Dolls and Gender Divisiveness

My boyfriend collects dolls, so I think I can safely say that it doesn't bother me that guys like dolls. In my case, it's kinda nice that we can share the hobby, admittedly we are into totally different aspects of the hobby, but that's fine. He can mod his zombie doll to his heart's content, and I will collect my cute little boys. It's all good.

I will admit though that I am actively antagonistic to gender stereotyping, particularly when it comes to the fact that girls get more easily accepted into male hobbies than vice versa. It actually kind of bothers me that I routinely get praised by my male friends for being interested in typically male things like video games, comic books, and D&D, as if this makes me superior to girls who were only interested in typically female things. The subtext is there that male hobbies are better than female hobbies. "Oh, hey, it's so great that you are willing to behave like a dood around us, cause if your were totally like a chick all the time we would have nothing to talk about, cause guys can't like chick stuff. They'd make us hand in our man cards." It's rather grating.

 

When I went to Dolls Party in Tokyo last May there were loads of men of varying ages. Many of them were Dollfie Dream collectors, but there were plenty with male and female resin dolls as well.

I'm neither male nor female - I'm genderqueer and neutral - and I don't care what gender the other fans participating in the hobby are as long as they behave appropriately (creeps aren't fun to be around regardless of gender). Gender roles and stereotypes are really frustrating for me as someone who doesn't even have legal recognition for my actual gender, so I definitely don't agree with others having to suffer as a result of them, and I don't see any reason why a person should be resentful of someone else simply for enjoying the same hobby.

 

Just wanted to drop in and say that I'm neutral as well, and I definitely agree with what you've said.

 

Hi, Zax and All!

I've never gotten anything other than happy conversation and sharing from fellow attendees at any meetup I've ever been to - and that's at least three different groups of people (with considerable overlap) in the Northeastern US, plus all the folks who came to Dolpa in NYC. In Japan, I still felt very welcomed whenever I managed to screw up my courage and talk to Super Dollfie fans - a great many of whom were male. (Some of those guys are doing some very creative stuff over there, and one introduced me to the _schmexxiest_ Ami Ayase . . . ) In public places, I've experienced more open, genuine curiosity and appreciation by passers-by than disapproval - in fact, if they've disapproved, they've hidden it well!

There are some folks in my "general" life who've expressed shock about my dolls, and some who I just don't bring up the subject with at all, as they're pretty "conservative", and just wouldn't get it. Makes me sad. Fact is, quite a number of my dearest friends, both male and female, straight, gay or whatever, I've met through BJDs.

For what it's worth, I'm a straight guy with two (grown) kids and a wife who also collects BJDs.

~Bruce

 

Throw me into the pile that doesn't have any issue with it one way or another. I tend to not think of people as their gender but as the unique person they are, even when looking them in the face gender is something I hardly notice. It is far beyond my understanding as to how someone's gender should play a part in what they enjoy. As far as I was ever aware, people are people and enjoy what they enjoy.

 

I'm actually a fairly "guyish" gal and I generally get along with the opposite sex better than my own. Though come to think of it that's because I run into a lot of women who (like my sister) enjoy every stereotypical female hobby out there: shoes, clothes, makeup, etc. and I tend to lean towards "guyish hobbies": gaming, Industrial music, action figures, etc. I'll spare you the horrific details of my sister torturing me throughout my childhood. XD

I just generally love men, I feel more open around them. I even make sure all my doctors and dentists are men so I can be more relaxed. I harbor no ill will towards women, I still have female friends and of course I love my mom. I just tend to have less in common with them than men, outside of certain subcultures.

My point is this: at a doll meet I have something in common with EVERYBODY. It doesn't matter if you're straight, gay, asexual, masculine, feminine, neutral, male or female, I have a hobby in common with you. I feel no more weird around women at a meet than I do around guys. All is good as long as you're polite and exercise decent personal hygiene. XD I'm honestly trying to get my husband into the hobby, I just need to find dolls that transform into robots.

 

I went to my first meet, scared of being the only trans man and found that not only was I not the only trans man, but there were trans woman, cis men, and other people in between all enjoying each other.

It's something I love about this hobby. Very rarely do people judge.

