How do you reply to family/friend saying guys shouldn't play with dolls?

I don't think it is ever wrong to have a doll even if you're male. Just as we have male singers and male ballet dancers, I don't think it is a terrible idea or even "wrong" for you to have dolls. It will be tough to get people to understand, but if they love you they will. Props for not doing hazardous things to your health.

 

.. just tell them they're action figures. -okay, bad joke-

 

"Guys shouldn't play with dolls" is a cultural mindset, not a fact.
Therefore, a male having dolls is not wrong and certainly not 'unhealthy'.

 

I'm assuming it's your money, you aren't ruining yourself financially to fund the hobby, your responsibilities are taken care of and you're an adult living under your own power away from the familial home, in which case, it's absolutely none of their business what you do with your freetime and money provided you're harming no one and aren't breaking any laws.

If your family objects to something as innocuous as a doll there's clearly going to be no reasoning with them so why bother? Enjoy your hobby and ignore their ridiculously narrow views by simply refusing to discuss it with them anymore unless they're prepared to engage in a rational, open minded conversation.

 

At the end of the day it's not really anyone's business what your hobby is, unless it's destructive in the sense that you're going without food or are causing yourself or others harm. If she doesn't want your dolls near her or her family then respect her wishes, but tell her that you don't appreciate her putting down something that you love and that she shouldn't pay so much attention to what you spend your own hard earned money on, especially if it's something you enjoy.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't reply to it at all. Arging with family is only going to make things worse, and both sides loose when family fights. Maybe you could ask her to leave your dolls as an 'off subject' thing between you and her. If she tries to tell you her opinion on things, maybe say something along the lines of "This is something I love, and while you don't have to accept it, I really do wish that you would respect the love that I have for my hobby." You could also point out that everyone has their faults, and if something like this is really worth severing her ties with her brother.

...Personally I think the whole thing is foolish. >w< My fiance has a doll, I have one. We have fun with our characters, and shaping new ones. Do what you love, and hopefully the people who love you will eventually grow accustomed to it so that they at least can keep their opinions to themselves.

 

If anyone is rude enough to question me, I say that they are not merely dolls, but collectibles. Lots of people of all genders have collectibles. If my family objected to my hobbies, I would simply refuse to discuss the subject. My life interests are really none of their concern as long as they are not harmful to myself or others.

 

As soon as people hear "dolls" they think young girls playing with barbies, not bjds for adults of both genders. No one likes stereotypes, but sadly they're everywhere. Just enjoy being with your dolls, don't let people who don't understand affect it.

 

tell her that there is nothing wrong with a boy to have a doll, personally if my son (if I have a boy) want a doll I would gladdly give him one because then he could practice taking care of a miniture person it would be someone he could talk to. Anyway back to what to say to her, honestly I would tell her that it is no differnt then a man who enjoys soldier models for games like Warhammer 4000. Honestly I think a man who is instreaded in BJD is a really find!

 

I would tell them to back off, and that you didn't want to discuss it. My husband has his first doll (bought her for him for Christmas! He's already got another 3 planned, once we pick sculpts for them) and 1 of my 2 boys adores my dolls. If he still likes them when he's old enough (read: stops with the destroying toys is fun stage, and is responsible enough for one with supervision) I'll let him pick one he wants and buy it for him for a special occasion. If he still likes them after that, and wants more, I'll whole heartedly encourage him. This WILL cause fights with some relatives...both over my husband collection, and either of my sons, should they choose to. Those who choose to voice their opposition to it will be told to buzz off, that there's nothing wrong with it, and we won't discuss it with them anymore if they can't be respectful.

In the end, being an adult, but not elderly, female and collecting dolls is hard enough. You fall into that age range where society says it's 'wrong' to still be playing with dolls as you're too old, but you're also too young for people to find it endearing. It's harder for men. It's another social stereotype that is wrong, and completely off base. there have been innumerable such stereotypes over the centuries, and will always be some. Though I feel it's beyond crossing a line to go on the 'Not around my children, because it's unhealthy' route (I mean...really? Does she think you would intentionally hurt the children or something with it?) they ARE her kids, so you're best off not mentioning your collection around them while she still feels that way, and they are young enough for her negativity to hurt them.

Just...do what I did when my mum-in-law pitched a fit over my dolls (I'm too old, and waste too much money and time on them, apparently) don't bring them up to her. If you have a doll with you when you know you'll see her, be sure it's one small enough to be easily hidden and kept out of site (my dolls are banned from the MIL's home, but I still take 1-2 with me when house sitting, or if I've been to a meet before going over, I just plan which ones to cause the least trouble) Eventually she'll either come around, or she'll pretend you got rid of them or don't collect anymore. If she continues to pitch a fit because of your facebook posts, tell her to back off if you want to keep posting, or find someplace else to post about them that those who are interested can easily follow the posts. In the end...it's not a fight worth having if you can avoid it, but if it keeps getting pressed by the other party...well...I would hope you're close enough for it not to break family ties, but only you and she know the answer to that.

 

Please forgive me, I'm having a rather difficult time writing
this post, already deleted what I wrote twice because I'm so upset
that your Sister would feel that way and say such things to you!!!!
That's just beyond awful So sorry for you!
Your experience is the reason I'm so glad that there is a BJD community
like DOA for us, otherwise so many people might feel alone or even ashamed
(because of narrow minded people) to enjoy dolls!!!! As you pointed out there
are not so good and downright awful things that people get involved in, to almost
act as though you are a criminal for having 2 dolls..seriously??

