Dolls and money: guilt trips over spending?

In my opinion "Guilt" is an "early warning indicator light" as an emotion. It's meant to serve as a mental wake up to the person experiencing it. You're supposed to feel it - recognize it - find out what is means TO YOU - and then fix whatever is imbalanced in your life that is causing the Guilt emotion. Guilt as a lingering state of being is useless and harmful.

Obligation as an emotion I just can't abide. It's so inauthentic. I'll take Choice over Obligation any day.

Personally as an artist I have NO problem supporting the glorious craftsmanship of other artists I admire. (And truly if we all stopped spending money right now that wouldn't help the world economy in the least.) I can also offer another perspective on this. As an artist I make and sell "luxury items" - my customers are compassionate concietious consumers. They ARE my income - my liveliehood. I depend on them and their hardearned money - I appreciate them and they enrich my life.

I in turn - as I am sure many people here do - view all beings and the world as inherently connected to my own experience on the planet - so while I don't feel obligated - I choose to spend time and occasionally money contributing in my own small way in making the world a better place. How I do that is up to me - and having hobbies and spending money on those hobbies and also donating time and or money to other causes and interests are NOT mutually exclusive events. <snark> I bet if you did a poll you'd find that most people here are also capable of chewing gum and walking at the same time too. </snark>

The OP's continued statements about distribution of wealth were pretty alarming to me. That train of thought is in my opinion so injust and so naive. No one has the right to force a redistribution of money or assests. History tells us those sorts of moves don't usually go over well. No matter how great of an idea it sounded like at the time.

The original post really seemed to be asking a leading question along the lines of "On a scale of 1-10 how much of a selfish jerk do you know you are whenever you spend money on yourself?" Those sorts of questions don't generally get the sorts of responses the OP is hoping for. No matter how great of a question it sounded like at the time.

Just my .02

 

THIS.

I don't feel guilty about spending money on myself because I always take the time to balance my "luxury" spending with my regular spending and my charitable works and donations. For every new pair of pants I buy, I donate two or three of my older gently-used pants to charity. If I don't wear a pair of shoes for more than three months (with the exception of my better shoes for special occasions and job interviews), I donate them to charity regardless of how much I spent on them, or I give them to a friend who wants them.

With my doll, I bought her because I had worked hard and earned and saved enough to treat myself to something nice. I earned my doll, and I thought it was okay to do something nice for myself. I don't think it's fair to say that I'm some sort of greedy Westerner who spends all my money without a care to the less priveledged. My father immigrated to America from Egypt, where his family was extremely poor; my mother comes from a very poor family here in the South. I was raised with a mind for both charity to others and saving for myself. As long as the money I made was justly earned and I saved for my future, my parents were fine with me spending it.

There's no way I could ever fix all of the world's problems with my money, but I see that neither as an excuse to hoard it for myself nor to give it all mindlessly to charity. I don't feel guilty about buying my doll because I don't spend wastefully on mindless trinkets, and I don't throw my money away carelessly. I shouldn't be made to feel guilty just because I have some money (whatever is left after paying my grad school tuition) while people are starving in Africa or China or Siberia.

Not that I'm a saint because I donate tiny sums of money to charity, or give my old clothes away. But I don't like the idea that living in a Westernized society and having enough food to eat and money to spend on luxury items makes me greedy, or that I should somehow feel guilty for buying things because other people can't afford them.

