What if your boyfriend/girlfriend does not like your dolls...

Fortunately my husband supports me in my hobby. I have a set amount of $ earmarked each month to spend on whatever, so mine is usually dolls, though I do buy manga with my $ too. He gets his $ too so he can't complain about me spending too much. He was talking to the lady at the fabric store as she cut my fabric, I ran over to take a photo of the doll I had with me with the Christmas stuff. He was telling her all about my dolls and how they made me happy and kept me active. (I'm 63 years young and he is 67 and a sweetie) I have only been collecting BJDs for 3 years so it's not like he knew I'd be collecting expensive large dolls, but he is okay with it.

I know boyfriends are different than husbands but if he wants to remain a (your) boyfriend he needs to not attack your hobby. I'll bet he has some kind of hobby himself.
Best of luck.

 

I have had the problem with my ex boyfriends thinking my dolls were creepy and refused to be in the same room. In my opinion it is not his place to judge, if you love them and pay for them he can just deal with it. Most people will find something to spend crazy amounts of money on (antiques, cars, coins, etc.) but it makes you happy and he should really respect that. Does he feel neglected because of the time you are spending with the dolls? or does he just feel like youre wasting time? If hes feeling neglected that is something you need to work out, but otherwise he has no say in how you spend your free time. Dolls are very therapeutic and help many of us in the hobby unwind at the end of the day.

 

I think my boyfriend goes back and forth. Some time he moans about how much my doll collection (all sorts of dolls) have cost, and other days he supports it (and even helps out if I need the $$ LOL).

I think it's hard for someone to understand when they don't feel the bug but respecting that you love them should feature as part of your relationship. Unless you're buying dolls to the detriment of your finances, I don't see how this is any different than, say, buying lot of shoes.

 

I'm lucky that both me and my girlfriend are into the bjd hobby. I agree with Crazydolleyes, as long as it doesn't affect your finances it shouldn't be a problem.

 

I've been collecting dolls before I started dating my partner, and I had a very strict 'you like the dolls or I don't like you; I've had them longer' stance when looking for potential partners. Thankfully he quite likes my dolls and he has quite a few hobbies of his own and we both collect Japanese figures and statues.

I would sit down and talk with him. Tell him how important your hobby is to you, and that it's okay to spend money on yourself and your hobbies. One thing that might help is if he has his own hobbies, make a spreadsheet of a breakdown of costs between the two. Or even a breakdown of costs compared with more 'mainstream' hobbies like video games. I did the math once and my entire collection, even with wigs, eyes, and clothes, was equal to if I went out to a restaurant once a week and spent $30 (over the same span of time). Which doesn't seem very outlandish or crazy. I always think it's good for both partners in a relationship to have hobbies they enjoy, and I hope you can work things out with him! I wish you the best of luck.

 

My husband doesn't like my dolls, but he respects it, just like I respect his hobbies. It also makes him happy to see me happy with my dolls. The hard thing is though, that when I show them a new outfit or a new dolly I found on the internet he kinda gets defensive about the money even though I saved it for myself to spend on stuff. My doll hobby is on hold at the moment as I'm in the middle of moving house and I promised him not to buy any other dolly related stuff until next year when we are settled in again. So I will keep my promise and see how it will go next year

I do hope for you that he will learn to respect your hobby.

 

I don't need a boyfriend when I have my dolls with me, and I do not think I will be with someone that do not give me space to do things I like. If I were to have a boyfriend, i think he should be someone that support my hobbies, or at least respect what i like.

 

I had the same problem. We broke up. You gotta at least tolerate what I like. Cause it's really not that hard.

 

I agree! If I happen to have a boyfriend, (not that I think I will) he better like my doll and I'm not planing to have just one doll… Maybe three!

 

My DH doesn't like my dolls (only off topic dolls though atm) - he thinks they look ugly (which is his problem! lol). He has also resented some of the time I've spent on them (ie not with him) and how I've used them as much as/ more than him to get through some tough times. That's a fair concern, and we've worked with that. We've also had to have a few talks about how I was spending on them *blush* - which again comes back to me using them too much as a coping mechanism. I am mostly careful with my spending on them now (and it's only ever been with *my* money rather than our family finances). This year (my third Christmas of collecting) he's come around to the point of giving me money for one!! As for worth - an object is only ever "worth" what someone is willing to pay. I wouldn't pay $300 for a collection of small black and grey plastic bricks - but my husband would, since he can put it together into a Lego model of Orthanc tower from LOTR! Another dolly friend of mine often says she doesn't drink, smoke or gamble - so she's still financially ahead!
As in any successful relationship, honest, respectful communication and negotiation is vital. I wish you luck!!

 

I'm sorry to hear that!

My boyfriend is very supportive of all my crazy hobbies, BJDs included. It makes him really happy to see me happy and enjoying something so passionately. That's one of the things I love so much about him.

I think for any long term or serious relationship, you two need to get along and have mutual respect and understanding of each other. Its really not good that you argue a lot, especially if you have plans to be together for many years. I agree with that others were saying; you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk. Let him know how important dolls are to you and try to find the root cause of his disapproval. Once you get a definitive answer on it, you can start to work on compromises and find a happy medium. ...If he doesn't budge and is unreasonable, I think this could show his true nature when other disagreements arise later in life. I'm no expert, but I think these are important things to consider when choosing a partner.

