What makes someone a "good" dolly owner?

The only thing that makes you a "good doll owner" is that you know how maintain them and keep them from being damaged, but even *that* can be subjective.

No one does or does not deserve to stay in this hobby, and such a notion is ridiculous. Whether you are in this hobby or not is up to you and you alone; no one else can tell you otherwise. And you are justified in doing whatever you want with your dolls because they belong to you.

You seem to just want to collect them, just have them, and that is perfectly okay. There is nothing wrong with that at all. It doesn't make you some... lesser doll owner, or some lesser part of the hobby. A hobby is about what gives you enjoyment, and if you enjoy buying the dolls just so they can sit and look pretty, or just because having them is enough to bring some joy in your life, then you are doing it right.

I think you may be just worrying a bit too much...and I have seen this a lot in other places. Nothing short of theft could make you less deserving to be in this hobby...and even then, that's really just the community aspect. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing. Just relax and enjoy you dollies, kay?

 

I agree with Ethra. The only thing you need to be a doll owner is to own dolls: all else is entirely subjective and down to personal perceptions. Nothing is good or bad, only thinking makes it so, after all.

There are many ways to experience and enjoy this hobby. You don't need to be constantly customizing, photographing, playing with and talking about your dolls to be a "deserving" doll owner. If you're happy with them sat on a shelf or lying in their boxes, that's fine too. As such, I don't agree with any of the things you think to be "normal" in a "good" doll owner. For me, the only thing that makes a "good" doll owner is someone who does what they want to do and allows other people do what they want to do. This also comes under the definition of just generally being a good person.

At the end of the day, you are just as good and deserving a doll owner as anyone else

 

Well, to use your expression of being a 'good' owner is imho when you try to create a character with a special style, when you buy your dolls clothes now and then and when you try to take good pictures of them and share them.
That's what I do at least.

I don't really regret when I cannot bond with a doll: she or he has to go then.
I personally, like to get new dolls which I haven't seen around too much, it's much more exciting. And I want to paint the face by myself.

I don't write backstories about my dolls though, I just create characters and a little bit of information like age, hobbys and so on but not epic long stories.

But I wouldn't pressure yourself too much about what's a 'good' owner, a hobby should bring you fun and not stress and trouble.

 

There is no such thing as being a 'good' or 'bad' doll user in terms what to do with them and what not.
It's all coming down to what each different owner does with his/her doll(s) and thinks is best.
There are doll owners who just put their dolls in a showcase and there are doll owners who take their doll everywhere and have them close every time.
There are doll owners who just use their dolls for photographs or to help them draw and there are people who can write a book about the backstory their doll has.
Who tells you what the right way is and why would you even care? Just enjoy them the way you like.

 

I don't really get how you can be a good or bad owner. Everyone collects differently. Are the people who collect Barbies and keep them in boxes bad owners? Or is it the people who take them out to play with the dolls and display them? If you don't bond it doesn't mean you aren't doing it right. You just don't get that emotional about an inanimate object.

I don't buy new things often, my dolls all go through changes quite often and even though they are all vastly different in style and size, I like them for different reasons. I rarely take photos of them to post online and sometimes go weeks without even touching them, but I'm in it to collect the ones I like. I don't think I will ever really be satisfied and no longer desire another doll honestly. I have a list of ones I would love to have and as I get the money and space I will tick them off slowly and buy them all new things. But I don't play with them every day, I don't go to meets, and I think some days I spend more time looking at other people's dolls then my own. Most of mine have no back story or anything more than a name. Does that make me a bad owner? Possibly to some people, but that's too bad for them. This is how I enjoy my dolls and you should enjoy yours in whatever way you want to.

 

I agree that if having them makes you feel good, and you care that you have them, then that's as good a doll owner as you can be.

 

This sounds to me like a very distinct case of trying to make yourself be like what you think other doll owners are like. You think that you should be a certain way because other doll owners (maybe the majority, at least as represented by this forum) are that way, and you’re a bad doll owner if you aren’t.

And this, ladies and gents, is why I’m so much against the attitude that there is One Right Way to BJD. (Yes, I just turned BJD into a verb. Behold the extraordinary creative power of the English language :p )

My opinion is that you need to stop worrying about what other people are doing and start worrying more about YOUR priorities in the hobby and deciding what will make YOU happy and help YOU enjoy your dolls. Let’s look at your list for examples:

“Have a doll family where most or some of them stay for many years to come.”
Yep, lots of people do this. Lots of people also buy and sell dolls on a regular basis. I really don’t see what’s wrong with either approach (in most cases). But if you’re rotating dolls in and out regularly and you’re not happy with that, you can change it. Figure out why you’re rotating dolls (e.g. do you keep buying the same kinds of molds and then keep not liking them when you see them in person?) and change your habits. Try keeping a doll longer than you normally would and see if it grows on you. Whatever it is you usually do, try something different.

