Do you have a right to feel offended?

I wouldn't say I get annoyed because it's very hard to irritate me most of the time, but I do get sort of WTF over it when people call my boy dolls girls. While I do understand that most of the face sculpts in this hobby are purposely in between genders so they can be made into either one, my boys don't even look remotely girly to me. They all wear normal guy clothes, no dresses, nothing too gay looking, they all have short hair. To me maybe the face itself is what throws them off, but you would just think that the rest of the doll looking like an average dude would make them think about it. But oh well. I don't really take my dolls out anywhere, so no one has the chance to say much.

 

I should not get offended when people mistake my boys for girls but for some reason I do. My boys are dressed like boys. (not that lolita is bad). For example, at a doll show 2 weeks ago (not a bjd show but a regular doll show) I had my DollFamily LingFeng HeeChul with me. He was dressed in a Tanktop, Tie, and black leather pants, with a red short fur wig with a skull cap over it and the guy at the door said "oh what is her name" I got annoyed and said "HIS name is HeeChul" unfortunetly That was not the last time that happened that day. POOR HEECHUL

 

My wife, when I show her pictures of dolls online almost always says, Oooh she's pretty. I have to correct her when it is supposed to be a male. Usually it is just an 1980's glam rock or anime boy/girl outfit and we can't decide if it is a male or a female. The names usually don't help much either. I figure if it has a male body it's usually a male and if it has noticeable breasts it's probably a girl. In the end...if its a cool and pretty doll, it's a cool and pretty doll. If the owner wants to give me a backstory ,fine. If not, I just admire it anyhow.

 

I think most people assume all dolls, no matter their dress or appearance, are female. Kind of how some people refer to all cats as "she" and all dogs as "he" - It comes with the territory. Little girls like girl dolls, no matter what age they represent, and even most doll collectors (of the more traditional sense - porcelain, etc...) stick to female dolls. I doubt any IH EID men would be confused for girls, but most male dolls out there could fall under the assumption by the casual onlooker as being female.
As for being offended, I think you should only start to feel that way if you've corrected them and they still refer to him as "she".

 

First, let me start out and say: Everyone has a right to feel offended at anything. It's what you do about that feelings that you may or may not have a right to do.

But personally, I may get a little annoyed if I have to KEEP telling people, "No that's a boy/girl." I mean, I showed my mom the pics of Ender the other day, and she was vehemently arguing that that was a girl doll. I just had to chuckle and show her the full view, including his manly body. I could tell she thought the choice of putting that head on a male body wasn't right.

But in the end, I'm pretty laid back. People have a right to their perceptions, and I'm fine with it. sometimes I gently correct people, but even so, I'm O.K. with people mistaking my dolls' genders. It's not a big deal to me.

 

I will have to agree with your sister. Her arguments makes totally sense. People you shouldn't get mad if someone can't tell the gender of your doll. Its not always so obvious. Its the same when the kid when they are young sometimes its not easy to say if they are boys or girls. When I was lil I used to have short haircut and many ppl confused me with a boy :P so what

Whats actually annoying is when you correct someone that your doll is a boy/girl and he/she tries to convince you, you are mistaken... It's my baby :E It is what I say it is.

 

If I have a doll wearing a dress, I don't get offended if people think it's a girl. Nor do I get offended if my pretty El gets mistaken for a girl, because he has very soft, feminine features- especially compared to my other male dolls (a bearded Minimee and a Unidoll Ark) who are much, much more masculine.

It only annoys me when people who *know* which of my dolls are male continue to call them girls. If people are being intentionally annoying, yes, I get irritated and I tell them to cut it out. It's not nice, and it's not behaviour I expect from my friends.

Overall, though, dolls are dolls. I find that if I am not in the mood to deal with constant questions about my dolls' gender or general appearance, then I leave them at home. And I certainly am not heartbroken and wounded if someone who has never seen a BJD before looks at Mikos or Julian (my MSD) and goes 'ooh, she's so pretty!' I usually just smile and say thank you.

 

It's difficult to hold an opinion in this "hobby."
It's not considered a social norm in the USA, or any other country that I know of, to see men strutting through the streets in dresses. I've been slammed for stereotyping because I don't admire boy dolls dressed as girls.

People want to argue that in real life there are transvestites and in real life there are gay people. The confusing part for me is that dolls have always been a fantasy world for me. I don't fantasize about gay sex or cross-dressing so I don't employ it into how my dolls dress.

However, I have discovered that a large number of BJD owners are into sexual fantasies and they use their dolls to convey this. That's fine. But it's not my thing, nor does it have to be. I'm an old fashioned romantic, I'd rather daydream about gentlemen and ladies, like the old black and white films; rather than Yaoi and anime. I've learned "to each his own." And if I don't like something it's really better to say nothing at all. I'm trying to be as constructive here as possible.

 

We've got the right to feel offended. Should we? Depends.

I don't like when they're called girls, because I'm used to them being boys in my eyes and I know the difference. However I'm used to men being pretty. I've liked a culture that is fond of feminine looking males : o Here, men are supposed to be G.I. Joe. It shouldn't be expected of people that aren't exactly exposed to an aesthetic like that to actually think that something so feminine looking is a male.

Anywho, point being that we've got the right to feel offended, but should we? Probably not. But to each his own. If you want to get upset that your boy who is wearing a dress and/or lots and lots of pink fluff is being called a girl, more power to ya. Just kinda silly to me, is all.

