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Anybody NOT want to go to a meet? (Social aspects of the hobby)

Jul 6, 2011

    1. I'm not sure how I feel about meet-ups anymore. I hosted one several years ago, but only two people came because there aren't that many people in my city (that I know of) who own dolls. I planned on attending one that someone else was hosting, but it ended up never happening. I've also tried attending meet-ups at two different anime conventions. Neither were great experiences. In both cases, nearly all the other attendees were already good friends because they have regular meet-ups in those cities. I'm shy and socially awkward, so it's difficult for me to just jump right in, especially when I can clearly see that everyone else is already having a good time, talking, and playing with each other. I end up feeling out of place. Sometimes I end up having a couple people comment on the doll(s) I have with me, but most of the time I hang out for a few minutes and leave.

      I'd like to become friends with more people even if they don't live in the same city as I do, but it's kind of a tough situation when you lack the social skills or familiarity that others have. I'm definitely not against meet-ups at all, and I will likely try again in the future, but those have been my experiences so far.
       
    2. In general I have gone through life trying out different social scenes and never enjoying them. No matter what common ground there is I dont enjoy myself in a crowd.

      I have friends who happen to have dolls and Im happy to get together with them as a small group, but thats because we have much more in common than just dolls.
       
    3. I've been to one meet before, and I'll be going to my second in a few days. I'm already nervous!

      Being fairly introverted and reclusive, I'm usually awkward with new people in groups. I don't think I could handle meet-ups very often, since going out and taking a SD sized doll with me is kind of a big deal, and a little socializing goes a long way.

      However, when I went to my first meet, everyone was very nice, and I thought it was quite special to have something to talk with strangers about. Often, everyone goes about in their own bubbles, and it can be hard to meet new people.
       
    4. Really? How is "jumping in" rude? That's exactly what I did!

      (1) Bought my first dolls & enjoyed them by myself.
      (2) 1 year later, heard about meetups that were happening in town.
      (3) Realized there was a whole local scene that I wasn't taking part in.
      (4) Nervously showed up at a meetup in the park one day.
      (5) Met lots of fabulous people and fabulous dolls who live right here in my own city, including many dolls (and usernames) that I'd admired online and never thought I'd get to meet IRL.
      (6) 5 years later, have lots of local doll-friends to visit when the mood strikes.

      If you wait for an engraved invitation to anywhere, you'll grow old and die. :XD: Biting the bullet was the only way to drop into an open scene and make myself a niche.

      But I have a problem with your choice of the word "compete"; I never felt any 'competition' at all. Maybe it's just because we have a nice city and a nice scene-- but seriously, they did NOT put together a public meetup just so they could freeze people out. They were there to invite other doll-owners to show up.
       
    5. I am a notoriously grumpy misanthrope, but even I enjoy going to doll meets. And am generally friendly and nice even! (Much to the shock of many. I actually had someone tell me they were surprised I was so nice in person, and I was like o.o) Sure I may not have a lot of interests in common with other doll owners, but I still like looking at dolls and blathering on endlessly about my dolls to people who actually care about said dolls. Sometimes, you just gotta bite the bullet and put yourself out there. There is nothing won if you never take a risk.

      I've met some really cool people I never would have met without the dolls, including someone who has become a super close friend, and have people from all over the country I enjoy seeing whenever I can at the big meets, like JennyNemesis. It is great to finally put a face and voice with the name and to see the dolls you've seen in pictures in person, to hold them. It makes them and their owner's that much more a solid presence.
       
