Being yourself, being popular, loving dolls

*coughs* Everyone I know wouldn't be surprised that I am collecting dolls. (Really really COOL ones, I might add.) I am pretty far out there compared to most people. It's a given that anything "weird" "quirky" "out of the norm" would find its way into my hands, and proudly displayed. It's a daily routine with me.

I was born "weird", and trying to fit in and be anything different just fails horribly. I am who I am, I do what I do and I like it that way. It's just second nature for me to be getting into another hobby. It makes me happy, and me happy is a really good thing.

This is just one more hobby that I will enjoy driving everyone insane with.

 

What an interesting dilema!

I started into BJD's the year after I finished my undergrad, so I never encountered this particular dilema in school. I'm not so certain I would have bothered hiding it had I been collecting while in school. I was that very rare breed of 'art jock', (one of the school's top athletes who also happened to be one of the art geeks) and I ran in a few different social circles. Everybody knew of my Star Wars geekery, anime and comic book interests and either celebrated the love of it with me or didn't seem to care one way or the other lol.

I think a lot of it has to do with self-confidence, which is why it's easier for some adults to be 'out and proud' about owning BJD's, and the level of maturity of the people you hang out with. A mature person, (and I'm not talking about age lol), will respect a person's hobbies if they are different from their own. Mature people are tough to come by sometimes in this world, let alone when you're still in school.

 

I have to be honest I would not want friends that can't at least somewhat respect my hobby.
Friends that will think less of you for what you do or collect are not friends. Collecting dolls does not change you as a person.
It's a shame you haven't been able to connect with anyone on meets, but not everyone comes from the alternative, anime loving scene.
Is popularity really that important? Would you sarcifice something you obviously love just to be popular? In my school the popular kids weren't the nice kids. They were terrible, bullies, and downright mean. I wouldn't want to be in that group.
I prefer people to like me because of my personality, not because I hang out with the 'cool kids' and don't know nothin about me otherwise.
People that can't look past a hobby aren't worth to befriend and probably have no potential to become friends.

 

"Popularity" is such a High School thing. It'll pass. Only some people in my singles community in my church know I collect dolls, and they don't care one way or another. I certainly don't, so neither do they. Occasionally I'll have a puki or two in my bag with me and they get squeed over by all the other girls. The people who have seen my big dolls are all very impressed with the work I've put into them.

 

My friends think I'm absurd to spend the money on the dolls, and in that sense they think it's weird, but they are a mix of curious and impressed when it comes to the dolls themselves. None of them are interested in owning any. The only family member that is enthusiastic about them at all is my husband and his mother. She thinks they are super cute and pretty and likes to see them when I bring them over to her house. My mom collects antique dolls herself but thinks the resin ones are "just like Sailormoon" (my Sailormoon-obsessed days in 8th grade will haunt me forEVER... )

My coworker thinks they are neat, which was an interesting change of pace. She's on my facebook so she's seen a few pictures but I never talk about them in the office or anything. It was actually pretty cool to have someone completely outside of the alternative fandom/anime scene being enthusiastic about them.

I didn't retain many friendships from highschool or university to be totally honest...I'm hoping that I make some new friends in the dolly hobby though

 

I second this.....

and this....


When your young, everything seems like it's a such a big deal especially when it comes to how other people see you. (Be it family, friends, strangers.)

When you've matured, you'll find that that doesn't really matter so much anymore, your comfortable with who you are and are not held back on anything that will truly make you happy.

 

While I definitely agree with the main sentiment here, I also want to point out that friends, especially when we are older, tend to also be there to keep us grounded. A friend of mine recently picked up base jumping, and while it was something she absolutely loved, I did have to bring up my own safety concerns here and there. Even though doll collecting can't physically harm you, it doesn't hurt for a friend to remind you that there are *other things* to spend money on than dolls, and that they don't necessarily care about them or want to hear about them every time you hang out.

My husband is generally very supportive of me and my hobbies, but when I started getting very interested and excited about cutesy dolls, he reminded me that I was into this hobby to recreate my characters, and that spending several hundred dollars on something cutesy and anime-ish wasn't my style. He was right of course, and sometimes that's where friends and loved ones serve a purpose in not being totally immersed in the hobby like we are.

 

Well I'm known as the emo type. And none of my friends except one knows im into them. (She got me into them in the first place). Im not planning to tell anyone unless they find out themselves.

 

Hm.
For me, looking at the dolls I want...
I kept it a secret for a while, because for a long time I had the "God, these things are so friggin' expensive. How can anyone DO this? I thought the economy was bad." attitude.
Then my friend got one. And then my other friend wanted one... And they started looking prettier and prettier to me.
Problem was, I always made fun of them with my boyfriend. And then I felt BAD. I mean, BAD, the day I told him "I want this doll. I'm buying this doll."
He didn't mind of course. He just made fun of me a lot. But it was still rather embarassing of a feat, you know?
For others, it's as complicated as your situation. For some, not so much. They just buy it and no one really questions.

