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Coping with Dolls

Feb 22, 2010

    1. I use OC's to help me cope with life, so dolls that embody those characters seems to be a logical next step. By projecting some of my own issues onto the dolls' characters, I have an outlet for those things to be expressed and also somehow feel less "alone" in what I'm dealing with.
       
    2. I can more easily put issues I've overcome and dealt with into doll/character form, rather than just the opposite. For me, it's not a constant reminder of what I've been through, especially as I can count half a dozen people I know very well who've been through similar situations. It's not even a conscious thing I find myself doing.
       
    3. I'm entirely the same way. At the very least the act of shopping for dolls and their accessories is tremendous stress relief in itself, even if I can't afford to buy anything at the moment.

      As for the character aspect, without going into too much depth, all of my characters that will end up as dolls are a reflection of myself in some way (one more than the others.) I think it ends up this way in a lot of people, because it's easier to portray what you know rather than what you don't.
       
    4. Haha, I have to agree with bunnydots; when I read the title, I assumed the thread would be discussing how we coped with owning dolls - and the trials and tribulations of catering to their resin needs!

      I have to agree that simply doing anything in the way of the doll hobby is soothing. Shopping is a kind of mindless activity, and I enjoy it, and I enjoy getting things in the mail, and things to look forward to. It's cathartic. I suppose I'm a compulsive shopper (I don't generally buy, but I can spend hours simply shopping), and shopping for doll items is challenging, so therefore, more stimulating and, in my opinion, more enjoyable.

      As for these types of emotional issues, I can understand how drawing from experience can be a form of coping and relief. Some of the best writing is drawn from personal experience. Of course, I dislike it when abuse or some form of negative activity is portrayed simply to be portrayed - because it's "interesting" and "unique," and not an actual exploration of its actual negativity and pain. These forms of abuse are not "cool." They are not "artistic" in the sense that causing harm to yourself should be encouraged because it is "art" (while the term "art" is subjective and there are those would argue against that - I would have to politely disagree). Self-mutilation is a painful and psychology taxing thing - and it should be acknowledged as such.

      Yes, pain is portrayed in art, and it can be beautiful. But doing it simply to be acknowledged for doing it is wrong. It can be done to highlight the intensity, the wrongness, the twisted pain of it - how it shouldn't be done. The problem is that, often, instead of discouraging others to emulate such actions, the heavy-handedness of how such sensitive topics are handled - only results in glorifying such actions, and with that, I do have a real problem. Observe it, relate it, explore it, capture it - but glorify it? No.

      With my writing, I do like to explore "darker" topics. Pain is a real thing - and it can occur in the most normal of situations. I feel like it's such an intrinsic part of every life (and of course it's counterbalanced with happiness and goodness, which I love - cupcakes and frills are a happy essential in my life), and perhaps all my dolls' backstories have a slightly darker slant, but I find it more realistic when they have such imperfections. They're certainly not "cooler" - if anything, they are more utterly flawed and awkward - but, in a way, I value that.

      Everyone has their own issues and distresses. And of course having a hobby can be a stress reliever. It certainly serves that purpose for me. I love beautiful things. I love being involved in the creation of beautiful things, and I love admiring what others have done. This is such a creative hobby, and with such an artistic foundation, it's inevitable that some people's lives will be reflected in their dolls. And, on the opposite side of the coin, it's inevitable that others will use this as reflection of everything their life is not.
       
    5. I don't know... if things are going badly in my emotional life I find I tend to enjoy everything less, and that includes the dolls. I don't have detailed elaborate OC's or anything, though... maybe if I was more of a storyteller they'd be more therapeutic at such times.

      I enjoy my dolls most when I'm feeling happy and secure. When I'm worried or sad I tend to want to sell them!

      Raven
       
    6. Do you use personal experiences from your life as a reference when creating your dolls? (anything from loss of a pet to abuse)
      Yes, stories are a huge part of my life and I have found that writing and or reading is my primary coping mechanism. I often write stories where the characters have similar experiences or problems as a way to deal with what I'm thinking and feeling. My dolls are an extension of my stories and characters, just another way for me to interact with them. So many of my dolls have back stories involving my own experiences or issues or even certain of my characteristics.

