Do you have a right to feel offended?

i wouldnt let it bother me, even if it was comming from a stranger. a lot of times i get it wrong myself, it happens :p i usually just try to use gender neutral terms until im sure. but for someone outside of the hobby, how can they be expected to know? i mean, most boys DO look like girls. and if theyre paying you a complement like "oh shes pretty" it seems rude to focus only on their error & not accept the complement :/

 

I don't see why anyone should really be offended by this, but I understand if someone is. To me, if your going to dress your male doll up like a girl your pretty much asking for people to call him a girl. Even if the doll is wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but then has a long haired wig on, people are still going to mistake it for a girl. You don't often see men with extremely long hair when your out and about.(Well, at least I don't. XD) So, I would assume its understandable for someone to mistake a male doll wearing a long haired wig as a girl.
I guess the first few times its okay to be some what offended, expecially if your not expecting for people to make that mistake. But, once people continue to make it, you can expect it and shouldn't be offended by it. Anyways, thats just my opinion. =3

 

i can understand both sides, but generally people who aren't really into this hobby (or, in general don't know much about the... gay world, or just don't have open minds in SOME cases) shouldn't be expected to understand. it's when they become very bigoted and angry for no reason (ie: saying that it's WRONG, etc.) that i would start to worry. some people are super afraid of things that are not familiar. however, saying that something looks like a girl to me isn't that bad. i don't think a dress = girl/girly, but say a doll has a long haired wig, eye shadow, a dress, stockings, and frilly socks. i'd consider that to look female, also depending on the lips.

as a side note, i've mistaken a lot of dolls for female when they were male, and while some of them aren't something i'd consider for myself i have tried to learn to distinguish the two or at least do some research before complimenting. it's not a big deal in the scheme of things.

 

Well, If my doll was wearing a dress at the time he's mistaken for a girl, i wouldn't be offended XD and even if he was wearing pants and he's still mistaken for a girl, i don't think i'll be offended too... It would be annoying though If the person who thought he was a girl, still acknowledges him as a girl, even if that person has been corrected numerous times ^^;; yes, I encounter those kind of people ^^;;

 

If you're going to dress your doll in lady clothes and be offended when someone calls it a lady, you're setting yourself up to be offended, and if you're doing it on purpose, people have a right to get angry at you for it and you have no right to be offended by the gender confusion because you caused it. Now, if your doll is just dressed girly because you had no other clothes, you can just politley explain it and you'd rather have him dressed as a girl then naked for the world to see.

 

I don't really think anyone has the right to get offended over someone getting their doll's gender wrong unless they're calling a girl doll with an obvious chest a boy. And I do mean OBVIOUS, not a girl with a-cups and a loose shirt.

If your boy doll meets more feminine standards in your culture than masculine, of course some people will mistake him for a girl. You have to expect that and be able to take it in stride if you're showing your doll to people with little experience with BJDs or manga/anime. These same people, when they realize that a feminine doll isn't always a girl, may also mistakenly call your girl a boy. They don't mean any harm by it, they're just inexperienced. No need to get worked up about it.

 

I come from a family that has some crossdressers, drag queens, transexuals, and the like; just all around very genderly open people. Most of my family can tell when a BJD is a boy or a girl. Even if the boy happens to be in a dress. That's because when we go to family get togethers we get my uncle in sweet lolita, my cousins in drag, things of that sort. But I understand COMPLETELY that not everyone comes from families like my own. When someone calls Lachrimae a girl, I kindly correct them with a smile. It is not someone's fault for thinking so! Sure, people may pick a fight with you over it and that's where it becomes a offensive. Someone calling my boy a girl doesn't bother me one bit. If he's in a dress, I even call him a princess. What is to be expected? Not everyone can look at a crossdressing doll and be like
"Hmm. I do so believe that is a male wearing female attire. "
Try not to get too worked up over it. I agree with your sister 100% ;D

 

After being into the visual kei-genre for a long period of time, I don't instantly assume something in a dress/skirt is a girl if I'm not completely sure. But I understand that most people aren't into the same things as me, and think otherwise. After all, we are brought up to think that girls wear dresses while guys don't.

I don't feel like I have the right to be annoyed if different people assume my doll is a girl once. Even if he is wearing guys' clothing, 'cause he has a very androgynous face. However, it starts to get annoying if I have to tell the same person several times that the doll is male.

 

I think the sister's reaction in the original post says it all. You can't be offended when you choose to dress your doll unconventionally. People have the right to their opinion in a free society.

Not that I would do as you have, but if it were me, I wouldn't care what people thought. I don't get offended at things in general because it is a waste of time. In fact, people that do take offense to frivolous issues tend to annoy me for some reason...

 

To be honest, if you dress your boy doll as a girl, you should expect the gender confusion, it's only natural. You have to think about it from an outside perspective. Pretend you're an average person, who may not have knowledge of dolls. You see a photo of a doll, who has long pretty hair, and is wearing a dress. Now, most BJD boys look feminine already, so it would be completely natural to think 'Oh, that must be a girl'; and feel very confused when you get told it's a boy..
It's not that people are trying to offend you, it's just that they haven't come across this before, so naturally they'll be confused! I get a lot of gender questions about my boy, even though he's dressed in boy clothes!

 

The only time I can understand getting frustrated is when if you have a guy doll in a dress and the other person tells you you are wrong and that your doll is a girl. Only when they insist you are wrong about your own doll.

