Do You Use Your Dolls as Replacement Children?

If I had ever wanted kids, I'd have had kids.

My dolls are toys.

 

I don't have kids, and I don't really want to have kids at all. So no, I cannot see my doll as a replacement because there's no void to be filled.

 

Yeah, I really don't feel like my dolls are surrogate children. I'm among the crowd here that doesn't want to have children. I really don't feel like I have any maternal instincts whatsoever, and personally, I'd feel bad for any child left in my care for an extended period of time. I'm just not cut for it- I don't like the pressure of constant dependence, and as far as I can tell, the toys on my shelf don't need me at all.
I'm fortunate enough that no one around me has suggested that I secretly want babies instead of dolls, but anyone who knows me well knows that's not the case. And I've never really cared what strangers thought about what I do anyway.

 

Do You Use Your Dolls as Replacement Children?

Nope, I have a real child and also a dog. What I love best about my dolls, though, is that they are not real. Real life is messy sometimes and dolls are a great escape.

 

My mom is convinced I collect dolls because we don't have a daughter. Never mind that I currently have more boys then girls, I dress them up and take pictures so it must be a deep seated fantasy to have a little girl I can tote around as a real life doll. I can't wait to hear how she reasons it out to herself if we do have a little girl next.

 

No, i don't want any children right now it would be a disaster
My dolls are a hobby i spend hours of time making faceups, clothes and drawings off, it is nice way to spend my freetime ^^

 

Dolls are not replacement children for me. I don't see how they could be. They don't need me. They exist whether I'm there or not. There's no real responsibility required to have them. They are just objects. Objects that make me happy and amuse me, but objects nonetheless.

I'm 22, so I don't see a need to have children in my life right now. I'd like some down the road maybe but not now. My "children" are my pets, you could say. I have a kitten who I've raised since he was about two weeks old and found abandoned in our neighbor's driveway because its mother had passed away about a week or so before. To him, I AM his mother. And though he's grown quite a bit since we found him, he's the only child I need right now. There's no way I could see a myself treating a doll in the same light.

I can sort of see how someone else might see dolls that way... But it's not something I can wrap my head around 100%... Perhaps it's because I've always been able to care for/have pets that gets in the way of understanding completely. Regardless, what you do with your doll isn't really anybody else's business but your own. I don't really care.

 

replacing living person with an object? no, I dont think this is how it works (for sane people). my dolls are toys, pieces of art. thats it n nothing more.

 

Do you see your dolls as substitute children?
Nope. Not even one bit. They are my toys - very beautiful, expensive and lovely toys that let me be creative and practice what little artistic ability I have.

Does it give you something you were lacking not having children?
Well, you could say they give me more "me time" than if I had kids, but that goes for all my hobbies.

Would you pay as much attention to your dolls if you suddenly had kids?
Of course not. Kids require a lot of time and attention (which is the reason I don't want any yet). When I have children, I am sure that my dolls will go through extended periods of being neglected and collecting dust. Heck, even getting a cat has cut into my doll-playing time!

In general, though, people like dolls for many different reasons, just like any other collectible/hobby. One can't really accurately generalize about these things.

 

Don't get me started on psychology...

It is incredibly easy to assume that people collect dolls because of some issues with wanting/not wanting children. After all, dolls look like real people, and we sort of seem to fuss over them. We buy/make them clothes, some of us talk to them. While there's no doubt some owners who do fit this category, dolls=children is just one interpretation.

I'm not interested in having kids - partially because of my age, and also part of how I'm doubting that I'll ever be cut out to ever have a kid and keep my sanity.

 

Ehh, sorta. I despise most children, and definitely don't want any...so I try not to see my dolls as something I hate. But they are something I'd treat as such, you know, because I clothe them, groom them, spend time with them. I agree with Writerm though, treating them as kids is one kind of translation.

 

I used to think more harshly about this, but I no longer do. If a parent is mourning a dead child, I feel they should go to therapy. If someone is unable to have any children and there are numerous reason why, I don't see any harm in them "mothering" bjds or any other dolls.

Personally, I have dolls to express and explore the many facets of myself. Very little of this has a nurturing quality to it.

 

Sometimes having BJDs reminds me of why I do not want children- or a dog. I can buy expensive, nice things and leave them wherever I want to in my apartment and not worry about some cheese (or other sticky food) coated grubby fingers touching them.

As for people who treat and think of their dolls as children, like with most things, I think it is a psychological problem when it becomes difficult for the person to tell reality from imagination or when the behavior and thoughts makes daily life and caring for one's self financially or otherwise difficult. If it does not cause these problems, do whatever you want I suppose.

 

Adding my tuppence worth, I'm 47 and have actually chosen not to have children, I never really felt the need and I don't actually like children much, of any age, I'm the least maternal person I know. Yes I may have missed out (I will especially when I'm old and grey and alone) But that's the way my life has gone.

I can see having the dolls is a "safe" way of having a child, in that all I have to do is dress it up and make it look pretty, no further care of responsibility is required. It won't come home pregnant, or get busted for selling weed at college, or suffer psychological harm because I didn't buy it roller skates for its fifth birthday. I have a very old cat who is probably my substitute baby, she is very pampered and I never delay her regular need for geriatric care and medical attention.

But the reason I like my dolls so much is the exact opposite to the child substitute theory.

I like them because they make ME the child. It literally takes me back to happier times, when as a kid I'd sit for ages combing a dolls hair, or engrossed making badly sewn outfits for them. I still like to invent names for them, create new outfits, and accessories. I don't do stories for them or see them as characters in my fantasy world - I get that from writing stories, (another hobby

And the expectation of a new doll, still gives me that magical Christmas feeling that I don't experience as an adult - at any time of year.