    6. My experience was a little different. My first meetup was in Las Vegas (I now live in Stockton, CA) and found (for the most part) everyone was super friendly, generous and loved to share. I did not feel any sense of jealousy or competition amongst doll owners like: WHO HAS THE MOST AWESOME DOLL(S). It wasn't until I made a comment on our forum that seemed to have rubbed one of the people the wrong way. This person normally went to the Las Vegas meetups and was a "REGULAR". The comment I made was in no way meant to be hurtful or spiteful (it wasn't even about BJD's) but just my opinion. But this person got bent out of shape so I decided that it was best that I did not go anymore. That was the only meetup group I knew of that existed in LV.
      I have found out since then that the same person has rubbed many other attendees in the wrong way and they have since stopped going as well. So I guess my point is that we all can't get along with everyone and sometimes it takes just one person to burn you out from attending any further meets.
      I do agree however that you should not be afraid to meet new people even if you had 1 bad experience. I may even think about starting my own meetup group. Since I have moved back to the central valley area in Cali, I have the chance to start new and maybe even travel to the Bay Area to meet some awesome people there too. I really wish I had someone close to share my hobby with so maybe I should try again and see what happens...;)
       
    7. I'm a shy person, very quiet, and not the sort to approach new people. When I decided I wanted to go to a meet, I was very nervous about being the odd one out. I thought I'd be the youngest (which I was), that my newness handling dolls would be a downfall, and all sorts of things. But after talking in the meetup thread online and hearing how welcoming they all were, I went, and it was a blast. I was cautious; it took a long time before I got up the courage to handle someone else's doll, even though everyone else was holding/posing everyone else's dolls. I did get a sense that they'd all known each other for a while but I was still included. I suppose I'm lucky to live near friendly people.

      I try to go to the local meets as often as I'm able. We all seem to have more than just the dolls in common, so even when the cameras are put away we still have hours of fun just chatting or watching videos. It doesn't take long to become one of the regulars as long as you take the first step of going ^^ I guess you could say I'm the sort who enjoys this aspect of the hobby. I love seeing everyone again, meeting their new dolls, getting pictures, and when someone I don't know is there, it's great getting to know them.
       
    8. I am very socially awkward myself pretty much socially inept...it's hard for me to talk to people at first when I meet them...and it's always been super hard for me to make friends. I'm not shy in the least I'm just really overly awkward. I have never been to a BJD meet/convention myself. I actually would like to attend one and have a go at talking to other BJD owners, but things keep me away from them (my crazy work schedule for one, living in WV there's usually not many that come close by so I'd need to travel, and of course the thoughts of my odd social issues) but I really hope one day I can go to one and see how it is...I would love to have people to casually talk to about BJDs (none of my friends or anyone around me that I know of has them) and I think maybe going to meetups would help me socialize with more doll enthusiasts.
       
    9. Are you one that hits up (or hosts) BJD meets and conventions? What do you think makes this so appealing? Or do you prefer to keep more to yourself and enjoy your dolls without company? Is it due to shyness or feeling as though you don't feel fully apart of the group, or is it due to your overall personality in all facets of life?

      I have never attended local doll meets and I don't think I would. My friends are all not into BJDs and I am more of a shy person and I don't tend to talk alot face-to-face to people I don't know (partially due to some physical problems) and would probably come across as aloof/anti-social/distant/weird to them. However, I would love to attend companies hosted events such as the Volks Dolpa or Luts Tea Party even if it means going alone! Of course it'l be great meeting new friends along the way, but as far as local doll meets goes, I am contented to be alone with my boys and log on DOA for the "socializing" aspect :|
       
    10. JennyNemesis, I actually didn't mean it WAS rude. Not at all. Just that sometimes that's how I feel, personally. That I'm butting in. But I completely agree with you that without showing up and trying, you will likely never make friends with people who enjoy the hobby as much! I have actually enjoyed the two meet-ups I've been to. But I would have been more uncomfortable if my first meet-up had been at someone's house (it was at a Con, so I felt like I could pop in at any time, make friends, chat, and not be rude if I decided to leave).
       
    11. I'm incredibly antisocial and socially awkward, and shy. I have an extreme social anxiety that sometime makes me feel violently ill when I meet a bunch of new people at a social event, and I don't like crowds. I never approached anyone, everyone I've ever met in school either approached me first or we were forced to work together for some reason. Even online and out of school, I can't hold a conversation without coming off incredibly awkward and I have a major tendency to just post my thoughts and leave rather than engaging into discussion. However, despite all this I still go to doll meets.

