Dolls and Gender Divisiveness

I'm so glad that overall, most male doll owners haven't been bothered or judged by other owners. I've found that in the anime and ABJD culture, we tend to accept people for who they are regardless of orientation. we even celebrate people who buck traditional gender norms. I would have been very surprised if I heard an overwhelming response that people had a problem with male collectors.

as for myself, I know a male doll owner who designs beautiful lolita dresses. He's a wonderful friend and I couldn't imagine having any problems with men at a doll meet.

 

It really depends... I'll be honest here, and by honest I mean that I will be blunt, and possibly offensive:
I tend to steer clear of men that own Dollfie Dreams.

Any other doll is fine, and I'd love more guys in the hobby...
But if they have Dollfie Dreams I get that creep vibe. ):

Aside from that, I welcome guys in the hobby, and like seeing guys in the hobby.
I would just rather see guys with dolls dressed normally, and not treated as sex objects.
It's just that I feel unease seeing middle aged men with dollfie dream dynamites in super skimpy outfits. I would never want to meet someone like that in person, I would feel extremely uncomfortable around them.

It's not about gender, it's not about age, it's not about the kind of doll they own... It's more like the combination of all those factors that creeps me out.

Apologies to anyone that this statement may offend. ):

 

SuniMoon: I agree with you, not just Dollfie Dreams but also Iples and other voluptuous sculpts wearing close to nothing by middle aged men can be creepy just like a teen with dozens of "garage kit" vinyl dolls with HUMONGOUS boobs would be considered a creep or a pervert.

 

Definitely this! I think it's great to have guys around. They can contribute a lot and diversity is always great in my book! I'd love to see more guys that are into bjds. However, as a female, overly sexy dolls of any kind owned by a male would probably give me the creeps. It would just make me wonder what happens when people aren't around....

 

Seriously? I am a male with a DDdy and I am completely offended by this! My girl is completely custom and the dy body type just fit her character better than the anorexic body offered with most other dolls. I don't do anything with my doll that is creepy. I rarely even put her in "sexy" poses for photos. It's not really in her personality. There's nothing wrong with a male that owns a "sexy" doll unless you see them doing creepy things with the doll. :P

 

I don't see why a male having a DDdy is creepy, actually. What's the difference in having a sexy doll if you're female? Some of the sexiest/ sometimes sleaziest photo shoots I've seen were done by women... so I don't think there is a creep factor at all with males having sexier dolls.

 

I certainly don't think any sort of sexism should exist, and I hope I wouldn't be judgemental, but I'm not sure. I think it might depend on the person. I know one guy who is kind of into dolls and it doesn't weird me out because he's very "normal".

 

I do agree that some girls could use a bit more meat on their bones and I prefer a curvier sculpt myself. I don't think that it is wrong to have a DD(or any bustier doll) if you dress the doll properly and just treat it normally. Nor do I want all men who have DD to feel as if they're automatic creeps in the eyes of women just for having one. I suppose that this is an opinion that I'd have to apply to only certain males. For example, a guy who only dresses his girl in lingerie or skimpy outfits and brings the doll to a meet like that may be the kind of guy that raises the red flag. I really apologize if it felt like you or anyone else who didn't fit the bill were being singled out. >_<

 

I'm a girl, and I think it's great when men get involved in this hobby! Anybody can go to football games and drive a motor cycle, a real man is one self-assured and confident enough to say 'yes, I'm buying a doll, and yes I'm going to go to a meet to geek over and admire other people's dolls as well as my own' this isn't just a 'women's hobby' that's sexist, and why be sexist towards men if we absolutely expect them not to be sexist to us?

 

I found you reflexion very clever and not always an evidence for many peoples. Also man's things are very differents in differents country. Aren't many men playing with BJD in asia ? Can it be confirmed by asian BJD lovers from the forum ?

 

I find the double standard imposed against men WITHIN the community alarming. They get enough of that crap with people outside this hobby thinking they must be 'gay' or 'weird' for liking dolls. Then they come to a meet and the people who should sympathize with outsider judgments, continue to judge the poor bloke based on what his doll looks like.

What's wrong with guys dressing them up in lingerie or skimpy outfits? I've seen BOTH guys and girls buy female dolls and dress them in lacey lingerie... What's so wrong with it that a red flag goes up for a man and not a woman? I know we have this perception that men who oogle busty DD's and dress them up in a bikini are perverts, but isn't that unfair to make the judgement? Do we actually KNOW what he does with his dolls...do we even care to know? I don't!

There are a ton of women who buy chiseled male dolls and dress them up in leather, shirt open, with their bf/gf on their lap. I customize my male dolls so they are attractive to me. I appreciate a well sculpted chest and am not afraid to take pictures of my boys like that or buy clothes for him to model. At the end of the day, when I go out in public I'm there to enjoy my dolls with other hobbyists; I go home and put my dolls on their shelf until I want to dress them up or take them to a meet another day. As long as people behave in public it shouldn't matter what they do in the privacy of their own home. It's no one's business anyway, and every person you meet (even those collecting the cute and innocent tinies) could be into crap you never would have guess! So what if a guy wants to collect busty DDs in bikinis! Is he hurting anyone? If he's making you feel uncomfortable by his actions or words with you that's one thing, but if he's just there to enjoy the hobby like everyone else leave him be.

 

i think men in the bjd hobby are cool i like that they aren't afraid to do what they like

 

Alrick - Hey, don't worry about it. ^_^ I've seen your Candie around, and she has always looked very tasteful.


