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Do you have a friend that's jealous of the dolls you have?

Jan 11, 2007

    1. I know that somewhere there's a thread about friends being jealous of your dolls but this is a little different. Another doll collector friend of mine seems jealous that she can't get a BJD. She says she wants one but keeps calling them a "trend" & says by the time she gets one the trend will be over.

      Also, the fact that I'm selling so much stuff bothers her while her things aren't selling that well. But I'm selling nice dolls & clothes dirt cheap to help pay for this new obssession which she isn't willing to do. In fact I've eliminated a couple of doll collections already & am about to do the same thing to another.

      She thinks the dolls boost my self esteem since they're the hot item right now but the truth is I've just totally fallen in love with the BJDs & have lost interest in most of my other dolls. I've never been one to care about trends, I just follow my heart.

      So I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has gone thru something like this & if so, what have you done about it?

      To the mods, if you think this is inappropriate, feel free to lock it down. I'm not sure if it's on topic enough.
       
    2. IMO, she's not jealous of your dolls - she's jealous that THEY'RE getting so much attention and dedication from you - instead of you giving her the attention.

      Sounds also like her own self-esteem issues are bothering her. It's not easy to deal with potential buyers ignoring one's stuff for sale, but it happens. Putting down BJD's shifts the blame away from a sense of rejection, maybe.

      I don't think there's anything you can do. She has to work out her own issues. And maybe she'll never have the dedication to the hobby you appear to have. Maybe she's just showing an interest because you're into it, and in time, she'll focus on some other hobby she might really get a fire inside for.

      And that's my semi-board-OT ramble!
       
    3. yeah... I have a friend who has money dramas through her own lack of responsibility, she gambles the mortgage money away and then gets pissed with me when I won't lend her money for cigarettes (I am a non smoker).

      I used to avoid seeing her or havingher over because I knew I would get a tirade about my 'stupid obsession' but now I figure wtf.. I work hard, I don't smoke, don't drink, don't go to clubs, don't even buy lottery tickets.. all my SPARE money (after kids and bills) goes on my dolls because thats where I want it to, and because I can.... so now when she starts complaining I just ask her to feel free to do my job for a day, and she can have all the money.. that usually shuts her up.

      It sounds like your friend is primarily interested in resale value (she won't sell cheap to raise funds etc) , well, tahst her choice, me, I am in it for the love of the bjd's, so when I sell things to fund a new purchase, I will take a reasonable loss over a quick sale anyday.... I guess its a difference between collectors and lovers.

      I don't let other peoples opinions affect me anymore.. thats their drama, not mine.

      Seeek peace

      Carol
       
    4. Hi Gwydion,

      Resounding yes!

      After my first exposure to some attitude about my BJDs, I backed off sharing them. Now....they are the dolls I mostly share....too bad about what somebody might say or think. My current attitude is thanks in large part to a friend who likes my BJDs.

      I got and get the same as you....at first I had nobody else that shared my interest in BJDs plus hearing the $ they cost. I have no children and no college to pay for them, no mortgage, don't smoke or drink or party. I am lucky enough to have a good paying job. I've sold a lot of my other collections including dolls, but not all. I have suggested she get a PT job or some other options but....

      I too follow my heart in my doll collecting. I've never played with my dolls as much as I now do with my BJDs....posing, dressing, photoshoots....

      Luckily....now there is a doll friend into BJDs....and it is so much fun just jabbering about our clans, new arrivals, and other stuff. This BJD doll friend understands the appeal of the BJDs and enjoys them without analyzing resale value or following a 'trend'.

      Need to talk? You know my number hun.

      Hugs,
      Janine in PA / Angelguardian
       
    5. BJDs are a trend? *blinks* Hmm. I don't think they are, but aside from that:

      I haven't had anyone jealous of me, but *I* have been jealous of a few of my friends when I heard they were getting (or had!) BJDs already. I've been wanting one for a while now, so it kinda takes the wind from your sails when you hear of people just swooshing in and getting one almost as soon as they think about it.