 

Hmmm......Ah, high school...one giant experimental fishbowl. I've always been pretty sociable, had my crew and stomping grounds..I wouldn't go so far to say that I was popular or anything, nor did I care, as popularity warrants troubles and crap that I simply would prefer to avoid. People often under-appreciate the value of not being popular. Does popularity matter? Would you change yourself to something you're not to gain friends who do not care for you? It's a rather foolish business if you ask me. Unless of course, you want to be a politician. But that sort of popularity never lasts As for university well...It's just a bigger fishbowl. The likelihood of you meeting an understanding person is larger only because the population is larger..and maybe because it's supposed to be an institution of 'higher-learning'. But that doesn't mean every person who attends/went to uni is going to end up an educated kind of person. It's the other way, more often than not.

They're just people. Whether they are mature or not, pro-doll or not, I would not expect people to automatically like a hobby such as this; that in itself is immature and foolish. People are often wary of novel things; it's just human nature. I wouldn't feel bad if my friends didn't quite understand. All I ask is that they respect me and my things, and I will respect them and their things. It will become an indifferent business. I don't think it's really wise to go burning bridges over something like a hobby. :\ Even if they don't like dolls, we are friends for other reasons. I don't need to integrate dolls 500% into my life.

In all honesty, I really would rather keep my dolls in limited knowledge. The people whom I choose to tell are people that I know will at least respect me, if not support me. The people who don't, well, they have no impact...In fact, I will probably think less of them if they disrespect me..it would be very clear evidence as to what type of person they are, and just how close I can allow them to me. In respects to starting a career soon too, I do not want my personal life to intermix with my professional life at any time. Dolls have no place in my work.

After all..they're just for me

 

I didn't really bother about their comments-.-; I'm in an animation school right now so most of them around me are either gamers or anime fans,they don't have an interest in dolls but they don't look down on it either.
Although I can sense their "weirdness" when they first heard,especially when they knew the price.
I just don't bother-_-
It's my life.As long as my boys don't get into your way,we are off.

 

Oh dolls are probably my least odd hobby. Long since outta school and didnt get into the hobby until after i left college.
My husband fully supports my doll hobby. Ill be taking a picture or two of him with my dolls so i can put the picture of All my boys on my desk at work. ^_^
Any of my friends know i have them, and most think they're pretty cool. though i dont hang out with many doll people.
My co workers think its interesting. My boss even offered to have me bring the boys into work which i will be doing soon since my boss will be out for medical leave for some time i think it might cheer her up.
Lol, its the fact im a furry artist and draw inappropriate images for money and want to make a career of it i keep outta my professional life. The dolls are probably the safest personal hobby i have to discuss since i cant be totally impersonal @ work.

There are part of yourself in different parts of your life you may feel are appropriate to share. Popularity isnt really a concern once outta school, and at this point, for me at least, its whatever keeps me at a good balance of being me and having a good professional image @ work.

 

Heheh. I have friends who are professional furry artists. They actually had to worry about keeping that aspect of their artwork apart from more traditional portfolios for fear of what art directors might think, or non-furry customers... but I think they eventually stopped worrying as more folk started getting used to the whole furry thing! (They still need to keep the adult work separate, of course.)

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High school... it is hard for anyone to survive it unscathed, popular or not, isn't it?

I was one of only a handful of minorities all through school--so I was different from day one. I was good at flying under radar and fitting in as well as possible and totally got on with different cliques because I was such a total outsider that I understood about anything... I was super-tolerant just because of my situation.

So... I wasn't worried about being popular or fitting in. It wasn't going to truly happen, but I had friends and wasn't picked on, so things were fine.

I liked what I liked (which was definitely out there--but you learn later that tons of people are into weird stuff but don't talk about it because of fear of ridicule or fitting in). I didn't worry about talking about it with EVERYONE. If friends were into what I was into, that was cool. I'd talk with them. If not, I'd just go ahead and do my own thing in private!

As someone said, college was better because people cared less and it was a bigger pool. As adults, even more so. Although at work, it's good to often keep things professional. Depends on your company's culture of course. I worked in computer games for ten years, so that was a crazy culture--accepting of geeks. BUT it was also mostly guys, so action figures were cool, dolls were not! But that was fine with me! (I like action figures!!!)

I can be relaxed about what I like and still be me, but I don't have to do the TMI (too much info) thing with EVERYONE! It's a good thing to learn, really! There are times and places for everything--just not EVERY time and place!

