hobby, and just a hobby.
      it is your right to do what you please with your money and time, and they should respect you for it.
       
    4. 1-I never had any dolls or liked them. Just recently when I discovered about BJD.

      2-I never let anyone know about my BJD hobby, except for my girlfriend and the people online.

      3-I just leave it this way, I think it's fine that no one knows it.
       
    5. 1-Did you grow up liking dolls or did you only recently start to like them when you learned of the BJDs?
      Nope, I guess I was fond of barbies and liked to try and make outfits for them, but once I saw a BJD I fell in love and just HAD to get one
      2-Were/are you apprehensive about allowing people other than other BJD admirers see your dolls?
      Well not at first, I thought they would fall in love liek I did, but its been half and half. Some people say 'ew those are creepy' and I would be like 'gawp' but others are like 'oh pretty I love him' and I be like 'yay'
      3-In what ways do you try to deal with this?
      The non-admirerers don't get to touch him xD
       
    6. I am a guy.

      1. I did not grow up liking dolls. I grew up liking girls, though. I had a much shorter "girls are icky!" stage than most boys.

      2. By the time I got around to getting my Dollfie Dream, I had a number of other types of dolls already and became comfortable with the overall hobby. I wasn't too apprehensive about my parents seeing my Dollfie Dream in particular.

      I don't get apprehensive about them asking specifics of how much the dolls cost. They sometimes tell me to not spend my money on dolls, but they never ask how much a doll is.

      3. For my parents, I deal with it by explaining why I like dolls. I haven't had to do this for other IRL people yet, but I'd say the same things to them, too. I think the only other people who have seen them IRL was the plumbers we had at our house. They saw my dolls and said "oh, so you have a daughter!" My mom said "no, they're my son's..."
       
    7. 1-Did you grow up liking dolls or did you only recently start to like them when you learned of the BJDs? I've played with dolls ever since I was about 3 or 4. My mom initially encouraged it, my dad has always hated it. When I got a bit older, my mom was less enthusiastic, hoping that I'd get involved with a more masculine hobby. When I actually learned about BJDs, I flipped a proverbial bitch and had to have one.

      2-Were/are you apprehensive about allowing people other than other BJD admirers see your dolls? I was and still am. Like Azumari stated, I'd often go to the checkout counters claiming that the doll or accessory I had boughten was for a friend or a cousin. I don't do that anymore... mostly because I at least look old enough to have fathered and illegimate toddler daughter back in high school.

      3-In what ways do you try to deal with this? I really do try to tell myself not to worry about what other people think. It's funny, I'm not afraid of what people think about my lifestyle, personality, or the way I dress. But this hobby just makes me nervous as hell.
       
    8. I have to say I'm glad there are many others who have similar situations and that I'm not the only guy with these problems. Anyways, keep them coming, I do enjoy reading what others have to say
       
    9. 1-Did you grow up liking dolls or did you only recently start to like them when you learned of the BJDs?

      I never liked the kinds of dolls that were around when I was growing up. I had mostly Transformers and Lego kinds of toys. I instantly liked BJDs though when I learned about them. I know most people would think "a doll's a doll" but for me, there seems to be a huge difference between a porcelain doll or a Barbie, and a BJD, so much that I don't even really think of BJDs in the same way as other dolls.

      2-Were/are you apprehensive about allowing people other than other BJD admirers see your dolls?


      Definitely. As much as I'd wish differently, an adult male owning a BJD is still going to be considered weird by the vast majority of people, it sucks, but it's a fact. Of the people I've told besides family members, I've made certain they are either open minded, or at least know me well enough to know I'm not some creepy weirdo. Most of my friends and co-workers that I'm friendly with are kind of nerdy like me, and most of them think BJDs are pretty cool, sort of like huge customizable action figures.

      3-In what ways do you try to deal with this?

      Bascially I'm just picky about who I tell. If I'm fairly certain someone is going to be a total jackass about my dolls then they don't get told, I don't go around looking for conflicts. If I do tell someone though and they have a problem with it, I stand up for myself. I just tell them it's not something I'm embarrassed about. It's not gross, wrong, or perverted, it doesn't hurt anyone and it's not illegal so what's the big deal? It also helps to shut them up if I give them them the "one raised eyebrow, smirking as if to ask why are they such a moron?" look while they fumble for an answer :lol:
       
    10. i have played with dolls since i was like,three. i happily collect them now without trouble from anyone since everyone knows i am the fruitiest gay guy to ever walk the earth.
       
