Do you have a right to feel offended?

Well your sister IS correct in that people DO make assumptions...thats human nature. A subject such as "sexual Identity" is dicey enough, add to that the fact your dealing with dolls and you can almost guaranty there will be eyes crossing.


Bottom line though, I think life is too short to waste worrying over things like people assuming the wrong gender on a doll; your time is probably better off being spent in possitive persuits with your dolls.

But thats just my opinion.

 

The majority of even adult male BJDs have very feminine facial feaures and look nothing like the vast VAST majority of males. In addition to that, the majority of male BJD wigs are also long. Even when they're dressed like males they can have a tendency to look like a female to someone who is not familiar with them. If you put it in a dress on top of that, yes, it looks feminine. But who cares if it makes you happy?

People mistake my female dog for a male dog all the time even though she is little and cute and I give her a pink leash and collar. I don't care. It's not a big deal.

Also, when it comes down to it, dolls are neither female or male. they are inanimate objects. We impose the idea of sex onto them by how we treat them in terms of mold, styling, and attitude. If the doll has a male mold but is treated like a female in the way it dresses and is treated, who is to say it's not female? Ultimately the owner decides the sex of the doll, but it's unrealistic to expect the rest of the world to be senstive these decisions.

 

My opinion only, but its a doll, no reason to fight with a friend about a toy (a really nice toy, big still a toy). Friends are a lot more important than dolls.

 

..........

 

Haha. This subject~ Sister's right, 100%. I learned to laugh it off right away. I had to show my Grandma my dolls bits before she learned to call him a he, but those were in the days he had obvious boy clothes and hair. Now, when I take him into an antique shop for sizing, he becomes a tomboy girl, because no one would ever see him as otherwise. I don't particularly want my local store owners thinking I'm a weirdo, because regular costumers get discounts~ (and other shameless reasons) so I pretend "Shasta" becomes "Shastina" and it's all good until I get back home.

 

As an owner of a crossdressing boy doll...

Someone saying, "She's pretty!" Will never upset me. Half the time I never outright correct people, I just continue talking about him saying, 'he'. They usually catch on and are all, "Oh I'm so sorry, he's a boy!" To which my response is "Well that's completely understandable, he gets mistaken for a girl all the time." If they don't catch on, what do I care? No skin off my back!

However, if they keep insisting that he's a girl, after they've actually been informed otherwise, I won't be pleased.

Me personally, I'm very careful about gender identity. Before addressing a doll directly/refering to their gender, I will either take a glance at their chest or wait until the owner refers to their gender. IRL, in my experience you should wait until someone's gender is referred to if you are unsure. It can get really sketchy - a man in drag sometimes wants to be referred to as a woman, and sometimes they are just a boy in a skirt. This can often be judged by how hard they're trying to look female, but it's always best to err on the side of caution and wait to see how they refer to themselves.

Another thing that really does anger me is when after discovering my boy's real gender, the person starts berating me about it. "Why is he dressed like a girl?! Hurhurhur." "He looks like a (insert impolite word for homosexual here)." My answers are usually, "Because he wants to be." and "Because he is.", respectively.

TLDR; Basically I'd never get angry at someone just for mistaking Mercy's gender. That'd be a bit foolish, seeing as it's usually done in complete innocence. When it is continous/not in innocence, or people are really rude about it, I won't be too happy.

 

I think the fact of the matter is: no matter what we know as lovers of BJDs, those who are unfamiliar and skeptical about them will not understand the frustration felt when a gender is mistaken and then made fun of.

While it's logical to just brush off the mistake (especially if it's harmless, like complimenting using "she" instead of "he"), there are some people out there who just don't understand the fascination with these dolls, and they refuse to acknowledge certain aspects because of it.

I've been interested in these dolls for years, and still, when someone sees me looking at them or reading this, I always get "that's a GUY? It looks like a girl!", and yes, it irks (even someone without a doll), but like a lot of you have said, it comes with the territory.

BJDs are an acquired taste, and some people are unforuntately appalled by it.

Lucky us, we find it all very riveting and addicting :]

 

I've had a cross dressing doll at a meet-up and apparently offended his owner because I thought he was a girl, but honestly, so many people put girl heads on boys bodies and vice versa, even if you know the sculpt is a male one, how can you be sure the owner hasn't genuinely turned him/her into the opposite sex. I'm not psychic and I don't follow gallery threads as my internet connection is usually running low on available download time each month. Also if I don't see the doll for a couple of months, I tend to forget faces/personalities etc. Let's face it, my dolls are simply an amusing hobby not my children. I have 2 real life versions of those to keep me busy.

 

i can understand being frustrated about the doll being mistaken for the wrong gender - it happens with my drawings all the time! i usually run with it, though. 'oh, really? isn't she a pretty girl? check out the next picture, i drew her in her panties.' And when they see boxers and the bulge on the next page - of the same character - i get a good cackle out of their sputtering and we can laugh it off together

 

ummm ive seen ppl do this, and its like so what? its the persons doll. they own it. as long as if it doesnt hurt the doll in anyway, ppl shouldnt be offended.