 

I don't have kids, and I've never had a strong desire to have any. It's not that I dislike children, I just don't seem to have much of that drive. My dolls are not replacements for the kids I don't have. I would have a difficult time relating to them in that way, since I don't really relate to little kids all that well anyhow. I do have one child doll, and would like to have some more, because I think they're cute. However, I don't even exactly view her as just a normal little kid -- her personality is almost ageless in a sense with some little kid attributes and some more mature attributes. I really think of my dolls more like friends than any kind of parent child relationship. I don't think it's wrong to relate to dolls as children -- as long as it makes the owner happy and no one is getting hurt by it, then ok in my book. There's no one right way to relate to our dolls.

 

This is a very interesting discussion!

I'm 22, and I'm not saying I'm too young for a child but I'm certainly not ready yet.
Though I admit, I'm starting to get that urge to care for something, lol.
But that's why I pamper the cat! Our pets might as well be considered our adopted children.
We protect them, feed them, love them, shelter them.

Dolls are different, they aren't alive.
But it's fun for people to pretend they're real.
And I mean, they do look human so Im sure it's natural to want to take good care of them.

My grandma had a little baby crib form when my sister was little she kept all the 'babies' in.
They were baby dolls us grand kids played with and a few stuffed animals.
She would tuck them in and talk to them every once in a while.
I think it made her feel good, being old and having all grown up kids.
She didn't go out much after she had her stroke, so they probably kept her company.
She didn't go as far as feeding them real food, but if she had they would have been luck cause she was an AWESOME cook! lol.

A few years ago, when I lived with my ex, I used to give my dolls something for their birthday and for Christmas. My doll has his own stocking and We did it for fun.

I don't see dolls as something to replace real human contact or better than a child at all.
I guess it all comes down to having fun and using your imagination.

If you're unable to conceive I can completely understand having a pet.
And dolls are fine too as long as you remember they aren't alive.

 

I don't want kids - ever. So they are definitely not replacing a need that I don't have. But - that being said they are like pets to me in a way. I love hamsters. I got my first when I was 21. I'm now 27 and I've had 6 hamsters pass away. They are my favorite animal and they just don't live long enough. It's too painful to keep getting them and then lose them a year and a half later. So my dolls are like hamster replacements to me. Especially my pukipuki's.

 

No way - if I had EVER wanted kids, I'd've had them. My dolls aren't child characters, and I don't baby them. They're teen and adult characters. Their purpose is to get dressed-up & look good on the shelves at my whim.

And I never felt I was "lacking" or "missing" anything by not having children. It's hard for people to imagine that any woman could ever possibly have a full happy life without children, so the assumption is always that we're somehow incomplete. I'm fortunate enough to surround myself with family & friends who Get It, though; no nagging. They're smarter than that. If they secretly think I'm crazily substituting toys for kids, they know better than to open their mouths to me about it. ^^

 

To me, dolls are just dolls. They're pretty and I enjoy fussing with them, but I don't view them as a child substitute at all. I'm a married woman "of a certain age" and my husband and I decided years ago not to have children. I'm a whole and complete person in and of myself, there's nothing lacking, so I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.
I wonder if there are any male doll collectors who view their dolls as children. There are quite a few men out there that can't, for whatever reason, have kids. Do they feel as if there's something fundamental missing? Or is it a female psyche phenomenon because children are developed within and birthed from the female body? Maybe some of our male members will chime in. Inquiring minds want to know!

 

Does it give you something you were lacking not having children?

Nope, I'm 25 and have no kids. I intend to have at least 1 child when I am older, in a better situation both health wise and money wise and in a secure home.

I love my dolls but to me they are just dolls, I admit that sometimes I feel very attached to them and I will sometimes fantasize about stories and their characters and such but that's as far as it goes.

My dolls are an extension of me, they look the way I'd like to and they wear the things I'd like to and each of them harbor a part of my personality.

But for me, my dolls are ultimately a fantastic source for my hobby of sewing, art and customizing things.

Would you pay as much attention to your dolls if you suddenly had kids?

Of course not. If I had a child there would be VERY little time to pay much attention to my dolls. I have a close friend who has 2 small children and I've stayed with them when they had their 1st and honestly? It was like absolutely every second of the day was filled back to back with all the things you have to do with a baby, the house, laundry etc. This friend has a doll of her own, an SD and she has him displayed so that she can at least see her doll even if she has no time to play with him.

Because of seeing that I know that should I ever have a child, for the first few years most hobbies would grind to a halt.

Do your dolls make you feel better or worse about not have kids of your own.

To each their own. But to me, no, neither.

I just wondered what other people like me feel about Dolls as Substitute Kids. Do you think it's wrong?

As long as you aren't hurting anyone, you are paying your bills, looking after yourself and anyone else who depends on you then I won't think it's wrong.

If you are neglecting your loved ones, harming anyone, not paying bills etc then yes, I think it's wrong.

If that's what you want your dolls to be then that is your choice.

How far is too far?

I think I covered that above but I'd add that if you start to be unable to separate reality from fantasy then you might have gone too far. Also, if you let the doll hobby negatively impact your life on a large scale then I'd say, maybe that's too far to.

Do you think it's healthy or a sign someone's "not all there"?

There are some people who have dolls who you know are a little sensitive, they may suffer from some mental issues, however bad but to be honest I'm of the opinion that everyone suffers from something and that there isn't really anyone who is 100% "normal"

Hell, people say I'm not all there and I agree! and the term "not all there" is a very subjective thing and it can depend on each persons opinion. For example, I may seem like a completely "normal" and amazing person to 1 person and then to another I might seem absolutely insane.

(I am aware that each persons issues are different and I am not saying that everything I have said is the be all end all of everything. This is just my opinion and it does not make it fact.)