A female owner of male dolls unable to connect with female dolls

This! ^^^^

I am a female doll owner. I have 5 female dolls and 1 male doll. I don't have a super elaborate world built with a novel-like backstory for any of my dolls, because that's just not how I play dolls. But I do imagine a personality for each of my dolls that develops and deepens the longer I own them as I play with them, photograph them, and make clothes for them. And of all of my 6 dolls, guess who has the most independent, inquiring, brave, tough, takes-no-crap personality? My super cute 30cm tiny GIRL with an adorable feminine face in dresses and pigtails.

My 4 SD-sized girls all have very well-rounded personalities, but none of them would fit that narrow "Strong Female Character" stereotype. They don't need to, either. That idea that a woman is ONLY a "strong character" if she's cold, hard, SUPER INDEPENDENT and kicking everyone's asses is not only distasteful but boring. It tends all too often to produce cardboard-flat characters that fail to represent PEOPLE, let alone strength. There are many different kinds of strength, and femininity does not preclude being strong. Just as a love of fashion does not preclude depth and intelligence. I adore making clothing for my girls and dressing them up and collecting shoes for them, and all of them are traditionally beautiful/feminine looking dolls. That doesn't stop me from imagining them as intelligent women who have a wide variety of occupations, interests and intellectual pursuits. Pretty and smart aren't mutually exclusive!

As for my lone manly male 65cm doll? He's actually the one I struggle to see a personality in the most. With all of my girls, I see very clear, dimensional personalities. To be completely honest, I bought my guy because I thought he was hella handsome. That's it. I really like him and I'm not sorry I own him, but it's taking me FOREVER to feel like I know who the heck he is. I've hardly even sewn anything for him yet because I'm not sure what kind of clothes he'd wear.

I guess I am the opposite of a lot of the answers in this thread; I have a much easier time imagining complex and lifelike people in girl dolls and don't see prettiness/cuteness/femininity/fashion as a barrier to that.

Like others have said: if you're just not into girl dolls/prefer guy dolls, it's all good. There's certainly nothing inherently wrong with that. It's just a bummer to think that someone might like a girl doll but then not want to own her specifically because they think a pretty/feminine doll can't embody an interesting/complex/strong character.

 

My female characters have as much backstory as the guys so that argument of koukles doesn't work in my dollie world. Plus I'm very into hot guys LOL Bottom line - I strive for a realistic mix-up of people for my dollie characters - all kinds of people. My experiences w/the alternative/geek/nerd society in my own town inspired my fictional town & group of dolls - it is about a group of cosplayers after all, who turn their hobby into a theatre troupe.

 

As a lesbian I definitely prefer female dolls, but that doesn't mean there aren't male dolls that I like and find aesthetically interesting (like my doll chateau douglas or batchix gamma). I'm just completely uninterested in sexy dude dolls that many straight women (understandably) like, not that there's anything wrong with their tastes. I like hot girls, others like hot dudes. Nothing wrong there. :b
However, as much I dislike bringing politics into this hobby, some comments here are concerning. Like how people will go through all sorts of lengths to make the perfect guy but are hypercritical of female dolls, even over easily fixed details. Or people even saying that they prefer male characters and male friends over "annoying" girls. That's really concerning, and sounds like just the kinda thing I would have said when I was in middle school and entrenched in internalized misogyny. Again, I don't like mixing social issues and bjds, but those kinda ideas are often very harmful and worth examining.

 

I already replied to this thread, but wanted to comment again after reading some responses.

I do agree with what [MENTION=68671]Avian[/MENTION] has said about what's concerning, and may be important in terms of describing the issue of female BJD owners unable to connect with female dolls. It's okay to not buy male/female dolls. It's okay to say that you are attracted to female/male dolls. The issue we have to examine on ourselves is, of course, when we justify not buying the other gender with negativity. Gender shouldn't be the force that prevents us from connecting with something.

I had commented earlier that, where some other females here found girls too annoying to be friends with, I conversely found guys too annoying! But I acknowledge that my distaste for males is a form of misandry, shaped by a few key instances that shouldn't define a whole gender. I think it's important to note that having these misandrist/misogynist thoughts don't make us evil or hateful; anything from anecdotal experience, culture, media, etc. could have contributed to us passively feeling this way. I've been working for a long time trying to undo that, and it has definitely been worth it as I have made a few wonderful male friends due to it! I still haven't found a male doll I've wanted to buy, and that's something that's okay and shouldn't be forced. But I definitely keep my mind open, and have occasionally found a male doll that I have at least comfortably enjoyed looking at. Progress !

