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Anyone out there ever get fed up?

Nov 8, 2015

    1. Hi everyone,
      Lately I have been thinking of backing off from the hobby. I'm 57, soon to be 58. I have collected dolls my whole teenage and adult life, a great many people have told me that I'm nuts. I'm sure you have all heard the same as I, when we answer the question.....oooooooooooo. "How much does one of these "things" cost"? Things! And then the gasp, then the other question/comment, "I could pay someone to paint my house for that or that's a new dryer". Blah, blah, blah, after years of hearing this, once in a while I start to think they may be right. I just went on a trip to see my sister in New York State, she is always fixing up her 120 year old house, it always looks so nice. And she never says anything bad or negative about my hobby. What I spent on that trip, would have bought me one really nice doll. So, I tell myself, ok back off for a while, save for my new patio or have the outside of my house paint this late winter. So, then I bought a Souldoll Tera Zenith Oscal ver 1. So much for my new patio.
      Do any of you out there ever feel the same?
      • x 1
    2. Yea... I've felt that way. I don't tell people how much my hobbies cost. But sometimes I realize I could be saving for X or Y instead. I don't know if those things would bring me as much joy though and that's the problem. As long as everything runs and isn't stressing me out, I don't always feel it.
    3. Thank you, for your response. I don't normal tell people any more, I hate that look on their faces. Lol
    4. You have to set your priorities. Obviously money that you spend on ball-jointed dolls will be taken from funding for something else. If ball-jointed-dolls are what make you happy then you shouldn't feel bad spending your money on that. If you really want that new patio you should just bite the bullet and tell yourself not to buy anything BJD-related until you finish the patio. You're in control of your money, you and no one else. Honestly you don't owe anyone an explanation so if someone asks you how much your hobby costs then you're free to pass up on answering the question.
      • x 2
    5. Thank you, you are right.
    6. I get like this a lot. I just recently bought a house so I've been fighting myself not to spend just about any on dolls. But I've been budgeting a lot so I've made sure to set a little bit aside for fun stuff and bjds and also set aside money for house stuff. It's all prioritising and budgeting properly.
      I almost never tell people how much money my dolls are worth unless I know they have an equally expensive hobby lol any hobby can get expensive though. :)

    7. Hello again, Want everyone to knowI have set my priorities, my dolls are very important to me. My patio, painting the house is really just a matter of finding some one good to do it for me. I'm sorry to give everyone the impression that I'm I have no boundrays, and running wild, if only, but I do have a lot of boundrays, maybe that my problem. I'm almost 58, and tired of my own sons telling me to grow up, and that the dolls creep them out, and that the money spent on them is a waste. I don't really feel the horrible guilt others try to put upon me, my husband has been wonderful about my love, it's a joke between the two of us. He even helps me to pick the next one out. You all are right that I should ignore what others say, some days it's hard. I thank everyone for their response, very kind of you all.
      • x 2
    8. I think it's great that your husband supports and even helps out with your hobby! That's really amazing, and I hope mine is still that supportive when I'm your age. :) A lot of people in this hobby aren't fortunate enough to have a partner who understands or even tolerates it, so I think that's really great for you. I'm sure it's annoying having your kids tell you it's creepy, my nephew has told me that (but my niece thinks they're great and wants her own one day). It's unfortunately, but regardless of what hobby you enjoy, there will always be people who don't approve or like it. It's their problem, not yours.

      Back to the original question, yeah, I've felt that way. I used to spend every spare penny I had on doll stuff, but a couple of years ago, I drastically cut back and sold a lot of them. With the money I got back from selling, I was able to get a tattoo, see One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer, have a mini vacation with my sister, remodel my doll room, get some cute clothes and jewelry for myself and buy some gaming gifts for my husband. All of that made me realize maybe I was putting too much focus on the resin, and not enough on enjoying more to life. At first, I said I'd keep cutting my collection back, and spending money on 'real life', but then there'd be another doll I wanted. In the end, I've just learned more balance. Keep the number of dolls under a certain amount, and alternate on spending. If I get a doll with one chunk of cash, then the next large amount should go to something else.
    9. IDK, when I actually have the money to spend on something "nice"/"fun", and I do, I end up thinking "I could have bought a doll with that", not the other way around. I haven't even been doing much with them for ages, (work + health issues,) and it still pleases me just to have them more than most other stuff I end up using money for.
    10. I feel this way about.. not doll collecting in general, but the things I am trying to do. Like sewing. I would love to be able to sew doll clothing that I'm not ashamed to put up for sale. Quilts and human clothing too, somehow! I've been practicing a lot, but then I see professionally-made doll clothes, or things made my more experienced doll-tailors (:XD:) and I feel like a kid tracing hand turkeys in crayon and tempra to impress a gallery curator. Not a chance, in all honesty!

