buying or not buying when friends/family struggling to make ends meet

Fantastically interesting subject, OP.

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?
No. My finances are my own, as I believe everyone else's should be. Now, I also believe that we as a society (US) do not adequately teach people about finances or emphasize the important bits like putting off what's wanted over what's needed or how most debt is probably something you don't want. So I will use my own desires and saving for them (by earning more money or buying less stuff I want) as a teachable moment that it can be done. Not to say I'm perfect, but I'm doing better than a lot of my peers.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?
It depends. I feel guilty right now buying things I want because my brother is in an extremely difficult situation. (I cannot help him due to my own financial situation at best, at worst helping him will only cause him further harm. Please don't judge, you don't know my family or our relationship.) But friends, who are in a similar position to me where we can take care of things we need, but things we want are another matter entirely, no, I don't feel guilty. I work hard to get that stuff and they can recognize that.


If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?
If I had a friend that tried to make me feel bad for buying stuff I saved for, calling it a waste of money etc...they honestly probably wouldn't be my friend anymore because that's just plain rude. I don't make a secret of how I make my extra money, or what I do to save it. Again, though, most of my friends understand where I'm coming from and so don't make comments like that.

 

If someone I loved couldn't even afford to eat, of course I'd help them out instead of buying myself a luxury item. I have done so many times in the past in fact. I wanted a tan DS Saint, but my mom needed car repairs to get to work. She didn't ask me, I just gave her the money and told her not to worry about it. It seems like a no brainer to me.

A casual aquaintance however I probably wouldn't but who knows. Depends on the situation.

 

You don't think it's a little more complicated than that? What about young children or elderly parents/grandparents? Or a roommate or partner if non-payment of their portion of the rent or mortgage would get the two of you evicted?

 

I think it's important to always remember there is a distinction between what is necessary in one's life, and what isn't (and when I say one's life I'm not referring to the single individual existence, but to the complex web of people, that is family and close connections, that are part of it). Collecting BJD is a wonderful passion, full of creativity and enthusiasm. Yet, I quote Nefla when he says it's a no brainer for him. Indeed, everything has its right time and place. First I care about the basic necessities, and then I can pay attention to this wonderful passion of mine. ^ ^

 

Uh...well minors fall under the purview of their parents, though minors should be educated on good money habits as well. Honestly I'm not sure why you picked that as an example because it really goes without saying that parents would support their (minor) children.

Elderly parents, I should hope that during their working life they were saving up, investing, whatever for the time that they can't or don't want to work. I understand that there are a lot of circumstances that could change that, and if an adult child wishes to support their parents financially or otherwise that's great on them. But it isn't an obligation like taking care of a minor child.

If my roommate (who I assume I like enough to live with) couldn't make rent one month, then yeah I'd cover it with the expectation I'd get paid back. Maybe even two, though that would be a heck of a stretch. But if it kept occurring, then yeah, I'd probably reevaluate living with them. Oftentimes an inability to make rent on a regular basis is a symptom of being unable to prioritize what's important, at least in my experiences. Not always, but often enough.

My partner and I have a relationship where we communicate about things like money, and we also place a high importance on having it for ourselves. He owns the place we currently live in (and I rent from, give him a check and everything), but if it came to "I can't make rent" I could just, you know, say that and we'd talk something out. But if I started doing that month after month, then yeah I wouldn't blame him for dumping me because money and it's proper management are important to him.

These are all my opinions though. Feel free to judge me, I guess. It's not going to change my mind. I try not to judge how other people should live their lives as long as it doesn't affect me.

 

Eh, I'm not trying to change minds here - just pointing out that people are more interdependent than an absolute statement like "my finances are my own" would imply. And you essentially admit it when you say that you'd pay the roommate's rent that first month (expecting to be paid back doesn't change that - it's just another example of the back-and-forth).

Personally, yes - I would put helping out a parent/child (adult child even)/partner/close friend above buying playthings, but that wasn't my point (I didn't even mention my own views), it's is just a general comment about absolutes.

 

Ah, I get it now. My finances are my own in that I am the only one to take care of them, increase/decrease them, make decisions about where to put them etc. I choose to help out family/friends/SOs, or not and spend it all on vacations or dolls or whatever as I see fit. Other people can make suggestions or ask me for money or whatever, but ultimately the decision is mine and I shouldn't be made to feel bad (by a family/friend/SO) for doing what is best for me even if someone else is struggling.

 

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?

Well, I have the bad habit of getting my dolls on the moments I'm more in need of money myself. So no, not at all.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?

IMO everyone is on her/is own when it comes to money. I may cook for you, I look after your children, I help you repair the car/house/etc. I do the houshold if you need me too, I would even lend you the money you need, this last piont only, if you ask me to. That is my policy. Everyone who knows me enough to maybe need my help, knows that. And we are all a pretty prideful bunch of people, we may ask for help, but not for money.

If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?

I don't go showing my dolls around, but I don't keep them secret. If anyone asks I answer truthfully. They are not hidden or anything^^.

 

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?
not by choice but yes
Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?
it may sound mean but no, I saved my own money so I should be allowed to do with it whatever I want
If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?
I don't go around showing my doll to everyone but if they checked my YouTube/dA/Twitter/ect, they would have found out about my doll because she's not a secret either.
I think that some of my friends spend too much on some stuff but they don't care about my opinion and do anyway so I do the same.

 

Actually quite recently after ordering a BJD that I've been trying to get for a while I met this guy about a few years older than me. I met him while he was leaving the practice rooms and he said we could use the room. We thanked him and he asked to hear our practice as my friends were playing the cello and he said it was his favourite instrument. I asked him why did he not learn the cello and found out he couldn't really afford to buy one and therefore couldn't play something he really wanted. Since an average cello price was the price I bought my doll for, I felt really guilty and careless for spending my money so carelessly.

 

Have you ever put off buying a doll you really wanted because a roommate, family member or close friend complained about not having money?

I haven't, but to be honest, the times I've bought my dolls have been times when there have been no complaints. I pay my parents rent since I live at home while I'm at uni and my bills are always covered first. The only one in my family with real money issues is my sister and unfortunately, these were through her own creation.

Would you have felt too guilty after spending money on a doll while someone you cared about went without?

I wouldn't, but I've always offered assistance first before I bought a doll. Though the offer of assistance is appreciated, they've never taken me up on it, because I earn the least due to being a uni student and a part time worker. Being there is often more important to them than financial assistance, but I do contribute where I can.

If you did buy a doll you could afford while a close friend was have money issues, did you show it to that person or did you keep it a secret from them so they wouldn't think you were wasting money on such things while they worried about basic necessities like food?

Luckily, this situation has never come up for me.