When to call it quits: bonding dilemma

I am a mix of a instant-love and growing-love kind of person. With some things, (Gwenllian) it was love at first sight, or at the very least, strong attraction at first sight. With other things, (my Sam-Winchester-Demon-Hunter parka being one of them) I was initially attracted but once they arrived I felt more pained about how much I'd spent on them than how cool they actually were and I was tempted to sell for a while, before I knew I'd miss them completely if I did sell them.

Give yourself plenty of time to settle into life with your new girl. You could try re-painting her face-up to see how different you feel, or just leave her as is for the next year and see what happens then. If you feel the same in a year you know your feelings aren't likely to change and she won't go down in value if she's a limited so it would be an easy sale...if your feelings *have* changed in a year, you'll be glad you waited.

 

Hi Ryochan,

I think if there's a chance that you will end up wanting this doll at some point, you should give yourself some time with him or her. Perhaps remove this doll from the others in your collection for a while and try to see the attributes that originals filled you with desire for getting this doll. Also consider any external factors that may be influencing your feelings about this doll.

For instance, I know that I had some feelings of "unworthliness" surrounding my Volks FCS MSD, because I he was a total impluse buy. And then he arrived at a rather stressful time in my life, both financially and emotionally. So I put him back in his box and left him alone until just recently, thinking I might try selling him. When I opened his box, I'd forgotten how much I liked his looks, and the level of detail that I had chosen for him as my "angel boy on earth". Now that I've had some time to play with my Yamanaka, he has grown on me. I'm thinking more about how I'd like to dress him, and how he fits into the rest of my doll collection, or is he more of a stand alone doll?

Time and distance did wonders for me, perhaps it will for you too. But if you do decide to sell your doll, you have every right to do so, and I wouldn't worry about what others might think of your actions. You're probably projecting what you think you'd be thinking about someone who sold this particular doll, and why should you care? You don't need approval from anyone as long as you conduct your transaction in a fair and proper manner. Do what you need to do to be happy with your collection and in this hobby. Not every doll is for everyone, hence the huge diversity in ABJDs. Good luck no matter what you decide to do.

Best, Juli DC

 

I had Taffy as a blue eyed blond mild "David Bowie" type for well over a year. Selling him would never have been an option, prize head ect, and for awhile swapping was. The swap might have been a slightly different color but I was at my wits end. What finally happened was he got a make-over. All I did was change his eyes and wig then sort of respirited him as "Robin Gibb" of the Bee Gees. His name is still Taffy and he still retains much of his origonal personality but he is happier and taking on new aspects.

Try changing her eyes or giving her a new outfit or wig. It just might take awhile for her to find herself.

 

Hm... i don't have many dolls, but the 2 I have i loved the moment i saw in person. I have a doll arriving next month or so and if i don't feel the same as i had felt for my other ones i'll sell him off.
Forcing a bonding seems weird to me, it's like listening to a song you dislike so many times you get used to it.

If you have ANY doubts, tho, then don't sell it, especially if the doll is a limited/rare/sold out one, cos you might regret. But don't force yourself either, there is no need to... and don't worry about what other people will think O_o ... it's your money, your doll.

 

indeed my poor petdoll is in my boy lap, without a name, or clothing, i have yet to bond with the poor fox. *wanted a boy, got a girl instead* but my boy seem taken to her, so i'll give it some time...before i decide what to do.

 

If you're not in dire need of money, why not just give it a few more months? I mean, you already waited six months to get the doll, so surely waiting a month or two longer to get to know her won't hurt. She may even increase in value as time passes, since she seems to be a limited from your description. As for guilt about other bjd fans' opinions - meh, why care about what they may or may not think? (Seriously, I never understand how so many doll "issues" that are merely matters of taste or sensibility get blown out into ethical dilemmas.)

 

I agree about giving it time. I've had dolls that just took a bit longer to develop a personality, or sometimes it was just the right wig that made us "click". However, I did debate over one particular doll that I had for months. I'd tried different faceups, different characters, multiple wigs, eyes, everything I could think of and we just didn't bond. So sometimes it's just not meant to be, but I'd say it's too soon to "call it". I'd say with any doll, give it at least a few months before deciding. Eventually you'll realize that the doll is growing on you, or that you're just "growing apart", for lack of a better term.

 

Ditto what Dezarii said.

It doesn't matter what other people think, if you really don't want the doll after an hour of purchase, sell it.

 

It's rough because I have sold dolls only to have extreme regret, and others to forget them like right after I paid the post office bill.
Most important though, don't do anything based off what others will think. As long as you are acting ethically and reasonably, "others" need to MTOB.