      Some days I can complete a project, but far more often they end up stacked away in a bag, 60% complete, 30% complete.. maybe I even got as far as 95% complete but then look at my work and critique myself hard. And away it goes, to "maybe be finished up later." "Later" for things in that bag generally doesn't come. when I get so discouraged about a project, it's as good as over, and a lot of time and heart has gone to waste, and I feel bad just looking at it.

      My point is, I guess, it's easy for people to say "do what makes you happy / feel good" and "keep doing what you love, you'll get better with practice" (In your case, maybe meaning, with practice you can get better at justifying your interest in dolls.) Not that such peoples' encouragement isn't well meant! It's good to know who's on your side. :daisy

      We might get better at our goals with practice, but it doesn't take the burden of self-questioning away. Or the crushing heartbreak after realizing the disapproval of the people we look up to, who we most want to be accepted by, whether they mean it or not when they quell our hearts' joys and labors with detached criticism.

      You sound like a sweet and happy person, dealing with some people who are insecure about things for their own reasons. The people who give you a hard time about your hobbies' expenses are insecure in their own abilities to manage money, not yours. Those who think you should be spending it on your household, are wishing for their own lives to be made easier or more beautiful. The people who think dolls are creepy are insecure about their own safety in the presence of... dolls. Seriously. (okay, there are some dolls out there I find creepy too, what can ya do :lol:)

      Try to think of their disapprovals in that way, figure out what the reason for their discomfort about it is based in, and respond to it with that in mind. Your husband, who doesn't disapprove of your dolls in any way, he's totally secure in your joy and interests! He trusts you and can have some fun with you about it, and that's so cool! If other peoples' insecurities can be addressed, maybe they'd be more ready to smile about seeing you happy and something you really enjoy with your life.

      I do hope you'll keep doing what brings smiles to your days, and surrounding yourself with what you love. You've got lots of supporters here, but I know it's the ones who are deepest in your heart that matter more than every stranger combined.
      • x 7
    11. This is the same for me. In 2011 my mom talked me into going on a trip to Italy with her, even though traveling is not something I'm very interested in. Ultimately it ended up costing me over $2000... and though it was worth it because it made my mom happy, and there are a lot of good memories, and it was beautiful, and a new experience... I think back on it, and still feel bitter because I could have bought dolls with that.

      Sometimes I do "back off" and spend money on other things, but it usually happens naturally and not because I forced myself. It is nice when that happens because I do have other hobbies and I like to spend money on those too, and buy myself clothes occasionally... but in the end, I figure that as long as I can afford what is necessary for me to live comfortably, any money beyond that will get spent on what gives me the most joy. And most of the time, it's dolls. :aheartbea
    12. You seem to be a perfectly sensible woman who knows what she wants. My partner tells me to 'grow up' all the time but I already told him I'm not ever planning to grow up. I'll take my responsibilities and do my part in society but there's no way I'm giving up my own pleasure to walk in line and become as boring and dull as he expects me to become. Why shouldn't an adult play with 'dolls' anymore, boys sure don't grow out of playing with cars. Enjoy your hobby and enjoy who you are, be proud of your uniqueness. And give your husband a big hug for being such a nice support.
    13. I'm the same vintage and my grown kids think the dolls are "creepy". My daughter is especially minimalist and doesn't want to be a "consumer" and be burdened with "stuff". At least my son sees the artistic side of the dolls and crafting that goes with them. Admittedly my collection has grown somehow to over 50, not counting my antiques. Sometimes i think there are just too many, so i sell the ones I don't really like enough.
      They make me happy though, and although most are blank and naked, i really enjoy planning what i will make them into style wise. Also as I'm heading toward retirement sooner rather than later, I like to think I have enough to go on with when my income becomes more limited.
      My husband agrees with me. He doesn't care for the abjds, but has bought me several antique dolls ( he likes Schoenhuts for some reason). His train collection is on par with my dolls, and he has also collected lots of things to make in retirement.
      Life is short, cover the basics then go with what makes you happy. Happiness is more often in short supply, grab all you can!
    14. Thank you one and for your wonderful support. I do enjoy my dolls, bjd' s and antique. My wonderful husband agrees with you all, I need to just let it all go. And be proud of all the work I've put into them.
      • x 1
    15. I know the feeling very well, good thing you have a wonderful husband who understands you and recognizes that your dolls are important to you. Other people only see the monetary value and that's what makes me mad/sad sometimes.