I do think that female BJD owners who avoid female sculpts due to negativity shouldn't accept that as their permanent status quo. I'm appreciative of others here who have recognized how women in fiction and so forth have been neglected, and are actively trying to change their minds about women in fictional worlds. I think everyone owes it to themselves to at least examine if a distaste for a certain gender is okay to hold, even if it's "just dolls"

 

Right now I have more girls than boys and the reason is not based on preference. It's because I like to make outfits for my dolls and just don't want to tackle men's fashions. But I'm on the preorder list of AGatti's Misha so I'd better get over it.

I've learned so much about myself since I started to build my collection last August. Like I now know that I like to have dolls in pairs. Twins, couples, friends. Either sex doesn't matter to me as much as correct proportions. And I prefer realistic looking dolls.

 

I prefer buying boy dolls, to be perfectly honest. The ratio in my doll family is very... distinctly geared towards male dolls but that doesn't mean I harbor any kind of internalized misogyny, it's simply the fact that I feel more at ease writing male characters; not because I'm more familiar with a male protagonist stereotype but rather because I found it easier to distance myself from and not identify as said character when I started writing a bit more seriously back when I was thirteen. Lame as that may sound it's one thing that's entirely true.

Also, when I first stumbled across BJDs I really wanted a boy doll. I was brought up with conventional girl dolls and have always wanted a boy because it all felt terribly unrealistic to me that there should only be girls. It might be because, growing up, I preferred the company of boys rather than girls because girls had no interest in the things I was interested in. Girls my age at my school preferred cute toys rather than reading books and none of them was interested in video games save for the odd round of centipede or tetris... that left me with a lot less to talk about with them. Despite that several of my friends were girls regardless, though! But long story short... I still wanted a couple of boy dolls to hang out with my girl ones. Entering the BJD hobby I was allowed that whole heartedly, all I had to do if I wanted a boy was... find one I liked. There were as many boy dolls as there were girls, and so I just went for it!

However, that's not to say that the girl dolls I have aren't loved. Hyorin is a staple of my collection, for example, a doll that my family would not be complete without. Yes, she is a typical "girly girl" who draws her own ridiculous shoujo romantic comedy manga, overindulges herself in romantic stories and dreams of her prince charming day in and day out but she's also headstrong, opinionated and independent while doing her best at school as well. One characteristic does not rule out the other even if they're contradictory. You'll notice that often, in real life, people are also quite often walking contradictions so saying that 'girl dolls are too cute/feminine to display typically "masculine" attributes' is quite biased and indicative of a false approach to what gender expression really is.

 

Ooooh I've been wondering how other people felt about things like this.
Though I don't yet have any dolls, I've found that all the sculpts I like are male. I'm not really surprised by this though, since almost all my characters are male and I mostly draw males. I think my aesthetic taste just happens to lean more towards the male body type, but, that being said, I don't have anything against women or female characters. I've always been quite the tomboy, dresses and frilly clothes have never really interested me and the super cute, childish looking dolls aren't really my thing. In fact, I only really got into the hobby because of the somewhat realistic male sculpts. But, I want to reiterate that I have nothing against women and love good strong female characters. It's just when it comes to artistic expression, I just have to go with the male aesthetic...

 

I prefer male dolls because for me is easier to find their clothes but I like girls too. For girls it's difficult to me find wigs :c

 

I love adventurers and I love female adventurers and so that's why most of my dolls are female. I do dress them in pretty clothes, but I also love looks that come across as ready to take on a dragon or trek through a desert. Mischievous, funny and bold. Shy, sweet and secretly devious. I suppose there is a bit of I wannabe in that. As in, I'd love to go on a dangerous/exciting quest. But... not only is there no good reason to, I also have responsibilities at home. It would be terrible to put my family and friends through that kind of worry. Plus, I'd want to do it as a centaur.

I do own a smattering of male dolls who play the same sort of role and I love them. But mostly, my dolls are female.

 

This is a very interesting and introspective topic. Forgive any redundancy or rambling, I tried to edit and reread this a few times to make sure it was somewhat coherent, but it started as just a thought/theory/I've come to terms with this kind of written dump.

I am female and I currently have 22 dolls with 2 incoming, and of those 24 only 1 is female. I have tried owning female dolls a couple of different times. My first was a Soom Beyla, but I sold her thinking she was too small and childlike. Next was a Soom Nelen, which I went halfsies on with my roommate; the doll is now fully my roommates' (along with another female fairie) and I now have two male faeries. Third female was a male Raurencio Ryon head sculpt which I was planning to put on the Nobilitydoll Female Muscular body(but we all know how that body turned out), sold the body, kept the head which is currently waiting for an IoS 80cm male body. Fourth and final female is the one that I was originally planning for an original character of mine when I first got into the hobby, which is a Soom Beryl. I had pretty much given up hope for her since she was a limited, but thank goodness for the free-choice event and the second hand market! Four years later I finally have my frowny-faced female who wont be going anywhere (as I sand her chest down, mod on muscle, make her shorter, dress her in leather armor)! And I have little to no desire to own a female doll for the sake of owning a female doll, and none have really caught my eye. There is another female doll I am planning on getting, Alice from Pandora Hearts, but that's only because it was sad to have poor Gilbert all alone on the shelf, so I am getting Alice and Oz to complete the trio.

