Do you have a right to feel offended?

Totally with your sister!
I don't get it to be honest. A lot of male dolls looks like girls about that face so putting them in a dress only adds to that. If someone kept on about it like "But he looks like a girl, why is he in a dress, that's not a boy, prove it!" I can see someone getting irritated but just to have some, especially someone that doesn't know about BJDs compliment the dolls as a pretty girl then get a rude response is very immature in my opinion.
Why would anyone assume the doll is a boy? It does bug me when people get in a flap about it.
I have a girl that is sometimes mistaken for a boy, should I be offended as she is a girl mould? Why would anyone think it's a boy in that case? Because she dresses as a boy, that's why!
I don't get annoyed at all, in fact she'd probably secretly like it. I just say thanks or politely inform them she is a girl and not a mod. It's no big deal to me.

Also, wow. Didn't expect any 'sick yaoi fan' comments. That is what I'd call disgusting, a post like that. My guy is 100% and has quite a nice amount of comments saying how refreshing it is to see a manly man on the fourm. They are around you just have to seek them out. if you don't like girlish boys don't look in on the gallery posts then.

 

...Wow, there's so much narrow-mindedness on display here I really don't know where to start. Maybe by pointing you towards the gallery and suggesting you take a good long look at the sheer variety on display there? :/

 

Um... so yeah.
That's what I'd get offended about. Right there.

Mooooving on...

Victor couldn't crossdress if he wanted, isn't into guys, adores military surplus, goes commando and is owned by a nerd, not a fangirl. (Who prefers ho yay to yaoi, anyway.) Have you even been looking?

 

Erm....you're talking to one right here. Günther is very straight and very manly....and I'm not a rabid yaoi fangirl.

Yeah.

Open mouth, insert foot.

 

I am not a yaoi fan. But I am a big yuri fan But males dressed in drag do not bother me. My shiwoo (hikari) is always refered to as a female. I certainly don't find it offensive. I'm adding this adorable photo of my shushu (Morgan) and Hikari.
He just looks to cute in a dress! And no he's not wearing any panties.

 

Perfect example right here in that post.

I think it's foolish to be offended by someone calling your male doll a girl, especially if they are wearing feminine clothes. Remember alot of the western world isnt used to seeing male dolls as it is.

However, mocking the owner and judging them based on that decision is offensive.

 

I have two male dolls who never cross dress, aren't gay and don't have a scrap of glittery clothing, these dolls do exist!

Also? Tread very carefully and consider what you are saying. Opinions are personal, but being violently opposed to something while giving no reasons why is very hostile and rude. I think you just offended everyone in the thread, whether they have cross-dressing dolls or not.

 

Wow, just... wow.

I also have two male dolls that are straight and have never worn any girl's clothing.

All kinds of people collect dolls, not just yaoi fangirls. Sure there are lots of gay, cross dressing dolls in the galleries, but there are also numerous average, straight boy dolls too.

EDIT: To get back on the OP topic though, I think it is silly to get offended by someone harmlessly mistaking your boy doll for a girl. As Adae said, most people (atleast in the US) are not used to there really being male dolls at all. And let's be honest, there are hardly any male dolls in this hobby that are truly "manly". Even with muscular bodies, many of them are still baby faced. I have no illusions of either of mine being manly!

 

Well, people have a "right" to think/feel whatever and however they want. There's no such thing as thought police.

I can see how someone would feel put out in a roundabout way as it could be seen that a negative comment of any sort is a negative comment about your (general your) personal taste. But, other people aren't you, and don't always share your views, or tastes

 

I'd have to agree with your sister, though I can understand why you were offended. However, if you've never seen a BJD before and you come across a feminine doll in a dress, wouldn't you assume it was a girl doll? That's where most people are coming from--it's got nothing to do with you and your doll specifically.

Now, if your sister had said something like that reply about rabid yaoi fangirls, I think that would be offensive. Personal attacks like that are not cool.

