Buying dolls with social security/welfare money?

Maybe the fact that cigarettes kill, and the government is really pushing people to stop smoking because it's costly - not just in that you pay for the cigarettes, but that you pay for medical issues down the road and ultimately are just poisoning yourself. One is feeding an addiction that kills, the other is just buying a luxury item that harms no one. A doll may be pricey, but the cost of all those cigarettes adds up to a lot more for someone who smokes a pack or more a day.

 

Since people keep bringing up how our tax dollars are being used for these programs yadda yadda yadda. So people shouldn't be spending money extra or otherwise on luxury good, I thought they might actually want to see just how much of our money was spent on what for 2011. This only applies for the US though.

http://www.cbpp.org/cms/index.cfm?fa=view&id=1258

Personally I wouldn't care if someone was spending whatever little money they had left over on doll or cigs. It's not my job to police their spending habits.

 

This subject upsets me a great deal, because it is bad enough that sometimes i feel like in my country the media portrays me as a criminal because i am incredibly ill, because they always show you the worse, like someone who claims to be ill but goes on holidays around the world. They are a small number of people and make me so angry because they make things harder for those people who are genuine.

I have been in this hobby for 3 years and the whole time i have been on benefits. I own 5 dolls and plan/ currently saving for another 2. But people do not know my personal situation. I have various different conditions: I have brain damage, which has lead to epilepsy and a condition similar to post traumatic stress disorder called non epileptic attack disorder. To add to complications, the epilepsy medication has nearly killed me twice and there is no hope of me going back to work any time soon.

Even when i went for my medical, the guy was like "Wow, you have a lot going wrong with you don't you?" So when people tell me, just because i can't work i can't have nice things it makes me angry. You have no idea about my situation.

Now what other people don't take into consideration is the fact that i save my money for a long time, i get birthday and Christmas money from friends and family. This is often the money that is used to buy my dolls. I have NO other luxuries at all! I don't drink and i do not smoke.

I have to live with parents because i can not be left alone due to the nature of my illness. I also only get to leave the house once a week, and this is often a feat which requires so much organising. When i do go out, it is to sit in a place where everyone knows me to play D&D so i can be kept safe. This cost relatively little, and because it is the only time i get real social interaction means a great deal to me.

Now my opinion on the subject as long as the import things are pay for first, people can do what they like with their money. It is in a sense wrong to judge them just because they are on benefits because you have no idea about other facts which may get taken into account to why the own the dolls.

Oh and if it matters, i miss being able to work so much. I have a degree, i was a Science teacher before i fell too ill to work. I would love to be able to earn more money and be out in the real work, and actually get to be with people. My situation is bad enough, i don't need some stranger over the internet looking down their nose at me and saying, that i should have nice things!

 

Karla-Chan: I have to say that you are an uncredible strong person and I really REALLY hope you don't feel bad for buying dolls with your money. I can sincerely tell you that you have earned every doll you can get no matter what some ignorent person thinks!
I also couldn't agree with you more!

Living with a serious illness or impairment is no picnic, and those who go trough life working and "earning" their money have no idea how incredible strength and will power it takes to be able to enjoy life even a little. And sadly those who most deserve some happiness in life are the kind of people who don't get it that much. It's very few people who choose to be without work for the fun of it, and I'm sure that none of those people who actually CAN'T work would ever choose it if it was up to them.

 

Thank you for you kind comment, and yes i do feel that those with healthy lives don't know how hard it is. If i could swap what i have for a 40 hour a week minimum wage job i would in a heart beat. I basically opened my mouth because i feel that some of the people who have commented have no idea. They have most likely seen the media view on the subject.

I don't feel bad about my dolls (as much as one of my nana's tries to make me) because i don't feel i am doing anything wrong. I have to save up just like everyone else in the hobby. I use gift money of love ones too. It often takes me months to save, and there is a reason why one doll tends to be bough roughly around the Christmas mark and the other around the birthday mark.

I can understand that when you work so hard it must feel frustrating when other seem on the outside seem to get these things so easily. But they should try and think it is not always easy for that person and they don't have all the facts.

I also agree, i think it is a very small number who choose not to work.

