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Do you keep the cost of your BJD's from your non BJD friends?

May 21, 2017

    1. So I moved to this area about a year ago and I have since become really close to my next door neighbor. She knows I collect "toys" and often points out dolls or plushes that she thinks I would like. I have mentioned that I don't tend to buy a lot of goods from box stores (minus my My Little Ponies from Build a Bear). Today, when she was here, my mother, who lives with me, mentioned how expensive one of my cheapest bjd's are (just the base cost of her, not even including her outfit, her eyes, or wig, anything of that) and my friend and her husband started to off hand degrade them. Like suddenly they were no longer cool and beautiful, but creepy and overly expensive. My mom didn't think anything of it and then continued to show off our 1/12 scale work we've done. They were impressed because of our skill to work on such a small scale and the night progressed into a happier tone. (mostly because we made it and didn't buy those)

      I don't tend to tell people that aren't collectors themselves how much my collections cost. I easily (not easily because I'm not rich) can drop a lot of money on a doll or a plushie if I value the artist's work and I save up for it.
      I am an artist myself and I try to value my work to reflect my skill and time. I also don't complain when my husband, who is a techy, drops so much money into his computer set up. I didn't judge my neighbor when she has a room larger than my bedroom full of clothes and shoes.

      I guess this is part rant, part social questioning about how do you deal with people who judge you for your hobbies. I am just a little butt-hurt and I need some dolly friends to rant with haha.
      • x 9
    2. I don't tell anyone how much they cost except my mom. Not my brothers, or my dad, or even my cousin that I'm super close to. It's none of their business and they are all tech-savvy/competent enough to look up the price on their own.

      When asked why I spend so much money on dolls, I reply with: "it's my money that I earned and I only spend what I can afford."

      I don't see the difference between buying a doll wig and buying a makeup palette for $30. I have my hobby, they have theirs. (Clothes, shoes, or whatever)

      But maybe you should politely mention to your mother that she shouldn't tell people how much the dolls cost.:sweat
      #2 Dark Angel, May 21, 2017
      Last edited: May 21, 2017
      • x 3
    3. Most of my close friends know. I have a couple who I show a lot of my pre-purchase research to and my roommate has specifically asked that I send her pictures of BJD dragons because she really loves dragons lol
    4. I just try to stay as vague as possible. My boyfriend is respectful about it thankfully, he's a super cheapskate so I was expecting surprise when I told him most dolls fall between $200-500 USD! Though I'm not so sure about my dad, I almost asked him if I could ship a doll to his work for convenience but asked my mom instead haha.

      As for reasoning, I think buying things for dolls is nice because you get to experiment with alternative fashion and fantasy looks without grabbing attention in public. In a practical sense, maybe the money would be better spent on clothes or makeup for myself, but dolls aren't restricted by convenience or comfort which makes them way more fun.
      • x 1
    5. I don't keep it from them-- if I trust them enough to let them know I collect dolls, I don't mind letting them know how much they cost.

      I'm a hardworking adult; I spend my money as I see fit.
      • x 1
    6. I generally avoid the subject when it comes up unless I really trust a person and know them well. I don't even like telling coworkers or my family because I have gotten looks in the past. Yes, it is my own money. Yes, they are a lot. Do I care? No. I have worked hard for what I have and enjoy it. Everybody has their own expensive hobby/craft. This is mine. I do like to avoid the totally judgemental looks tho if I can help it. >.> <.<
    7. Pretty much same as the other people above - I tend to keep the price details to myself and lower them should anyone be prying with questions too much, just to avoid the unnecessary judging that gives me anxiety attacks. When I was open about the matter, the reactions I got from other people made me doubt the meaning of the hobby and degraded the joy I felt whenever ordering a doll that I dreamed of, so to cut this toxicity short I think it's better to be quiet about it when you know the society might get mad for whatever reason.

      The most painful thing is - people tend to spend money in similar amounts on electronics, clothes and whatnot, but when they are faced with something they personally don't consider 'worth the money', they attack the thing as if it offended their ancestors. Our money, our passion, our business. :kitty2
      • x 3
    8. I definitely don't bring it up... I had one non-doll friend who, on seeing pictures I'd showed her, thought that level of customization would be a great way of having a little doll version of an original character, that could share shelf space with her figure collection, and so with her I did talk about prices, and about which companies would have "inexpensive" tinies-- and about non-resin options, if that still wasn't in her budget.

      But with other people who aren't in the hobby, I don't get too specific. Everyone has something they drop a lot of money on and think it's normal-- be it computer stuff and video games, music/sound equipment, or expensive makeup/perfume. I just skip out on a lot of games and cosmetics when I'm saving for a doll, that's all.
    9. Haha! I love it!