      However, jealousy is never a good feeling, and I always get real excited when I see the photo posts XD
       
    6. Gwydion....sounds like she is trying to convince herself that she can't or shouldn't get into BJDs.

      Unfortunately, we end up hearing it and feel sad or uncomfortable with some of the opinions that are voiced. Sometimes just grrr....[​IMG].


      I know it can be hard....but try not to let someone else tell you negatives on why you collect what you do. You are following your heart with your dolls. If you're happy with them....enjoy them. :)

      Hugs
       
    7. Not really a friend of mine, but a person whom I know on-line (have never met her) seemed to be jealous for my dolls. She collects Barbie but is interested in BJDs too, and she left me (public) comments like "OMG How can you afford these dolls, they are so expensive!?!"

      I felt bad because of this, it was like she was blaming me of how I use my own money. I politely told her that I didn't really like that sort of comments, and she has stopped now.
       
    8. I don't know about them being a fad.

      They were slowly gaining speed between 1999 (when the first SD were released) an about 2003. Now they're booming along!

      I'm sure that the massive allure will eventually pass and they will go the way ofr Madame Alexander. Fewer collectors that are much more interested than a fleeting interest with the money that could be made.

      Annoyingly, any time I explain my hobby to someone whos not a "doll person" the first thing they ask is if I sell them :x
       
    9. I have a similar situation with my sister. She's the one who discovered BJDs, but I will probably end up getting mine first, because she doesn't have the expendable income right now. For a while I was a little worried about ordering my first because I didn't want to make her jealous. But even she's noticed I'm a bit obsessed, so I think we're OK. (If she asks, of course I'd share my toys. ;) )
       
    10. Not that I know of, maybe some envy me for having a Bermann but I don't really care about that.

      If someone was jealous of my dolls it wouldn't stop me from loving them in the open or squeel about my newest "buy" when she/he was near me. As long as they don't cause any trouble for either me or my dolls I will ignore it, if they do cause trouble I will tell them so and that they should stop acting so childish.

      I bought my dolls when I had the chance so it's not my problem nor my fault that they can't get them or the money.

      SO just tell her how you feel when she says/does those things.

      Also, ABJD's a trend? Yeah right. I've loved them for almost 6 years now and I have never seen a trend exist for this long. These dolls are a passion not a trend.

      Sabriell
       
    11. I don't know since I don't have my doll yet, but I know I was so jealous when I found out that a girl I know here has got bjds... Mostly because I don't have that money to just *buy* them right that, I had to save for more than half a year and didn't buy any clothes or anything I didn't really *need* during that time... Then I've got no idea about her economy, so I shouldn't be jealous really.. But I almost gave up saving when I saw hers T-T
       
    12. I think that in some cases people who feel "left behind" when someone switches from one kind of doll collecting to BJDs, and that can create some attitudes that may sound or feel like jealousy - and may in fact be that as well. Money issues and hobbies...it's a hard thing to cope with sometimes, with friends. Some have more expendable cash...some have less...and some are just plain bad with money, so they either spend too much, or never have a cent for their dolls, etc. In any case there's bound to be misunderstandings. The trick is to either find some way to get past it (no discussion of how much money is being spent - perhaps don't inform of new purchases or items sold), or you're left with avoiding the person, and that usually leads to the end of a friendship. Maturity level has a lot to do with it. If the person who "has less" is somewhat mature, they'll keep their feelings to themselves and find a way to deal with it. If they are immature, then they'll spout about it to you and generally make a lot of noise, because they don't know how to control their feelings. In any case, you may want to be direct and just discuss the issue. Or not, and just avoid the person.
       
    13. i think this hobby is more of a commitment than just a 'trend'.

      i hope your friend will get over it soon though
       
    14. I don't see these dolls as a trend. They're so beautiful and unique, I doubt that they'll lose their popularity with time. I plan to still be in this hobby 20 years from now, heck make that 50!
      It sounds like your friend needs to either join the party and stop complaining, or don't and stop complaining.
       
