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When a Friend Ruins Your Doll Meet Experience

Jul 31, 2012

    1. I want to share a story about my first doll meet with a friend.

      I went with my best friend (as well as a second friend) to a doll meet together; a first for all of us. We all love bjds and she WANTED to go to this meet. For the record, I had a doll and they didn't, but I don't believe you need a doll in order to enjoy or go to a meet.

      When we got there, it was a nightmare for me. The entire time there my best friend secretly complained about people's dolls being ugly, or made fun of the people's appearances, and was rude enough to touch people's prized dolls w/o permission and undress them or take off their wigs. Knowing that she has a very jealous nature, I handed Kouyou (my D.O.D. Kirill) to her for almost the entire length of the meet. I wanted her to feel involved; I knew a lot of this behavior was because she didn't have one of her own and wanted one. And this meet was supposed to be for all of us; not just me. However s      he continued to have an attitude the entire time there, and was pressuring me to leave as soon as possible so she could instead go to the mall. I knew it deep down before, but I realized then how different we were. After we left, she put me down for HOURS about the meet and has since frequently brought it up to continue making fun of it and the people there.

      This has upset me for months, and I'm too embarrassed to return to that doll meet's location again because of her.       I would never go to someone's meet and talk as much crap as she did, directly to the person who looked forward to the meet the most. She turned what could have been a rewarding experience into some bratty, jealous, child temper tantrum. She, who seemed to love and want these dolls just as much as I do, but couldn't handle seeing other people happy with theirs. That 2nd friend we had brought had no problem engaging or learning about the dolls or the hobby along with me. She was just as glad to be there; doll or no doll of her own. I was grateful for that at least.

      Has anyone had any similar experiences? Or is afraid that this might happen with them between a friend? How do you/did you deal with this?

      I'd like to also state that this person and I are no longer friends or in contact with each other, NOT because of this doll meet incident, but for much more serious offenses. It was time for me to let her go and move on. I made this post to see if I'm not alone in this kind of thing happening regarding dolls in general though.
       
      #1 ObsiKei, Jul 31, 2012
      • x 1
    2. Ug that's really terrible :( I'm sure most people wouldn't hold your friend's actions against you, so you shouldn't be afraid to keep socializing.

      I'm not a social person at all, so I haven't experienced anything like that myself... can't help you in that area, just wanted to encourage you not to feel too bad about it! You can't control what other people do and the average person understands that.
       
      #2 Dirili, Jul 31, 2012
    3. What an unfortunate situation for you. I've not had that happen to me Dirili is right one cannot control what others do. I would try to get past the embarrasment and go to the next meet. if it's been awhile since this happened most have long forgotten. don't let this other person steel the joy you will find when you share your passion with like minded people. Good Luck!
       
      #3 flowerladywithdolls, Jul 31, 2012
    4. That's awful!

      I've never had a bad doll meet experience myself, and I'd like to think any non-doll friends that I have that came along would behave themselves. But yeah- that's horrid.

      Has the friend that was nice got herself a BJD now? Are you and she still friends?
       
      #4 Mawgy, Jul 31, 2012
    5. Wow.... that's just.... wow.

      To be honest, I used to have a friend that may have done this had I ever taken her to a meet (though I have not been to one myself). She was more than happy to put down my own doll, so I am sure she would have been more than willing to put a bunch of stranger's dolls down.... though I do not think she lacks enough tact to just...impose on another person's doll and start taking stuff off them...
       
      #5 Ethra_VII, Jul 31, 2012
    6. She sounds like she was trying to Queen Bee you. Or she has something medical that influences her social interactions. If you allow her to influence your enjoyment of this hobby - including meeting new people, then you are allowing her to continue to victimize you. Maybe reach out and apologize to the local group?
       
      #6 MelancholyWings, Jul 31, 2012
    7. Oh wow that just sounds terrible D: I had an impromptu meet up with some friends and brought an excited friend along with me.

      She was terribly loud in the crowded foodcourt and had a tendency to talk over some of the other members. But the other people who were there didn't mind that much, they just kind of understood that she was just loud and excited, lol.

      But I guess it's still kind of a terrible thing o3o I talked to her afterwards about the way she acted and she took into account and apologized for it so I guess it wasn't that bad >3<;;
       
      #7 Ursa-hime, Jul 31, 2012
    8. I'm sorry this happened! D:

      I had almost the exact experience when I first joined the hobby. I had some friends who were... well... less then supportive of me in many ways. Anyway, once I had a doll meet at my mom's house. It was our very first doll meet, we were so excited! My friends found out and essentially "crashed" the party. But they didn't go because they thought it would be interesting, or they were trying to understand this hobby I loved so much. Rather, they sat in a corner and made fun of every single person there. I was MORTIFIED. It was a horrible, horrible experience. Those friends have since gone from my life and even though my current friends aren't BJD people, they at least support me and would never dare do anything like that.

      I hope you can work things out. Whether it's being honest with your friend and explaining how that experience was for you, or separating your friend life from your doll life... or in a worse case, cutting ties all together.

      Good luck. I hope you can go to a doll meet again and have a wonderful, drama free time. :)
       
      #8 DenaliWind, Jul 31, 2012
      • x 2
    9. I'm sorry for that poor experience. I do hope you can go back to that meet sometime, and find that it's so much better when there aren't people who do nothing but drag down the atmosphere.