      I go because I needed friends and I had become pretty much a reclusive hermit coming out of highschool, only engaging in conversations with family. My HS friends all moved away and I lost contact with them. In college, I spent two years with no social progress choosing to eat by myself, work by myself, heck even occasionally talk to myself. I never had any sort of social networking page, like a facebook or myspace. I don't even use things like AIM, nor do I know how to text not that I had anyone to text to begin with. The only things I had was a few email addresses and accounts for forums such as this one. And even so I rarely spoke to others. I don't like not being able to talk to people about the things I like, I don't think anyone does. Now that I live with my fiance and his family, I have a few people to talk to... But they don't really share my same interests (except for my fiance, but even he has things he'd rather talk about than dolls all the time) so they don't really get the dolls though they try to be understanding. I needed people to talk dolly with other than my fiance, people like us on DoA, but in person you know? I don't even leave the house unless someone is nice enough to take me out with them, I can't drive (lived in the city, learning wasn't a priority) and I haven't been able to get a new job. So with encouragement from the family, I found a local group on here and asked if I could attend their next meet.

      Yes I was scared and nervous of what they'd be like, and most of the time I was quiet and sat next to my dolls and admired other's dolls. They did seem like a group that already knew each other and it did almost feel like I was intruding. I didn't even get a chance to introduce myself properly. But I was surprised with how fun it was. These people shared my interests, not just one facet of myself but most of them. They were mostly around my age, were into anime/manga, some were artists, and just plain geeky much like myself. These were people I would have sought out to hang with in highschool if they had gone to my school. And though I was shy, I was still able to speak to other people. I had to, actually, because I was the only one with both a Soom Faery Legend doll but also a Dollfie Dream and people had never seen them before (or at least that's how it seemed). I ended up having interesting conversations about Soom and Angelheim, and it was finally a relief that I could talk to someone about, say a particular soom sculpt, without having to explain what soom is in the first place. I actually seemed pretty popular because I was the only one with a soom faery. Now while I still don't know anyone's name yet and have only just been able to place a few faces to their DoA Username, and they don't really know who I am still, I still plan to attend future meets. This month will mark the third time I've met with this group.

      I don't go just for forcing myself to break unhealthy habits though, it's also incredibly fascinating to be able to see all these other dolls in person in one place, and to get hands-on advice from more experienced owners. It's one thing to see a picture of someone's doll, it's a whole other thing to see it in person and be able to touch and examine them. I also, admittedly, like showing off my own collection because it's fun to be able to show someone else something they might not have seen before. One girl at the meet was really considering getting a Soom Faery Legend sculpt for themselves after seeing mine, and that gave me a nice fuzzy feeling knowing I inspired someone like that. There doesn't really seem to be any competitiveness in the group I attend, any bjd is welcome regardless if it's a super awesome prettyful expensive fullset or if it's a cheaper company with your first faceup experiment wearing rags you sewed yourself. They don't seem to care. Size doesn't seem to matter either. They seemed like a pretty friendly crew even though they did seem to get caught up in conversations amongst themselves. But eventually I'll be able to join in on those conversations and I'll know these people's names by heart. Or not, and that's okay too.

      I apologize for the extremely long post, I have a habit of being incredibly wordy and I still haven't quite figured out how to say what I want without ending up with an 20 page essay. :sweat
       
    12. I kinda sit on the fence... I'm one of those people who seem very friendly and social, but really I'm one of the shyest people I know. I get anxious at the thought of meeting a group of people I don't know and I know I can be quite socially awkward. On one hand, I really enjoy hanging out with people who enjoy the hobby, but on the other, I strongly dislike meeting a group of people for the first time ever.

      I'll probably be the kind of person content with small (emphasis on small) doll meets, where there's only a handful of new people to meet at any given time.
       
    13. Finding our local BJD group has made such a positive impact on my life. I went to a meet last March and since then I've met more amazing, talented fun people than in my previous 5 years in Dallas.

