Dolls and Gender Divisiveness

When you encounter a man at a doll meet up, or on these forums, does it make you feel uncomfortable or resentful? How do you feel about the presence of men in this hobby in general?

I don't have an issue with it. I would love for there to be more men in the hobby (I've been trying to convince my BF that dolls are awesome and he agrees but the cost stops him from actually buying.)

I did (and slightly stilll do but I'm working on it) have a resentment for men who collect dolls like Dollfie Dream Dynamites because I assume that they are buying them only for their 'assets' . That stems from being stuck around with unpleasant kinds of men who probably would do just that and who are generally pretty crap when it comes to objectifying women. I've been on the end of it so I'm kinda defensive around that issue.

However the more I see guys around the board who do have DDs, the more I see it isn't true at all!

 

SF. Yes I miss living there sometimes because of what you stated. You learn to accept almost anything once you have lived there for a few years.

I also work in the game industry here in Montreal and most of my male co workers (there are no girls here) think my dolls are cool. I find that they even wip out their action figures to compare. I suppose that the industry is so accustomed to embracing nerdy behavior and interests that my dolls are no more than a drop in the bucket. The boys have no problem appreciating them and a few asked about getting one for themselves! To practice out ideas for character design etc...

Personally I would like to see more guys in the hobby. It seems that once they wrap their heads around the idea that dolls are not just granny dolls they become very interested!

 

I'm just happy to have anyone to play with my BJDs with... i dont care what gender or color they are >.<
I feel like, while i try to get my non-bjd friends to understand the hobby most of them think i'm completely nuts (because of the cost, mostly) and I just love having people to share the hobby with, because outside of the internet and this forum... we are a small small group of people. Also, a lot of the sculptors i know that create bjds are actually men. Soom has mostly male sculptors, iplehouse, volks.... most of the dolls we love so very very much, were made by men.

 

The first person in my acquaintance who owned BJDs was a man, though he's since been outnumbered by the women I've met, and the guy I was dating when Max got his doll was helping me sculpt one, and coming up with interesting design ideas. So it wasn't ever a thing that seemed odd to me. The first meet I went to was actually about a quarter male, and they were also some of the most welcoming and talkative of that particular group. ^_^

I've also since gotten my husband a little bit into the hobby, though he denies that he'll ever get more than one. Instead, he's urging my future purchases and collecting vicariously.

But seriously, I don't think it should really matter -- it's not like we've got a secret clubhouse here with a "no boys allowed" sign posted outside. We have at least this interest in common, and to make someone for any superficial reason like that feel unwelcome just serves to reduce us. Sure, i wouldn't have known what I was missing, but I don't really want to imagine what my own experiences in collecting would have been like without the men I know in it.

 

Guys have as much a right to participate in this hobby as girls do. In any way, shape or form. But it still surprises me sometimes, though I'm finding myself not so surprised anymore.

 

If I were to be uncomfortable with a guy at a dolly meet, it would be because men, in general, make me uncomfortable, not because he's playing with dolls. Both of my brothers preferred Barbie or Cabbage Patch Kids to G.I. Joe and Hot Wheels. Guys have every right to join the hobby, and I wish more would! Break the gender roles!

 

Never met a guy into dolls, but realistically, there's no way guys couldn't be in this hobby. And I honestly couldn't care less. Whether that man is effeminate, "manly", gay, straight, bi, purple, whatever, I don't care, and I don't think it is anyone's place to care. Everyone has their right to be into whatever they want to be into, and if they aren't hurting anyone, then why give a damn?

It seems to me that if a woman is somehow insulted, resentful, or otherwise against a male being in this hobby, they're just ruining it for themselves and need a few reality checks. It's a waste of time, energy, and emotion.

 

I LOVE Seeing guys in the hobby.

What I DO resent is the silly 'gender codes' we live by. WHY exactly is it feminine to play with dolls and masculine to play with toy cars? Why can't children be brought up with the understanding that they can be whatever they want to be and do the things that they love? That's how I'll be bringing up my children!

