How to discourage careless handling by those who are not in the hobby?

I would recommend saying something like, "I had this horrible dream last night that my doll was broken! I think we should be extra careful with them, maybe I'm a psychic! Haha" Adding a little humour will get the point across but in a way where she won't be offended ^_^

 

"Get your ****ing hands off my ****ing doll." That should get the message over quite nicely.

Seriously, I don't see why you can't just explain to her that you're not happy about the way she's touching your dolls, which after all are YOUR dolls, and that if she can't learn how to treat them with the respect that expensive pieces of art deserve, then you'd rather she didn't touch them at all. If she can't take advice on how to handle these delicate items and takes offence at what is really very reasonable request, then she's not really your friend. If she doesn't respect your property then she can't respect you.

If, on the other hand, she treats them this way because she doesn't know any better, then it's entirely your responsibility to enlighten her. You can't expect someone who's not in the hobby to understand how to treat dolls if they've never been told. So if you've never actually said to her, "I'm really glad, Dolores, that you love my dolls, but the thing is, they're actually pretty fragile and can break if not handled gently. Let me show you the proper way to hold/pose/dress them" etc, then nows the time to do that.

If you've actually done that and she still ignores you and plays roughly with them, then either take this as her showing her true colours, or simply lock your dolls away when she's around.

 

When I talk to my little brother about my dolls, and he's being not as gentle as I'd like, I just sit him down and say, "Hey, bud, these dolls mean a lot to me. I'd really appreciate it if you'd handle them a little more gently. They are very, very expensive." Just sitting down like this and saying politely that I don't like what's going on works fine on my six year old brother.

I'd also mention how great you think it is that they like your dolls, but that she's really not treating them correctly. I'd also mention that if she can't treat them nicely, she might not get to play with them. With my brother, I threaten to make him pay for my dolls if he breaks them. A consequence might go a long way.

Polite, firm, and with consequence. Hope that helps.

 

Sounds like your friend should get her own doll! If she buys one herself, she can dance and cuddle and dress it up all she wants. If she keeps handling dolls roughly it sounds like only a matter of time before a snapped finger or a permanent gouge, or worse, so she might as well learn her lesson on her own property rather than yours :P Plus if she takes to the idea, you'd have a new excuse to talk about the basics of dolly maintenance as her BJD mentor

Perhaps you could introduce the concept of gentler play as something you could both work on? Something like "I read this tutorial the other day about posing BJDs, and they said that you could permanently damage your doll if you bend the joints wrong or if you flop them about too carelessly. After what happened to the eyebrow of ___'s faceup, I want to be extra careful, so I'd like to set some new rules for how we play with them." Though maybe not as to the point, suggesting it's someone else's idea or something for both of you to do might help get past her difficulty in taking criticism.

 

i completely understand that you don't want to hurt her feelings but on the same note she is not being very considerate to yours with not handling your dolls properly. i would simply explain to her that they mean alot to you and you do not want the getting damaged (any further). if she continues to mishandle them after you telling her this then simply do not let her near them anymore.

i personally am not such a delicate person. i would come straight out and tell her that if shes cant respect me enough to take care of my dolls then she isn't allowed to touch them anymore.

 

I get that you're worried about her reaction if you admonished her for how she's treating your dolls, I'd probably be just as hesitant if I were in your situation, but I find that sometimes we think someone is going to react far worse than they actually would to certain things. When she's handling your dolls again and you see her doing something potentially damaging just ask her not to do that because you're worried it'll damage the doll and you really can't afford to have that happen. Chances are she'll understand, especially if she's already aware of your financial situation.

 

Great advice here!

 

"Stop posing him like that, I JUST got him, he's gonna get wrecked if you keep doing that!" < Should get the message across juuuust fine. I had to actually grab my friend's wrists multiple times and inform her of a face up artist I was thinking of commissioning one day's prices and asked if she could afford it. She said no and left them alone unless asked. She doesn't pose them, doesn't touch 'em unless asked and she has her OWN doll to terrorize at that. (Poor little thing's stained and stashed somewhere..) And instead of giving in to pressure or letting her dance them around tell her: "Please...I really am feeling like you don't respect me or my property with how you handle my dolls, I understand you like them but they mean the world to me, you have to be careful.." And if all else fails just tell her: "Don't touch them please, they're NOT yours." Or ask: "Can you afford to get them fixed or replaced if they damage them permanently?"