      Happily, I've not met any "doll snobs" in our group and they all seem to welcome newcomers with open arms. I'll always be grateful for the warm welcome they've given me!
       
    14. I'd never host, but I enjoy the fact that this hobby is also very social. One of my friends really wanted a doll, but I don't know if she ever got one. If she did, or if we talked more often, it would be completely great to squee over them.

      I've never gone to a meet yet, but if I could choose, I'd rather go to a big meet rather than a small one. That's because big meets probably allow one to integrate a bit easier into an already large group, whereas a small meet might feel a little awkward having a new person there all of a sudden, if that makes sense.
       
    15. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I did meets and they were good at the time. Then over cons and endless "doll days", it became clear to me that as others have already said here, the fact that you share a hobby with people does not always lead to you sharing ANYTHING ELSE WHATSOEVER with them so that, combined with a need to avoid dramarama like the plague whilst protecting my dolls from the endless physical damage meets and cons had done to them (and lemme tell you, doll people are the worst for that, don't believe anyone that tells you differently) left me happily enjoying them on my own or at most with a select bunch of friends.

      I wouldn't go back now if you paid me and it's got chuff all to do with my being shy I can assure you *snort*
       
    16. glad I got that reaction because after posting I worried that people would think I am a snob (for about 5 seconds, tee hee, never worried with what anyone thinks for long) but that isn't what I mean at all. If I was out shopping and saw someone standing there with a BJD, obviously I would go over and have a chat with them about their doll and BJDs in general. I would probably ask if the were on DOA and friend them if they were... but I imagine it's a bit of a stretch to think we would have an awful lot else in common to chat about. It's possible, but not probable.
       
    17. I am not shy and I don't have any problem with talking to people that I just met. But I am antisocial deep in my heart and I'm getting tired with crowds very quickly - so, obviously, I'm not attending meets. But I do think they may be fun and it can be a great occasion to get some dolls friends.
      There is also another problem - the dollie fandom here is pretty young. They are rather friendly, but I would feel awkward among people who could be my kids XD.


      After a month...
      I'm not often forced to swallow my own words, but this is the case. Last Saturday I attended the meet in Opole and it was simply awsome. About 14 people, 35 dolls and wonderful atmosphere... not to mention most of the people were near my own age.
       
    18. There's a part of me that would like to meet other doll people but I'm pretty shy and have health problems so I think it would stress me out too much and make me ill. I'd really have to get to know the people before meeting up with them.

      I'm also 29, I feel I wouldn't fit in with the younger people in the hobby. I probably wouldn't have fitted in back when I was around that age lol!
       
    19. A fact we are social beings, we are humans, but also true every person's personality has much to do with the way he/she takes meet ups, conventions and those sorts of events. In my case, since I was a child I felt more understood by people older than me than by people on my same age range. I joined the hobby because I love BJD, that was my first and main reason for it, but later on I found in these events a great way to share directly, face to face, the passion for this hobby with other people who also love it and I added that to my way of living it. Does it feels strange? Some few times since I began. At meet ups over here, in my city or nearby, I am usually the oldest (I am 36) among the group and that does feel strange, but not enough to make me think I do not want to attend and see whom already became my friends. However, I do not go to every meet. I rather taking it step by step, to enjoy it not overwhelming myself.
       
    20. Really being treated this way is one of my biggest fears about going to meet ups.Not that I don`t love my dolls exactly the way they are with their flaws and all, but other people might not.And some might be really harsh about it.
      Also I am scared to go to a meet because on my age.I am sure that some would say I am a spoiled brat only considering the fact that I am 15,and disregarding the fact that I struggel for months to get money. And also I think that they would not take me seriously.AND I am awfiully shy. If someone would treat me as you mentioned I would probably dissapear within two seconds and show my face againe.
      I have never gone to any meet for this reasons.But I plan to go to one when I'll come to the USA this month, and I hope my fears are unfonded.