Dolls and Gender Divisiveness

I think that that's truly sad how that woman reacted. Its a sad commentary on gender bias that still exists today.

I've taken my BJDs to toy stores, and even though I usually get either strange or curious looks, I've not had that happen...except once, when a mom had three girls who she was explaining that she couldn't afford to get them dolls. The girls were sad and upset.

After buying three dolls whose clothes I wanted, I ended up finding the woman while in the checkout line, stripping the clothes off of the dolls (after I paid for them, of course) and giving the dolls to the girls. It not only stopped the argument, but I got a chance to make three little girls happy, if perplexed until they saw the 20cm doll I had who I was buying clothes for. The Mom WAS able to afford to buy doll clothes, and she went to get all three of them one outfit each when I left.

It was an interesting experience, not only in how people react to BJDs in public, but in how parents react in general. And it made my day to make four complete strangers happy.

Ryu

 

I love seeing men in the hobby! I admit, it always surprises me, but I think that if a man can carry around a doll, he's emotionally stronger than those macho he-men the media says all men should be. The fact that he's willing to do something generally considered only for females makes him... stronger is the only word I can think of... in my eyes.

That's so wonderful of you! Wow!

 

The BJD hobby is not some sacred, female-only space. Gender is, quite frankly, irrelevant where doll collecting is concerned. There are two men who regularly attend doll meets here in London, and I can assure the OP that they are very much welcomed - they are not merely tolerated but greeted with enthusiasm by the female attendees. If anyone were so crass as to have an issue with their attendance, I can assure you they would be verbally bitch-slapped by everyone else; we don't tolerate such bigoted nonsense.

Our doll meets feature men, women, genderqueer, transfolk - pretty much the whole spectrum of gender, really. Everyone is treated equally as a human being and accorded respect accordingly. We are all BJD collectors - and that is the only identity that matters in this hobby.

 

Really? Well, that sucks. I'm a woman who works in the game industry and the only responses I've gotten is "great! More girls!"

As for men collecting dolls; I don't think that collecting dolls is a girl-only thing. Especially these dolls lean more towards action figures and many guys collect those, wo I don't see how BJD's is different.

 

I love seeing guys in the hobby! It's awesome that these guys have the strength to just go and enjoy what they want.
There's so much stigma attached to men who collect dolls and it's just so ridiculous.

 

I've got nothing against guyes collecting bjds, allthough I haven't met more than 1 irl.
I don't think anything in this world is gender based anyway - guys and girls can do the same, the're might be some things that one gender generally does better than the other - but everything is still individual based. (hope what I write is undersdandable?)
It's like with many sports, they are often assosiated with a particular gender, allthough you can find teams/participants of the opposit gender. (Soccer/baseball/basketball is often seen as a man's sport)
I played soccer when I was younger, and I was okay at it. I've often met foreigners who were surpeised that I was quite okay, and not afraid of the ball as some girls are.
Everyone has a right to have the hobby they want, no matter gender - in my oppinion.

 

Yay girl gamers!

But I think you can't compare BJDs to action figures because BJDs are so beautiful/graceful, ergo people would think they're more feminine dolls, which means for girls. The fact that you play dress-up with BJDs and not (most) action figures also pigeon hole them as something for girls (because... you know all girls/women love playing dress-up *rolls eyes*). Action figures are meant for rough playing while BJDs are more centered towards story telling and photography. And us collectors act much more nurturing (which equals feminine in society again...) towards our BJDs compared to collectors of action figures.

Despite us thinking that gender doesn't matter in this hobby, I think in the general population it still does. Guys are supposed to be into violence, guns, muscly action figures blah blah blah and women into nurturing, pretty, cute blah blah blah. Until this attitude changes, guys with BJDs will still be (inwardly) judged. It's just most people are classy enough not to show any reaction.

Also, keep in mind that our society (at least what I understand of Western society in general) is much harsher on men and what they can do compared to women. Many have instant gut reactions the moment a man does something that's considered feminine, even if it's very vague.