    11. 1) Yes but always called them action figures but none were barbies or anything like them

      2) Other than my SO and my BJD friedns the only ones who know so far are a couple of my 1/6th collector friends and as they already think I am weird it didnt surprise them a whole lot

      3)well, in the future I am going to strive to not give a hoot what people around me think. they dont like it...too bad :p
       
    12. This thread makes me terribly sad. :( Gender roles shouldn't be policed like that.
       
    13. They're getting better. I mean, guys are still shunned for owning ball-joint dolls. But nobody complains when they dress like 'em. ;)
       
    14. Sorry to comment, I know this is kind of a guy-only thread (so please ignore the estrogen surge), but I just wanted to say I admire each and every male BJD owner here on the site as well as those not on the site. You guys aren't afraid to like what you want to like, and don't try to conform to the matcho male stereotype. You do what makes you happy, as all people should.

      Granted, I don't have a BJD yet (my puki's processing time ends on the 28th), but I can tell you that my little girl will go everywhere with me, except maybe to work, since dolls + bulletproof vests might not be the best combo. I'm pretty sure that even with being a 20yr old girl, I'll still get odd looks with my puki sticking out of my purse or a pocket or whatever.

      Be proud that you have the courage and passion to pursue a hobby that most would see as 'gender-oriented'. :) I'm proud of all of you! :)
       
    15. I grew up liking dolls, but I never actually had any. My parents used to buy my older brother dolls when he was little (like Disney princess dolls, and he liked playing with Barbies XP), but as I was growing up, dolls were pretty much out of the picture (yet my parents got me Polly Pockets and we still have some My Little Ponies, which I guess were more "harmless" in some way...??? XP).
      Even though I never really got the chance to play with dolls, I always found myself wishing I could own some and wondering why I couldn't. But I was perfectly happy with other hobbies, and as I got more into anime and video games, I preferred figurines and action figures of characters I liked, and didn't really worry myself over not having any dolls XD

      When I was first exposed to BJDs several years ago, however...*____*

      I never worried myself over what anybody would think. My parents were originally opposed to the idea of my brother and I having dolls, but we eventually convinced them that they were used for artistic purposes (my brother was studying art in college, and I would consider myself to be a decent artist as well), and they actually bought us our first doll for Christmas, and surprisingly enough, they've been continually impressed by them, regardless of the growing number of dolls in the family XD As for anybody else, I never once thought about what others would think, and I couldn't care less @_@ I've brought my doll into school and on trips on a number of occasions. The only thing I'm worried about are dirty, grabby hands... :sweat

      I guess what it comes down to is how I view people in general. I couldn't give a damn about "gender roles" to save my life...x_x People are people before they're classified as male or female, and whatever someone is interested in is a part of who they are, regardless of the preconceived gender association given to things.
       
    16. I love you guys.

      *ahem* Sorry, another 'lady' bustin' into the boys' club. This just cheers a little part of me.

      I'm a girl who was never really into dolls at all before BJD always trying to justify my own utter lack of conformity to gender stereotypes. I tend to foam at the mouth when I see the pink-is-for-girls stuff in the baby/kids/toy aisles of Target (WHY NO DINOSAUR JAMMIES IN PINK? I mean, I don't want to confuse people too badly into thinking my baby cousin is a boy, but DARNIT I WANT HER TO HAVE DINO JAMMIES!)

      Sorry, I'm going off on tangents, aren't I? Anyway, I think guys collecting dolls is awesome. More power to ya!

      =^__^=
      Anneko
       
    17. 1-Did you grow up liking dolls or did you only recently start to like them when you learned of the BJDs?

      Both my partner and I now have dolls, I have more than he does mind you, but we also both would play with dolls growing up. His parents were very relaxed about that sort of thing, in fact they were hippies to be honest, so as long as he was happy so were they, and indeed he was more into the action figure type. My brother and I grew up with He-Man and the like, but we also had barbie dolls, would spend time braiding their hair, petting them, dressing them up....tying them up to table leg "trees" lowering them bound with string down the chimney of our brick B B Q to "sacrifice them to the volcano"....yes we were very well adjusted children. Now I have ABJD, and most of mine are morbid. My family see nothing particularly strange in me having dolls, in fact their issue is more that i spend so much on them.

      2-Were/are you apprehensive about allowing people other than other BJD admirers see your dolls?
      Sometimes...yes. I tend to introduce the topic slowly, carefully, but I am pretty odd to start with, my close friends pay no heed, and others have no right to know my hobbies.