 

Do I have an ill-will toward the men in this hobby? Resentment? Think they're odd or strange should be cast out? No. Absolutely not. It really doesn't matter to me one way or another way if a person who collects BJD is a man or woman or anything in-between.

But on the question of meet-ups I will answer honestly. I am a young woman with very little experience being around males of any sort. I grew up with sisters and almost all female cousins, aunts and grandmothers. I didn't start interacting with boys on a friend-basis until I was in high school and did not begin to lightly dabble in the dating scene till my first year of college. This has nothing to do with my "hating men", it is simply that I am not comfortable around them, and I'll be entirely forward in saying that within the hobby or not I do not make it a habit to make friends with men many years older than I am. Sure, if I went to a meet-up and there were young men around my own age I do believe I might be more inclined to speak with them (I do already have two male BJD friends from online), but not so much a man very much older than me.

*shrug* As I stated before it has nothing to do with my viewing a BJD-collecting man as a "freak" or anything and moreso my own internal instincts to protect myself.

 

I don't think there's much gender-based prejudice in the hobby at all. There may be a few jerks out there, but I haven't met them.

I think most of the jerky behaviour that springs from ideas about gender roles and sexuality comes from outside the hobby. I've heard people complain about their family or friends thinking it's weird for a guy to play with dolls, and I've read stories from both men and women who said they were called gay because of the hobby. The thing is, there are a lot of people who think this is a weird hobby, and who want to tell you about it - and some of them will use your gender as the reason they think it's weird, but they're just as likely to cite age (you're 30 and you play? with dolls?) or money management (why would you want something that costs that much? you could have bought XYZ instead!) or whatever else springs to their mind.

And I think that's why most of us see very little of that sort of prejudice within the community. Even those of us with supportive, interested friends & family have likely had at least one incident where someone questioned some basic part of our humanity (sanity, sexual orientation, maturity) because of the doll hobby. We tried it, we don't like it, and we're not about to do the same to someone else...!

 

Basically what undermost salamander said. Since I like to, I'm answering both questions...

Do you hide your hobby out of fear that you might be judged as effeminate, or "gay"?
-For me most take my doll hobby as a sign I'm not gay or masculine. Someone once commented "Oh, so you are a girl."

When you encounter a man at a doll meet up, or on these forums, does it make you feel uncomfortable or resentful? How do you feel about the presence of men in this hobby in general?
-It's nice seeing guys in the hobby, though I might do a quick double take. I've never seen an older man in the hobby, before so that might take getting used to. Other than that, I wish more guys would get into it so they wouldn't seem like such a rarity.

 

It's weird but before I got into the dolls myself, I assumed that BJD collectors would mostly be male as the majority of the dolls I saw were male and dressed in uniforms and big boots, attire I assumed would appeal to males more than females! I guess we all make daft assumptions. So no, if I were ever to go to a meet (unlikely) I wouldn't be phazed at all by seeing men there. When you think of it, building models has always been such a male dominated hobby, I don't see why such a craft oriented hobby as BJDs should be off limits to guys.

 

Not on sight, no. By character, sure. Jerks come in both genders and everything in between.

I think it's great to have males that contribute positively in the hobby as well. It brings more perspectives and insight in our discussions and interactions in the community.

 

I think if teens,adults,kids and women can like them why not men?
I wouldn't want people to turn their noses up at me for that, just like I wouldn't want people to turn their noses up at me for being a lover of BJDs at all.

 

Glad you asked these questions, North Going Zax.

I think people make way too many assumptions about sexual orientation and appropriateness here in this country. It's too bad. I think it often keeps people from enjoying certain experiences and other people from having their own experiences enriched by others.

I've seen guys at meetups. I've ordered things in the MP from guys. I know a guy personally here in my hometown that owns several minis and another who owns an MSD girl. I think it's awesome.

I once saw a guy at a con who was dressed in the same outfit as his female BJD. He was great! But more importantly, it was clear that he loved his doll and took good care of her. That's what really counts, I think.

The thing I like about this hobby is that it breaks down the barriers of age, race, beliefs, and gender. There is something about BJDs that brings out the best in people.

 

I'm going to answer this before I read what everyone else's answers are so that I can give you a true answer.