The fact she FORCES their joints to stay where they ought not is concerning and you should tell her that they're not indestructable and that you don't want her touching them if she's going to act like a little kid around them. If she can't respect your wishes...Don't let her touch them. Goofy outfits are one thing but damage is another. Just say: "I'll just hold onto him." Or if she grabs one and starts moving it in a way it doesn't tell her to back off firmly. Not in a b*tchy way just a: "I'm DEAD serious" way.

I've had my dolls handled by other people who own dolls and they've always been careful, even met someone who was trying to make their own BJD and their daughter. They wanted to see Kazumi after noticing she was a BJD and I happily let them and they were so careful with her.


Good luck.

 

It's hard because you seem the kind of person who can't say no because you don't want to hurt others. I'm not like that, I tell straight away 'don't touch him like that, he is very expensive'. I would never let anyone take my dolls out for pictures. It's like having a child and letting someone without experience looking after them.

I'll try to be helpful and say that maybe you should teach her how to do things if you don't mind her taking them out. If you see her bending a joint the wrong way or putting to much unnecessary force just help her out. Say 'it's easier if you do it like this' or 'you are going to chip it if you do like that, I'll show you'. Then mention that light is yellowing you dolls and it's not safe to take them out without a proper doll bag. Just hint things and do them if she doesn't notice.

It's hard for someone not in the hobby to know how to work with dolls and, unfortunately, not everyone look after their dolls as well. She could be the latter, in which case I would always be around and posing the doll for her because if something bad happens, she doesn't seem the kind of friend who would pay for the damage (from what you said about the faceup).

The main thing you have to keep in mind is that they are your treasured possessions, you have the responsibility to look after them.

 

I don't have any friend who has the access to my dolls, and no one can touch them without my permission and supervision, even my family. I wouldn't tell bjd owners off tho 'cause at least they know basically how to handle dolls. But even then i don't like anyone to touch them in any way without asking me. Muggles can touch them gently if they express admiration for these creatures they've never seen before, not just pure curiousity(weird, right?), but none of them can touch their faces. If anyone is trying to do something i don't want them to to my doll, i stop them and say that they can't do that. Don't be afraid of looking rude! Dolls are your property after all & you owe people nothing.

 

Please, tell her about how you feel. How can you even be comfortable hanging out with her with dolls around if she treats them that way? Don't wait until something bad happens (it has already happened though, what are you waiting for?).

So if she's a good friend she'll understand that anyway and respect your feelings. Why not just to go ahead and talk about it with her instead of silently keeping everything to yourself.

Or drive her into buying a doll! I see she actually does love yours, but then she'll express her love more on her own doll, thus yours will stay safe most of the time. Good luck anyways!

 

I think you need to brace yourself for the reality that sometimes, some things can't be done gently, or that no matter how gently you try to do something there are some people out there that are so sensitive that anything other than going alone with what they want will set them off. And I think you also need to decide what is more important to you, not (potentially) upsetting your friend or not having her handle your dolls inappropriately.

You really need to be direct about this. "Hey Friend, I'm really happy you enjoy my dolls. I know it's going to feel a little awkward that I'm bringing this up now, but I just wanted to talk to you about how you handle my dolls. I know it might not seem like it, but they're actually pretty fragile and super expensive and I'm always worried about them getting damaged, so I try to be really careful in how I handle them. Here, let me show you what I mean [insert demonstration of how to handle dolls appropriately]. My dolls mean a lot to me so could you please be more careful with how you handle them in the future? Thanks." If she continues mishandling them, call her on it when the activity is happening. If you have to go somewhere with your dolls in her car, put them in their box or some other protective situation or hold them on your lap so they don't go flying everywhere and get damaged because of her poor driving. If, after all of that, she continues to treat them poorly, you might have to put your foot down and not let her touch your dolls. And frankly, if you lose a friend over that, then she wasn't much of a friend. Friends don't mistreat each other or each other's things.

 

try telling her that you're worried about them getting hurt, and it's expensive to get them repaired, especially since they're custom made to the order normally...or you could casually pull up some doll sites around her and have her see how expensive these guys can be...(also being shocked at pricing helps with pulling attention to that)

 

I'd be telling her EXACLTY how much they cost and how much you expect her to pay if she damages them with her carelessness.