Seeing men in the hobby gives me hope, because these are the men who, gay or straight or whatever, have the confidence and respect for self to just do what they want despite societal pressures and misconceptions.

I think everybody should be allowed to do what makes them happy, love the things and people that they love, and just be free from judgement and criticism!


Also, I agree with this:

 

Good point. I am always more comfortable around women and gay men initially than straight men. If I met a straight man at a doll meet up I wouldn't be uncomfortable because of the hobby, but because he is a man. I'm always slightly uncomfortable around men I don't know, until I get to know them better. It has something to do with being terrorized by my father in my childhood.

 

Have you ever gone to a doll meet up and gotten dirty looks from any of the women there or, if in a public place, anyone else?
Well what can i say here, as an almost 7 ft black man, I have been collecting dolls for the past 5 years and my collecting grew out of collecting action figures. As a child i was denied any toys at all because my father did not believe in giving a child toys. He never had any so who were we as kids to want, far less demand them. once i began working, I embarked upon seeking out and obtaining every toy I longed for as a child. I did pretty will but there is only 1 I never ended up finding (18“plush Rainbow Bright). With that said, yes I am into BJDs, I have moved past the action figures, moved past the Tonner fashion dolls and into BJDs I dove. Inside of one year, I have five and a half and I love them dearly.

Two days ago I went to my first meet. It was a small gathering at a doll shop that I had been to several times before during my fashion doll collecting days but never to a doll meet. I was nervous about possibly being the only guy there. To my surprise, a former co –worker, who was the first to show me a BJD back in 2006, ended up showing up to the meet and introduced me around to everyone. People were very nice and they seemed interested in my BlueBlood (Valantino) doll and his Halloween get up! We sat in the back room of the doll shop and talked wigs, clothes, and sculpts. They group ended up being a terrible bunch of enablers who showed me all the must have accoutrements that any BJD should not be without lol Not once was I made to feel uncomfortable and my fears were laid to rest once I saw the first familiar face.

Do you hide your hobby out of fear that you might be judged as effeminate, or "gay"?
Sadly enough, I find other black people tend to look at me sideways when I reveal that I collect dolls or they come to my house and see my doll collection. Primarily black women seem to have the biggest issue with the whole BJD collecting notion. I am really not sure why that is. Culturally I do not know African American culture to be anti-doll so I am not sure why such strong reaction from that group of people. My friends of other races tend to be very interested and want to touch the dolls and find out about them. The majority of my friends tend to be pretty open to none mainstream ideals so I guess there are people I will keep the dolls from but the majority of people who are close to me know all about my dollaholism.

I also find that people flip out when they find out how much the BJDs cost. I guess they think of dolls as the Madam Alexander porcelain types that are placed on a shelf and dusted off once a year. They find it hard to fathom that a grown man would spend this much money and time on such an ‘unusual’ hobby. Like I keep having to explain to them, especially the black women in my circle, that they have their Coach, Prada, and 'Doony and Burke' and I have my 'Iplehouse, 'Soom', ‘BlueBlood’, and ‘Volks’, What else can I say? It really throws me when people try to talk about what others are doing but never draw parallels to their own perambulations that are very similar in comparison.

 

I am female, but my husband is definitely all male and owns a DollZone Xi Aleister (named Ron Jeremy....) And he is nowhere even close to gay or effeminate in the least bit! Actually, he's tall, masculine, full bearded Harley rider. :P

I don't think of male doll owners any differently than female. Male, female, gay, straight, 18 or 100....I like having people that share my interest. We're all people that love our dolls and that makes me happy.

 

My boyfriend supports me in this hobby, and is planning to join as well, so nope, having men in the hobby does not bother me at all. In my local BJD community, we have both straight and gay men and women in the hobby. We all get along pretty well! There are times that some people irritate me, but it has nothing to do with their sexual orientation.

