Sense of Entitlement to Dolls?

Yes, I think there is some sense of entitlement that is expressed on occasion.

This is where I show my cold, cold logical side.

I hold all my hobbies in a certain regard-- they're hobbies. Pretty much completely frivolous. I'm not aware of anyone who actually lives or dies by the hobby; I love my dolls, and it'd break my heart to lose them, but that's only a problem once I have them. Before I actually own a doll, I don't get attached. I guess what I'm trying to say is that nobody needs a doll.

That's why I don't think there's any justification for anyone to be entitled to a doll. It's an open market, after all. The only fair way for these things to be decided is by a monetary value. You can't quantify love, or standing within a community. You can quantify financial status, but that's plain ol' economics. The individual has to decide the value of, in this case, the doll as compared to other expenses.

If you feel as though your standing in the community should entitle you to a doll, demonstrate your committment by doing what you have to do to get the doll you want. Want to show your love for a doll? Make that purchase happen. I wasn't in a good financial state to get a doll earlier this year, but I saw a window of opportunity, and I made choices (tough choices, in some cases) to go out and get my doll.

 

I haven't interacted much with the bjd fandom, other than on line, and that is limited by time, too, so my experience is limited, but I can't say that I've witnessed any "entitlement" to a specific doll. The closest I have seen to entitlement sentiments were the complaints of the "inequitable" distribution of Bermann after the latest release. Much as I would like to have a Bermann, I must agree with Wotan's statements. Bjds are a luxury item whose distribution is subject to free market forces.

 

Oh, yes... I have seen it. This... feeling of entitlement. But mostly, in my experience, it tends to be expressed most loudly when a person is -denied- a doll, or unable to -get- a doll that they feel 'entitled' to, rather than by people who actually do manage to -get- the dolls they want. In my opinion, it seems to be more of a reactionary jealousy than an affliction people suffer from.

For example, when a person has more than one of a certain, desireable and hard-to-get doll... like a Bermann, or Woosoo, or Heath, there are always a few people - just a few - who seem to say things like... 'It isn't right' or 'It shouldn't be allowed.' And mostly all of them believe that they -should- have one of these dolls, and is taking out their frustration on this person who has -more- than one. They want this doll to fall into their lap and don't have the patience or the drive to wait and search for one of their own.

That... I find quite sad. Truth is, when you get right down to it... this is a hobby and these dolls are... well, they are dolls. They're products, they are made to be sold and sought after. If you have the money and the patience, you will find and get what you want... eventually.

People who have that sort of patience, and work hard and spend so much on these dolls... in my experience are pretty aware of how special and valuable they are... and don't generally consider themselves 'entitled' to the dolls they want. They fight and wait and stalk the dolls they want, because they have a lot of perseverance and almost always consider themselves -lucky- to get the dolls they want, if/when they do.

However... that said, there have also been times where I really wished someone would get a particular doll they really wanted, and yes... even sometimes felt like the universe would be... working properly, I guess you might say, if that person were to get the doll. Not necessarily that they were entitled to it, but... more like they would deserve it if they did get it. Like, someone who was really sick and whose day would just be made if they were to get this/that doll... Or someone who's been searching for years for a particular doll and then found -just the right one-. Or someone who takes gorgeous and many photos who I wish would get this/that doll if I, personally, think it's really pretty and would like to see more pretty pictures of it. ^^

Anyway... in closing, yes, some people do feel -entitled- to certain dolls. No, I don't think it's right, I think it's selfish and arrogant. But... I do think, from a third-person point of view, that some people do deserve to get certain dolls they want, or that it would be really nice if they did get them.

 

Absolutely. I see that "sense of entitlement" in complaints about someone who has altered their doll -- as though the doll must be left as it was for the benefit of some other who might want to purchase it, rather than changed for the benefit of the person who owns it now. I see it when the term "scalper" is lobbed at someone who sells a well-loved, older limited for market price rather than purchase price. I see it in the fact that it had to be made against the rules to harass people about the prices they have set on things they sell. There is a lot of entitlement in this community.

Absolutely, because it is taking a huge egotistical jump to believe that you are more worthy than someone else. Assuming that (general) you know another's feelings for a doll and thus can judge that yours are greater is amazing ego, and that's before adding in the belief that you should be rewarded simply for having these feelings. Believing that someone you don't know should give you something you want just because you can't/won't pay for it yourself is amazing ego. Believing that the community "owes" you something for your contribution, and another individual should pay out for them... Well, I think I've established the pattern here.

Feeling more entitled than someone else means feeling that you are better than someone else, and that has no place in a community of equals.