      3-In what ways do you try to deal with this?
      Honestly I just use a touch of judgement, if they seem like they would be cool, and take it as an art or collectors piece sure, if they are the type to judge me, ostracise me or spread (more) rumours about me, or my partner, well then sod em
       
    18. Wow, I have to say I'm rather impressed by the number of guys to have answered so far, and thanks for the support from you girls out there as well. This was something that bothered me a lot, not so much because of gender conformity but in the sheer fact that I just couldn't believe the number of repulsive reactions people gave to someone like me, especially my hypocritical parents.

      I see dolls as two things, a companion/friend and a model for drawing. Now that the BJDs exist I can see even more artistic value in them and enjoy the fact that they are completely customizable because this allows me to not only give them fashions that I'm trying to learn how to draw, but I can pose them in so many positions and know that it's as close to having a human model as you can get. Plus I don't have to sit here and have them complain that I'm taking too long ((especially when I get to a section that I'm still practicing and finding myself repeatedly making similar mistakes as I try to improve))

      That aside, let's keep them coming guys. I have to say I find it comforting to know that I'm not the only one that has to deal with this kinda thing. Plus I enjoy hearing how others cope
       
    19. 1-Did you grow up liking dolls or did you only recently start to like them when you learned of the BJDs? I grew up with a crapload of action figures, which in my mind are practically the same thing. At one point, I remember my mom letting me have a Ken doll we saw at a yard sale (which, in hindsight, is rather odd), but that was the extent of "dolls" in my childhood. They've both grown much more open-minded since then, and neither was very surprised when I told them about my fascination with BJD's. Of course, I was already grown and living on my own, so really what could they say? :lol:


      2-Were/are you apprehensive about allowing people other than other BJD admirers see your dolls? Sure, sometimes I am. I realize the social stigma of this whole thing is ridiculous, and I don't really buy the whole "assigned gender roles" malarky. However, I do know there is a time and place for everything, and I'm a bit selective about to whom I impart the knowledge of my hobbies.


      3-In what ways do you try to deal with this? I simply think first before opening my mouth. If I know the person I'm around is open-minded, it's not much of a problem to mention my hobby and see if they're interested. If I know this person is more... ahem, "conservative", then I keep it to myself. I see no reason to bring up a subject to someone who quite obviously could care less.
       
    20. 1-Did you grow up liking dolls or did you only recently start to like them when you learned of the BJDs?
      i actually grew up loving dolls =] but sadly every time i was caught playing with them, for example wen i go over someone house like a cousin of a cousin i would get yelled at because dolls wer for only girls. i tried taking a doll i found in my dads truck one times cuz he worked for a toy store. but they took it away from me =[ every time i got a doll they just told me no.but i still never gave up, i got a Aladdin doll at some store(a disney character) and since it was a booooyy my mom bought me it, and wen people asked me to throw it away or something my mom actually stood up for me and said "let him just keep it" that was my first guy doll and i was happy =] and i actually gave away to my dads wife(step mother if u must) as a thing to remember me by wen i was young. oops srry its kinda long

      2-Were/are you apprehensive about allowing people other than other BJD admirers see your dolls?
      yea im actually frightened to let other people see me with my dolls...wen i went to my doll meet i wasnt technically the only guy ther, ther was one other guy and my bf, but i was still frightened cuz of people staring at me =/ and the thing is im actually this big guy who goes to gyms and looks very "str8" lol youd prob never guess wut i am so everyone tends to be shocked with me, well more than just shocked-_-' but yea my dolls dont see too much of the outside world cuz of how people associate dolls with girls and never guys so wen im seen with them i get looked at as some child molester or something:(and all i ever wanted was to show people my dolls and how i worked hard on them to make them look good,but people just kinda say "hey why dont you sell them,make money" they never compliment them they just kinda are mean.

      3-In what ways do you try to deal with this?

      well i keep them at home mostly. i tried bringing them out like at barns and nobles but people just wouldnt stop staring at me...so they stay in my room, i even try not to show my family, excpet my brother and his gf i got them wanting to have one. but my mom and grandma is eh. my mom always tells me to buy something else, and my granmda who is a doll freak herself asks me why i have them, even tho she thinks they r pretty she still thinks i shouldnt own them and want more. so i just keep my hobby to myself and my bf and brother and his gf
      and im terribly sorry all my answers are super long:sweat



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