 

i can really sympathize with you Karla. i've had health problems since i was a preteen that got progressively worse, as a result i was taken out of school and had to be home educated, and even though i started going to college when i was 20 my health again deteriorated and i had to settle for part time classes and home studies again because of my recurrent health issues.

neither you nor i want a pity party so it can be difficult to broach the subject. i pretty much flat out refuse to talk about the exact nature of my problems unless i know someone personally, or anonymously. because of people's biases, i dislike to even bring up the subject at times so i usually just say "i've been a little sick" when someone asks me what's wrong or why i haven't been around. it's just too personal and makes you vulnerable.

when you talk about your own problems, even just trying to explain the context of your situation can be misconstrued as trying to "get attention" "making excuses" and other cruel phrases. there is a huge stigma you have to overcome. i'm not on welfare but i would be if my current financial situation were different, there is honestly no guarantee that one day i will not have to apply for welfare because none of the support i currently receive (and have, as a lot of my purchases get paid for with my inheritance- which is finite) is guaranteed to be there for the rest of my life.

i know that it must be frustrating for people who have to work very hard in order to afford what i have not had to 'work' for. but consider this: you have a job, maybe even a career. i have endless admiration bordering on envy for anyone who can simply have a job. you most likely went to high school. you probably graduated college or are going to do so. these are all things that i have not been able to do. people think that when you are in a position like Karla's or mine that you can just stay home all day having fun. it's not fun. humans need a structured existence such as school or work to be healthy psychologically, we also need social interaction and friends for our mental wellbeing, and when you are sick it's very easy to become shut off from the outside world which leads to a rapid deterioration into misery. as an aside, let's not even begin to talk about all the doctor/hospital visits and medications that come with the territory.

i personally think that if you suffer from any kind of health issue, physical or mental, up to the point where it impedes your life (which it has for me), then you "deserve" to have nice things or things that cheer you up just as much as anyone else. when i am really sick is sometimes the times i am most grateful for having hobbies to distract me from the situation, there is no reason you should not be entitled to that. to be able to have things that give you joy or at the very least distract you when you are suffering means you are strong.

not to invalidate anyone else's appreciation of their possessions, but when you have to endure a lot of unpleasant things, pain or misery, it makes you appreciate the good things in your life - material or otherwise - even more.

edit... by the way, i've often thought of those "what if" scenarios, if i could wave a magic wand and lose every single one of my material possessions in exchange for being a fully functioning human being with a mind and body that isn't defective. the answer should be completely obvious: i would.

 

I agree with you on so many levels - i hate pity too. I would much rather people be nice to me, because they like me and want to be my friend rather then because they feel they have to be nice because i am ill. I had a friend at school who everyone knew was ill and the fake niceness just seemed horrible, how could you be sure they even like you. I never want that.

I also agree that we are social animals, that is what kills me the most about my illness. When i go to a doll meet (every few months) i get so excited i get to see people i often am too excited to sleep the night before. I love to be around people. It may not seem much but when i was at school, and uni and then later work but it is nice to be with people.

I find with my illness i am also very nervous about going out (even with friends which is the only way i can be out) because what if i have a seizure while i am out and get hurt? But having my dolls helps with that a great deal, because i can focus on taking pictures of them and it can help me take my mind off things. I also find this is why i buy dolls things, because i can't just go out and go shopping. However it is easy to buy things online, which is why i tend to spend my money that way.

So yes with what we go though, why they hell can't we have some nice things too? It is not like we are super rich and can just buy these things, we often have to save and give up other luxuries to afford these dolls. Just like everyone else.

 

I'm on SSI and I buy my dolls with the checks I get from my job. I have one open Layaway going right now with one last payment open, I need to pay another $50, and then my layaway is over.

I am going to HAVE to spend my SSI money to finish that Layaway, because I was fired recently, and it came as a shock to me so I was very unprepared!

Since I'm actually getting a good chunk of SSI, due not only to my being disabled, but also because I get benefits from my mother, who passed away from cancer, I don't feel bad about spending $50 on my Layaway because it's the last chunk of Layaway I have, and I still have lots of money left over for my Tourette's and Aspburgers medicines.

I'm actively searching for a job right now, and I'm already found a place to work at once again, so it's just a processing of paperwork. My Layaway is up in 3 months so at any rate, I should be able to finish it off with my new jobs' money.