 

I see where the sister is coming from. If you dress your boys to look so much like girls, it sadly, comes with the territory. Yes, it gets annoying after a while, but it happens. They're VERY pretty dolls and the mistake is going to come up again and again.

 

I have a doll that's a bit more feminine (he doesn't wear dresses, but he likes brighter pastel colors and such) and I have had a couple times when I have had people accidentally call him a girl, and I honestly don't mind much o.O

 

I think the problem with gendering dolls is that many of the sculpts are not very obviously gendered. And people must rely even more on the clothes and outward portrayal.

 

To be perfectly honest, if I meet a *person* dressed in stereotypically feminine apparel, I refer to the person as "She" even if I have evidence that the person may be male.

Why? Because I am close to many genderqueer folk, including transvestites, drag queens, drag kings, and transgendered people. If someone went to the trouble to wear frilly things, I find that even if the person was born "male", I'm offering respect for the effort of presenting as female. I myself have costumed and performed on stage as a male, though I was born female and typically gender-identify as female. When I am dressed as a male, with facial hair and masculine clothing padded to resemble a male, if someone refers to me as "She" it's kind of irritating. I mean, I went to all that trouble to look and act like Captain Hook/Jimmi Hendrix/Freddy Krueger/Ebeneezer Scrooge, I'd like to think that my illusion is convincing and respectable.

I do have one friend who will sometimes present as female, and most of the time presents as male. However, due to his beautiful hair, he sometimes is called "Ma'am" in stores. If presenting as a female, she is pleased. If he's wearing his boy clothes, he gets very annoyed.

So if I see a doll that is dressed in stereotypically female clothing, with a gender-ambiguous sculpt and face-up, with elaborately styled hair... I'm likely to refer to the doll as "She". I might even continue to do so after I am corrected, unless the doll is presented as a male, as a sign of respect for the successful effort toward "Passing".

This is the way it is done with real people, so this is the way I expect it to be done with our resin kids.

 

I agree with the sister...

If a boy doll is wearing a dress and other girly things ppl are going to think it is a girl because them types of things the doll is wearin usually represent females.. My Ryo gets mistaken for a girl sometimes because he has prety long hair. I don't get offended and I polightly state that actually he is male... But if they continue to think generalize long hair and dresses as female they will continue to mess up and reffure to the doll as female.. That and in the USA most dolls are female anyway so that also plays a part.

 

I do get annoyed when my more masculine dolls, with short hair, bare chests, jeans and men's clothes, get accused of being girls- moreso when the accuser insiiiists that they're girls even after being told they're boys. I don't mind it so much for my gay boys or my luts boys because, frankly, they look quite feminine.

 

Part of the problem might also be that there are a lot of head sculpts which are interchangeable on male and female bodies. So if you have an androgynous sculpt on a body that is covered up with a dress, I can't imagine how you would expect people to know that he's a guy! My boy has long hair, and even though he doesn't dress in feminine clothing, he has been mistaken for a girl. I don't think that this is offensive, being that I could have easily made the same mistake with someone else's doll. It would be kind of annoying if someone kept saying he was a girl though, the poor guy! XD

 

I can't really get annoyed anymore, even when I keep correcting people. I say can't, because an incident with my mother gave me interesting insight into it, especially in regards to older people:
Mom loves me bringing over my dolls for photoshoots, because she's always running out of things to photograph. I have one doll in particular (An MSD in my sea of 70cms) who purposely crossdresses. I brought him over in a dress, and mom called him a her. I corrected her once, but decided it really wasn't important for the rest of the shoot when she kept calling him 'she'. However, as soon as the doll was naked (I was changing him into a more masculine outfit for different photos) she began calling him 'he' without me mentioning anything. She called him 'he' for as long as he was dressed like a boy, but as soon as I had him back in a dress, it was 'She' again. And since the only girl doll I have his a busty Dollfie Dream nearly twice his size, it's not like she was mixing him up with another doll.
Combine this with having a friend who is an in-process transgender, I'm really starting to see it as having respect for someone who is choosing to present something other than what they technically are. As long as the doll was 'presenting' as a female, it only seemed proper to refer to him as 'her' as is the case for my friend, who is always presenting female now despite technically still being male. She gets upset if someone calls her 'him'. So... calling a boy in a dress 'her'? seems really fitting and actually respectful in a way.
Now.... if someone mistakes my SID boy for a girl when he gets here, I'm just gonna laugh my ass off; it would be too funny to be angry.

 

Ayilachan, this is a nice perspective on it.

Personally I don't get too upset. I have so many dolls that are pretty obvs girls that people just say 'she' for any one of them that I'm holding at the time. hahaha Plus I am always the one on the other side calling someone's baby or cat etc the wrong gender *blushes* it happens!

 

I believe that when the people said "she is very beatiful" they are trying to be polite, In my culture (at least in my country) is not common to see male dolls, only girls, so I do not think that it is a reason to be angry, but if you correct them and the "mistake" continue, only do not pay attention to that people, they are trying to be annoying or are not interesting in pay attention.

 

I agree with your sister when it comes down to it. Dresses means a girl, Pants means a boy. Seven billion people in the world and most think this way, so why get upset/angry. I faced the fact that most male bjd's have pretty/feminine faces anyway. Btw...my IH Aaron was mistaken for an girl as well, and he was in his ful garb, so what can you do but make lemonade of the situation.