 

I think I might feel guilty if I used money intended for something else. For instance, right now I have just enough money in my bank account to pay my rent for December. It just so happens that this is almost exactly the same about of money it would cost me to buy a doll I really want. However, if I used my rent money to buy a doll, not only would I be screwed in terms of possibly being evicted, I would also be screwing up my credit (this is my first apartment where I didn't have a co-signer, and I don't have any credit cards). So I would feel pretty guilty about that. XD

In terms of "I could be using this money for charity", I don't feel guilty about things like that. I'm in the process of trying to declutter my life (throwing away anything too old to be useful, donating anything that would be appreciated, selling anything worth selling). I'll be making a huge donation of stuffed animals sometime in the next few days (I just have too many that I don't really care about, and my apartment is too small for them all, and they're all in practically new condition), so I think that takes care of my donation karma for at least the rest of this calendar year. I donate money when I have it, but when I don't I don't sweat about it. I asked my friends to donate $5-10 to my favored charities on my birthday this year instead of getting me stuff, so that also makes me feel justified in not feeling guilty.

I think it would be a noble cause to donate money every time you bought a doll, however. Perhaps ten or twenty percent of the cost of the doll, to the charity of your choice. So if you bought a $500 doll, you would donate $50-100 to charity. Sure, you'd have to save up $550-600 instead of the original $500, but the additional delay would be worth it, IMO. I may do this myself, actually. I like the idea. X3

 

Am I a monster to say I don't feel the slightly bit guilty? I pay attention to my own life. Yes its sad there are people starving, dying, etc but truth is people pour out all these amounts of money into charities and it's not really doing anything. Honestly, if none of this affects my life directly, I don't care about it. I'm not a part of it. All I care about is what goes on in MY life and whoever is in my life at the time (like family, boyfriend, health, etc). I don't feel guilty about buying things for myself. It's my money and I'll do what I want with it.

I honestly think charity work is a waste of time. If I stopped to worry about every other person besides myself it'd be too much stress. There are people who believe it's their life's calling to do charity work so let them deal with it. No reason I should. No reason my hobby has to suffer either. Pouring money randomly out for another could be the biggest waste of my savings. I could have used it for myself (for food, for clothing, for hobby, for rent, etc). I guess I really don't care what goes in the world unless it comes into conflict with my own life.

I save where I can, spend what I have budgeted and save the rest when a time arises when I need it most. My family gives me guilt trips but they can go shove it. I don't listen to guilt trips, it won't work. XP Its my money I can cry if I want to~

 

I can't put the whole world on my shoulders. The most I feel I can do is to help the people I see in front of me. I rather directly help people than entrust my money to middlemen strangers (charities) to supposedly do the helping for me. I'm not very trusting of them at all!

I've bought people weeks worth of groceries when they're in trouble (actually did that a couple weeks ago), I've given time to people who ask me for help, even those I had just met and don't fully trust yet--I don't expect anything in return for my assistance anyway. Same when strangers ask for money and I give it (not ALL the time, just when my gut feelings say it could be alright).

But putting others first can only go so far. I'm not undermining humanitarians, I highly respect the ones genuine at heart--but, that's not my lifestyle. I have my own happiness to pursue. So, I don't feel any guilt.

 

If that makes you a monster, then it makes me one too! xD I couldn't agree with you more, especially in terms of charity work. >o<

But anyway, I live in a small, kind of sheltered, but pretty well-off community. Kids get Land Rovers, Mustangs and even Jaguars as their first cars. They bring designer purses to school and trash them. They wear those Ugg boots through the mud. There are essentially mansions in parts of my community. Yes, in some ways it is a bit disgusting, but I think what ticks me off the most is that since a lot of kids just get stuff handed to them, they have no regard for taking care of it. You should see some of their phones and iPods.

I am probably in the middle range of wealth in my community I guess. I get big things for Christmas and my birthday, and my mom will buy me reasonably priced clothes since I don't have a real job, but aside from that, things I want are up to me. Though my mom said she would help me a bit with my doll for my birthday (not as much as she was originally going to since I'm now going to California after Christmas to see my girlfriend ) the rest of that money is up to me. I don't know how I'm going to save up that money, but I know if I manage it, that money will be spent on ME. I tend to be an impulse buyer, so saving up at least $600 is going to be a big accomplishment for me. xD

tl;dr: I live near rich people, but I'm not really rich. If I can save up enough money for a doll, I don't feel guilty about spending that money on something for myself.