On the topic of wanting strong, female characters, and thinking that they must look strong in order to be so... The above female dolls that I have or want are I guess, examples of that. I created Nek to be what I was not growing up(strong face/jawline, not someone who looks like it'd be smart to mess with, completely the opposite of me). And I actually adore Alice because she is kind of what I was growing up(tomboy who wasn't afraid of what she wanted but looks like a little doll). I don't like the girly looking female BJDs with the soft faces because that is what I was, or am, I guess. I have always acted like a tomboy and wanted to play with all the toys that were deemed socially acceptable to be played with by boys. I couldn't wear jewelry like bracelets or rings or necklaces because I would break them or lose them climbing trees or rocks or having fun outdoors and I wanted to learn archery(recurve and longbow, both of which I now have) and fencing(Italian foil and épée, then saber). And my favourite colour was(and is) green. Anytime I had a Birthday or Christmas came around, what would my family buy me? Barbies and pink clothing and jewelry. I couldn't escape it. No matter how much I told them I wouldn't wear it, didn't like it, please don't buy me this, they would always respond, "But you look so cute in pink!" "You have such a baby face, you look like a flower!" "You'd be so pretty if you just dressed like a girl..." "These are what girls your age play with!" And this has been going on since I was, like, five. (Still going on with some members of my family, though I am now 25)

Needless to say for the longest time I wanted nothing to do with anything "girly" and in response to everyone insisting I had to look and act "like a lady" and couldn't do anything I wanted to do on the premise it wasn't something a girl should do, I tormented and destroyed my barbies in vicious ways and tucked all of my jewelry and pink clothing in the very back of the bottom of my least used dresser (The barbies were usually a gift from my mom, for various reasons I was okay destroying them... But the other things were usually gifts from family members who only heard what I wanted from my mother and grandmother, so I secretly treasured them for trying even if I would never wear them, so I would never destroy them.) I got sick of everyone saying I couldn't do things because they weren't 'lady-like' or telling me I wasn't strong enough to do something because I was a girl. Not just because I was a girl, no, because I looked like a girly little flower kind of girl. I got into an argument with a male coworker at one point because they always insisted I should have a male lift something even though I had demonstrated repeatedly that I was fully capable of lifting 70 pounds or more unassisted(even if I didn't look like I could*).
*It also didn't help I worked with a lot of teenage girls who were of the same mindset; it makes it so much harder to be taken seriously as someone who can do the same things as a male when the five or six girls around you want to be the fragile little flowers who make a man do everything for her, even when they do look capable of lifting or moving things themselves(being taller, more visible muscle, more adult-like facial structure and jaw-lines) . Some of them were genuinely not strong or very bright, but some of them acted weak or dumb on purpose just to get a man's attention(this would vex me so much at the time). The other male co-worker I did have at that same job was who I got along with best; we would actually have in-depth conversations on the expectations of society and how they had changed or veered in course in the past versus how they were changing now and for the future(but he was also incredibly arrogant and thought he was God's gift to women, so I could only handle him in small doses).
Honestly, most people never take me seriously at first glance and treat me like I'm dumb because I'm young and petite and even if I'm wearing guy's clothes and have pretty much zip in the chest area my face makes it obvious I'm a girl. A young, baby-faced flowery girl. They have literally commented on this when I prove them wrong(many, many times). This is also pretty much what 90% of most female sculpts look like.

Which, don't get me wrong, I'm actually fine with how I look and being female, I know it's more of a societal problem than anything. I would just like to be me and look like me without anyone discounting me for it. But I do realize this is probably a pipe dream and I should stick to figuring out how to compromise with reality.
And I am actually trying to get away from the boundaries I set for myself when I was avoiding anything girly on the principle it was what I was told I should be rather than what I wanted to be. I still wont wear make-up(the person in the mirror doesn't look like me, even if they look older and prettier), and I still can't wear much for jewelry because I still end up breaking it... But I have found I love corsets and I love old, Victorian-style dresses and suits and high heels. And I like wearing them, where-as growing up I avoided dresses like the plague(though in my defense, most of them were pink, I still don't like the color pink). I'm actually better at sewing for female dolls than male dolls because I like to sew ruffles XD

But as of yet, my BJD collection is still 23 males and 1 female. I just don't want something that looks like a representation of how society usually sees me, which isn't me. If that makes any sense...