 

I have to admit, I feel like sort of the odd-one-out on this. While I'm getting used to the idea of guys having BJDs, it still surprises me sometimes. I'm just so used to dolls being "girly" I guess.
I've always played with dolls; I'm just incredibly girly. I had girl friends who weren't so girly that just didn't get the point, so I've always just related dolls to being girly or feminine. I know that's obviously not the case with this hobby, but it does still throw me off to think about guys with dolls.

 

In our swedish community theres one or two guys that I know of, and it makes me really happy that they found the hobby even though dolls is concidered to be for girls.

I think this boy/girl separation is really stupid actually. So what if a man likes dolls and a girl likes cars? It shouldn't be divided into categorys in the first place!

 

When you encounter a man at a doll meet up, or on these forums, does it make you feel uncomfortable or resentful?

No, I don't feel uncomfortable or resentful. Men are human too, you know?

But sometimes, it makes me curious. I wonder how they feel in the hobby. If they hide it in their everyday life. If they are proud of being doll owners. How their environment reacts... I know, it is all none of my business. But I cannot help but think about it.

I don't think that all the hundreds of years of treating people differently based on sex/gender can be washed away that easily.

I think guys in the hobby are faced with a lot of unfriendly reactions from people in their everyday life. I also think that they were forced to learn to distinguish themselves from girls from their earliest age on, and that playing with dolls is often a thing associated with "girly" behaviour (wrongly, in my opinion, I am against gendering of toys). This can lead to conflicts - both in them and with people outside the hobby, like friends, parents etc. - that the female members of the hobby don't experience.

So I can't help but think about this sometimes when I encounter a guy in the hobby. Online. Because I need still to find enough courage to go to a doll meet.


How do you feel about the presence of men in this hobby in general?

I would welcome the presence of men in this hobby!

...But there is one condition - the guys should be as ok with ME being in the hobby, as I am with THEM being in the hobby. I have once, by accident, read a journal post by a man who is in the doll hobby (not here, in a different online community) that he thinks buying male dolls is stupid and only for, how he worded that, "fat girls" - at this point said guy commenced a rather offensive and sexualized description of what these girls do with the male dolls in his opinion. This made me sad and certainly reminded me of the fact that barriers between sexes still do exist... Even INSIDE our hobby. So... guys in the hobby in general? Yes please. But if possible, without a misogynistic attitude. I think that guys with a misogynistic attitude are rather rare in this hobby anyway though ^^

 

I don't get why men are still usually considered to be gay when owning dolls.
I don't care for the gender when meeting a person. so I also don't care, whether it's a girl or a boy owning a doll.

 

I'm a female, and I love it when I meet a man who is into dolls of any sort.

 

Our local meetups are awesome in that we've had lots of guys as regulars&#8212;gay, straight and transgender and they all gel with the group as a whole. I enjoy a more diverse group, so it makes me happy to see male owners hanging with all the ladies.

 

I've only been to two meets and both had guys there. Maybe it's because they were my only two meets and I didn't know I was "supposed" to expect anything else, but I didn't think anything of it. It was just a bunch of collectors.

Honestly, I'd feel like it was more strange if I went to a meeting and saw a gaggle of women and no guys.

 

I think that anyone who wants to take part in this hobby should be more than welcome to do so. I personally haven't met anyone on these forums that I could definitively confirm as a male, but I have no feelings of apprehension or awkwardness towards them. (I have seen at least one male collector on another site).

Interestingly enough, it reminds me of a social experiment that someone once told me about. When a group of couples was asked whether they would buy a football for their daughter if she asked for one, the majority said "yes." The results were very different when they were asked if they would buy a doll for their son if he asked for it. It really sucks, but in this world there is a double-standard that labels girls simply as "tomboys" when they like things that are considered masculine, but boys are labelled as "gay" when they like things that are considered feminine. It truly is a shame.