      There has been many times I have told to myself "ok, stop buying dolls and save money" because I feel guilty. I even sold a doll once so I could give that money to my sister for her kids. My friends give me weird looks and say things like "I could buy a car with this!" and such but I have learned not to care about their opinions regarding my dolls.

      However, I consider myself lucky because my family is very supportive of my dolls, my mom knows they mean a lot to me because they help me a lot when I get depression. Some days I don't want to get out of the bed and everything seems meaningless to me but I see my dolls and touching them, playing with them makes me feel alive once again. I enjoy creating, painting and hear my mom say "he looks cute, cool etc" and I have this old habit of mine that I can't touch my dolls with dirty hands or without taking a bath first (weird I know hehe) so those days when I just want to stay on bed, my dolls give me comfort and in order to touch them I have to take a shower first and after taking a shower I feel so much better. They keep me going. My mom knows it and when I say I'm going to sell a doll to buy something she is the first one to say "no, don't sell your dolls!". My brothers tell me that it is my money and I should do with it whatever I want. If dolls make me happy, I should buy them instead. :)

      So I say the same thing to you and anyone in the same situation, don't feel guilty and do what makes you happy. We have only one life and we should enjoy it to the max!
      • x 1
    16. Anything that doesn't benefit them is often considered a "waste" to adult kids. As you hit your golden years you're supposed to be saving all your money so they can inherit it when you go or you're supposed to be spending it on helping them with their projects, on the grandkids, etc. Yeah, I am being sarcastic, a little, laugh, but it's also too true sometimes. I've seen the adult kids in my family guilt trip the seniors over spending any of their own money on themselves far more often than I'd like, but they think nothing of the same seniors going there to offering them money if they think they need it or if said senior buys them something nice that they want.

      I always tell my Dad "It's your money. You earned it. You buy whatever you want or need so long as you can afford it. Whatever makes you happy and don't worry about saving it all for me." My Dad he's always been a little too frugal actually. I bought him new underwear the other day? I think it was his first new set in a decade. He totally griped about how much it costs these days to buy a six pack of boxers. I truly wish he would spend a bit more of his money on the things that make him happy in the time he has left. But no, he wants to leave most of his money behind him. That's a waste of money if you ask me. To live your whole life more intent upon saving than enjoying it...
      • x 5
    17. Yes. Sometimes I have to just take a break. Sometimes I am really horrified by the amount of money I've spent. But I always come back.
      BTW I have decided to embrace the whole creepy thing...thinking about adding a nice scary baby doll...lol. I used to have a friend who was truly scared of the dolls, we worked together on many projects, I used to bring one along all the time and set it up so it was looking at him...
      • x 3
    18. if your husband's OK with it, don't worry. My adult son is the same with me - I think really he just wants me to be 'normal' like all his friend's mums apparently are, with their perfectly decorated houses too! It ain't happening - I am me and you are you - don't apologize for what is a harmless addiction compared to what many 'normal' people are addicted to! 'It is a wholesome hobby' - repeat that after me :3nodding:
      • x 2
    19. I've always had money for the stuff I actually need (bills, food, etc) no matter what doll stuff or other luxury items I buy. So I never feel bad about buying it, but the people in my life think that every single thing I buy is a total waste. Like "oh you don't have enough to buy dog food this month but you just bought a doll?", I do have enough and it's not like I spend much on dolls anyways. I may not make very much money at all but whatever I spend, I usually make back. Recently I haven't been buying much doll stuff as I've gotten a puppy that I have to train. I should really not buy anything related to any of my hobbies for a while so I can save up more but my hobbies are what keep the baddies out of my mind, and I can't really afford to let them in (I don't want to know what would happen if I did) Personally on kind of a tightrope act right now.

      I say if it's what you want to spend your extra money on, go ahead.
    20. Can you really put a price on happiness? I think if you can afford it then why not but something you will enjoy. Just because it is more unusual to collect bjds people don't understand it. I would say to those who complain about your hobby "It is my money and I will spend it on whatever I want!". Tell them you do not try telling them what to spend their money on and quizzing them about how much they paid for their latest phone, tv, shoes etc....Enjoy your hobby and just accept that there are those who will never understand and it doesn't matter.