Failing that, I'd be barring her from touching them completely.

Or, if you have as little patience as I do, you'd tell her to get her own the next time she even thinks of touching them.

 

You've got a lot of good suggestions already, but maybe you could also show her pictures of damaged dolls? Seeing the kind of damage that can be done might have more of an impact than just telling her. If she really likes him that much, I doubt she'd like to picture him with broken fingers and cracked joints. You can also point out that replacement parts aren't always available.

Though, if she's rich, why doesn't she just get her own? Does she just really like yours in particular and she doesn't want to copy them? If you don't care, you might could let her know that it's alright. Sometimes friends don't like being copied - like if one of my friends got a certain outfit and I liked it, I'd feel awkward going out and buying the same thing. There was a thread on here where a girl complained about her rich friend getting into the BJD hobby after her, so your friend might think that you'd be unhappy if she got her own dolls.

 

If she's abusing your dolls, and it sounds like she is, then she needs to get her hands off your dolls, period. If she was a good friend to you she'd respect your stuff when you ask. Instead she's testing you, walking all over you, counting on you being desperate to keep her friendship before you will stop her. Stand up to her and stop her. If she balks then good riddance. That's not a friend you need in your life. I know that sounds harsh but what she is doing is very wrong. She may love your dolls but she's basically bullying them and you. If this was say your little brother or your pet would you allow it? I think not.

 

My gosh...that would be very frustrating!! I would suggest to her that she needs to buy some dolls..if she has lots f money, no big deal, right. That way u2 could play together and she could treat hers as she wanted and hands off yours.
I hide my best dolls when certain people r coming. Please keep us posed

 

I understand where you are coming from. I'm not really the type to reprimand someone that I care about for doing something like that to my doll. My older sister doesn't have the excitement that your friend has for dolls but she does play with her when she thinks about making something for Lilium. She can be a little rough too. I know my doll needs to be restrung (I'm just a little nervous about doing it during holiday season) but my sister will pull Lilium's leg out to expose the elastic (Met someone in the doll hobby that did this too against my wishes), she never let the leg snap back into place, but I always hear the resin grind against itself while she further explored the joints.

Because she's my sister, or in your case friend, I just expect her to respect my things without me having to tell her. And she knows that I don't say anything if I'm displeased. It's just not in my nature.

But to get her to understand that I don't like her doing certain things, I'll just mention that watching her fiddle with the joints makes my own joints hurt because of how unnaturally she is moving them.

You could always ask her for a nice (not costly but efficiently working) carry case for the holiday season? Tell her that you're worried about them getting damaged because of photos you saw on the internet, like FrigidDamsel said, then show her a bunch of worst case photos to show how things can break. Then you aren't flat out telling her that she's upsetting you, but she'll understand hopefully. Maybe the two of you can look at different cases online and in stores. I've seen people use really cool bags and cases that aren't intended for dolls but work so amazingly well. You can explain to her all the different things you want the case to have in terms of Safety Features and why they are important. You two can make a day out of it, you don't have to buy anything, and it's educational for the both of you.

Hopefully, even if it takes all day, you'll find a way to explain to her in a way she'll understand about how to treat your dolls without having to yell at her.

If it does continue, just sit her down with the Internet () and start showing her all the websites you like and tell her how long it takes you to save up the money. That worked pretty well with my sister. (She doesn't like going shopping with me or we would have done the bag shopping) I showed her DC Alberta and told her that if I scraped my paychecks to barely living expenses and saved everything else for Alberta, it would still take me ten months to afford her, then another month and a half with shipping. She's an accounting major so that really explained things in a way she understood.
(Also, I do now own my Alberta, under the tree she is

 

If your friend cares about your feelings, she should understand that you want your dolls to be treated a certain way. A simple "Oh please don't do that" or "Please be more careful, I can't afford to have this redone/this doll is really important to me." Should get the point across. If she doesn't listen, she doesn't get to handle the dolls anymore. Like chanarivka said, consequences.
Point of the matter is that they're YOUR dolls, and she's supposed to be your friend. She needs to EARN the right to play with your dolls.