Do you have a right to feel offended?

If your doll looks like a girl, then it seems silly to be offended if someone mistakes them for a girl. I think it's a different matter entirely if they are intentionally calling him/her the wrong gender to get a rise out of you, though.

 

I honestly wouldn't feel offended, but I guess it comes down to gender norms and how you feel about them. For example I don't believe that dresses should be girl-only clothes the same way pants aren't boy-only, but I can't help that society sees them as such and so if someone sees a boy doll in a dress, they will just assume.

I can see it from both sides, honestly. I can see someone with a girl doll that is wearing pants and has short hair getting offended because someone calls her a 'he' (probably less common, but I'm sure it happens), as well.

On one side, you have the fact that dresses are seen as a 'female' thing in the eyes of most people, so you should expect that people will assume... on the other side, it isn't right to just assume because a doll is wearing a dress, its female.

I think personally, I would only be offended if I informed them that my doll was a boy and they insisted that because he's in a dress, he's a girl.

 

Mm, as owner of a girly boy, I don't expect people to call him a boy the first time round (Even if he is in definitely male clothes). Its only when I tell people that "Look, this is a guy doll" and they still call him a female that I have the right to feel offended. I mean, what do you expect? He does LOOK like a girl and as such is sure to get mistaken for a girl especially out of the hobby! But if I do make it clear that he is a guy and you still insist on calling him a girl, that's when I get irritated.

 

It is very funny, when someone mistake one of my boys for a girl.
A guy called Siegbert a "prett lady" at our last dollmeet >.> (Siegbert has a chin-beard)

 

I wouldn't feel offended, a lot of people had thought that my boy is a girl, even if he wears male clothes or even if I told them that his name is Addam. But I don't feel offended, I think it's quite funny, 'coz I'm not able to see him as a girl (ok, when he was wearing a loooong wig he really looked like a girl, but not now )

 

I personally think that if you're dressing your boy in frills, lace, skirts and dresses then people will naturally assume it IS a girl. It's just to be expected. You can correct people, but I don't think you have the right to be offended if people are calling your puffy-pink-dress-clad boy a girl. ^^;

I've taken my boy out, and he's been mistaken for a girl... while he was wearing jeans and a tshirt. I didn't bother to correct the people I was talking to (I find it leads to confusion more than anything, when you're explaining it to people not in the hobby). It doesn't bother me - in the end I know what's in my doll's pants, and that's what matters. xD

 

I don't really think people have to right to be offended because if the doll looks that way to the person then there's nothing you can do about it ...

 

I'll say it again, I agree with people when they say you (general) shouldn't be offended.

That's like thinking that your love scene between your 800-year-old vampire (but also an immature MSD) and an SD *shouldn't* look like anything else than what you want it to look like. But they're not going to see it and say "Oh, they're an 800-yr-old vampire...". They're going to think something else. This goes the same for guys in dresses. Unless your guy looks ultra manly - facial hair and all - and maybe even out of place in the dress, they're going to assume he's a girl.

You had to know that when you put your boy doll in a dress - a typically female fashion in most cultures - that he might be mistaken for a girl at least once.

I think some of this offensiveness stems from people taking this hobby way too seriously. They're dolls - he won't get upset if I see him in a ballgown - wearing long hair - and I think it's a girl. And I don't think we're crossing social boundaries or defying social taboos by putting our dolls in dresses. You really can't expect the rest of the world to read your mind, and get upset when they can't. That's just asking too much from everyone else.

 

Basically, this.

You may not agree with social norms, but that doesn't give you the right to get upset at a person who follows them. Especially if its an honest mistake.

 

I've had people think Marik (my short haired dyed tan DZ Mo) is a girl, and I don't blame them, his facial sculpt is rather ambiguous, yet surprisingly no one has ever mistaken Akiharu ( my long-haired Illusion Spirit Zhu Qing) as a female, and his facial sculpt is just as ambiguous and his body is even more slender.*shrug*

I don't mind when people mistake my dolls' genders ( more than once one of my short haired girls has been called a guy, and she has torpedo boobs!) However, none of my boys dress very girly currently. I will have one boy coming in who I intend to crossdress but then again... if he were called a girl, he'd probably be proud about being able to fool people, so no, I wouldn't be offended.

 

Dont know what to say.. I saw ones doll once.. that was a boy,.. but she asked me like do you think its a boy or a girl? I just knew it was a boy,.. but she said lots of ppl mistaken him for a her,.. I think the dolls can do what they like, dress up in dresses or whatever I dont care.. But me, I prefer a girl, thats feminine in lots of ways, and dont get boy dolls dressd like girls, I dont even own boy dolls. Its not my thing.

 

I believe yes you have a right to be annoyed.

Loki wears a dress, But Loki is a crossdresser. So yes, I am ticked, when someone calls him a her, because so would he! He's not a girl, He's a boy.

when I correct people they often are confused, but I don't feel bad when correcting them.