      I do tend to down play the price, but luckily my close friends know that this is my true hobby, and as a creative person, they accept it as a way for me to do what I love to do, while spending less on materials! (as opposed to sewing/crafting human sized things) When I first ordered one of my dolls, I was so excited that I showed a girl I worked with the website without considering the price was right there next to the picture, and she was so shocked! I saved a long time for that doll, and so I kind of thought it was funny, because, while it was expensive for me, I was a little numb to the price from having been thinking about it for so long :) Sometimes I do mention the shipping costs, and as I collect SDs that can run pretty high, but I'd say it really depends on how open the person is to the whole hobby. And I always mention how long I've saved if I mention the price.
    10. No…I will not tell the cost to “layman” actively,only if my close friends ask me.
      But I would be welling to tell some adults how expensive my toys are if they cannot control their wild kids
      • x 2
    11. If people don't ask (and they practically never do), then I don't tell. I don't see how it's any of their business.

      My husband knows that my dolls aren't 'cheap' but he is of the opinion that I can do whatever I want with my money as long as it doesn't lead to financial ruin. I spend money on dolls. He spends it on computers and tech-stuff.
      • x 1
    12. With the advent of the internet, I've never seen the point of hiding the cost from anyone. All they have to do is go online and Google "BJD" to find out how much they cost, so why even bother with the deception? Also, I've never had trouble rebuking a debate regarding the cost, as most of the people I know spend just as much, if not more, on their various hobbies, such as motorcycles, drones, fishing/hunting gear, firearms, etc.
    13. I am so sorry that happened to you. Your friends were way out of line there.

      My dad still thinks my Ringdoll Jack the Ripper fullset was $150, so... I actually won't talk costs withbhim, but I will with my mom, occasionally, more in the way of "mom I'm getting cauch a good deal... she's like 200 cheaper than normal." That way, dollar amounts are hidden (except on Rina, who they know is a free head on a resinsoul body that cost me $200. Dad thinks she's my most expensive doll... oops.

      I do discuss doll prices with my girlfriend, because she's so accepting. I can tell her when I need someone to either encourage me or shut me down on future purchases. She would never call my dolls a waste of money, instead she'd be more inclined to ask if this is settling or if there's better out there. I guess my one friend in the hobby knows what they're worth, and another does because she fell in love with DC Arali and found the price rather prohibitive. But she just said she thought they were still super cool and she would totally pay that if she had that. Other than them, I have friends who've known me for eleven years, and still don't know I even collect dolls...
      • x 1
    14. Thanks so much for everyone's input. I did go back to my mom before posting this and just reminded her that it embarrasses me once people find out how much they cost unless they're actively wanting to collect them too. She was very sorry and didn't mean any harm. She thought they would understand because they both have expensive hobbies and in her mind, she was making us all more equal. Got to love her! lol, My closest friends are collectors of other things, and even my sister who adores bjds, but cannot afford them the way she'd want. My mom loves my larger dolls because she can think of ideas for me to sew and we can replicate it on that scale. Ironically, even though we're used to 1/12 scale, our clothing skills are only good for the larger dolls! haha. So I know I have plenty of support in my inner circle, including my husband.

      I agree with what most of you guys have said, about how if people wanted to know, they could easily find out, which is why I don't normally hide the fact if they are truly interested. I will give them companies' names too, because i want to recruit more people into this hobby. :evil laugh: My motto in life is normally the most cliche thing ever and it's "You do you, boo" hahaha.
      • x 1
    15. I kinda feel like there are two groups of people who even try to ask about the price:

      1. The people who want to buy ones themselves (then I generally tell them the price, mention discounts during event periods, list some less expensive BJD companies, and direct them to research online)

      2. The people who are trying to find a problem with your hobby that's socially acceptable. In middle school, I brought a Pullip to Christmas once because it was my first and I wanted to start customizing it. My parents knew the price because they bought it for me. (They've always been supportive of my crafting in general, and buying a Pullip seemed economical because then I'd stop bothering them about human-sized historical recreation projects.)

      Almost immediately, my aunt and uncle were clearly creeped out. They're pretty conservative, and I think the body detail disturbed them because they kept asking about it (which says something, because I think the only difference between Barbie and Pullip is lack of molded underwear). They kept asking me why on earth I found the doll attractive and interesting (and going on the whole "dolls are for children" spiel), and then they finally asked about the price.

      Then they wouldn't let it go for the rest of dinner. At a restaurant. My mom had me change places with her at the table because she felt bad for me (she also spent the whole drive home gushing about how what I'd done with the doll was so creative--definitely felt bad about it).

      Sometimes people suck. I think usually the reason people are angry about BJD cost has nothing to do with BJDs or their cost and more to do with their own insecurity or issues.

      In my case, it's because my cousin (their daughter) and I had the same education goals, but my aunt and uncle didn't want my older cousin to move forward with it because "she wouldn't have time for a family." Gross (the sexism part). I think they needed something that I was doing wrong.