Other than that, after awhile it might get annoying if you have to tell someone over and over again, but it's likely that person is not into the doll hobby (or likely any japanese/asian culture) and honestly just doesn't get it (or is actively trying to annoy you). All you can do is correct them and move on. If my dolls ever crossdress, which they likely will, I'm not going to correct anyone but maybe a few doll owners, and likely only if they ask if that mold is usually that gender.

 

I agree with you. I have one doll my boy Aya who dresses as girl...he is in band and well let me make this clear if you're into VisualKei at all then people know Mana well yah...I agree I state even in my gallery posts that Aya is a boy. and people still assume. Its annoying its a fact but I only get super annoyed if people that I have told over and over again its a boy keep calling him a girl. I had one lady at my internship pull his skirt up to see if i was joking and that was just offensive ot me and to Aya so yah.

 

Hmm good question. I mean, if you are dressing a male doll in a feminine way, would you not expect someone to comment on his femininity? However, they are your dolls so what other people say shouldn't effect how you feel. I personally don't have a problem with male dolls in dresses but people are narrow minded.

 

You have a right to feel whatever you feel.

However, acting on those feelings - politely correcting them when someone says 'oh, it's a girl!' is perfectly fine. Exploding at someone that they should have known that your feminine-looking doll, in his pretty, frilly pink dress is actually a boy and has the boy parts when they've made a commonsense judgement... not so much. In fact, it kinda makes you a jerk.

My mother's convinced herself that one of my dolls is a girl because he has long hair, nevermind that his facial structure is probably the most masculine of any of my dolls. That's perfectly fine in my eyes - she can think he's a girl if she wants, because I know he's not. If my mum has the time to say "She's pretty" when she doesn't like the hobby that much - well, I'm going to say "Thankyou." I'm not going to say "We've been over this. He's a boy."

Pick your fights, people!

ETA: Also, has it occurred to people that non-clique people might possibly find it offensive or puzzling to see a boy in a dress? Now, I think that this opinion is silly, but then again, I've also seen people attempt to accept my homosexual dolls as heterosexual (Cain is apparently a girl. Who knew?) because the thought of homosexuality puts them at an unease. Still wanting to be a part of something that interests me, however, they'll try to adapt their view of my hobby as best they can so that it becomes more accessible to them. Over time, they grow more accepting of the dolls being the gender that they are.

If someone consistently refers to your boy in a dress as a girl, maybe it's not because they're trying to offend you, but more because they're trying to make your hobby more accessible to themselves, and in time they might be able to accept the fact that yes, it is a boy, in a dress. Because you know, it's not something commonly seen out of a select few subcultures.

 

I'd say getting offended sounds like a victim complex to me...you're setting yourself up to be offended by dressing a male doll like a girl. It's like you want to be offended. Anime boys and dollie boys tend to be beautiful and feminine by my culture's standards, so I don't get my knickers in a twist if a boy is mistaken for a girl. I also wouldn't dress a boy like a girl, because that's asking for drama. It depends on your culture though; some cultures don't look twice at a boy in a dress or see it as weird at all. (In Ireland and Britain you dressed your boy as a little girl so the fae wouldn't carry him off.) If people need a reason to be offended, they'll find one, whether it's about dolls or anything else. People who look to cause drama will find it. On other notes, there's a big difference between simple confusion and rudeness.

As the above poster said, pick your fights. Amen to pretty much everything Chibihaku said.

 

my boy gets mistaken for a girl all the tim mainly in the non-bjd world because he has "eyeliner" and tight pants and stuff but i dont find it annoying because i love him the way he is
as far as cross-dressing boys goes you honestly cant expect even the doll community to see the doll as male unless the sculpt is completely obvious and anyway isnt that the whole idea of crossdressing?

 

If I dressed my big doll-a boy, that actually has a physical gender- in a dress, long wig and carted him around in public that way, I would expect a few people to say 'what a pretty girl!' and I wouldn't correct them.

However, I get a little peeved when I have him in jeans and a leather jacket, or shirtless- and people still ask if I have a marionette, or a ventriloquist dummy, or a big barbie, or a baby doll, or comment about how I'm stupid to like dolls- which are a kid thing! Only for little girls.

I don't like it when people judge something they have never seen before and automatically assume that I'm some sort of deviant of liking him- that bothers me, but I tolerate it. I have him- he makes me happy! THAT'S WHY I GOT HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I didn't get him to impress people I don't know. I do like to answer questions if people are nice about. I dress him how I like, but I'll expect to get looks if he's in pink chiffon and lavender silks.

 

Well i understand what your sisters viw point is. And i agree with her. If the boy is dressed up like a chic than you can expect that he will be called a girl. if you dont want your boy called a girl dont put him in a dress. or just get a boy with an extremely masculine face. murrrp

 

A very nice man once said "she's so pretty!" about my SD16 Yukinojo-- a tall, broad-shouldered, manlylookin' boy doll clad in camouflage pants, boots, & a leather jacket. People are just ignorant. Your boy doll doesn't need lipstick & hotpants to get his gender mistaken. It doesn't matter how butch you make that doll, there's always some weirdo who will come along and think 'she'. I just take it as a given. Whenever they make such an error aloud, I just laugh and correct them. People can't help being ignorant, after all, and how will they ever learn if you don't correct them?