 

I as well am offended by this comment. I don't own a crossdressing doll but I'd dress him up in a dress for halloween or something if I got the whim. And I'm not a sick rabid ANYTHING thanks very much

 

In preface, as long as a party is respectful of others I believe they retain the right to hold their own opinion, even if it's completely different from my own, I can only hope other individuals will show enough maturity and responsibility to return the favor.

Now for my opening statement: a saying I've kept with me whenever I address the "gender issue"...

"Dress in the manner you want to be perceived."
(We all have "blah" days but being a discussion regarding publicly displayed dollfies, I think it works just fine.)

I think this is something that could help avoid the situation before it arises.

Analogy:
You wear a swimsuit; are you going to get offended when everyone assumes you're going swimming when you just wanted to sunbathe?

explaination:
Your boy is not a girl, transgender or gay.
He just has a feminine face mold or wears a skirt, make-up or paints his nails.
To you he is fully male and nothing else, but you can't expect someone to not even take into account gender-cues especially when they are not part of the BJD society.

Not to say there aren't some rude, ignorant, close-minded "individuals" in the world... but it could have be worse!

The majority of people who are commenting on a doll's gender are mostly going to be well-meaning people. I mean, sure they said your manly man boy was a girl. But they could have deeply insulted you simply for the reason of having a doll in the first place.

People who get the gender wrong probably don't see dolls everyday.
(Or maybe they do, for the sake of example, I'm going to address the one's that don't...)

So they compare the doll to the closest thing that comes to mind, a human.
(this is a typical behavior to personify things.)

Socially when one see's another person with a feminine facial features, and/or any number of feminine gender-cues of their given society they are taught that "this person is/wants to be perceived as female."

It's subconscious for many people.

Gender-roles and stereotypes are drilled into people's heads almost all the time every single day. So if you aren't exposed to something, how can you expect to be held responsible for voicing your opinion (however ill-informed) when you compare it to what you do know.

Analogy time!
Say you don't know much about cars,
but then your friend/family member shows you a custom model automobile and you reply enthusiastically that it's a really nice looking sports car!
Then they get deeply offended because you called their sports car-shelled hot rod a "sports car".

Explaination:
I'm not sure how many are going to even read this, much less catch my drift with my bad analogy use, but I hope the car analogy really came across.

Yes, there are idiots who are going to not get the picture even when you explain in depth that that your dollfie is indeed male.

But there are WORSE idiots who are going to be a lot worse and blatantly insult you outright and over stuff much worse than the gender of your dollfie. Sadly that's life, but if everyone were agreeable we'd all see things the same and it would be boring. =/

So as hard as it is, please try to be patient.

Especially with friends and family who simply have a little culture shock or just don't know any better.

Try seeing it from their angle, you both might be able to learn something new. =)

Heaven knows nobody will be helped by taking offense.
When you do so, others will most likely instinctively take up the defense.

Postscript, I've been wrong before and I'm sure I'll be wrong again. But until I gather more reference this is the best opinion I can voice. Therefore, opinion subject to change. Thank you for your patience. =) I hope I didn't offend anyone too badly.

Post post script, this is so long. Even after I edited it so much. I wanted to cover many different angles about this subject but at the same time keep this relatively short (failed!) so many topics I'm sure have many valid cross argument, but I tried my best and that's all I can do. If you feel so inclined it is within my power to explain in detail if you are that curious. Though I'm sure you all just want me to shut up by now so I will.

To those who actually read through this thank you for your time, I'm honored.

 

Aki actually gets called a girl all the time and it doesn't annoy me. I just kind of shrug it off and say, yup, that's a boy in a skirt. Of course, it's not really the people calling the boy doll a girl dolls fault because if it looks like girl, it might just be a girl. Though in today's world, some boys wear eyeliner, wear long hair, and skinny jeans. The only thing that ever did annoy me, has nothing to do with dolls but my dogs. So many people ask me why my 80lb german shepherd is SMALL. Now THAT pisses me off...