      Have your dolls ever used similar or the same coping mechanisms you've used, even if they were unhealthy - such as self-harm or anorexia?
      Yes, they frequently use similar coping mechanisms, or do things that I wish I could have done in a given situation but couldn't. Sometimes they take things to further extremes than I have. But it is true I have used less than healthy coping mechanisms in the past and I have characters who have done the same.

      Have you ever shown your dolls overcoming what they went through, or are they unable to cope with what happened?
      Most of them are still working through it. I think there are some things you never really get over, they are always with you, but you can still move on with your life.

      In showing your dolls' experiences, coping methods, or ability/inability to overcome a situation, did you feel as though you were able to better handle or talk about what happened to you?
      It does help me cope with things. I am still not comfortable talking about everything that I have done or that has happened to me. That is why I write them, because if I keep it all inside I am afraid it will poison me.

      Or in showing your dolls' experiences, coping methods, or ability/inability to overcome a situation, did you feel exonerated or vindicated (freed from guilt or justified) about what happened and how you handle or cope with it?
      Not really, it is more just about looking at it from another angle.

      Conversely, if/when you find dolls that have similar experiences, coping methods, or abilities/inabilities to overcome a situation, do you feel as though this is insensitive or inaccurate?

      That really depends on how it is handled. Everyone's experience will be different. I cannot judge how others cope with a situation just because it is different for me.

      Overall for me having these dolls that represent my characters is another level of healing for me. It is just one more way to deal with my life. I am grateful for that, though I know that probably sounds stupid to say.
       
    7. Do you use personal experiences from your life as a reference when creating your dolls? (anything from loss of a pet to abuse) One of my future dollies is going to be dealing with depression, like me.

      Have your dolls ever used similar or the same coping mechanisms you've used, even if they were unhealthy - such as self-harm or anorexia? They get by with a little help from their friends.

      Have you ever shown your dolls overcoming what they went through, or are they unable to cope with what happened?
      He's going to be overcoming it. Hope is real, kiddies.

      In showing your dolls' experiences, coping methods, or ability/inability to overcome a situation, did you feel as though you were able to better handle or talk about what happened to you? Well, writing does it for me, so I feel like dolls will do the same.

      Or in showing your dolls' experiences, coping methods, or ability/inability to overcome a situation, did you feel exonerated or vindicated (freed from guilt or justified) about what happened and how you handle or cope with it?
      Not really...

      Conversely, if/when you find dolls that have similar experiences, coping methods, or abilities/inabilities to overcome a situation, do you feel as though this is insensitive or inaccurate? Depends on how it's handled.
       
    8. Search the word Therapy. There's already a thread on BJDs as therapy, and I do believe mine are keeping me out of a very dark state and much more contented.
       
    9. It's always therapeutic to have something that you can get really engrossed in - frees the mind from dwelling on other issues. (Drawing or singing are other similar outlets, for me). I was in an *extremely* unpleasant place personally when I first got into BJDs - and I've fought with clinical depression most of my life, so this was a notch or eight below my usual "happy-go-lucky" state (yes, sarcasm intended! ;) ). Rather than being a way for me to play out my life, they took me out of myself at a time when I needed it. -- and gave me time and space to do some serious thinking, unconsciously, while my hands and eyes were otherwise occupied.

      I'm glad things have improved since then - and they truly have. But I still find the dolls to be a fantastic source of calm, stress release and... just joy. It's hard to argue with something like that.
       
    10. Do you use personal experiences from your life as a reference when creating your dolls? (anything from loss of a pet to abuse)

      Sometimes, it really depends. Of course some of my dolls have things in common with me, I think all of them have a little piece of me in them. Some of my dolls have their pasts, and presents, hardships, etc, but so do a lot of people. I think it breathes a little bit of life into my dolls, I don't know if I really COPE that way, but I'm a writer and I write what makes a good story.

      Have your dolls ever used similar or the same coping mechanisms you've used, even if they were unhealthy - such as self-harm or anorexia?