 

Sometimes that its not directed at a limited or special doll. Sometimes its because I want a bjd and I don't have one I deserve one for wanting it. Or bjds are so expensive they need to be cheaper for me to afford.

I think it goes back to the fact a lot of people don't see bjds as luxury items but as necessities or rights.

 

I have seen a fair bit entitlement in the BJD hobby, whether it's more or less than in other hobbies is difficult to say. What I do notice as being, IMO, more prevalent with BJDs enthusiasts, is outspoken judgment. Often that judgmental aspect goes hand in hand with entitlement. As Jinnayah mentioned, there is a great deal of judgment present in the discussions of very limited dolls and one-offs. There is pressure on those who have these dolls to think of themselves more as lucky caretakers than owners. That is, it's almost as if very valuable dolls are seen as belonging to the entire community. The person who actually purchases said doll will be looked down upon if they choose to do something to it that the group doesn't approve of. By the same token, I've seen absurd amounts of judgment when it comes to selling dolls (I'm not talking about true scalping, ie buying a $800 limited doll and selling it a month later for $3000).
Personally, the only time I've ever come to close to thinking of someone as being "entitled" has probably been with Masha. I felt very bad for those who had signed the petition and who really wanted that Sasha re-release - then the re-release comes and is only available to those who attend the NYC Dolpa (for which attendees had to be registered months before finding out what the limited would be). The ironic thing is, for many Sasha lovers to get their dream doll required Dolpa attendees to buy Masha, then change their minds and resell her. Still, as soon as Mashas started showing up on the secondary market, there were people quick to condemn the sellers, even if they weren't charging much beyond the purchase price.

 

Yes, I've seen that sense of entitlement in the community but I've also seen it in other areas of the doll world &, in fact, in almost every collectible market I've dealt with. It's really not an uncommon phenomenon.

As collectors we all have some disposable income (unless you're using the food & bill money & that's a whole other issue) but the amount is different for everyone & that's where a lot of the jealousy & feeling that a person has a certain right to a doll comes in. Either someone can't afford it & feels that it's not fair or they can & yet the doll keeps eluding them. But the simple truth is that these dolls are not neccessities, they're luxury items & as such no one is truly entitled to them. Like any collectible you just have to be in the right place at the right time with money in hand.

Having been there, done that myself with other types of things, I've learned that it's a huge waste of energy to feel that way. It doesn't matter who I am in the community, how much I love something or how far out of my price range it is, if I can't get, I simply can't get it. I'm NOT entitled to it & there's no sense to feeling sorry for myself because of that fact. It's a very self destructive attitude because not only are you assuming that there's something special about yourself that makes you more deserving than someone else but to persist in such a viewpoint will do nothing but alienate you from the community & hobby in general. I mean who's going to keep pursuing something that only makes them feel bad about themselves? (Ok, bad example as there are people who do just that.)

 

I think when somebody is the type of person to feel "entitlement" they feel it about everything... not just dolls.

Raven

 

The most blatant example of entitlement I've ever seen on this forum was when a person argued that they deserved a Woosoo head more than other people, because they'd been looking for it longer and had spent lots of their time searching for one. They said that people who "worked hard" to find their ideal doll -- people like, you know, her -- deserved it more than "people who just waltzed in and bought one without any effort." She was outraged when someone else won an auction she'd been watching, because she felt she had deserved the doll.

It was a bizarre argument then, and it's still a bizarre argument now.

It is my belief that is it absolutely, positively impossible to determine who "deserves" a doll and who doesn't. For every sob story that someone posts to convince people that they are entitled to cheap deal or a chance at a limited, there are 400 untold stories. I knew for a fact that some of the other people searching for Woosoo heads at the time the girl above was ranting had been looking for far longer, and had much greater "sob stories" -- like the girl who lost an auction because she was taken to the emergency room, where she discovered she had lupus, and almost died from it. But she, fortunately, had the good taste not to come on the forum and post about how she was entitled to the doll because of her sad story.

These are dolls, not food, clothing, and shelter. No one has a natural "right" to any of them, and we don't earn a "right" to them by making emo posts, bemoaning our lack of income, or getting our 15 minutes of fame on the forum. The only way any of us earn the right to have a doll is if we pay for it. Just ask the doll companies that sell them to us.

Forget entitlement. Life is not a Competition o' Woe.

 

I believe that some people FEEL they are entitled to things... but nobody is entitled to anything.

I know we all like to laugh at those outrageous people who feel they deserve things more than others do, but I'm not going to air out any names or specifics here. They're sorely misguided folks, but they're essentially complaining in a vacuum to get their frustration of their chests. When the rest of the community doesn't step up to give them free dolls, they eventually figure it out. So just ignore them if their frustration upsets you. In the end, we all take what the Universe dishes out to us.