If it came down to it, I would forfeit getting my doll and loosing both my money and my layaway order things. It'd suck because ... yeah, I'd loose everything I ordered and thensome..but I cannot get off of my medications, you know? People with Tourettes, when they come off of their medications, suffer drastic side affects that will last you the rest of your life! I'd rather loose my doll and my 3 payments of $50 if it meant I got to get my Orap and stuff, yeah. XD It'd bum me out but...it's a def. "DUH!" :3

 

*raises hand* I'm another person who absolutely depends on disability money because it's impossible for me to work or to live on my own. I can rarely even get outside of the house, and spend most of my time in bed, so I also find this rather upsetting. People who have never had serious medical problems should consider themselves lucky, but realize that not everyone is as lucky.

Leitan, Karla, I can really empathize, and agree with everything you've said. The isolation, the social stigma and the inability to really get out and do simple things on your own are probably some of the hardest aspects to deal with.

I'll spare everyone all the gory details. My condition basically started in a very mild form when I was maybe ten or so, and has steadily worsened throughout the years- during which, I've had people (especially teachers) tell me that I was just being lazy. 'You look fine'. Hearing that really cuts to the quick.
It took me an extra year to finish high school, just to take all the courses I needed to graduate since it was too much for me to take them all at once. Every day when I got home from school, I was completely spent. There was no energy left to go out and have fun with my friends. I've had to stop going to doll meets because they were just too stressful and tiring, even though I enjoyed them.

I'm fully expecting for somebody to try to chew me out one of these days for taking a handicap seat on public transit (on the few times a year I might actually use it, and only ever with company since I can't really go out on my own) because I'm completely and utterly exhausted, in a fair bit of pain, and there's nowhere else to sit. People have given me dirty looks though. Since I don't look handicapped after all, and therefore I must be some moustache twirling villain who's stealing it away from the real disabled people. (I try to have a sense of humour about things like this. You know the saying; 'sometimes if you don't laugh...') There are reasons why I don't use a cane.

All I want from people is a little understanding, a little empathy. I don't often talk about my problems, because I don't want pity, I don't want to worry the people I care about.

There is no other way for me to get money. Believe me, if I could live a normal life, I would jump at the chance without a second thought. I don't think anyone has the right to tell me how I can and can't spend what the government gives me to live on! (Well below the poverty line) I have been in this hobby since 2006, and I only just recently bought my 5th (whole) doll. (I have two floating heads) It certainly isn't for lack of wanting more (as one look at my dolly wishlist would tell you...).

My hobbies- especially my dolls- are the only thing that distract me from my situation, they bring me joy, a little light into my life. Since I'm isolated most of the time, they somehow make me feel not quite so alone. They're got that inexplicable 'presence'.

People in bad situations often need a little 'soulfood' in order to perk them up and convince them to keep fighting. Don't make those of us who depend on 'the system' feel worse about it. It's not like we enjoy it.

 

I really do raise my hat to all of you guys for telling so openly about your experiences and life. I think this thread need exactly few very brave people to tell the others how things really are.

So many people are raised to look down on people who are on disability or some other kind of benefit without realising, thet they are the people who really have to struggle to make a life for themselves. It's so easy to sit on your couch and make assumptions that has been taught to you since childhood. Well hate to brake it to you, but usually those assumptions are wrong and have nothing to do with the real world.

Now I am not saying that people should feel sorry for all those on disability or some other benefit, but maybe the realisation, that they are humans as well, and worth every bit the same (some cases even more) then that of an average Joe. Also I feel that when you really have to work (meaning to struggle to save the money) for the dolls you probably aprreciate them better then a person who is able to buy one doll per month...

 

are we the same person? i was also 10-11 years old when everything started. 'you look fine' - heh, i love that line - i rolled my eyes because i have heard it too. 'you just need to try harder' is also a good one. yeah, i'll try my best not to inconvenience you with my illness! ganbatte!

i know exactly what you mean. i only discovered my local doll meet/club a few months ago because i am relatively new to ABJD hobby and i didn't know the group existed before then even though i already owned a doll. i went to my first meet in May and it was fun, but i missed both the June and July meets because i was so unwell. it feels really rude to turn up to 1 meet for the first time - as a stranger - and then not come to the next ones. but i can't do anything about it.

this same problem also applies to non BJD stuff. i missed my s/o's mother's birthday dinner because i couldn't get out of bed for more than a few minutes that day. i really admire her and really wanted to go, and i cannot describe how awful i felt about it. i've missed some other really important family events for the same reason.