As a response to the last couple pages:

On the other hand, most of the *whoa sexy* photos I've seen are of male dolls, taken by women, so...What does that say? I honestly don't think it's *wrong* for either gender to do "weird", sexy things with their dolls. Because they're dolls. Come on people, you can think it's creepy if that's how you feel about it, but that doesn't make it wrong. You don't have to marry these people, they're just having fun with their dolls in their own way. I personally don't enjoy looking at these types of photos, but I know plenty of seemingly wonderful people that do. What a person likes or is into doesn't tell you everything about who they are as people. I think making judgements about people is worse than someone doing sexual things with dolls.


And back on the specific topic:

I think it's great when people are into a hobby they enjoy, any gender, sex, or age. It's nice to see people do things just because they enjoy it. It makes me happy.

Also, my best friend is a guy (and straight, since this was asked about), and has shown some interest in getting a doll of his own. I would just be ecstatic if he did!! I would like to share my hobby with any friend, male or female.

 

I love guys who love dolls-- I don't think the problem is whether or not a man collects DDys, or even dresses them in lingerie and takes pinup-style photos of them. It doesn't bother me to think that some people enjoy doing that at home, and it doesn't bother me if they share their work online.

What would bother me, and what I think sets off the red flags for other women (and women are kind of trained to notice these red flags if we don't want to get hurt, and then get blamed for getting hurt), is how they behave in mixed company. Because a nice guy who loves his DDys will be a nice guy when you see him at a meet. Maybe shy/awkward, maybe outgoing, but his sexy lady doll isn't the indicator of creep factor. She's just a doll that he happens to own and enjoy.

There's a correlation between guys who give off 'creepy' vibes and guys who collect solely 'sexy' models and dolls, but that doesn't mean there's a causation. And it happens outside the hobby too, and it doesn't always mean someone is dangerous just because they're creepy.

I know some great guys who collect dolls, models, figures, and maquettes. Some of these objects are 'sexy' because the owner finds them aesthetically pleasing. Just like I might find a set of well sculpted gentleman-abs to be aesthetically pleasing. And treating the dolls/figures/statuettes/etc. as eye candy doesn't hurt anyone as long as we (regardless of gender) treat our fellow human beings with respect.

 

As a guy in the hobby, I always have this fear of being judged. I'm afraid, because I'm very feminine looking and small, and often get mistaken as a woman, that if/when I go out in public with my doll eventually people will assume I'm a woman. There's other reasons as well (being female-to-male transgender certainly doesn't help with any of this), but basically I feel like it detracts from people seriously seeing me as a man; I only plan on showing people my doll who I feel will accept me, and maybe a long time down the road bringing him out into small meet-ups and such.

Another thing that makes me afraid to tell people about my hobby is the stigma of men owning male dolls. I feel most people think it's weird and a bit creepy, especially if they're smaller/younger scuplts. I don't want to be suddenly viewed as some sort of pedophile or anything. I'm not exactly what you'd call straight (ace over here), so I don't have a problem with being viewed as gay based on owning a male doll, but since he's younger I just have that fear of assumptions from others, since it's cute for girls to have young dolls because girls are innocent, but not so much guys.

tldr; I don't want to be seen as a woman (although there's nothing wrong with women) or a pedophile for owning a doll, especially a young one.

 

I'm not going to judge a person based on their hobby, nor their preferences within that hobby. I'll judge them based on how they treat other people.
I'm thinking we are in this hobby because we love the dolls; the way they look, and what we can find in them, the fun in customizing.
I think it's too bad that some people feel they have to 'hide' their hobby because of how others will view them. It really gives me a sad, and a disappointed

 

I have only met 2 men who collect and i wasnt uncomfortable. I found it cool that they collected and that it didn't bother them one bit.

 

Please don't take offense, but I think we need to remember that many older women are collecting sexy, well-endowed, much younger than they, male dolls and carrying very scantily dressed dolls around conventions and meets. Also, women of all ages are doing highly suggestive photoshoots with male dolls, photoshoots that, when I was younger, would have been relegated to Playgirl magazine. BJDs are equal opportunity eye-candy, and I think it's only fair to be cautious about assumptions and give our fellow enthusiasts the benefit of the doubt.

I'm thankful to live in a time when we can share the fun and not be considered perverts, having to hide our natural fascination in the garage or under the bed. Believe me, human nature hasn't changed, but society has, and I'm very grateful for that change.

As for men in the hobby...it doesn't in the least surprise me and I likewise love the fact that I have lived to see an age when they can indulge themselves without the automatic stigma. Growing up, I knew several guys who would have been fascinated with BJDs. Besides, ever see what people (primarily guys) are doing with their modded computer cases? Pretty amazing.

The fact is, these dolls are more than just beautiful hangers for fancy clothes, and marvels of engineering. They're a brand new (historically-speaking) highly tactile, creatively stimulating artform. I think that amazing scope is part of the key to their wide appeal.

 

I don't see the problem and people usually compliment it. People usually mistake me for being a boy because I crossdress and they're all thumbs up for having a "guy" in the hobby. Besides in countries like japan men are the primary doll collecting group.

 

I would not feel bad at all about meeting a man who collected BJDs. My partner has expressed interest in a few of the dolls he has seen, though he does have his own interests. I say go for it, I don't really think this has anything to do with sexuality at all.