On a side/similiar note - as far as personalities and backstories are concerned, a lot of my poor boys are actually very gentle and sweet despite looking otherwise(unless they are dolls based on characters from books I am writing, but I wont get into those at the moment). My most masculine and muscle-bound boy is actually my most timid. My boy that is most often mistaken for a girl because of his feminine features? He likes to flirt and is totally certain he is a killer ladies' manly man who makes all the girl's swoon. Most of them act the opposite of how they look. Ironic? I guess it makes sense.
But I love all of my dolls as they are now, and I love how they can be so different from me and yet so alike to me at the same time. Maybe someday I will see a soft-looking girl doll that snags at my heart-strings and can be similiar to myself and I will love her for it... Unfortunately, that day has not yet happened.

Sorry for the ramble, it is merely my thoughts on this matter and why I have the dolls I have. Maybe whoever reads it will find it interesting or helpful? :')

 

I'm responding for the opposite reason. I have all female dolls now. The one male doll I had my husband took to display in his office since I had a special costume made for him. Now, I want to purchase another male doll but am at a loss for what to purchase. I don't think I want another Iplehouse but I do want a big doll again. What male dolls do you have?

 

I currently own 31 dolls (all male) and the style and sizes (as well as companies) varies widely from 11cm to 70cm and child-like to mature. I'd say that deciding on what boy you'd like to bring home depends on what you'd like with regards to size (short SD? average SD? 70cm? 90cm?), style (anime inspired? realistic? fantasy?), age/maturity (teen? mature?) and even what resin colour you'd like (typical colours? tan? grey? fantasy?), not to mention if he's to be part of an existing world or if he's just going to be purchased because you love the look of a certain sculpt. Then there's the posing and body aesthetics aspect. Some dolls are better at posing than others and some will sacrifice posing for stunning sculpting. You'll need to decide what's most important to you. And of course, money plays a factor, as well.

 

I have collected dolls a long, long, long time. And I have a house full of them. I have zillions of female dolls. I have found with the bjds though that I am liking many of the males very, very much. Some have amazing outfits and sculpts. I got bored with princesses, brides, ballerinas, and so on ages ago. I like that I now try to really know who my bjds are and how they are related to each other. I now have more males than I ever imagined I would, and now want males and females about equally on my doll wish list.

 

It is an interesting and wide topic, actually. I do believe it runs deeper than just ability to connect to female dolls. It is more about your sexuality and sexual identity in a way.
First, there is of course the orientation issue. It would be no surprise that a straight girl is attracted to male dolls more than to female dolls. And a gay girl - more attracted to female dolls would not be a shock either.
Secondly, there is also a question of your own sexual identity. Do you consider yourself feminine? Do you interact well with other women?
That will all play a part in how you would bond with female dolls.
In my case, I am bisexual so that makes me in theory equally likely to enjoy both male and female dolls. But that is not the case. Part of the issue is that while I do truly believe women can be strong and smart and all those things. Most definitely they can and they are. But I myself was always a Tomboy and never really wanted to be feminine. At all. I do appear to be as with my curves and very petite build I could never pull off a boyish look. Ever. But I just interact with more masculine energy better and that is that.
So I do only like bjd boys. I can agree that many female dolls are beautiful, but I would never want to own one.

 

After reading through further responses here since I posted, I have to say that while generally women in fiction are not strong and capable, that's not the way I write the women in my stories. They are strong and capable and often not to be messed with. I fully acknowledge that my creating them that way was in direct response to how so many women were portrayed in fiction (i.e. waiting for the big, strong man to come save them).

One of the women from one of my most popular books is a tiny old lady but she actually has the men around her darn near fearing to cross her and even has one of the Princes of Hell wary of her because she's smart and capable and not afraid to do what she must (said Prince of Hell actually comments that she'd make a very scary demon). Another female character I have is an almost cop (she wasn't finished schooling) surviving during the zombie apocalypse. She's smart, does what she has to, doesn't back down and is the only character in the novel (male or female) who actually gets physically violent with a non-zombie (it was very deserved).

Yet even with strong female characters like them, there has never been any spark/desire to shell them as dolls. I really enjoy writing them and creating strong women who are just as capable as the men in the story, but to have them as dolls? No thanks. It'd be a waste of money for me. It could possibly be argued that because the females aren't the main characters, that's why I don't want/try to shell them. However, that doesn't hold water as I have other characters that aren't mains that I've shelled and yes, they are males.

I do enjoy sewing dresses for girls but anything I make, I give to one of my doll friends who has girls. I think girl dolls are wonderful to admire (the Dollmore tattooed girls are pure works of art) but having one in my collection? I honestly can't see it happening. I've been in the hobby for 7 years now and have never come close to owning a girl. Not even as close as doing a mock order for one. Yes, I've been tempted by a girl doll, usually because of something very unique about her (Gem of Doll's peacock body is to die for), but never enough to be even semi-serious enough to put her in a cart to see what she'd cost.