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"Coming out" as a BJD owner?

Jun 17, 2011

    1. I'm relatively new to this hobby and still doll-less, and I really can't imagine how my parents will react since they don't even know of the existence of BJDs ... I know that if I mention to them that I'm considering buying a doll they will immediately think of Bratz and Barbie despite the fact that I'm 21 :|

      I'm aware that there are other topics in this forum about people's reactions to seeing your dolls for the first time, or feeling embarrassed about admitting to owning BJDs, but what I want to know is how did you approach the subject with close family/friends in the first place? Did you keep it all under wraps until after you'd made your first purchase(s)? Or did you drop mention beforehand to test people's reactions and try and get your family/friends to warm up to the idea? How did you "come out" as a BJD enthusiast?

      Sorry if this topic exists already :sweat
    2. Well, I told my mother that I was saving for something (I'm 16 and relatively jobless, so saving was definitely in order). I waited about a week and told her what it was, after doing months of research on exactly what I wanted. She was kind of confused at first, as I was never one for dolls but after I showed her some pictures of the sculpt that I wanted and the body type, she thought it was kind of cool and a perfect drawing model. I was spending most of my time with my grandmother while I was saving and I kind of casually pointed out that I was buying a doll to represent one of my characters that I enjoy writing about. After I had ordered Soren, I got around to telling my close friends. That was mostly due to the fact that I am kind of shameless, not really one to get embarassed about anything, and was too excited to keep my mouth shut. They understand my personality and know what I like, so it wasn't much of a shock. My family for the most part had known by that point and was either supportive or neutral on the idea of my hobby.

      I just kind of jumped into it, not really minding what my family/friends thought. For me, I just kind of had to relate it to hobbies of mine that they were already aware of like writing and drawing. That made things easier for them to understand and accept :)
    3. My family knows I like dolls and that a doll is the default, not likely to dissappoint gift for me. I got Josslyn at A-Kon last year. All I did to "introduce" her was bring her out, plunk her down at the table, and say "Hey, look at my new doll!" If they know about Barbie and Bratz use it to your advantage.

      Make as big or little a fuss as you want; be honest or evasive about the price. It's up to you. -shrug- Have you looked at the thread about "dropping the bomb" on your parents/loved ones? I certainly hope saying you have/want a bjd isn't the sort of thing likely to get you on the outs with family...
    4. I don't live with my parents, and simply bought my first doll without saying anything about it to anyone except my roommate who also liked them. My parents came over one day and were curious about Hikaru who was sitting out in the livingroom, and I explained what abjds were and that was that. I also don't tend to bring up price with people except to say that they tend to be expensive, since I prefer to keep my finances private.
    5. There are loads of threads like this, and they mostly seem to adhere to a principle that owning a BJD is similar to some gigantic lifestyle change or medical anomaly, or in this case, being gay. People, you're only buying a doll. You're not giving birth. It really isn't that big of a deal! If you want a doll and can afford a doll and are sure about getting a doll, go ahead and get a doll.
      As for me, while my family doesn't really get my hobby, they understand that I'm spending all my own money that I earned myself, so they know they have very little say in how I spend it. Therefore, I don't really care about "coming out" or "dropping the bomb" or whatever.
      • x 3
    6. I told my mom that I was saving to buy a BJD, then explained just exactly what that meant. She was against it, of course, since I was young and jobless. But once I actually got the doll and showed her and then stuck in the hobby for a few years, she realized it wasn't a phase and that I really do enjoy these 'plastic dolls.'

      I recommend showing a few pictures of the dolls and explaining what they are and why you find them interesting/beautiful/useful/etc, first. Then bring in that you're saving for one and can't wait to bring him/her home. From what I've read of people's experiences, most parents either don't care much or don't find it such a great thing, but when that doll gets home, it really doesn't matter what they think anymore. :lol:
    7. I can't really remember actually... Once I had found out about BJDs I was enamoured with them so much I didn't really care what my Mum thought so I was just like "Oh hey, look at this doll. I want it!". Thankfully, my Mum's cool with everything so she just went "Oh, he's beautiful" and that was the end of it. xD She was a bit shocked about the price at first (as was I) but then we both just got over it and agreed they're worth it. :3
      Similar stories with the rest of my family actually... I told my brother and Dad I was expecting a doll to arrive and they were a little like "o.O Okay..." but they weren't bothered as long as they knew I was so excited and happy about it. (My brother likes to tell me they're creepy but he doesn't really mean it, haha)