 

I agree with Saaya on the whole song thing. It's true, in a way.
But, don't give up. I say give it some time. Some songs I hated at one point, are my favorite now...! So, I'm sure if you give it time, you'll know if you love your girl, or not at all.

 

It's always hard to know. I've been going back and forth about selling my Felian for the past year and a half and finally decided to do it. Although I will always have a little spot in my heart for her, she just doesn't get any attention anymore.

It's really just something you have to know personally. When you say to yourself "I should take pictures of *doll*.......eh....maybe next week." That's probably when it's time to let her/him go to someone who will LOVE taking pictures of them every day.

 

My thoughts exactly. I have no idea of how a hobby that's merely supposed to be fun gets turned into a moral dilema so often. It's nobody's business what you do with your doll & why care what they may think?

Like so many others have said though, give it some time. If in a couple of months she still doesn't make your heart go pitty-pat then it's time to sell. These dolls are simply too expensive to have so much money tied up in one that's not bringing you joy. There are others out there that will probably make your heart sing & it'll be nice to have the cash available when one shows up.

 

Hmm. From the way it sounds, your doll will probably be highly sellable even if your waffle for a few months, and there probably weren't very many pictures available when you ordered her, so you were only going on some stock photos and such (another irritation of LEs, since stock photos can look really different from the actual doll-in-hand depending on what the company does with them, the faceup the stock photo model has, etc etc). I don't think it's wrong to sell a doll if you're not bonding, but at the same time it probably wouldn't hurt to wait a while.

A lot of people have recommended doing a new faceup or trying new eyes and wigs, maybe you could look at the photos that helped you decide to get her and see what it is that's in those photos that appealed to you, and maybe try to recreate that with your faceup/wig/etc.

Or pop her in a box for a couple of months and pretend she's already sold- if you miss her at all or feel happy to see her again after that, keep her. If not, and if you still don't feel anything when you open her up again, then don't.

As much as anyone hates to be labeled a scalper or flipper, I think a lot of people do understand what it's like when you buy a limited knowing it's your only chance, and then don't bond when the actual doll shows up.

 

Other peoples' stance on bonding vs not bonding should never influence your sales. I'll never understand why people feel they have to have a good reason to sell their own dolls It seems silly to me.

I agree with skwerlie - no harm in hanging onto her a little longer ^^ Make sure you really want to sell her before you do. But make sure it's 100% your decision.

 

It took me about 8 months. I tried really hard for about 6 months to make him into a doll I loved. However, the last 2 months of his life with me were spent in a box and that's when I realized it wasn't happening. The next day I posted a for sale thread. I say, give it some time just to make sure. Good Luck!

 

From your description I'm guessing you bought an Unoa. I think that you should put her away in her box for awhile. If you find yourself still thinking about her or missing her, hang on to her! However, if you don't, it might be best to sell her. There are a lot of people who would love an Unoa (assuming that is the doll you got) and she may be able to end up in a home where someone *can* bond with her.
As far as what other people think, don't worry about it. There's always someone who's going to think badly because of *something*, whether it be because you got your doll, because you aren't selling her, because you are selling her, etc. Ignore other people and do what's right for you=)

 

You bought her because you hoped you'd end up loving her even more once you got her, right, and then it... didn't happen?

It happens and I think with dolls that have a tendency to appear only once in a few blue moons, it happens more often than you might think or more often than people might want to admit.

Since you had a hope of falling for her (more) when you first bought her, I think it's more than reasonable (hell, in the end, you bought her so she's yours to do as you please, really) if you want to hold onto her a little (or a lot) longer and see if time will bridge that gap.

And if it doesn't...

It's all right to sell her, you know? But on your own terms and in your own time and without the pressures or guilt that come from knowing/feeling that other people are 'waiting for that doll'.

I honestly don't care what mold she is; I just know what a dilemma it can be to feel like things aren't going as you hoped they would regarding bonding with a doll and so personally speaking, I hope you do manage to bond with her?

Best of luck either way you go and... just make sure you've given yourself enough time to make sure?

 

I agree with not worrying about what everyone else thinks or wants you to think ... this should definitely be your decision at the end of the day! ^_^ Perhaps SasamiChan's idea of putting her in her box for a while and then seeing if you miss her could help! Maybe some further bonding activities? Or even the opposite of putting her back into her box for a while ... just spend a few days with her alone, take photos, perhaps change her character elements about a bit?

I don't wish to assume, but perhaps because it was such a long wait for her and she was a special doll, maybe you felt too forced to bond with her so instantly? Too much pressure on yourself? At any rate, I'm sure things will work out for the best ... good luck!