 

i think you should seriously think about these kinds of things before posting and basically offending tons of doll owners and cross dressing males. why is it disgusting? because you find gay people disgusting? although i dont find gay people disgusting, if i did, that certainly, most definitely isn't the kind of opinion you should randomly blurt out without explanation

anyway, i do agree with your sister. i wear lolita in public sometimes, but i dont get up peoples asses for staring and perhaps thinking im a bit wierd/obscure. however, when they're RUDE about it thats totally different (ie masktheends quote above me)

 

most of people in the world are not mature enought to undestand that boys can look like girls and girls can look like boys...just because it's a stetic issue.

I really think like this, you know? It's stetic. And it doesn't meand that your girly boy is gay (or he can be, what's the problem with that?)

But, as I said, the world [resuming] don't undestand that. And we all know they won''t undestand ._.' and we know what they'll say and how they'll act about it u_u'
so you shound just don't care about it. That simple.
I have lots of dialogs like that, you know?

someone - It's a girl.
me - It's a boy.
s- It's not.
m- It is.
s- So it's gay.
m- It's not.
s- Sure it's.
m- As you please...

I mean... WHY to argue? u_u'''''

And sometimes it's
Someone- It's gay.
me- It's.
s-why?
m- why not?

XPPP I just realized that people are all the sama about it u_u
If they undestand, NICE!
If they don't.... who cares?

 

I figure if I dress my boy up as a girl, he will be flattered if someone calls him a girl. But I don't OWN any of my crossdressing boys yet. If I ever make my Virgo, Via, into a doll, he will be the girliest male yet. But he's also a shapeshifter, and not flaming gay - he's bisexual. He just likes messing with people.

If a person dresses a boy as a girl, or a girl as a boy, people are most likely going to get the gender wrong. Now, if they start ARGUING about the gender with you, that's annoying, but otherwise you're just asking for the mistake to be made.

 

I appreciate that it's hugely annoying to have someone argue with you and tell you what gender your doll is, but they're just being rude and you can be just as rude back Those people are no reflection on the rest of us who simply make a mistake (admittedly, a mistake heavily based on your dolly sartorial choices...)

I don't think it is a maturity issue, it is a cultural one. I don't know about you, but where I come from boys generally have short hair and don't wear pink and girls generally have longer hair and do wear pink, (on occasion - speaking as someone who very rarely wears pink!), it's hardwired into our culture, therefore, when I see a doll with a pink wig and long, fluttery eyelashes I'm going to think 'girl', because my cultural references are bouncing around my brain, triggering all my 'it's a girl' receptors.

You can dress your dolls however you like, but someone isn't immature just because they don't immediately know what resin-genitals are lurking under the dress!

 

i agree, it's not a matter of maturity. a family member was scrapbooking and had a bunch of photos spread over the table. i saw one across the table and asked my daughter who was the young guy she was standing next to. turns out it was a picture from about 8 years ago and it was me when i had a crewcut!

 

Wow. Attitudes like this are the only thing disgusting & offensive about the issue (which has already been argued ad-nauseam), and yes, we do have the right to be offended when we hear them, even those of us who do not own crossdresser dolls:

The sheer blindness of these two sentences rival that of the crazy woman at the McCain rally who said Barack Obama was an Arab. When you make claims like that out loud, all you do is turn the Sick Rabid Freak spotlight onto yourself. Now everyone knows the extent of your ignorance... but with a few better-chosen words, you could've kept it a secret! So be careful out there.

 

Like most people, I see, I'm kinda in agreement with OP's sister. .^^ If you dress him like a girl, how are people supposed to know it's not a girl? The only time I can see annoyance being appropriate is if the person you're talking to is rude about it, but it's so easy to just say "Yeah, whatever," and ignore them. My guys are all pretty boyish, but they still get mistaken for girls (even my giant manly Husky has been mistaken for a girl .^^;; ), and I usually just go along with it. "Oh, she's so pretty!" "Thanks.. .^^; " It's really not that big a deal.

Funny thing, I find bigots disgusting. Also, welcome to my ignore list.