When InuYasha [my SO] graduated from a Mechanics Technical college, I got him a Minimee. Alucard from the anime Hellsing, who he refers to as his "giant action figure." He wants to get him cool outfits and shoes and whatnot, but first, he wants him to have his canon outfit from the anime. I'm currently working on his coat. The reason this is relevant is that he wouldn't take him out until he has his "proper outfit." He's since taken him to a couple of meetups wearing just his vest and suit, no coat nor hat. I noticed that he looked at everyone's resinoids at the meetups, then seemed to me to lose interest. InuYasha's a pretty shy guy, but he did tell me later that he found everyone's dolls interesting, but that his was the coolest!

No one at the meetup gave him any problems. A few of them seemed surprised that he had a BJD of his own, but he really didn't get any strange looks or whatnot. In fact, he was welcomed, and once he came back from wandering the park we were in, he listened to what we talked about, from stringing to where to find clothes. He even joined in the conversation at times. He had a fun time!

He still occasionally go to meetups with me. If he doesn't, Alucard stays home. After all, he's not mine. InuYasha doesn't post on DoA, as a matter of fact, he doesn't even have an account. But he loves Alucard and occasionally I find them watching TV together, especially when I'm sleeping at 3am and he's still awake. [He works third shift.] He asks me for help whenever he has problems with Alucard, and we're eventually going get around to wiring his Domuya Flexi body together.

His family thinks its a little weird that he has a BJD, but when I explained that Alucard is basically an "insane, bloodthirsty vampire," they kind of nod and smile in an understanding way. Especially since InuYasha's into things like Death metal, [he plays lead guitar], bowhunting and hockey.

I love it when men show up at meetups and they have their own resinoids! It show me that they are secure in their manhood. And whether or not they have boys, girls, men or women BJDs, its nice to see that they are fans of BJDs.

To those men that realize that this hobby lifestyle isn't just for girls, I give a thumbsup!

Ryu

 

This is my tiny thought on the subject: most of our dolls are sculpted/made
by Men.....why on earth shouldn't Men be allowed to enjoy these dolls too &
not have to fear judgment from people in or outside of this community/hobby?
There's still a stigma, no matter what your gender, when people unfamiliar with
ABJD's find out you have them, because people still associate dolls with children....
even though all "toys" are made by adults, I suppose it's figured that they merely
make them and they don't enjoy them or have any of their own? *shrugs*
I have yet to go to a doll meet but if I did and saw guys there I'd love it and would
have to get over my extreme shyness (which has stopped me from meeting others
in the hobby to begin with) and say hello XD In short, I have no problem with guys
in the hobby!

 

If you are a woman:

When you encounter a man at a doll meet up, or on these forums,
does it make you feel uncomfortable or resentful?
I don't go to meets (live in the middle of nowhere), so I can't answer this from experience,
but I don't think I would feel uncomfortable or resentful to see males in doll-meets. ^ ^'

How do you feel about the presence of men in this hobby in general?
I think it's cool! I don't agree with gender-stereotypes or gender-specific-hobbies.
I played with toys meant for "boys" when I was younger (still collect action figures and bikes!),
so I don't see why it would be wrong for a male to collect or even play with dolls – it would be
having double-standards on the issue if I did. I don't think it's creepy or weird, at least not any
more than grown-women playing with dolls. ^.~


- Enzyme

 

Considering there's only about four BJD collectors in my area, it's kinda hard for me to judge...especially considering the one guy I did meet at a meet up was gay so there you go.

But I have chatted with guys online about the hobby and went to a Sci-Fi con with my guys and had a couple of people, mostly guys, ask me about them. This one guy was very interested in them and it was great fun talking about it with him. I find it kinda a relief to talk to a guy about it cause usually I get the looks of, 'oh you're into dolls...how very girly of you'. So when a guy takes an interest in my dolls and doesn't just brush me off as if I'm about fifteen years younger then I am, I really appreciate and enjoy it

 

Regardless of their sexual orientation, (NOTE: I'm a woman) I see no good reason why a man in the hobby should bother me at all, I rather see everyone as fans to share things in common rather than a "battle of the sexes" thing, specially now with the internet where almost everyone it's faceless and if you meet them at a doll-meet it's just coincidence...