Also, luckily my boyfriend doesn't find dolls to be creepy. I can't say the same about my brother, who doesn't even like baby dolls or cabbage patch kids. I think some people have a natural fear of dolls. Not necessarily a phobia, but a less severe natural fear or hatred of them. It would be a really tough situation to fall in love with someone like this.

 

I think you could insert random "x" for "dolls". I don't want to sound like a psychologist but my guess is, there'd be something else to argue about or other reasons to nag at you, if it weren't for the dolls. There's a chance in this though, if with the dolls as hook, the problem can be sorted out, to grow together and strengthen the relationship. Hopefully.

 

I had a boyfriend that didn't support me on buying BJDs, but not only BJDs, everything that he considered "too much expensive" would fall for his criteria. But the thing is: You work, you earn the money. You don't need the approbation of anyone on things that you do with YOUR money (as long as you don't keep unpaid debts, of course ) As a partner (girl or boyfriend) he should be more worried with your happiness than with your money.

Try to talk things up. Explain your point of view and hear his point. It may be a though thing, but if he wants to be with you, he must learn to understand the things that make you happy (and that, in some way, does not harm anyone). He does not necessarily needs to love or like your hobby, but, at the very least, to respect it.

 

The solution to your problem is simple: Get a new Boyfriend

 

I have this issue...he blew up at me for "spending nearly 500 dollars on a damn doll" we haven't talked about it since the blow up...but I think hes trying to apologize in his own way by supporting me doing face ups...tho I think the only reason he showed so much interest is because I mentioned getting good & opening up shop (thus money). Sometimes its not easy to just break up a relationship especially over hobbies. I wouldnt break up with mine over this though considering we live together & are both emotionally & financially dependant on eachother. Most issues can be resolved through talking & at the end of the day its your dolls & your money your SO shouldnt really have a say in what you spend your money on as long as you still have money for stuff you need & bills.

sent through the forests

 

This is a very difficult topic. I suppose I understand why people would feel the need to tell others they are spending too much money on their hobby, but I don't think it's something they should be able to do consistently unless they are a) paying for the dolls, or b) you are neglecting your bills/payments due to your hobby.

I'm uncertain about your situation, but unless you are doing any of those two, the important thing to remember is that all relationships are about compromise. I'm sure he has hobbies of his own or interests that you don't really care for and he needs to realize that dolls are your interest. It's not like you are forcing him to become a part of your hobby, right? He really needs to understand that this is something you really enjoy doing.

Money wise, the doll hobby is expensive, but if you have all the things you need (i.e. rent money, bill/food/gas money, etc.) and you have some left over to spend on something you like, it is your right to do so. You work for your money and you save for your dolls, so you can use that however you see fit.

I noticed that he mentioned you spending too much time on dolls, maybe he feels neglected or something? Do you make sure you have some "boyfriend" time for him as well? My older sister has a boyfriend who is obsessed with WOW and this has caused problems for them before. But they reached a compromise that they should set time aside to do couple stuff and things got better.

 

I have a similar situation with my husband. I've been collecting dolls for about two years now. I know that he doesn't like them, but I thought that he at least understood my love of them and "tolerated" them. Then a couple nights ago, he was in a bad mood when we were on our way to eat out with a friend and I was describing my new doll head I received. "I don't have a body for her, so I put her on my other dolls body for the time being, even though it's not the right resin color..." and then he totally freaked out. "That's creepy sounding. I hate your f#####g dolls! I don't understand why you like them so much!" Since I'm pregnant and super hormonal right now, I broke down and cried. How can he hate something I enjoy so much, that makes me so happy? So we had to have a long talk about it. I had to remind him that there are plenty of things that he loves that I don't understand or appreciate (like his "free to play" phone games he spends hours on every day!)

So I guess it essentially boils down to having respect for your partners likes and dislikes. You don't have to have all the same hobbies to have a good relationship. But you do need to be respectful of the fact that they may like things you don't. I'm never getting rid of my dolls, and even if my husband doesn't like them, he needs to respect that. The same way I respect his hobbies that I don't appreciate. It's important to remind one another of that every so often, because even if it seems like it's ok, it may not be ^^;;

I recommend you have a heart to heart with your boyfriend and make sure he understands how you feel and that his remarks upset/bother you. Hopefully that's all it takes to remedy the situation. And if he simply can't bring himself to respect your feelings and hobbies, then maybe things just weren't meant to be.

 

Significant other doesn't like my dolls? Too bad. The dolls came first. The dolls also don't make judgemental comments about something that makes me happy.

 

As long as I'm honest about the money I'm spending, my husband can't say much. He wasn't thrilled when I brought a new girl home over the summer but she was an impulse purchase and I didn't talk it over with him before I bought her. He knows I'm a bit of a spendthrift so he'd rather I not spend a bunch of money on something I don't need. I told him weeks ago I wanted to buy a doll at Christmas and he seems fine with it, probably because I at least told him this time and he saw me saving my money for her. I'm also honest about comparing value - I found the exact doll I want on the MP earlier this week so we were talking about the pros and cons of buying a second hand doll vs from the company direct. I haven't bought the MP one yet but at least hubby knows she's a possibility.

He can't grouch about how much I spend on dolls (or cosplay) since he's a tech geek and builds computers so he has his own hobbies to spend his money on.