“Have some sort of connection to them (playing, making stories, having characters, etc.)
I don’t play with my dolls much. In fact, for the most part they’re shelf babies. They sit there and look pretty. I do like to make clothes for them so every now and again each of them in turn spends a lot of time bald, naked, and being manhandled by me in various undignified ways while I try to get measurements and test out pattern prototypes, but I’m not one of those people who does a lot of “play” with them. I certainly don’t do photostories. My dolls all have characters, but that’s just my preference. I know plenty of BJD owners whose dolls are just dolls. They may have a name, but no character. These people are perfectly happy. If you don’t play with your dolls or give them characters it doesn’t make you a bad owner. But again, if you aren’t happy connecting to your dolls the way you do, you have the power to change that by either changing your expectations for connecting (e.g. acknowledge that dolls don’t NEED to have characters) or change how you connect (e.g. try giving a doll a character and see what happens).

“Knowing exactly what you want to do with them.”
I’m not sure what you mean by this. About the only thing I have known for sure about my dolls is that I wanted them. I had/have definite plans for one or two in terms of things like clothes and faceups, but not for the others. That doesn’t make me a bad doll owner, and if you’re like me it doesn’t make you a bad doll owner either. Neither does that fact that I haven’t quite gotten around to implementing my plans either.

“Being concerned when others copy your dolls/their characters/etc.”
If I am ever lucky enough to publish a novel, and if that novel involves characters that I have attached to my dolls, and if someone then copies my novel’s characters, then I might be concerned. But right now? My dolls’ characters aren’t copyrighted. I know I’m not the only person out there in the world interested in the things I’m interested in. DoA alone has 36,000 members, many with multiple dolls, and I’m sure the DoA population is smaller than the general worldwide BJD-owning population. I really don’t care if people have similar dolls and characters to mine and I’m not attached enough to mine to run around worrying about people copying me (not that I’m internet-famous enough for people to want to, but still). If you don’t care about these things either that doesn’t make you a bad doll owner.

“Being able to provide what dolls need and having sufficient funds to keep the hobby going.”
They’re dolls. What do they need, exactly? Clothes? Most of mine have one outfit, maybe two. They’re dolls, so they don’t need food and shelter. It costs nothing to keep them out of the sunlight. You don’t need to be constantly buying things to “keep the hobby going” unless you WANT to. That is very much a personal choice, as is how much you would spend and what you would spend it on. If I buy $5 worth of fabric that I intend to use for doll clothes, I count that as “keeping the hobby going.” If I spend $0 to write a story about one of my dolls’ characters, I count that as “keeping the hobby going” too. If I spend $500 to buy a new doll, that also counts as “keeping the hobby going.” In other words, YOU get to define how you “keep the hobby going” for yourself, and once again, if you aren’t pleased with what you’re doing now, you can change it. You have that power.

I don’t take many doll photos either and I haven’t done a photostory in years. I don’t enjoy that aspect of the hobby. So aside from taking pictures when I want or need to show someone something (like taking pictures of swap gifts), I don’t. And I’m much happier for it because I let go of the notion that I had to do This Thing Other People Do But That I Don’t Like Doing in order to really be a part of the hobby. I am a part of this hobby. But I do it MY way and I’m happier for it. I think you need to figure out what You Way of BJD-ing is, without worrying about How Other People BJD, and that when you do you’ll be much happier for it.

 

Also don't forget, that some people actually enjoy finding new dolls the most, and the change is what's entertaining for them. They will get a doll, love it, have it for a time, then let it go because another one caught their attention.

By your definition all of these people are "bad" doll owners...even though they enjoy the thrill of the hunt, the newness of the doll just as much as anyone does customizing, or taking a particularly good photograph. Often I see these owners struggling to change, to keep their dolls they don't like anymore because they also feel that's what others would expect from them.

I don't think so. In my opinion everyone is a good BJD hobbyist who honestly enjoys what they are doing with their dolls - from keeping them in a closet and looking at them occasionally, or customizing, or taking pictures...or buying/selling constantly.

The only "bad" doll owner is who causes suffering to themselves or to their loved ones by their habits.

 

It's all perception, actually. There is no accurate definition of what makes a "good" or "bad" doll owner because that literally differs from person to person. What some people think is bad is possibly not even bad at all and vice versa. Plus, hobbies are for personal enjoyment. You should collect and treat you dolls how you want to to get the maximum enjoyment from this. Otherwise, it's a burden, a job, and ceases to be a hobby at all.