      Sometimes understanding why can help. Instead of being angry, I just end up feeling really sad for my cousin, because I'm doing what I wanted to now, and she felt she couldn't.

      I'm sorry someone was mean to you about it. Just know the reason they are angry probably has nothing to do about you.
      • x 9
    16. That is a very good point @americanseamstress . I am glad you had your mom in that moment! I know people project their insecurities all the time, but I didn't think about them finding the socially acceptable reason to throw it under the bus.

      also, ps, thanks to the mod who moved the forum to the correct category. Thank you!!

      • x 1
    17. I'll tell people if they ask. And if they're appalled, I usually act like a bit of smartass and come back with "Oh, how's that $300 purse your bought last week working out? What about the $200 dress for your sister's wedding that you only wore once?" :kitty2 Everyone has something or another they like to splurge on; for some people it's clothes and accessories, some people like taking $10,000 vacations, and other people like getting dolls! The biggest thing is to just be confident in your hobby. Plus, I think being able to earn and save that much money is an achievement, if you're being monetarily responsible and not spending money on dolls that should be going to, say, rent. And if some people just won't stop being jerks...well, just ignore them. Your hobby is your hobby, and no one should make you feel bad about it!
      • x 2
    18. @ultrapandachan

      I think that BJDs can unearth some discomfort surrounding socialized taboos or stigmas.

      For example, bodies (particularly female bodies) are perceived as solely sexual (this is more obvious in the USA), dolls (and female hobbies in general) are sometimes seen as less legitimate as others (you can kind of recognize this with the rebranding of dolls marketed to make audiences as "action figures"), and different (perhaps counterculture) ways of entertaining oneself (Dungeons and Dragons, dolls, vast numbers of pets, unusual types of collecting) are perceived as less normal than more social ways of having fun (parties, etc.--humans are very social creatures, so I guess there's some logic to that).

      Then there's some other, perhaps less clear reasons dolls are uncomfortable for others. Some people see dolls as very uncanny valley (that weird place between human and inanimate--the animations in the movie Polar Express do that to other people).

      I think that it's easier for everyone if they don't try to examine the reasons why things squick them out or make them uneasy, especially if it's a social reason, as a closer examination can reveal some not-so-comfortable realities about how people are treated for being different. People like to think that the world is just, and all cultural norms are logical (which is not necessarily the case).

      As a result, I think it's really easy to tell yourself that you're upset for a more acceptable or seemingly logical reason. You don't like dolls not because they're perceived as feminine, but because they're "uncanny valley." It's not that someone's gaming hobby defies social norms surrounding entertainment, it's that everyone who does it is a nerd. It's not to say that every time someone feels weird about something there's a larger issue at play, but there can be.

      And it can apply to bigger things too.
      • x 8
    19. Normally, I don't tell people unless:
      1. They ask.
      2. They're interested in joining the hobby.
      3. They're being rough, grabby or encouraging their kids to play with my doll, and they need a warning that this isn't a cheap play line Barbie.

      Most of the time, I don't mention price. I will mention that they're not kid toys to be played with in that way, but that they're art or collector items, which makes people understand they're probably not $10 items, but they usually guess in the range of $75-100, something like American Girl or collector Barbies. If someone asks, then I'll tell them. If they're rude about it? Well.....there are rare video games, sports memorabilia, albums, books, clothing, shoes, accessories, figures and more worth well into the hundreds, why not an art doll, if that's your thing? People pay hundreds or even thousands for 2-D artwork to hang on a wall, why not that same amount for 3-D interactive art dolls? If they're still snotty about it, then remind them that they're the one asking about or getting offended over someone else's personal finances that has literally zero impact on them--who's being rude and weird here? Not me!

      Funny story, last summer, my mom, my sister and I were at a rest stop on the way to a family reunion vacation. I had Justin (Little Rebel Andre/Luts hybrid) with me and was getting out of the car and putting him in my bag. A maintenance man stopped me and asked what I had--he was so curious! So I showed him, expecting ridicule, and he was thoroughly amazed, then asked if I'd sell him to him. At this point, my mom interrupts and tells him that doll is worth a LOT of money...I wasn't going to say, but you know moms! Anyway, the guy isn't surprised and says he figured as much, then started guessing...starting at $5000!! I paid around $750 total for him and everything he was wearing that day. That was the first time a non-doll person guessed way over the real amount. I told him the real price and gave him some links to get his own doll--for much less than $5000. XD
      • x 5
    20. When it comes to my boyfriend, I don't want to know how much his shoes cost, and he doesn't want to know how much my hobbies cost. I don't think I would keep it from any of my friends or family if they ever ask how much these dolls I'm eyeing really cost, though.