 

You have the "right" to feel however you want... just like other people have the "right" to think you're being silly for getting all huffy when someone mistakes your cross-dressing boy for a girl.

 

Seconding this, as both feeling and thinking are meant to be free

However, I can see how a person calling your doll the wrong gender repeatedly and on purpose can be annoying. In this case, it is not a matter of thinking or feeling, but of proper social behaviour towards a human, not a doll. The person calling your crossdressing doll a girl is not offending the doll (if the doll had feelings by itself, it might even be rather pleased by the way he "passes" as a female ). This person is offending you by neglecting your feelings and thoughts about the doll's character.

We might forgive strangers and distant friends, since they might just not be known with and/or interested in us and our hobby enough to remember the gender of our doll. In this case, being offended means we and the other party are both mistaken - they mistake a crossdressing boy for a girl, and we mistake ignorance for disdain.

But it can be not only annoying, but even hurting with close friends, lovers or relatives. We do expect people we like and are interested in to like us and be interested in us, and that includes respect for our hobby.

 

I think the answer's in the question: Do you have a right to feel offended? Feeling offended is an emotional response. Emotions are neither right nor wrong; they simply are. If you're angry, you're angry. If you're happy, you're happy. If you're offended, you're offended. End of story.

The real issue in the world of human interaction is what you do with your emotional reactions. If you are offended, do you lash out? Do you shrug it off? Do you start lecturing? Do you belittle the person for lacking tolerance? It seems to me this is where the question of 'right' comes into play, although these are not legal rights. Essentially, they are moral guidelines that a culture defines for itself. So, the question might become: Do you have the right to tell another person how to feel? Or maybe even, "Does another person have a right to feel differently about the world than you do?"

So, no. There's no right that can be conferred on our reactions. But our reactions are ours, they're honest, and what we choose to do about them says something about our characters--not our doll's characters, but ours personally.

 

I think the important thing is defining teasing from an honest mistake. And defining what insecurities there are if one lets teasing get to them.

I get the impression that some are very defensive about the things they are passionate about, bjds aside. So if a tone is a little off, even if it is a genuine mistake or jovial comment sometimes that can set off a snap decision that this person is obviously being cruel.

Also, I think it has something to do with having been asked the same question or made the same mistake of a hundred times over. "Yeah, everyone thinks he's a girl. But he's a boy." The person asking the question or assuming the gender probably has little idea of the annoyance from having been asked that question over and over again. So they might react with surprise at any snappiness and perhaps go on the defense themselves which, in turn, can lead to teasing.

Teasing is a different animal, of course. A person who continues to tease and continues to get a rise out of the person they're teasing will keep teasing. The point of teasing is, after all, to see how far you can push a person just shy of them punching you in the face. I'm not sure why it's amusing to do such, but apparently some people get joy out of it.

I like to give a good "Okay, seriously, that's enough," before I get too emotional, though. It's quite possible that the teaser hasn't realized how far he/she has gone. And if that doesn't work, "Aright, cool, I'm gonna leave this conversation, okay?" Because better to leave before I do get physical or yell at the other person.

But, generally, when someone who you've never met before and who possibly has never seen bjds before comes up and assumes something about them that is normally taboo or annoying in the doll culture I give them the benefit of the doubt.

"Actually, no, he's male. He likes to wear dresses. I try to tell him he doesn't have the legs for it, but he just won't listen." I try to instill a little humor. Something they can relate to.

Further questions about the femininity of male dolls?

"Yeah, most ball jointed dolls are made like that. I actually sort of like it. But, you're right, his facial features are pretty delicate."

It could be the customer service jammed into my head from working retail, but it seems to me that people want to be validated (like everyone), not treated like morons who don't know a male mold from a female one.

So I do agree with your sister. But, at the same time, I understand being passionate about something so much that emotions run high when it's questioned. I think there's a balance in there somewhere. Just like any odd hobby or fashion statement. If it's not quite the norm, questions should be expected. Teasing, unfortunately, should be as well.

 

I duno, I mean if you dress your boy up as a girl shouldn't you expect it? And I think it does kinda come with the territory because lets face it most BJD that are boys still look really girly!

 

If their boys are dressed like a girl then the owners shouldn't be surpised. But I've seen boy doll that are dressed like boys and they still get mistaken for girls (by non-bjder).

 

I kinda agree with your sister. Fair enough, it is their kids and they can dress them up however they want. But they can't really get mad if someone makes a mistake about their gender = / or accidentally call them a she. I don't think they should get overly angry with but instead, calmly correct them and let them know it's a boy / girl.
Although it would be annoying to constantly correct them.
It's probably just me but I'd think it would have been a good job on my part if I got my boys to somehow look like a girl xD
Even I often mistake boys for girls. Sometimes the other way round! XD

 

When someone makes a genuine mistake about a doll's gender, either way, the owner has no cause to be offended, because the person is ignorant. If you correct that person graciously, and they then refuse to refer to the doll by its owner-assigned gender, then the owner would have the right to be irritated, as the person is now being deliberately rude.