...you're clearly an imposter! (sarcasm sirens alert)

exactly. the only time i ever really tell lies is to protect myself or others from being hurt or worried. so if my parents heard i was doing especially badly (they call and email my s/o all the time to ask how i am doing) and they then want to talk to me, it's always "no no, i'm feeling a lot better, let's chat about X" where X is something that isn't related to my wellbeing.

honestly in this post i feel like i'm being incredibly candid even though i'm trying not to talk in detail about what you would call 'the gory details'...

reiterating what i said, i completely agree... incidentally, the more unwell i got in recent years, the more i started collecting things. a couple years ago i mainly collected fashion (like nice dresses), jewelry and shoes with a few anime figures beginning to creep in (because i really like anime/manga). then i started getting so sick that i couldn't leave the house much again, which means some days all i wear is my underwear or PJs, and those nice clothes i used to wear are currently collecting dust on the rack, waiting to be worn again.

but, i can dress my dolls up and maybe even show them off online, so i suppose i can continue to live vicariously in that sense. i literally stopped buying new clothes for myself beyond really basic cheap things (like tank tops or underwear and stuff) and started buying the nicest clothes for my dolls instead. and the irony is that doll clothes often cost as much or more than clothes for human beings...

by the way, both you (Prysm) and Karla mentioned not being able to leave the house a lot. this is the #1 worst thing for me. i love the outdoors, i find it refreshing and i love the summer, but i have been able to leave the house (not counting going on to my porch/backyard) for a total of 4 times since June 1st. 3 of those times were to see a doctor or pick up medications. the 4th time was yesterday when i was feeling well enough that my s/o took me on a drive and a shopping trip- which nearly didnt happen, but he persuaded me to try it - and i'm really glad i managed it. but, after just 2 hours, i was so physically exhausted that we had to go straight home.

another reason not being able to leave the house due to illness is it's really hard to keep new friendships up. i made a new friend IRL while i was still in school, but over the months i become more sick i saw her less and less and chatted to her less and less. this was not because i disliked her - she is a really nice, sweet person who has a lot in common with me - but because i was feeling so unwell that i stopped answering my phone or checking emails regularly enough. i had so many voice messages on my phone (from lots of different people) when i looked at it for the first time in a month that i just put it right back down and turned it off (this is where you laugh, but it really sucked, haha).
my IRL friend still texts every couple weeks - 'what's wrong? when can we hang out?' or even worse, 'are you avoiding me?' and of course, by hang out she means, go out and do X. i don't want to ask her over to my house if i'm having a really bad day either, because hanging around a sad, sick person sucks and if i'm going to be around my friends, i want to be making them happy and having fun. the last time i saw her in person rather than texting or chatting over IM was in April.

so yeah, the social/physical isolation is really hard at times and i think that's probably the biggest thing we have in common, because obviously we don't want to be this way.

sorry i'm kind of ranting about this. as i said i'm not currently on welfare, for which i am very thankful, but it's pure luck that i have both a family able to pay my living expenses/medical bills and that i have my own sum of money that i inherited, not to mention my s/o pays for a good 50% of my things (both essential and non-essential). i don't know if he's a bad or good influence, because he encourages me. if i say 'i like this but i feel guilty about getting it, maybe i should pass and buy something later' he's the first person to say 'no, you should get it if you'll appreciate it'.

still, the rest of my life is very uncertain because i do not know if i will be able to support myself in any way if things change.

here's a thought anyway...with all the ridiculous things the govt wastes taxpayer money on- the fact that you (the collective you), if you work and pay your taxes, might have helped bring a small amount of brightness to someone (however they use your money to obtain that) should not bother you (on the assumption that they really are sick and not fraudulently try to obtain welfare, of course). think of it as involuntary charity, which i guess from one perspective is exactly what taxpaying is.

 

@ Prysm I have the same problem. Because when i am well, i look normal and i can do what any normal person can do i do get asked rude questions about: "Well what is wrong with you?" It annoys me because some of them are as simple situations like when i show my disabled train pass.

They are really apologetic when i answer, because they then know. But i get annoyed they they assume i look fine, therefore i must be fine. It doesn't help that the media only ever shows that one person who has faked and conned the system. So people never hear of the people who need that money and cling on to any hope of a normal life.

As i said i opened my mouth because i felt that most people, do not actual know about real people who need the money for actual reasons. I am really glad i am not alone actually and others have also said, well yeah i have the same issue too. I agree we do need a couple of nice things to help and distract us. I don't expect to have as many nice things as someone who goes out and works. However i don't need these people telling me that i am not allowed to have any.