      I've delt with both self-harm and anorexia nervosa, but I'm not sure I could have my dolls use the same coping mechanisms. I'm not exactly against it, but it was a horrible experience for me. I'd never want anyone to suffer with that too, even if it's a fictional character. It's a sore spot in my heart, it's hard enough for me to deal with, and in a way I feel the 'hurt' that my characters feel too. I'm a very involved writer, I put my heart and soul into whatever I'm writing, and having to re-live those dark parts of my own life would be too hard for me.

      Have you ever shown your dolls overcoming what they went through, or are they unable to cope with what happened?

      Yes, a lot of my dolls have overcome the hardships that they've been through. Some of them are still dealing with it, like being a hungry artist trying to make a living. Just like me, I've faced harships, overcame them, but I'm still dealing with some. But life is like that, you're never really completely carefree. There's always a challenge.

      In showing your dolls' experiences, coping methods, or ability/inability to overcome a situation, did you feel as though you were able to better handle or talk about what happened to you?

      Sometimes. When I write a story, sometimes I BASE things off of events that have happened to me, or I portray themes in a different way. For example, I moved a long ways away from my home when I was a child. Perhaps one of my characters moved out of their home and went traveling. Sometimes things are loosely based off my own experiences, even parts of my personality are imbedded into my dolls. I'm not sure if it makes it easier for me to handle of talk about things that have happened to me. But sometimes my stories are a way of communicating things about myself, without having to actually talk about myself.

      Or in showing your dolls' experiences, coping methods, or ability/inability to overcome a situation, did you feel exonerated or vindicated (freed from guilt or justified) about what happened and how you handle or cope with it?
      Hmm...sometimes I feel as though I have a better understanding of myself, it helps me to analyze who I am. I'm not sure about coping...but everything is a process. It almost makes it easier to breathe sometimes when I write stories or character backgrounds strongly based or loosely based on my own life. It's almost as if I'm freeing a part of myself that I was too scared to explore.

      Conversely, if/when you find dolls that have similar experiences, coping methods, or abilities/inabilities to overcome a situation, do you feel as though this is insensitive or inaccurate?
      Hm...honestly, it depends on how it's written. I can sympathize and understand when it's well written, thought out, full of emotion, honest, and less about the angst factor and making a wounded, fragile, dark, broken, character. I'm okay with it if the person has taken special care into the story, put it there because it's an important part of the doll, and not being it adds drama. But with myself having lived through some of the horrors, it hurts me a little when someone writes a story that almost glorifies things such as suicide, rape, abuse, drug use, eating disorders, self-harm, etc. Hollywood and a lot of people today have almost made those horrible things 'pretty', or romanticized. There are people out there who really don't understand the true nightmare and suffering behind it, and simply use horrific events such as that for 'entertainment'. That strikes a note with me, and I find that I'm easily offended. I'm not really AGAINST it, but I find it almost hurtful and insensitive.
       
    11. I've noticed that the doll characters I have in mind tend to be "pieces of me" in that they all seem to represent specific parts of my personality, or personality traits I wished I had.

      As far as using dolls as a way to cope, I think it can be a healthy way to deal, as long as it's not the only way a person is dealing with trauma. I believe that this sort of "doll role-play" is used by psychologists working with children who have been abused, so it can't be all bad.
       
    12. Do you use personal experiences from your life as a reference when creating your dolls? (anything from loss of a pet to abuse) I use personal experiences (either first-hand or second-hand from friends and family) when creating all my characters, from dolls to written characters.

      Have your dolls ever used similar or the same coping mechanisms you've used, even if they were unhealthy - such as self-harm or anorexia? I haven't for dolls, but I have written certain things into my literary characters that I have experienced that weren't for the best, but things I have overcome. Through the character I can examine why I chose that path without becoming damagingly critical of myself. The detatchment helps; even though I am fond of and attached to my characters, they aren't me, so when I put them in a dangerous situation or a sad one, it is happening to someone else. In the same manner, when I think about that character's motivation and choices, I can see where they went wrong much easier than if I was to try and work out where I went wrong in similar circumstances. The detatchment in this sense, is being an observer of events rather than being inside events.

      Have you ever shown your dolls overcoming what they went through, or are they unable to cope with what happened? Even though I have faced down some tough crap, I've overcome it and I believe most people can overcome their troubles too with grit and determination. This is something I definitely write into my dolls' characters. No wishy-washy types in the Jescissa-household!