 

In my school setting, I'm the one nobody knows much about.
I'm very friendly and nice, but I don't go around telling people random junk about my life.
An example of that is I've moved about 5 times in my life and only three people know that. The rest think I grew up where I am now.

That being said, not many people know or care about my hobbies. xD
If anyone asks me, I tell them the more "normal" stuff (ie, violin.) rather than being like "OH YEAH I COLLECT DOLLS FROM ASIAN COUNTRIES!"
I am a little afraid of what they'll think. Mostly because I love my dolls a lot, and it would make me feel bad if people were scared of them/thought they were weird.

I don't actively try to hide my hobbies, but I don't tell everyone about them either.

 

When I was in high school... there wasn't an anime crowd. Akira was out around then and it was big with the sci-fi crowd because it showed up on Star Trek: The Next Generation... but anyway, it really didn't matter.

I was a dork then and I hung with a group of misfits. But, by golly, we were open to everyone and we made our presence known. Early in college I was a theater/music geek.

But you know what? No one really cares once you linger around in college. And now that I'm a grown up, still no one cares. Many of the parents in my sons' classes remember the same things I do and we liked the same things. I go back to college and it's filled with teenagers... but there's 20 year olds who are beginning the "who cares?" phase. I find I still have a lot in common with the theater crowd (they cosplay too and attend the same anime conventions I do).

On Facebook I've reconnected with a bunch of people I knew in high school... and we just don't have too much of a gossipy interest in each others lives as we did in high school... except that gift each other things in Farmville or Frontierville. You know... my graduating class in high school wasn't all that exciting... and we still aren't.

 

Of course. I agree that if the hobby is not conventional, dangerous or slurping money from your wallet, you can express some concerns as a friend. But don't over do it. Just to let them know how you feel.
But that's a whole different thing than not wanting to be around a person because of the things they do or collect.
Instead of "Your hobby costs you alot of money you might want to save up for later" it becomes "Because of your hobby we can't be around you anymore because it's not cool and normal".

 

At school I was often the one being picked on so I wasn't too popular. I also never cared about being popular because I never considered it to be important. Besides, the populare kids in my experience, are often not the kindest ones around.

And I also sort of turned geek, being a Star Trek fan and liking things which aren't common interests of teenagers.

But by now, I reckon I might have many more friends than many of my peers do, because of Star Trek fandom, LARP, BJD's and such. And I've never been actively looking for friendship, they just came known to me and we became friends.

But I do not divulge this hobby to my colleagues, it's a kind of a men's world and they probably wouldn't understand. But I think they would find a puki or tiny with a soil drill or in a mini size CPT van awesome.

 

For the OP, One of the things to remember, that is seemingly always forgotten in threads like this, is that people will make a big deal out of things you treat like a big deal. If you worry and fret and freak out over wanting a doll, people will pick up on that and they will respond like it's something weird. If you don't make a big deal out of it -- and by that I mean you don't have a freakout fest when people see it or ask about it, and just treat it as casually and confidently in conversation as you would your new shoes or a new shirt, people will pick up on that, too.

You're talking about moving in, no offense intended, a horribly conformist circle, from what you are saying. Nothing makes waves in such a group like making waves. The doll is not as likely to create a reaction if your behavior doesn't change. If you treat it like no big deal to you, people are very likely to mirror that for precisely the same reason. If you're acting like you're hiding something, people will pry for what it is or be curious much of the time. They don't do it because it's a doll, they do it because of the behavioral cues that say: 'something is wrong here'. A doll in itself is very unlikely to kick that into motion, or if it does, casual behavior is often enough to dismiss that. On the other hand, if someone asks, "Hey, is that a doll?" when they first see it, and you get wide-eyed and shocked and blush beet red and start looking for the nearest exit to bolt off and hide, yes, people are going to notice.

Perhaps I am just lucky in that I attended a smallish high school (around 600 people total for grades 9-12) way back when, and everyone knew everyone at least in passing. More accurately, everyone knew everyone just well enough to realize that everyone whose opinion they gave a hoot about had their own weird hobby or interest, too.

 

How do you relate to your dolls vs. your friends. Are they a secret? Just a part of you? How do you tackle having a very out there hobby?

Thankfully, I have eccentric friends and gravitate towards those that are. Two collect, one wants to, and the other thinks it's adorable. As for family, I've only told my brother so far and he thinks it's cool. I would NEVER say I do this to work colleagues or acquaintances. I realize it seems weird to most "normal" people at my age, since I'm not young or an old woman (which is the common age for doll collectors). There's no reason people I'm not close to need to know, because it can definitely hurt my credibility in certain situations.