Thank you, I do know that it is hard for people who work as well. But i think it is wrong to judge others when you do not know their situation, from the outside i can see how sometimes it could look easy, especailly if you are distant from it and don't actually know any one who has been though things like that. I come from a family who have worked for everything we have, so i know how it can be from that side too.

And yes none of us want pity, we just don't want to be told that we have no right to be able to buy these dolls out of the money we get, no matter if it is from the government or from our loved ones. It would also be nice if people didn't think we are scum because we can't work, because it is not because we don't want to, it is because we can't. There is some hope for me in the future, because what i have they can fix. But until then i just have to keep going, these dolls and other hobbies like my art keep me going.

 

If it's the only scource of money you have then I guess saving up for one isn't too bad so long as it's the LAST in your list of financial priorities.

I get ESA. I can't work since I'm ill a lot and am currently undergoing tests. I usually spend it on food and travel but I might be taking a year out as my illnesses also took a toll on my college work for the past three attempts at completing courses and that was before my mum's spine went kaput and partially paralyzed her. With the extra money I'll have over the summer I'll be buying clothes and shoes for both myself and fabric for my dolls. Hell, I may even get an SD head or a Vocaloid. Note that I also pay my parents £30 a week for food and bills out of the same money.

I'll also be clearing out some old stuff on Ebay so I may not need to use it anyway depending on how much I can shift.

Also, isn't it technically a necessity if you have severe depression to buy entertainment and material objects? I sure as hell know that buying things to keep her mildly amused is one of the few things keeping my sister alive. Even now she admits being dangerously close to ending it all sometimes even though she's nowhere NEAR as bad as she used to be.

 

I agree that important things should be bought first like food, shelter etc. however how someone else priorities their money, to be fair is none of your business. If they do something stupid and get into trouble it is their own fault. You can only advise people to do the sensible thing at the end of the day, but honestly i stranger you don't even know. It is none of your business.

Also depression isn't the only valid reason to buy something nice for yourself. I am not depressed but mentally the doll hobby (most of the time) does me good for many reasons.

 

Honestly, I think discussions like these get too personal and only end up leaving most of its participants uncomfortable. It's no one's business to dictate how others should or shouldn't spend their money unless it's with your own child.

I myself see nothing wrong with a disabled person comforting themselves with a few pleasures. We as humans deserve to enjoy life despite what hand we're dealt. I'm sure no one agrees that someone who leaches off of others to only buy luxuries is acceptable. Fortunately this is a very rare occurrence.

 

I agree, it made me sad this even came up in the first place. But i am sick of seeing people who are on benefits targeted for buying dolls, this is the first time i have seen the discussion here, however it seems to be a thing that is propping up with some people showing a great deal of hate.

I agree if someone is leeching off others it is wrong, and honestly as i said those people who fraud the system make me angry because, it makes it hard for the genuine people. I also like to believe it is a smaller number of people.

 

i never thought about it like that but maybe that's true. not to be morbid, but there are times when i literally thought "i wish i would die" because i was in so much pain. suicidal thoughts or just wishing you were dead are different to the actual intent to carry them out though, even if there's some weight behind them. anyway, i remembered i had some really weird thoughts during those last times... "i wish i would die, i can't stand this"... followed by... "but if i died, i wouldn't get to play that new videogame that comes out next month. right? right?"

it sounds really absurd but sometimes that's one of the only consolations i can think of (and you can replace "videogame" with whatever else your poison of choice is- like that doll you might be waiting for... i've had the same thoughts about lots of things like books or anime), aside from the standard ones, such as "people who care for me would be sad if i died" or "who would look after my pets?" (which are even more important to me than dolls when it comes to being comforted)

 

I'm not really sure about this since the amount given by the government isn't much. It's a barely survivable amount as some said. It's best if they buyer has income to support their hoby on top of necessities. It differs from person to person. It's their choice to either buy dolls or not. As long as they have enough to sustain themselves and are responsible with their finances, I guess it's ok. People can't live without even a little bit of helpful enjoyment.

 

Sure. Besides things like social security and public schools and interstate highways and national parks, my tax dollars also go to finance the Army's NASCAR team-- which is ridiculous and which I would never do voluntarily. But that's how it is, so you roll with it. Some of your taxes will always go to something you don't want to support.