Breaking the news to your family?

My mother is an avid hater of 'stuff' (she's very Marie Kondo about things), but she firmly believes I should do what I want with my money, even it means I buy dolls. She doesn't understand in the least why dolls are so expensive and she always makes me save 90% of what I earn, but overall she's quite nice about my hobbies.

My dad on the other hand.... for a man who has spent thousands of dollars on motorcycle clothing, accessories, and licensing... he's oddly judgmental. The nice thing about dolls, at least, is that after a certain point (when you've gotten all the eyes, wigs, and clothes you want for them), they stop costing you money. Motorcycles? Not so much. My dad also calls my collection creepy, and has yelled at me many times about spending my money on 'useless' things. The man doesn't have a motorcycle license, and owns two bikes. Our family has relied exclusively on public transport for years, and his office is within walking distance to our house so... I don't think either of our hobbies are particularly useful, so there's a bit of contention over BJDs between my dad and I. But he's still nice enough about it, as he knows he can't exactly stop me lol.

 

All I know is I cannot stay away from them. They give me so much pleasure. My friends range from indifferent to interested. My husband is so indulgent and it isn’t like I’m reasonable. My collection surprises even me. I thought I would buy just one. Now I’ve got them all over the house. They are in various stages of costuming. A looming problem is where to store their growing stack of clothes? The costuming ideas just keep coming, held back only by the speed with which I can draft their patterns.

At this point I wonder if I would even notice if anyone criticized. Probably, but not for long.

@IngieBee I have loved them since childhood, too.

 

Hi
I've never cared much for other peoples opinion of me or my life. If they have an issue they soon know where to put that opinion lol

My family don't care, although at the start my mom would joke about me not liking dolls like Barbie as a child but now I suddenly at 34 own dolls.

There is one family member who I'm very close to but when we argue the first thing she says is I should spend more money on my child and less on dolls, she knows how to get a reaction by saying that. My child always comes first and has everything he could want and need. When bills are paid, put away some savings then I spend money on dolls and clothes lol I need something for me. I don't go out much I'm a solo mum and would much rather spend time with my son and relax. I usually don't care about people's opinions but family can get to me.

I think no matter what hobby you have there will always be people who try to shoot holes in your happiness. You just need to be strong

 

I felt more nervous telling my parents that I collect dolls then when I told them I wanted to join the military when I was 19. Dad in particular seemed more accepting of the military then the dolls. LOL, go figure, right?

 

My wife is great and non-judgmental and I didn't think there'd be a problem, but I still subconsciously felt the need to hide my bjd googling. It was a conscious decision to be researching bjd stuff when my screen was visible. And it was fine! It was just that internal, self-judgment thing of "...what is this niche thing I've fallen into, and how weird is it? I feel like it might be weird?"

 

I was extremely self conscious about telling my parents about wanting to join the hobby, and I wasn't completely transparent on how many dolls I had bought in the beginning, but it finally got to the point I couldn't take not telling them. My parents weren't angry when I told them how many dolls I had bought, because they firmly believe that I can spend my own money on what I want as long as I am responsible. They personally aren't interested in the hobby, but they are willing to listen to my rambles about it and are getting me some faceup supplies for Christmas.

I've realized now that most of the stress and guilt I was feeling was self inflicted. My parents don't really care that I am still "playing" with dolls at 16, but are rather happy that I've found a hobby that gives me a creative outlet and one of the few things that I've become passionate about.

 

My family and friends know about my bjd hobby. They're okay with it, but not really interested in it. In a way I do feel a little embarrassed to talk about bjd stuff to them because I still played with dolls until I was fourteen. I'm in my mid twenties now and still playing with dolls. I don't share how much I spend on them because they are expensive and my mom would have a heart attack I she knew how much I spend on these dolls.

I do have one friend that is sort of into it. He like to collect anime figures and other things and he puts them together. He's even helped me restring my doll a couple of times. He's more interested in the Volks anime vinyl bjd's. He's the only one I talk openly about my bjd hobby!

 

I moved out as soon as I was of an adult age. During the years before now I focused my collection tendencies to books and anime figures. In my current house with roommates I have a glass case for them in the living room. It helps that I do off topic customs to fill the space.

 

I did agonize a bit over letting my parents know about my first doll. Growing up, I always had a bit of a fraught relationship with money; our family was well off but my parents came from very, very poor backgrounds (my dad especially) so were frugal to the extreme. Neither of them really have hobbies or see any meaning in spending money on "useless" things (unless it's a socially accepted way to show status), and growing up I never had any expensive hobbies either, so it took quite a mental shift on my part to jump into collecting expensive dolls.