 

I don't see why you can't think of dolls as visitors. You invite them into your home, care for them, then let them go if you want and get ready for a new visitor. There is no right or wrong way to be a doll owner.

 

I really don't think there is a right or wrong way to enjoy your doll, unless you're going to psychotic extremes of bludgeoning children with an EID or something. LOL that might be considered "wrong" and more than a little messed up!

But seriously, what makes me a "good" owner to my dolls might not work for others. For me, I feel "bad" if I don't play with my dolls, take pix, make or buy them clothes and shoes, cuddle them, keep their faceups and blushing done, have a character created for them and role played.......but to someone else, "good" might mean keeping them mint, displayed out of the sun, only touched with gloves, boxes stored in pristine condition. Am I abusive? Are they negligent? Really as long as you enjoy YOUR dolls, it's not bad to play or not, to have characters or not, to buy new stuff or keep just defaults, to own one or 100, to keep them forever or change your entire collection monthly, etc. And I think if you waste time worrying about if your style meets the standards of others, I think you'll miss out on finding your own way to enjoy your dolls.

 

By the standards of some doll-owners on here, I'm a horrible doll-owner and probably don't deserve my dolls.

- I got them all sitting around my room, in plain sunlight - my Akando's even horribly yellowed due to that and has grown quite "patchy" in colour -and NEVER cover them with anything to prevent yellowing
- I let my little niece (she'll be two in October) touch some of my dolls.
- I take them out - again, into direct sunlight - and let other people handle them
- I don't always wash my hands before touching them, I'll touch their faces, I'm NOT wearing gloves or anything when handling them
- I got some of them wearing clothes or wigs that are staining (well, at least, I'm running the risk of stains)
- I'm not regularly taking them apart to re-string or clean them
- I'm not doing very much with them except for having them sitting around, changing their clothes now and then and take them out for the occasional meet
- I'm not doing any photostories, I'm not writing any stories about them - in fact, they're barely more than "3D pictures" of characters from some stories I'm currently not working on
- I wouldn't part with any of them but I wouldn't say I've "bonded" with them (as far as I'm concerned, you can only "bond" with a living creature, like a pet or another person, e.g.) - I just like to have them around and look at them

If anyone told me I'm a bad owner and I don't deserve my dolls, I'd just tell them to shut up. They're my dolls, I bought them with my money, I'm not dropping them onto concrete from a fifth floor window or driving a car over them or anything like that. There's many things that other doll-owners might think absolutely necessary for being a "good" doll-owner that, in all honesty, make me shake my head (especially the bonding-thing. Never got that but to each their own ...). That doesn't make any of us a "good" or "bad" doll-owner - it just makes us different types of doll-owners. I'd even go so far to say that there's actually no "good" or "bad" doll-owners at all - there's just different totally subjective points of view on the matter.

 

This sounds completely horrible, but if you feel you don't 'deserve' to be in this hobby because you are not a good enough owner (and not because anyone else is telling you you are, but you yourself thinks that) then clearly you've already made your mind up and should leave. Why are you causing yourself so much emotional pain by doing something you feel no joy about?

If you do feel joy about being in the hobby, then you need to stop the negative thinking, because again, you're beating yourself up for pretty much no reason. It does you no good. You're you, and therefore what you do or how you play with your dolls is how you do it.

And what is that exactly? Food, water, clothes, a home, love? Ok, maybe the last two, but they're not living creatures. Social services are not coming to knock on your door and take your dolls away because you're abusing them.

 

I think only you can decide if any reason you have for being in the hobby is good enough. I like BJDs and think they're pretty. To me, that's a good enough reason to be in the hobby. To many people outside the hobby, there is no such thing as a good reason to be in this hobby. A "good reason" is so subjective for something like this.

 

A good owner is one who enjoys their dolls in the way they prefer regardless of the opinions of others.

 

To me a good doll owner is someone who enjoys their dolls and knows how to properly care for them. That's it for me. As long as you're having fun and not damaging the doll (I mean this as ruining it with sharpie faceups, etc) or your own health, you're a good owner.

 

Very much this.

Honestly, to hear the term "good doll owner," for me, it does not bring to mind anything about how the person dresses their dolls, whether they play with their dolls or leave them on a cabinet for display, how long they individual dolls, whether or not they make up characters or even names, or anything of that sort. I would think of a doll owner who enjoys their hobby and is good and decent in their treatment of other collectors and non-collectors they may come across in the course of their hobby. Like Harlequin-Elle said above, basically a good person in the same way anyone would be a good person - just one that has dolls.