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Do you have a right to feel offended?

Nov 15, 2008

    1. As long as people respectfully take the correction and don't continue to misgender the doll, it's not too bad. But if someone actually tries to argue with you on the fact your doll is a boy, or demands to see "proof" before believing it -- I would be extremely offended!

      As someone who will very soon own a boy doll (<3!) who will most likely be wearing dresses at least half of the time, I can commiserate already.
       
    2. If you have a male doll and dress it in clothes that without a doubt make it looks feminine, then you'd better be ready for people to ask question, make the wrong assumptions, and possibly even mock you for it. Now, the very last instance is one such circumstance in which you have a right to be offended because it's your personal taste and it's none of their business...

      But if you are going to throw a fit and something anytime someone sees your male doll in girly clothes and they make a mistake...then get a doll with resin boobs, dress your male in more male or gender neutral clothes, or toughen up, grin, and bear it. You shouldn't act offended if someone makes an honest mistake. People take things at face value, and this isn't some well-known, mainstream hobby. Not everyone is familiar with the aesthetic of these dolls, and even I still have to hear that my abadon looks like a woman, even though to me, he looks very much like a man... Does that mean I get offended? Uh, no. Why? Because I have yet to be mocked for having a doll that looks feminine to some, and if they don't care enough to make a big deal out of it, why should I?
       
    3. I have a friend who keeps referring to one of my dolls as "she" even though he is dressed in boy clothes and only has a shoulder-length wig on, not a super-long one... I've told her several times that he's a "he" but either my friend keeps forgetting, or doesn't care enough to make the effort to get it right.

      I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm offended by this, but it does annoy me a little.
       
    4. Everyone has the right to feel what ever. You dont have the right to trough it back at someone though.
       
    5. See, what would bug me is not someone assuming my doll was a girl (your sister is right, if I put them in a dress and give them long hair, what else is sociey going to automatically think!) but if that same someone, even after haing been told, insisted upon referring to my doll as a 'she' because that is just rude behaiour!
       
    6. I'm one of those poeple who, by mistake, always calls boys girls XD But if a boy is wearing a skirt, then what does the owner expect. Of course if you have already explained a couple of times that the doll is actually a boy even though he likes to dress up in skirts, then I would say the problem is somewhere else then in the doll and it's dress... Maybe in the attitude or so. I do feel that it's rude to call the doll a girl if the owner has clearly stated that it's a boy.

      BUT! For example here in DoA there are so many dolls that you really can't remember every doll that you have made some comments to. In this case I think it's quite odd to get offended if someone calls your girly boy a girl more then once. Even though in a way I understand that it's annoying that people just don't remember or so, but I think (would hope) it's mostly because of an honest mistake. So I don't think that in general people mean anything bad by it... And if there is someone who just doesn't understand where you and your doll are coming from, then that's their problem not yours :D
       
    7. Here's the thing - if you're going to get offended, that's on you and how you choose to react to something. If you dress a boy doll in a skirt, the expectation of 90% of the world is to assume it's a girl. It doesn't help either that most faces on boy dolls are very effeminate already - so true that some people use boy heads for their female characters.

      If they constantly keep mentioning the wrong gender when referring to your doll it might get annoying. Though it has to be understood that not everyone is 100% versed on dolls and more than likely doesn't put that much importance on remembering if this particular doll that is dressed like a female is actually male. There's a fine line between people having that mistake because it's not their hobby and they just don't put much emphasis on remembering vs being flat out rude and trying to evoke a heated response.
       
    8. While I think your sister was right in the fact that nobody should be offended if they make the mistake at first sight, I do think it's understandable if they continue to and just don't care. I mean, forgetting is one thing but to just go along and ignore any preference is really rude.
       