I didn't tell them about my first doll for a while, but eventually had no choice but to let them find out, though I kept the real price to myself. They were a bit confused but didn't give me any crap about it, and after that I just stopped caring. At some point my dad did find out their real price and for some reason drew the insane conclusion that I had joined a cult or something??? These people, I'll never understand how their minds work.... But whatever, I'm a finanically independent adult with decent savings so I'll spend my money however I want. They pretty much accept it now as part of who I am.

 

I too am new to this "cult".

Well, do I have a story for you!

Background info: I‘ve had issues with my self-esteem and mental health since the beginning of middle and high school. I dress blandly and do not put effort into my looks and outfits.

Background info 2: I have played StarDoll since 2009 at age 7. StarDoll is a fashion design game where you have your very own paper doll (meaning you will not see their backs) and can customize nearly every single thing about them and their home (known as a suite).

One day, I told my mother that I wanted to purchase a Smart Doll for $500 because I like to create and design for something different from myself. She told me that only perverts want and play with dolls like that and to play StarDoll [sic] on myself (I still believe her whole sentence sounds dumb today).

THEN, I exploded at her saying that that is not what I want to do and that I’ll leave the room if she brings up my appearance again. I create! I do not design for myself and I will not design or "play" StarDoll on myself!

Talking about this whole confrontation makes me feel just as angry and annoyed when it first happened. (UGH! I need to stop and take a break before this post gets out of control!)

 

@Rneiro Thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like something that was very hard to go through and I'm sorry you had to be on the receiving end of such mean words about things that could bring you joy.

I'm sure you know, but just to say it very specifically, here you are amongst a lot of people here who feel the same way you do - that the dolls can bring out a wonderful creative part of ourselves that is very important.

I am personally grateful for this community, and I'm glad you're here too. Hopefully the interactions you have here will help bring you away from those moments that were so hard for you, and into a more positive headspace about the hobby over time! Though I know the memories never quite go away from when people say judgmental things.

Sending creative vibes and hugs!

 

My mother is somewhat understanding of my hobby, but she still kinda cringes at how expensive they are. I don't blame her though, she struggled with work and making money in her time while raising me and my siblings, so it's understandable. My dad on the other hand, I just don't talk about it. He has a poor dad mentality and thinks because we're from a poor background, we aren't allowed to succeed or enjoy life. I don't really take him seriously because he's never been a good role model in my life.

 

My first two dolls I purchased while living away from my family so I know I didn’t feel much apprehension back then. I also don’t get that much of a reaction aside from curiosity and sometimes interest. They even put one of my dolls on my birthday cake one year
I bought my fourth doll this year and I’m getting the impression that everyone thinks my doll collection is getting a bit big. Nothing major, just comments like “You bought another doll?”. So I’m a bit hesitant to get the remaining 1.5 dolls I have planned. I think I’ll just focus on completing my current dolls for a while.

 

Thank you! I bought an Obitsu 60 doll from Japan last month and is probably somewhere on the Pacific Ocean. I get excited just thinking about what I have planned for her in the future.

— Below is a related anecdote —

Obitsu 60s cost both 22,000 JPY/roughly 230 USD new! You know, if you’re lucky enough to find one in the first place as they’ve been discontinued and sold out nearly everywhere. I was so happy and optimistic that I found it for 9,000 JPY until I met international shipping prices.

I experienced international shipping prices for the first time and was blown away by the prices. I chose the cheapest shipping method for $32 from Japan Post on the 11th and was sent the next day on a ship somewhere on the Pacific Ocean! It’s frustrating that the tracker hasn’t updated since the 12th, the day she was sent by ship.

I hope she doesn’t break or go missing during her maiden voyage on the vast multiverse of the Pacific Ocean..

 

I've collected dolls/toys from a young age so my family just accept it for what it is. As a adult collector now in my 30's I really couldn't care less what others think, i'm not on this Earth to seek approval from others. If some people think i'm strange then so be it. At the end of the day my interests aren't harmful to others. This is my life to live how I choose, you can't be dictated to by others, they certainly don't have superiority over you and just because they may think it's odd doesn't mean it is, it's just their opinion but my opinion is the only one that matters when it comes to what hobbies I enjoy.

 

I think since I was a collector of other things to begin with and had relatives that were collectors of things that were pretty pricey (cars, paintings, books, coins, etc), my family didn't really bat an eye about it. That, and I either used my own money (saved up allowance or my own paychecks) or was gifted BJDs/BJD related things by my boyfriend-now-husband, so my family respected my dolls as again collector's items as opposed to a temporary plaything I was into. I think I was lucky in the sense that I was born into a family of collectors and it was supported and appreciated even if my immediate and extended family are not participants in the hobby itself. Which in retrospect is kind of surprising considering we kind of grew up as the poor relatives. Now, we're the doing okay relatives, so I'm cool with that. Haha. Took a long while for us to get where we are now, but still.