    15. BJDs could very well be a trend. But that hardly matters. If they are a trend, re-sale will go down tempoarily, and only those who really enjoy the dolls will stick around. If that happens, it will be sad that less people will still gather for doll events, but there will still be groups, and people who love the dolls. As cheshirtiffy suggested, they could well be like madame alexanders in a way. there are still avid comunities of those dolls, and they were a long-running trend in the past.
      This hardly makes it more or less good to get BJDs now. It's entirely beside the point.

      I've been jelous of friends who get BJDs, especially limiteds that I realize I can't easily get. I think that's natural, and I get over it. I know some other friends may be lightly jelous of me too. But that jelousy is give and take. I want something they can get, they want something I can get... it all equals out, and doesn't hurt anything. That's just life.
      Your situations sounds a lot stronger.
      If your friend feels left behind, and can not get a BJD because she still loves her other collections, then watching a friend sell off her collections for something new and different, could be really tough. She may feel that that's pushing aside and forgetting your old shared hobby.

      If you love BJDs, then you're still doing the right thing for you. There's no reason to own dolls you don't love anymore. (selling the old for the new is not a bad thing.) But for her sake, and to speak from the other side here, it may be hurtful to talk about how you are getting rid of your collections, and buying an entirely new collection. It's strong fuel for hurt feelings. Just be gentle about talk of it, and maybe make sure that person knows you still value them, and or the hobby you shared. Even if the dolls that catch your eye now are the pricy resin angels this community centers on, and not the more traditional doll collections.
       
    16. I'm curious about some folks use of the term "friend" on this thread. I'm addressing a couple people at once when I say these, so I won't bother quoting original posts:

      If she was your "friend" she'd try to be happy for your successes even if she was secretly envious. (Trust me, I have to do this all the time; a lot of my friends are insanely well-off, and I, despite having a largely similar background - and being crazy responsible with my money! - am not. I do have to be the one loser in the room trying to smile through discussions about restaurants I can't even afford the napkins in... often. Hurts sometimes, being completely left out of your friends lives because they all landed awesome jobs and you're still struggling to make a dream come true. But if you love them...)

      If you were her "friend" you could discuss that matter with her without posting about it on an internet community.

      If you were her "friend", you wouldn't blithely disparage/belittle her financial issues. What, are you perfect in every aspect of YOUR life? Maybe fixing her problems isn't that simple? Have you ever tried to help her, or encourage her to get help in a non-judgemental fashion, or is "friend" a term of convenience to enable snarking?

      I'm not even going to go into a discussion on sensitivity and privilege, although I really want to, because it sounds to me like this discussion has far more to do with THAT than whether "BJDs are a trend" (to some degree, they are, whether you take the hobby super-seriously or not - trends can cost huge amounts of money to be involved in, and last for years at a time... those aspects aren't limiting factors).

      Next time your friends get upset about the money you spend on your dolls, you can feel free to use me as an example... I wanted to be involved in the hobby so bad, I started researching their manufacture, and started sculpting one (for casting, so I can have more than one in different colors, haha) well before I could afford my EL (who will be purchased next week). My mini will still get produced - his wee head is going in the mold today.

      Don't bother mentioning the fact that I already owned a casting studio well before I got into BJDs. Stories about financial stuff always have better impact if you leave out really important details... *cough*
       
    17. Thank you all for your support & opinions. I do sincerely value my friendship with this person & don't want to do anything to hurt her. I guess I just need to pull back on my enthusiasm a bit which is difficult for me as I love to share with my friends.

      ChiByakko, you're very wise. You've said exactly the things I've been thinking of except that I've given up jealousy about dolls ages ago after learning a very painfull lesson. No doll is worth a friendship to me & I'd just like my friend to really understand that.

      I'm lucky though as I have another friend who's very into to the resins as well. In fact, if it weren't for her letting me play with her dolls, I probably never would have taken the plunge. They just became too much fun to pass up. I do tend to get obssessed with the things I'm into but I see these dolls as being a long term part of my life. I've only ever had this reaction to 2 other types of dolls &, while I may thin the herd, both of them are still with me.
       
    18.  
    19. may be...but it's not easy to see if it's jealousy
       
    20. lol at this point i'm the jealous friend, cause my doll is still on his way. i have a friend who ordered from the same company and got there doll ahead of me. i want my doll...so badly..