      You are buying a doll. You are not making a huge life altering change. The less of a big deal you make something, the less people will react to it.
      • x 1
    9. http://www.denofangels.com/forums/s...-on-your-parents-loved-ones&highlight=parents

      These all ask essentially the same thing: "How did you tell/dropped the bomb/came out/convinced them?" See, what can one discover just by using the nifty search function ;)

      I myself didn't really tell them...I think Mom knew that I'd be getting a doll even before me. And she told Dad :lol:
    10. Although I agree with this (That this isn't nor should it be something equated with some life changing event) it's sad that there are some people who would react badly to someone owning these dolls for whatever reason. We've certainly heard plenty of stories about that. Although probably in the minority I can understand why someone might be hesitant to brooch the subject with family or friends. But yes I agree with Kim the less of a big deal you make of it the better off you'll probably be. I just told my parents I was expecting a large package, and what it was. My mom was curious to see my boy when he arrived, and she did ask how much I paid and I told her the truth, and her reaction was, the stuff that's worth it usually is [expensive]. So yeah no big deal at my house.
    11. I had a good laugh at this one. How true ! I mean its a doll for pete's sake. Thanks for your very frank insight. It's surprising how simple life can be if WE dont complicate it!
    12. Yeaaah... I try not to over complicate things like this. When I ordered my first doll, I just told my mom that I'd ordered a doll online (just in case I wasn't home when it got delivered). As both my parents are used to me buying anime and video game figures, my mom didn't really think much of it. When my doll finally arrived and I had dressed him all up properly, I sat him on my bed in plain view where my mom would see him if/when she entered my room.

      I don't feel the need to hide stuff like bjds from my parents and ever since my first doll, they've gotten used to dolls arriving in boxes every once in a while. The most they ever ask - and it's usually my mom that asks this - is if it's a boy or a girl. I don't really get the whole "coming out" issue that some doll owners have, but I'm sure I would feel differently if my parents weren't so laid back about my hobbies ~_~
    13. I've always been obsessed over my interests; resin dolls are just the latest one. The only person I told about my dolls (and the accompanying crazy doll community) is my sister and she was merely amused. They're just dolls. My sister buys shoes that cost more than some of my dolls.
    14. As a grown woman, and mother of 1 (though little did I know it was soon to be 2) who is married, I discussed it with my hubby before really diving into the hobby. I still discuss every purchase with him. I did so there, because I'm the stay at home mom, and he's the working force in our home, most of the time. So like he wants my input on 'large' purchases (anything over $25 counts as large enough to need discussing in my house), I want his input on my large purchases. Beyond that...*Shrugs* While expensive, and strange to those not in the hobby, they ARE just dolls. So I excitedly told my dad (who lived with us...now we live with him...it's complicated, lol) and my mom, and my sisters. In doing so, I found my dad thinks I'm crazy (but I knew that already) but is amused by how much I love these dolls. My mom is overly supportive. My baby sis thinks they're interesting, but not enough to own one. My middle sister, though, had just as much a secret love for them that I did, and just didn't think it was worth mentioning given that the price made it unlikely she'd start into the hobby anytime soon.

      Beyond that...most friends and family have found out on seeing my dolls. Like others have said...they ARE just dolls. To most they're not that big a deal. My mother in law forbid me to bring them into her home, though. Other than that the only other strong reaction I got was from an Aunt and Cousin. They love them, and want to get into the hobby to. So...like with my sister...I gifted my aunt her first doll (who is actually vinyl not resin, as she has forbidden me from buying her a resin doll, as she knows I can't really 'afford' to without giving up my own dolly savings). Everyone else looks at them and goes 'OK, so you like creepy/pretty/interesting expensive dolls. Cool.' Just like they would if I got an expensive game console they're not interested in.

      Really, especially for those of legal age to count as adults, and have their own source of income (teens with their own jobs count in this to me, too, but I know that some parents don't agree) it's just a doll, and no big deal. There's no reason to feel like getting into the hobby, getting your first doll, or your 100th, or your 1000th, is going to somehow be a life changing event in that it will affect how those around you feel about you. Some WILL have negative reactions. Sometimes unexpected people will join the hobby with you. Most won't care. At all.

      That said...it IS different for 'kids' in the hobby who don't have jobs, and have to find other ways to afford their dolls. Then the reaction of parents does tend to be kinda key to weather or not they're going to be able to get into the hobby as an owner before they're able to get a job of their own.