 

Some people undoubtedly do feel a sense of entitlement. Are some people more entitled to certain things? I don't think so. How does a person determined who is the most worthy, and even if they could it's a moot point, because the world doesn't work that way. If someone can't get a doll they want, they need to accept it and move on. There are some dolls that I love, but will probably never get to own. I personally am much happier not dwelling on the ones I can't get and concentrating on all the beautiful dolls that are available to me.

 

There is absolutely a sense of entitlement in this hobby, it's gross.

And I think there is something people are also failing to notice. The 'entitlement' is on both sides of the fence. It's not just those who don't have/can't afford/ect. There's also a serious sense of entitlement coming from those who do have and can afford.

If the last Bermann release taught me anything about this hobby it's that people on both sides of the fence can be just as much a whiney entitlement whore as the people they're complaining about and saying are 'jealous.'

Personally, I think the second hand prices in this hobby are ridiculous. But I think they're just insane when person A, B or C 'loses' to them as I think they are insane when I do.

 

I feel that there are a lot of people in this hobby that feel that they are entitled to these dolls. And I think that it's sad.

I often think that these individuals have had everything handed to them when they whine or complain about it enough. And they feel that it would work the same way in this hobby. And when they are shot down they get offended.

But there are also the people who already have dolls and have, in their own mind, become a celebrity of sorts on this forum. And therefore when they happen to sell there dolls that charge ridiculous prices on their items. Because the doll is "famous."

 

That's a good point, S_P. I think there are many who think "I have the money, and that means I deserve these things more." In reality, the issue of money and the issue of deservedness are unrelated. Just because someone can afford something doesn't mean they "deserve" it. (Just look at that football player in the news for animal cruelty charges, Michael Vick -- he could afford lots of dogs, but would we say he deserved them?)

However, the reality is that dolls are merchandise, and at the end of the day, the only person allowed to lay claim to one is someone who can pay for it. It doesn't say anything about their worth as a person, or even their love for the doll. All it says is that they have paid the dues necessary to become an owner.

 

I am one of the few who truly feels lucky to have the dolls I own. Most of mine are expensive, more than I'd like. My favourite kid --- and yes, I'll admit who my favourite one is --- is a complete honour to have because the person who let me have him was kind enough to agree to a trade. It is rather like the gifts our parents give us, cars or money for school books, something we should never take for granted and remember that it takes a lot to obtain one.

Another reason why I suppose I feel so lucky is that I've had nothing but kind and supportive sellers, all of whom have been patient with me and pleasant to deal with. Most enjoy being kept up with the details of the dolls after they have passed into my hands.

I have had one person try to be subtle about telling me that they deserved my Shiwoo Elf more than I do because they had been wanting one for a long time. Not cool.

 

I've definitely seen people say they deserved a doll more than someone else because they wanted it more/had wanted it longer/would take better care of it/only had X dolls/it was their dream doll/whatever. I think, though, that we hear about it more from people who don't have the doll they feel entitled to -- the people who do have it don't seem to feel the need to go "I GOT THIS DOLL BECAUSE I DESERVE IT AND YOU DON'T" -- thank goodness. @_@ Now if only the people who don't have the doll would hush about how abused they are.

 

I really don't see people acting entitled to dolls they can afford. They just buy them. Sure I see people rewarding themselves with dolls sometimes - a reward for saving, or for getting a raise, or for getting through a bad illness. I don't see anything wrong with that. But I don't see people thinking they deserve a doll any more than any other person who can buy the doll. If they didn't order a limited quick enough or didn't bid high enough in an auction, it's their own fault - so they may be sad, or cranky, or jealous - but they are mad at themselves, not feeling they are more entitled then someone else who did get the doll.

I did see feelings of entitlement mentioned repeatedly in the Youngsters and BJD's debate, in reference to some members whining about not being able to afford dolls or not having them bought for them. Maybe some whiners feel they are entitled to an expensive doll but I would guess many just want the doll and are upset they can't have it. However if their friends have BJDs they may feel a sense of entitlement - same as "But Janie's mom bought (whatever)!".

Personally - I did feel a bit entitled to get a Unoa after I waited 2 years for a girls pre-order and resisted (for 2 years) buying one at a much higher resale price. I probably would have been a bit steamed if it had been a lottery order and some newcomer won the right to buy and I didn't. Fortunately it was an open order and I think everyone who wanted one was equally entitled to order, newcomers included.

Carolyn