I'm not sure what you could say to your Sister to help her care or
understand because (obviously) I don't know her...but, I would point
out a few things: Most of these dolls are sculpted/created by Men.
They are not children's toys and depending on doll/company most of
them retain/increase in value and could be considered investments.
It's always possible that a basic realization that these are NOT the
average buy @ Target dolls might help, but again I don't know if
she even cares to understand. I would show her articles about ABJD's
there's a nice Wikipedia on their history.
I always like to dream that Family means unwavering support, love,
understanding but when it comes to hobbies like this it seems that so
many people merely get tolerance and have to find friends in the hobby
to not feel like outcasts. Maybe I'm being overly dramatic, I don't know.
But I will say that it's always possible for people to change their mind
so don't give up hope that she will come around.

Hopefully you can get better advice from other members here, and from
those who have experienced similar situations firsthand.

I know it can be really difficult when you don't have support or understanding
from family or friends, but I hope it doesn't deter you from enjoying your dolls
& abjd's in general, and maybe you can take some comfort in the fact that while
Women having dolls doesn't carry the same stigma as a guy having them does,
we are still considered by the world in general as "weird"

 

The only other thing you might be able to do is compromise. Would she be OK with you putting the dolls in another room when she/her family is over? Has she expressed exactly why she thinks it's wrong? Or is it "just wrong", end of story?

Please don't misunderstand. I think your sister is mistaken. I think it's perfectly fine for guys to play with dolls! I'm only suggesting this for the sake of family harmony. If she isn't willing to compromise or discuss why she finds the idea so repulsive there isn't much you can do.

 

I, personally, would say that the bjd hobby is all about the creative art side. Whether or not you feel it's true and whether or not you do faceups or explore character concepts with them (saying you make clothing for them perhaps leads to more problems, since fashion is also thought of as a girl-only interest/hobby, while art isn't), it's a great excuse! xD It's one I used on my own mother (though admittedly I'm a woman, though not a particularly girly one and I've never had an interest in dolls until now, so it came as a strange shock to her too... and it didn't actually particularly work, more because of the price cost than anything else.)

I'm sure other people have said similar things already in this thread... but I understand that, even with everything to back you up, it can be hard, if not difficult, to convince someone with such views ingrained so deeply. Maybe the best thing to do is, like said, just block her from seeing all your doll posts and/or activity. Or try to explain to her why you enjoy the hobby. I've had people outright hate me for having a particular interest and hobby (a long time friend, sadly enough, though he... got over it. Somewhat. Still holds a ridiculous grudge against it) - it can be hard to try and make people see the reasoning behind it. And sometimes it's best to just ignore the subject, if you know you can't convince them. I explore the hobby, buy my bjds, etc etc, in my own time without mentioning it to my mother, and it's been fine like that for me.

 

I am generally a pacifist, but your sister sounds like the type of person I would advocate kicking in the shins.

Have you asked her why she thinks it's unnatural and unhealthy? Not to try to convince her otherwise, just to try to figure out what glithced in her brain? I could understand someone not wanting to be around dolls -- a lot of people have a phobia, after all -- but to call it unnatural? To say she doesn't want it around her kids? This sounds like more of a deep-seated psychological problem within her own mind, and frankly, girl needs to go get a shrink to check her out.

 

Wow, Actually I think it's cool that you are open and willing to share you hobby with others. I mean you like what you like and it is much healthier than drinking alcohol as a hobby. But, the thing is this hobby can't be unhealthy if you aren't doing things that make it look unnatural. If you start becoming obsessed and like an insane person then it'd be unhealthy. But your just enjoying what you do. Sewing clothes and things, gosh that's so cool. wish I could sew. but it is hard to get people to understand, my family doesn't understand why I like it. I like it and that's all.

 

I think it would help to explain that BJD are more like a model kit - maybe you could post some videos of people sanding, drilling, and painting on their dolls. I suspect though that for the sake of your relationship, you'll have to 'agree to disagree' and filter your sister out of your doll posts on Facebook. Use the Lists function on Facebook to create a doll-friendly filter for your updates.

 

I'm sorry but that is hilarious!

Is this problem of hers stemming from something deeper, or has she always had
a grudge against you? Honestly I don't think she'd be happy no matter what you did.

I mean, would she rather you play with handguns and swords around her family?
I'm pretty certain that your hobbies aren't harming her kids, or anyone else,
so why would she say something so hurtful.

I don't look at 'girl' or 'guy' in creative arts, I see 'person'.
So the fact that you're a guy is completely irrelevant to your hobbies
and it should be to her too.

There is NOTHING wrong with you being a guy and liking a hobby, and honestly
she sounds like she regressed back into the 1800s with this whole mentality.

 

This is what I end up having to do with my World of Warcraft updates. I used to do it with doll stuff, but then I figured any friends who wanted to complain about dolls could provide me a reasonable reason to be excluded from them (genuine dollie phobia, that sort of thing), and everyone else can cope. Dolls are a big part of my life, I'm not hiding that from my friends.

*curtsy* Why thank you. I aim to bring laughter and joy to the tense situations!