      In showing your dolls' experiences, coping methods, or ability/inability to overcome a situation, did you feel as though you were able to better handle or talk about what happened to you? Yes, it does help to have an abstract to relate to or to project upon. Like I said, it stops me being too harsh on myself if I can spread the criticism around!

      Or in showing your dolls' experiences, coping methods, or ability/inability to overcome a situation, did you feel exonerated or vindicated (freed from guilt or justified) about what happened and how you handle or cope with it? In a way, I did feel this way; I won't go into detail about what I experienced, but it wasn't nice (let's put it that way) and I truly felt that a moment of grace saved me. By exploring this in my characters I'm even more appreciative of how I handled my experience and how I came through it, in some cases it is justification for my actions.

      Conversely, if/when you find dolls that have similar experiences, coping methods, or abilities/inabilities to overcome a situation, do you feel as though this is insensitive or inaccurate? I only feel that something is insensitive or inaccurate when it is handled that way. Flippant, off-hand comments and using the experience to 'shock' annoy me since I have lived and come through the experience and it was a lot more serious than some people like to think. I truly think that if you can't handle a deep, sensitive topic in a graceful way then you should leave it to someone who can -- and by 'graceful' I mean with a good, solid, natural base motivation for your character and a good command of the language you're writing in. Handling a delicate story that has the power to affect other people is no time for sloppy writing skills.
       
    13. I haven't had anything (really) traumatic happen in my life, which is why I guess my dolls are very vanilla? There's nothing especially different about them, they have brown hair and normal color eyes (one has blue, one has brown) and no significant background stories.

      I do however have a phobia/aversion to doctors, men, and cops/anyone in uniform, so it's no wonder I've waited so long to get a boy doll.. but I have just placed an order for my first boy, and for whatever reason I think he's going to be a doctor/scientist @__@; I guess I'm forcing therapy on myself?
       
    14. For me, BJD is a 100% distraction. Quite frankly, I am not that good at it, so it requires all of my attention. In this way, my mind is free of problems for awhile. Also, Lydia's character dwells in a fantasy world, where there are more options for resolving any conflicts.
       

    15. bewaretheshort1:
      I hope you don't mind my asking but may I please know the title and writer of the book? I'm very interested in reading it as I love those kinds of books :3 I read a book similar to your description: The trilogy/memorial books from Dave Pelzer, "A child called it", "The lost boy" and "A man named Dave" I highly recommend them!

      Back on topic :p

      Do you use personal experiences from your life as a reference when creating your dolls? (anything from loss of a pet to abuse)

      Not really, none of my boys have tragic pasts even if I experienced a lot of things a child should never have experienced in childhood or in any age. Some people grow up to lead their lives influenced by their past experiences, for example: if children were neglected/abused by their parents, they will do the same things to their future-sons. I say this because I've known people like this. There is also the other side of the coin. Some people will try to lead their lives as opposed to their tragic childhood. I know someone who was hit constantly by her drug-addict mother, was abused by her uncle and mistreated in school. She grew up to be a wonderful, caring mother and a bright, happy person as a whole.

      I think I'm the same as her, I give my dolls happy backgrounds because they are supposed to be mine... they are connected to me and I would never allow anyone dear to me to suffer.

      Have your dolls ever used similar or the same coping mechanisms you've used, even if they were unhealthy - such as self-harm or anorexia?

      Now this is different^^ while I refuse to give them a sad background, I give them some of my traits. One of them is anti-socialism, which is not healthy for some people. I will speak to people only if I have to (at work or school) but I never create emotional bonds with anyone (I was hurt by someone dear to me in the past) and now I don't care to get to know anyone. I'm happiest when I'm alone (or w/ my brothers) I don't feel the need to have anyone by my side and one of my dolls has this kind of personality.


      Have you ever shown your dolls overcoming what they went through, or are they unable to cope with what happened?

      Since I don't feel like 'overcoming' my anti-social attitude, I also don't feel like making my boy trying to overcome his phobia against people...well, it's not a phobia, it's more like paranoia because we are not afraid of people, we're more like neutral and annoyed by them plus we feel good with ourselves and that's what matters.