In-laws were cool with it too as my mother-in-law collected a few Barbies and American Girl Dolls herself. I do have a few relatives that would say the usual things of "Oh, dolls (any type) are creepy" and all that, but meh. Now that I'm in my late 30s, I don't care what others really think about my various hobbies. Hahaha. I've done my part in contributing to society, saving lives, taking care of family and friends, and all that. I deserve to treat myself every once in a while to something nice. I think the initial shame because of the amount of money this hobby entails and one's age/family dynamic/friend dynamic/etc do play a roll for a little while. But I can say in all honesty it gets better with time. Just find a close knit group that is supportive of your hobby, even if it is one person. Doesn't have to be a fellow collector of BJDs. As long as someone gets it enough to appreciate your happiness, then it's fine.

 

My family knows nothing about any of my hobbies or interests and it'll likely stay that way indefinitely.
I spent my entire childhood and most of my adulthood being laughed at, teased, and side-eyed by them for everything, not just hobbies, that I finally just stopped telling them anything at all. They hear about my son and that's it.

But their influence has made me embarrassed to share any of my hobbies or interests with my husband, BJDs included.
I think in the case of BJDs it's also because most of their character styling is tied to my writing, which I've always been especially on edge talking about to people face to face. Just the thought of explaining outloud "oh this is x character and they do y" has me breaking out in a cold sweat lol.

He does know I have a couple though, especially my Pongpong since I styled that one after our son and made him a little diorama lol. It sits in our home office

 

Overall, I've done fairly well throughout my life letting people think what they want, and not letting it be any of my business until it is. I did feel somewhat embarrassed though. I was over 30, and did all the responsible adult things like buy a home, have a reliable vehicle, pay insurance, have retirement accounts... etc....... I never had bought myself anything expensive aside from a PS2 in late 2003, which I still don't regret and still enjoy. I did feel embarrassed because I really, really loved dolls as a kid. I didn't stop loving my little collection even though when I was about 11 or 12, my mom and step-dad took my dolls away and I never saw them again. A few were overlooked, and I've kept them until this day. They said I was 'too old' and other things that did not make any more sense now than it did back then.

I think what happened to my childhood dolls had a lot to do with the embarrassment, along with a lot of guilt I had over ever doing anything because it made me happy, and wasn't for the sake of someone else. For almost all of my life, I truly believed that it didn't matter how I thought or felt, others were more important and I always owed others more than myself. Now, I know that treating myself that way wasn't healthy, but it did take some time and help from other people to understand that.

So, really, if other needs and important goals are getting a fair amount of attention, then I don't know why there's need to be embarrassed. On the other hand, if getting your own place as an adult and starting to live independently is going to be set-back from hobby expenses, then that could be a problem. Everyone and their situation is a little different, so I could not give accurate advice on this with out much more information. For me, I've been a bit cash poor once or twice for a couple weeks at a time since I started the hobby, but it was more or less due to multiple reasons at once, and nothing that likely would have been prevented if I'd never started the hobby in the first place.

My bf doesn't mind my doll hobby, he spends an excessive amount of time playing games on his computer and that's his favorite thing to talk about. So, he at least understands the importance of hobbies. He also knows that I really prefer the company and companionship of dolls over people, which is why I have so many of them. I have people friends too, but I simply will not ever willingly give up my doll collection until the day I die. At this point, if one of my dolls is my last worldly possession, I'd be just fine with that.

 

Very interesting topic.

I 'd like to share my experience. I am in my 30s and live with my fiancée. Though he is quite supportive of my doll collecting, I am still hesitant to sometimes reveal the true price of my collection. I try to let him know when I decide to buy a doll though. In fact he is probably fine with the true price but i am sure not his family who live not far away from us..xD

I feel guilty sometimes for "hiding" a truth, on the other hand, hey I earn these money on my own, so...

I hope one day I do not have to care about this kind of things though.

 

I'm so sorry this happened to you

I had a similar experience with my stuffed animals, where my dad made me line up all that I had when I was probably seven or so, and I had to count them out and "admit" how "out of control" my collection was. Then I had to choose which ones to get rid of.

I could never understand how someone could do that to their child. I still think it was beyond cruel. And it just made me more stubborn about my love for toys. He didn't "teach" me anything! I "collect joy" - as I like to word it - as an adult.

I'm glad to hear you have a partner that is supportive of hobbies... that's a huge part of what I looked for in my SO as well, and it makes all the difference.