      You're 21. It should be no big deal. You don't even HAVE to tell anyone if you don't want to. I did because at the time, my family was really close. Most of us still are. So we share that sort of thing. But if I hadn't told any of them, and they'd just SEEN my dolls, it wouldn't have been a big deal either. In fact...had I done THAT, I'd likely get less teasing from my dad about them. But then...I'd not have had his help in buying my sister her first doll, either.

      Trust me...it was MUCH bigger news when we broke it to the family shortly after I got into the hobby that I was expecting my second child. ^-~
    15. My motherinlaw get me a big lecture on how very expensive those "things" (yes thats what she said....)are and that she never in the world would buy a thing so expensive....complete bogus because she spend sometimes money on things i think...wtf!
      And...it is good she do not know how much the dolls cost who are coming to me, hehehehe!

      My own mother was intrested because she knew i collected Barbies when i was still living with them. And she knows i love dolls of every type!
    16. I second this. Who cares? Really? I've loved dolls my whole life, carried dolls around with me everywhere (and still do) and have never cared what ANYONE thinks. It's a doll. Who says grown-ups can't like dolls? There's no rule for that anywhere. Not to mention these dolls are works of art that are for grown-ups anyway.

      When I met my husband, I warned him first and foremost that I love dolls and always will, and that if he has a problem with it, then he shouldn't consider me. But lucky me, he loves dolls too and buys them for me all the time, and even bought me my very own BJD who was expensive as heck and he has always supported me. Gosh if you guys only knew how much we've spent on Build-A-Bears. Haha.
    17. Well, while I agree that it certainly doesn't rank with someone coming out of the closet, it's not like there's NO stigma attached to adults owning dolls. I hid the fact from my family for quite some time - it was easy, I lived on the other side of the Pacific - until Cotindoll sent a wig to my Canadian address rather than my Japanese one and that required some explanation. I still don't tell people unless I know them really well, and even so I assume nobody wants to hear about it.

      But yes, the search function is our friend. :sweat
      • x 1
    18. I don't actually have parents to worry about. I live with my family - my aunt, an uncle, my grandparents and my father comes and goes. But all in-all, I'm 20, I can do what I want.

      I mentioned it to my aunt about a year ago, around Christmas time. Now, that sounds like a douche move, I know, but I wasn't asking HER for one. My other aunt buys me a TON of stuff that I never use- it gets thrown in the basement and I never look at it again- and she spends a lot on it. I figure when she asked my Aunt (that I mentioned it to) that year, she could gt me ONE thing I'd enjoy. She laughed in my face and never said anything to my aunt. She thought I was nuts.

      She still did when I bought my first one this year. c: I bought her myself, and I opened it in front of my grandparents, so everyone knows. XD My grandfather thinks she's ugly (-.-*), my aunt thinks she's ugly naked (Vivica is double jointed), and my grandmother has a mild interest. My uncle and father are irrelevant. XD
      And I talked to my boyfriend about it before I even bought her, and he's actually interested in BJDs now (although he wouldn't get one himself. He'll enjoy the hobby through me, lol).

      I'm not really one to hide my interests, I suppose. So, yeah, I've "come out" I guess, by either mentioning, box opening or brain-storming (with my boyfriend).
    19. It's certainly heartening to see others feel the same way as me: ie. it's not a huge deal and you should do what you want with your own money. Also an interesting point someone raised about friends who make too big a deal of it ("omg you collect DOLLZ you must be a total weirdo I'm like nevah talkin to you again") really shouldn't be your friends anyway.

      Also, I would like to add that use of the term "coming out" in this sense does rather trivialize the experience of coming out in terms of sexuality. Telling people you own a doll is not the same as telling your family, who may be very conservative and possibly react in a terrible way, that you are gay, bi, etc. Seriously, I know people who have been disowned by their family because they were gay. In comparison to that kind of horrible experience, getting a few odd looks because you own an expensive piece of resin is really NOTHING to worry about.
    20. I wasn't being serious when I compared admitting a BJD hobby to coming out in terms of sexuality. Believe me, I know the difference, and I'm sorry if my turn of phrase seemed a little strong. It's good to hear that most family members tend to be supportive of a hobby that involves such a high financial input, and to be honest that's the area where I expect friction to arise in my case, since my family are struggling with money at the moment. Although I've been saving for this on my own initiative, I think my parents may still see it as a bit of a kick in the teeth when I suddenly go and make a major purchase for myself (which isn't fair, but that's my parents). I feel my first post was unclear on this point. Sorry for any misunderstanding caused, some people seem to have strong opinions here and may feel that my initial post came across as slightly immature.