      I've had a variety of friends dampen the experience for me, ranging from sitting around and refusing to engage with other members to clinging to me throughout the meet to trying to pit me against other members that they weren't fond of and make fun of others. For me, a meet is all about involving myself with other attendees, making new friends and seeing a whole new set of dolls I've never seen before.

      If I wanted to waste my time doing nothing but aggravating myself, I would stay at home and look for arguments on the internet.
       
      #9 JayEll, Jul 31, 2012
    10. I'm sorry to hear about your experience!

      I've tagged a long for a doll meet, but Ive never brought guests of my own.
      What you went through with your friend is just part of growing up. Some people lack maturity in social situations. And you find that you aren't as good of friends as you thought. I'm glad to here that you two went your separate ways after a while.

      As for another meetup, don't feel ashamed AT ALL!
      Go back to another one, and enjoy yourself!
      Offer to bring some sort of treat for everyone and I'm sure they won't be bothered by the past.
      Any meetup Ive gone too, all the ladies were very respectful. They kept any negative comments to themselves and everyone pitched in what they could to make it happen.
       
      #10 Ebony Rain, Jul 31, 2012
    11. Thank you so much for your responses everyone. :) They've really been cheering me up.

      Thank you so much for the encouragement. I really am seriously considering going back to that meet and enjoying myself, or any other meet. I'm glad you haven't had that kind of experience! xD

      Thank you. :) To be honest, I'm not sure that anyone at that meet was aware of her behavior or not...I really hope they weren't because I don't want them to think that her opinions or actions were at all representative of myself as well. I will definitely consider going back soon.

      Yeah tell me about it. :/ And that 2nd friend does not have a BJD at this point, neither does the ex best friend. I do hope the 2nd friend gets one eventually though, since she is genuinely a nice person. However, I am no longer in much contact with her either since she was someone I met through the best friend. :/ I'm really grateful to her though.

      I'm so sorry to hear that a friend of yours would do that. That is never ok to do, and it really irks me when I hear that someone does it. And yeah I was seriously...cringing when I saw her de-clothing this one woman's doll. I couldn't believe what I was seeing! Luckily the woman was nice enough to not say anything but.. :/
       
      #11 ObsiKei, Jul 31, 2012
    12. Yeah that was a big problem I had within our friendship. I constantly felt that queen bee effect from her. I was very happy to be able to share dolls with her, and I wish we could still do that. But...no matter how close a friend...or anyone for that matter...I don't want to tolerate that kind of behavior at a meet! :/

      I'm glad you and your friend could talk it out like that. I wanted to do the same...but this friend of mine would continue to bring up the meet on her own berating everything about it, so it was very hard for me. I did defend what I felt I should but..outright saying what bothered me so much..I knew that was something she would never handle appropriately.

      Wow that's...really terrible. I would have no idea what I'd do in that situation besides flip out. :/ I'm really glad you have friends now who would support you. As for me, ties have been cut on my end after too many unacceptable situations after another. I hope to make irl doll friends in the future though. :)
       
      #12 ObsiKei, Jul 31, 2012
    13. Oh wow I swear everything you just mentioned was what I experienced in some form or manner. Thanks for the encouragement; I really am thinking about going back thanks to these responses. :)

      That's exactly what I thought during the experience; a difference of maturity and that our friendship wasn't quite where I thought it was or should be. And thank you for the encouragement. :) I really appreciate it.


      ---


      Thanks again for the responses everyone. ;w;
       
      #13 ObsiKei, Jul 31, 2012
    14. I never had that kind of experience at a doll meet up but I did have a friend with a similar personality; you're most definitely better off without her.
      I don't imagine people would hold her behavior against you. Now, if you brought her BACK to a doll meet, I can see where there might be some problems but I think most people here are pretty understanding and forgiving, especially since it wasn't you committing the offense.
       
      #14 CCKitty, Jul 31, 2012
    15. Granted this is not a doll experince, but I have a friend that seems to have to put other people down to feel better: we'll be looking at photos of old school mates and she'll go "oh, so-and-so has put on so much weight." or "she looks so bad in that photo" and will go on and on until I agree with her because otherwise she complains at me for not agreeing and thinking they're are all so much prettier than her >.>
      For this reason, I am not in the slightest comfortable talking to her about this hobby >.<
       
      #15 Budgie, Jul 31, 2012
    16. what a horrible person she is! i hope you get mad at her hahaha :)
       
      #16 lightpers, Jul 31, 2012
    17. I had friends like her in my life before. People with that attitude are no real friends and nobody needs them in their life. I would just take someone to a meet with me that I really really really trust...
       
      #17 Lil Spark, Jul 31, 2012
    18. That is not a friend. >_> Friends don't do that to friends, or other people. (but that is soley my opinion.)I had one person in my lifetime try to Queen Bee me. She was promptly, de throned. I made sure she felt exactly how she made other people feel, as well. (I didn't go over board, just gave her a taste of the damage she caused)But I am merciless when it comes to that sort of thing.I've been told time and time again, "You're only as good as the company you keep."I try to surround myself with people of a kindly nature, people I get along with well. (despite my prickly exterior) It's with these people I am willing to go places with, or to invite them to come with me. I prefer if they come with me, because a lot of times...I don't know anyone else BUT them. lolI wouldn't let these things hinder a meet or doll experience. I wouldn't take that person along though, especially if they behave like that.
       
      #18 XpHoBiaX, Jul 31, 2012
    19. DoA discourages this sort of posting on the forum. We prefer that threads remain focused on the actual ABJD themselves rather than collectors.
       
      #19 Zagzagael, Jul 31, 2012