But I do think the amount of male collectors we have is slowly going to make a difference. :]

 

The only doll meet I have ever been to was 5 years ago and very odd. I was the only male there and the eldest amongst a group of teenage girls, afterwards I learnt they had a great time bitching about how weird I was for coming along. So I have never gone to another doll meet. Its like any scene in life, there are going to be immature jerks.
I have female and male friends into dolls, to me it shouldnt be a big deal. I grew up during grunge, Kurt Cobain was my idol, he collected dolls and preached against sexism and challenged gender roles so within friends around the same age there isnt a 'deal' with being male and having dolls, its seen as cool and creative. I live with and have a long term girlfriend who collects dolls. Women I have shown my dolls to have been interested in them. Its odd that its only been in the doll scene that I have had people judge me. Its not as though Im a mutant sat drooling whilst rubbing my dolls in a corner or something! Im very comfortable in my own skin, in my gender and my sexuality which may threaten people who arent.
I recently went diving into a bargain bin of Barbie clothes infront of some teenage boys in a store, they didnt say anything for all they know I could be buying them for my daughter, or my girlfriend, or for a art project...Just be confident in yourself guys!

 

Awww. That's so mean. You'll find a good meet eventually. Sadly, what you said is true. >:L

 

Honestly, I think having guys in the hobby is wonderful! It means that the guy in question already shares an interest of mine, which means if and when we attend a meet together, we're not just sitting around twiddling our thumbs and wondering what to talk about.

 

Should you ever find yourself in London on the last Sunday of the month, do come along to one of our Pygmalion Society meets. We're a friendly, non-judgemental bunch, and there's always at least one guy, and often two or three. I can also guarantee you won't be the oldest present.

 

No to all questions about boys.

 

I hope to take part in the Leeds Charity Meet this year and do some demos so I hope itll be a good crowd.

Im 30 and I wondered if collecting dolls as a younger (say teenager) or older (say middle aged) man is more difficult society wise? I have not really found many younger men into dolls on the forum and wondered how they have been perceived. Maybe if I would have been a teenage boy into dolls I might not have been too self assure enough to be open about it (personally).

I remember taking some fashoin dolls from my house as a teenager down the street to someone who wanted them and a group of girls younger than me (about 10 years old) passed me and said 'Errrghh you still play with toys'!

 

I can't answer for the former, but try chatting to Teddy about the latter - he's one of our regular meet-goers. I know a few people who go to the Leeds meets, and they're nice and friendly - hopefully you'll have a much happier time than you did at your first meet.

 

As Chibihaku said, I am a girl-gamer and I am an NFL football fanatic. I get some gender bias for those things. Meh... My husband collects dolls alongside me. I like that we share the hobby.

I collected first and he became interested over time. I enjoy that we share interests.

I knew another doll collector who said that she would be TICKED OFF if her husband took up her hobby of dolls because he needed to stay on the golf course while the dolls were hers...she had no intention on 'sharing'. To each his/her own. Personally I love it.

I don't think anything of it. My husband's parents are coming to visit next month from overseas. I am not sure how they will react when they find out that about half the dolls on the house belong to him and not me. LOL! Other than that, our friends are cool with it.

 

@honestrabbit...my husband is in his 40s, if that helps.

 

I myself found it great to see a few guys at my first doll meet I must admit I wasnt expecting it but its great to see things are changing and guys can take an intrest in a hobbie like this. I dont think its fare to judge someones sexual orientation on something like a hobbie they should feel welcome to join in, after all women are always going on about this equality business ;D

 

I've been in this hobby for about a year and even though I said I'd only get one, I'm about to order my second resin girl and I'm already looking at a couple more. I've never gone to a meet (I don't go out much as it is), but I'm a 30+ (straight) male and have had thoughts of being in something like the above situation if I did go to a meet. It's one thing to be a guy that buys dolls, but it can be amplified by your age as well. I guess it wouldn't hurt to "scope out" the attendees before jumping in to make sure you won't stand out so much.

I really appreciate the open-minded nature of this community. It's one forum I tend to feel comfortable on. I only wish more people were like this. Some people are so afraid to go outside the "gender and age roles" and they put these walls up around things they can and can't do.

 

I love to go to dollmeets.
I take my boyfriend (he is 30+) with me- he has his own girls and nobody is acting strange because of him.

 

We have guys at our meets. I don't think anything of it lol. In fact we have great times with our dudes Helping one of them learn how to sew for his girls was fun!

If there's sexism in the doll hobby, that's really just wonky. We're already thought of as weirdos by everyone else why think of ourselves as weirdos within our own community? o_O?