      In showing your dolls' experiences, coping methods, or ability/inability to overcome a situation, did you feel as though you were able to better handle or talk about what happened to you?

      Since their background are not connected to mine, only my personality traits are manifested on them and we are happy the way we are, then there's nothing they have to cope or nothing I have to overcome (since I already did, time and forgetfulness are the best medicine for this^^).

      Or in showing your dolls' experiences, coping methods, or ability/inability to overcome a situation, did you feel exonerated or vindicated (freed from guilt or justified) about what happened and how you handle or cope with it?

      I should admit that I feel "freed from guilt". My mother is always telling me to change and be a little more friendly with people, I tried to do it in the past but it wasn't like being myself...now I just don't care what other people think about me, I am what I am and don't regret it. :]

      Conversely, if/when you find dolls that have similar experiences, coping methods, or abilities/inabilities to overcome a situation, do you feel as though this is insensitive or inaccurate?

      Nothing can be insensitive or inaccurate if you want it that way. For all I care, my doll one day will change but that's because I wanted it that way. They are, after all, my imagination and they are how i want them to be.

      In short: my dolls are a gateway to my imagination, they are fun and make me happy. If I become sad the least thing I want to see is my dolls.
       
    16. Despite some of the horrible and traumatic experiences that have come to light here, I am happy you started this thread.

      I have always, and will always, use my dolls to cope. I've gone through the horror of childhood sexual abuse.

      I do use them quite differently from you, though.

      I don't re-enact any of the things that have happened to me, nor any of the destructive coping mechanisms I've gone through. I don't see the point in doing this. I know why it happened to me, I know why I've done the things I've done, but I've moved past it. There's no need to relive it, and I don't see any good that could come from it.

      Instead I use them as practice to treat myself better as a person. Through them, I'm learning to be kind and patient and accepting of myself. I find this to be more constructive.

      I wish all of you strength and may what happened to you not debilitate you, but make you stronger along the way. :aheartbea
       
    17. If I do use dolls in this way, it's verrrrry indirect. I always have hobbies I get really into, and this is my current obsession. I write, and yet have always worked quite hard to keep myself out of my own writing - my fantasy worlds are about getting away! The pain or joy or whathaveyou portrayed in my dolls and their actions, as it were, belongs to those specific characters. Now, it's pretty much impossible to put nothing of yourself and your experiences in stories, but I've never been comfortable directly using anything that's happened to me or anyone I know. Relaxing a bit about it now though.

      Frankly, my collection can be a source of stress ^^;. It is usually just a relaxing, fun hobby, though. I just get obsessive or sloppy with money, which I do with anything, so it's not the dolls' fault.

      However, the thought that our resin buddies can help people through tough times makes me happy.
       
    18. since I have a wild imagination the dolls don't seem to have any coherency to anyone but myself-everything that makes the doll itself, is really only known to me and doesn't really reflect anything
      just more things that I like (fantasy for example)
       
    19. There was a lengthy period of time in my life were I went through very traumatic experiences, none of which I feel comfortable talking about. However, I have not used my dolls as a coping mechanism. I do not wish to bestow on my dolls what I have been through, nor do I think that it would benefit me in anyway. While I will say I have not completely dealt with the issues, I feel that by incorporating them into my dolls story would only be a set back to what progress I have made. I feel that it would be just too painful. For several years, I have been trying to move on and let go of what happened and there are many memories I do not wish to bring up. I want to leave them buried where they are. While this may not be the best solution to dealing with my problems, I know for certain reenacting things with my dolls would only make matters worse.
       
    20. No dolls yet, but I can only assume they'll follow the pattern of my other creative endeavors...

      I very much use writing and art to cope with both current issues and the parts of my past I haven't fully come to terms with (my dad is/was emotionally abusive and I was bullied through most of my childhood, leaving me with a lot of scars and walls and few "normal" social experiences), but I very rarely apply my own experiences directly to my stories. Instead, I use them to channel my negative feelings and energy in a positive direction and explore both positive and negative ways of dealing the bad that comes our way in life.