 

I dont feel any guild if I buy something for any of my hobbies. My husband is kind of used to paying for exensive yarns and needles already. Hobbies are made to spend alot of money on them and have fun, I suppose.
On the othe hand, I will feel guilty after buying expencive clothing for myself, or after eating some food I shouldnt, but not with hobbies ... never.

 

I don't feel guilty buying things for myself. I work hard for my money and I should be able to spend it on myself. I do believe that people should be responsible for their money. If you have rent due and you spend it on a doll then you should feel guilty because you're a dummy.

But if you're working and saving your money I don't see a problem.

 

It's natural to feel guilty anytime you're spoiling yourself. I myself guilt trip incessantly if I spend 3.00 USD for a shirt.

 

don't know if I posted here already but here goes...

I'm the kind of person who will hesitate to buy something at the dollar store, so at least I'm good at saving my money, but when I bought Ame I had already saved up the money for a couple of months and it was just sitting there waiting to be spent. So most of the time I get really bad guilt trips (probably because my mom will question everything I buy), but with BJD stuff not really.

 

So glad I'm not the only one, actually.

After so much time saving for my doll, I finally got the money - and then sat on it for two weeks fretting over if this would be better spent donating to the United Way or someone having a hard time this holiday season.

I still feel a wee bit guilty, but I think part of that is externally conferred - ie people saying "you're spending HOW MUCH? on a DOLL?" And I think I let that get to me. In retrospect, I've actually donated more than in previous years due to extraordinary luck to have a good-paying job compared to my previous ones. For most people, getting these little nicities is something they budget for, not something they stop interacting with the world in order to pay for.

but still? Yeah, there's some residual guilt. :-(

 

I don't have a very high paying job, but I have enough for myself, and a little extra to save up for luxuries. I try to be frugal where I can, and yes, sometimes I do feel guilty about spending money on "frivolous" things - not because it could be used for charity, but because it could be saved for future needs. As for charities, I tend to donate my time more often than money. Buying something for a specific family in need at Christmas, donating food to the local food bank when they have drives, participating in fund-raisers, and I'm going on a mission trip to Peru this summer to work with children at a camp there.

I showed my doll to my sister yesterday for the first time, and she was a little confused by my interest in a new hobby but she liked him and the other dolls I showed her - but she nearly had a coronary at the prices! She could NOT believe I spent that much, and kept saying it over and over. That did make me feel a bit guilty, but I still don't regret buying him at all, nor is it going to stop me from saving up to buy my next within the next 2 months or so.

 

I didn't feel guilty buying anything for myself when I buy it. I can put a bunch of money down on a doll or a new car. I figure at the time that I work hard for my money so I can spend it how I want to spend it.

Then this time of year comes around. There's something about the holidays that get's to me. Maybe because I see so many people living out in the cold or without heat. Maybe it's because my family always made our holidays about love and laughter and happiness and I see so many suffering, but it get's to me. I was taking one of my boys to a friends house for some fun and he was sitting in the front seat in his box and a man knocked on my window asking for any donation for a newspaper. He looked so cold and so alone. I was about to turn him away and I looked at my doll and realized that this man can't afford to eat today or sit in a heated car or house and my doll, a toy, cost more than what he'll make this year.

I ended up buying a newspaper for 15$ because that's all the cash I had. Similar situations have popped up and I give then.

I guess my point is i don't feel bad until I'm reminded how great it is that I can spead the extra money. And then, it's not that I feel bad but just that I'm overwhelmed with the need to help everyone around me. Sure I could have put the money I've been giving to people towards the girl SD that I want, but it's making me feel good giving it to people less privlaged than myself.

 

I have NO GUILT! It's other's who try to make me feel guilty and I don't think it's fair.
All the monies I once spent on Beauty Salons, name brand clothing, shoes and purses to match and buying items for others are now going on dolls and things I want for my new doll hobby.