 

Sometimes it IS hard to tell gender *just* by appearance.

I have a doll on my wish list, but he does look very feminine

and, from what (very) little manga I've seen, it is somewhat androgynous

But, whatever. I LIKE the look of sweet-faced boys with long hair, then again, I can "see" some of the boys dressed as girls

Gender is fluid. The strict lines of male/female are blurred, and I think that is a good thing.

.....and didn't John Galliano do a catwalk show a few years ago, with all the male models in skirts?

....and two of my girls are named Steevie (short for Stephanie) and Bobbi (not short for anything!!)

 

If people get seriously offended about honest mistakes they need to get over themselves! In everyday life you just don't see gorgeous, girly boys floating around in Dita Von Teese make up with hair like Sephiroth and wearing silk dresses - it's natural for those not familiar with this whole BJD thing to be confused

My granny is convinced my Padma is a girl - because he has a very girly face - I told her to look down his pants if she didn't believe me - that shut her up

 

I totally understand what your sister is saying. I mean... sometimes it is hard to tell. It could be a simple, harmless mistake for people who aren't used to BJDs. The more you see them, the easier it would be to distinguish them. It would be kinda annoying... but I'd be able to laugh it off, I think. No harm done.

I'd only get mad if they made fun of him for looking like a girl. lol

 

If I dressed a boy in a dress I wouldn't expect anyone to know he was a he. most people who know nothing about bjds (and in my experience, lack of anime knowledge too) don't really know what bishi is (pardon if I spelled that wrong) especially in america where men are not usually very femme. a friend of mine got a B&G Afra (obviously a guy when you pay attention) and her aunt still thought it was a girl.

 

Personally, I expect that I would dress a girl in some boyish clothes and a short wig from time to time. It is possible that people would mistake her for a boy, but most people don't get it anyway. They assume that clothing is indicative of gender, which is not always the case. It might be a mark of what gender the person feels or just how they like dressing. You either learn to deal with the comments or change.

 

I suppose I would only get annoyed/offended if the other party already knew that the doll in question was a male yet intentionally referred to it as a female. I've come across people who quote their religion/morals etc and insist that this-or-that doll should be a female instead of a male. But if the person is genuinely mistaken, then I wouldn't blame him/her.

 

You know, as many times as I've brought Lucas to school, people still insist that he's a girl. What offends me is that I try really hard to keep him looking like a boy. He wears guy t-shirts, shoes, and jeans. He has natural makeup and the only thing that makes him look like a girl is his long hair, which, lots of boys have. >_>

It's gotten to a point where when people say, "Oh she's cute." I respond by simply pulling his pants down and saying nothing. If I tried any harder to make him more masculine, he would be unattractive, and he'd be a totally different character. Besides, there's only SO masculine that these dolls can be, considering they're modeled, for the most part, after Asian men, and most Asian men are...less masculine than what people would generally deem as "masculine".

 

I was playing with a thing that scans your picture and compares you to celebrities, and I stuck in some doll pics, to see if they read as "human" enough for the software. They did, and every one I put in (most of them were male) came up with all female celeb matches. Better than real human females and American Girl dolls (which are also "human" enough, as are Advent Children images), out of 10 matches they pop up, I was getting at best only 2 males, at worst only 1 female, depending on the pic I used! So computer software thinks they've got feminine faces, anyhow.

If they refuse to believe you, especially if you've shown them proof the doll is male (or just taking you at your word and lack of boobs for tinies), and continue to insist it should be female, then they're just being rude. Would they do that to a small human child after they were corrected? Hardly.

 

Well you did DRESS him like a girl... And most of the male dolls I've seen can kind of pass as girls if you try anyway, so if you don't want that to happen, just stay away from the crossdressing.. Or buy a boy doll with facial hair and muscles. o_O

 

I'd like to disagree with you here. Firstly, because there are very few dolls that actually look like they were modeled on asian men, as opposed to an asian ideal. Secondly because having lived in a place where half of the population is of asian decent from various asian countries, I can tell you that most asian men are quite masculine. Not shovel-jawed, muscle-headed, sweaty-shirt type; but that's not what masculinity is anyways. Most of them have sharp masculine facial features, an obviously-male build, and obvious male behaviour. There is the odd pretty-boy here and there but most of them? I don't think there's any way you can consider them feminine.

I think getting offended over someone mistaking your doll's gender is silly. Even if they continue to insist. Is their refusal to believe a doll is a boy (which it shouldn't matter anyways, seeing how at the end of the day they're genderless pieces of resin) suddenly going to make his tiny dolly peen fall off?

I've had people mistake Michael for a girl very often, even when he wears his most "masculine" clothes (which, admittedly, isn't very by normal standards). I just smile and correct them, appologizing for the deceptive long wig, and reassuring them that it's totally fine, and that age-wise his character is a kid and it's hard to tell. (Strangely, I've never had people mistake Russel for a girl. Probably his shoulders have something to do with it) Now then, when relatives insisted Mike's a girl I did pull his pants down, but that was aimed at my uncle who appreciated the joke.