    9. My MSD F08 girl with a girlish faceup, piggytails wig, skirt dress, and high heel. constantly being mistaken as a cross-dressing boy, I think I can feel offened as I see fit, it's all up to your mood though
       
    10. If you/your doll looks like a girl, don't be offended when people automatically assume it is a girl. If I saw a very feminine doll wearing a dress, I'd assume it's female. It's a safe assumption to make. If you've told this person that the doll is a male and they continue to call it by female pronouns, yes I could see you getting pissed at that... just... I hate it when people assume I'm a psychic. I can't read your mind. I can only draw conclusions based on the evidence before me.

      Tl;dr: When I hear hoofbeats, I think horses, not zebras. When I see a dress, I think girl, not boy (unless there is some clear evidence to the contrary).
       
    11. You can't blame people for thinking a doll is the gender it looks like. It's not ignorance. A lot of male dolls genuinely look female. If you don't like it - don't do it. Or don't show it to people and expect them to feel the same way as you do.
       
    12. If you choose to cross-dress your dolls, then perhaps it is to be expected that people may confuse the sex of your doll -- especially since so many male ball-joined dolls could be described as effeminate. Any perceived offense should be regarded as discontent toward gender norms rather than offense at the individual.

      If someone refuses to acknowledge your effeminate doll as a male even after you have corrected them, then I do believe a certain degree of offense is warranted on the basis of close-mindedness and prudery.
       
    13. It's rather silly to expect someone to know at first glance that the doll is a HE when it dresses and looks like a girl. To get offended at that person would be wrong. Getting pissed off after telling people again and again, would be ok as long as you don't explode. The visual cues clearly states that it is a girl. Now that's your doing~

      Oddly, enough I hear of a lot of girl sculpts being used on boy bodies. See how confused people could get just by knowing that sculpt is made as a girl? (Given the name is not discernible or unknown) A lot of boy sculpts look like girls as well. First time I looks at dolls, I have no idea which is made a girl and which is the boy since all of them looked like girls to me. You can't blame the newbies.
       
    14. I think it's absurd for someone to be offended by that. There is absolutely no reason that someone seeing a pretty, effeminate-faced doll should think it's more likely to be male than female. And if you get offended by someone guessing wrong then I'd say you're taking things too seriously anyway! :P
       
    15. I really think your sister was right, especially since a lot of male dolls look really androgynous to start with, and then you put a dress on it, of course most people will make the mistake. Of course, the owner has a right to be annoyed, everyone has a right to their feelings, but they really shouldn't show it in that case, because if it was an honest mistake it wasn't meant to be offensive. But for those of you who've mentioned friends that always make the same mistake with the same doll, then that annoyance is much more understandable.
       
    16. an honest mistake is fair enough - most of us would mistake a person irl who was wearing a dress and had a face like a bjd as a girl, because they do look very feminine.

      I would however be offended if she carried on calling him a girl after she'd been corrected - if you knew the previously mentioned person was in fact a feminine looking guy, you wouldn't carry on referring to him as a 'she' would you? so you shouldn't do it to a doll either.x
       
    17. If you make the mistake, then fine. Everyone has pinned someone for the wrong gender at least once in their life. If it's a first time offense, then I say that you should just let it go. If the person keeps doing it on purpose or is just being purely malicious about it, then I would take offense.
       
    18. My daughter thinks ALL my dolls look like girls (even my IH Dexter - I have raised her wrong) - and she's not alone
      I only get annoyed (as others have said) if a person (like my brat) continually insists that the doll is female despite being told it is not (she's teasing but some people are not)
       
    19. I have to meet somewhere in the middle. A male doll in a dress is probably meant to *be* a female doll; unless there is some backstory that the doll owner created which somehow makes him a cross-dressing male. Since even some of the most masculine dolls can have feminine features, you might have to explain the backstory to others else they will assume it is just a female doll.
       
    20. If I saw a baby dressed in pink I would assume it was a girl. When I first saw these dolls I thought they were all girls, their features being so delicate and refined. I wouldn't get offended, it's just a natural assumption.