I worked for years doing fundraising for the poor so I have no guilt on that one. Yes, I also donated money and time.

Starting out as an older collector with no one else to answer to or take care of I think it's my time to do as I please!

One of my uncles had a collection of trains that was worth hundreds of thousands, he had an entire basement with his displays all over the huge room. He had conductor hats ready for anyone who wanted to see his train collection and everyone was shocked by the fact he would travel all over the world looking for items for his collection. He started his hobby after he retired at an early age.

Long story short, I guess I have his genes!

 

I dont feel any guilt.

I dont buy branded clothes or shoes or bags or jewelry. So I do get irked when people who do, say that I am wasting money on my hobbies. Sure my hobbies are not cheap, but at least I am not in debt over them. I guess different people have different perspective over what is frivolous and what is not.

To me, I like to reward myself once in a while with something I want. Afterall I work hard for my money, why cant I reward myself with something nice? It may sound selfish, but what is life when you cant take a break and enjoy from time to time?

I cant save the world, but I will sure save my sanity by allowing myself to indulge once in a while...

 

Disclaimer: This is all opinion. Grain of salt dosage recommended with reading.

I don't remember what I originally replied to this thread. This thread has been around for a while and, thus, so have I. My views may have changed since then but I still think this is a great topic.

Buddhism talks about the senselessness of materialism and the Christian belief isn't far off from that. In my belief, we are here in this life to experience what brings us joy. Only after we've been joyous can we give that joy to other people. If collecting dolls brings me joy then all the good for people who meet me.

Feeling guilty over spending money also reinforces the hold materialism has on our minds. If we find money or dolls so important that they should literally change the opinion we have of ourselves or fool us into thinking we are weak because of that then it is completely contradictory to the Buddhist and Christian teachings that say that material things should have no hold on our life.

Surrounding ourselves with the things that help us connect to inner peace isn't gluttony, it's self-maintenance. We are taught that caring for ourselves is something that is selfish, but it's not.

Saving for things that we enjoy teaches us patience, appreciation, and acceptance of situation. It has the ability to teach how to live in the "now."

There's nothing wrong with doing something special for yourself. There's nothing wrong with being happy. Selfishness, in my opinion, is about comparing yourself to others and dwelling on your faults. Catering to your desires is maintenance.

As far as giving to the poor: There are so many other ways you can give to those who receive less of material things in life as you.

I have so much guilt in things that I say and do and little room for guilt in things that I buy. I'm working on the former.

With that said, I'll celebrate what makes me unique rather than shy away from it. I've been doing a lot of shying away from revealing my love of dolls lately.

 

green, that was beautifully said! I couldn't agree more with you, though I do feel a bit of twinge sometimes about spending so much money on myself. It's so great that you've been able to adopt that mindset.

 

No guilt here! If I can afford a doll that I like I buy it.

 

I agree that I myself felt guilty when I first bought my doll.
Cos' I didn't have the money, I had to ask my mom for a loan. And she was VERY reluctant. But she was deducting the money out from my allowance, so from then on, I only had SGD$10 each week, and that was pretty little for me. And I did feel very guilty, since I only found out much, MUCH later after I got my doll, that my parents were in O.B. (owe the bank).

But that wasn't all. After I got my doll, I had to spend even more on clothes, accessories and et cetera. And I recently spent around SGD$104 on a lolita dress set (which is considered pretty cheap actually), & I felt really bad, because of the economic recession and all, and my parents kept telling me to save up for a rainy day. Instead of saving more and more, once I saved enough, i'll go online and get stuff for my Amy. .___.

What's worse, is that I told my parents that the lolita set only costed me SGD$50, and they went ballistic on me. They said it was too expensive. Sigh. And SGD$50 is half of what I paid, so I can't imagine how they'll react if they found out.

So I guess the cause of my guilt is mostly because of my parents.