Dolls and money: guilt trips over spending?

Grain of salt dosage recommended with every post:

I would feel guilty, absolutely, if I weren't making the money I was spending on my own. If I weren't saving up for it. If it wasn't my own money.

But, here's how I see your situation, if your mom didn't give you the money to get your doll and you saved up for it yourself you'd still be getting the same allowance. You mom allowed you to deduct your savings to get the doll. In essence, this was "your" money. Or at least the money allowed of you.

If your mom knew that there was no money to give you she should not have allowed you to have the money in the first place. Regardless of begging, pleading, crying, pouting, yanking at legs, or otherwise "guilting" her into giving it to her.

It's not your fault that your parents owe money to a bank. This, essentially, isn't your issue because they haven't made it your issue. If you want to take on that responsibility then that's your decision but they obviously, judging from your mom not holding back on the money she gave you, haven't made it your responsibility.

But it is hard living at a time in your life when you're not responsible for yourself. Suddenly all the financial decisions you make directly stem from whatever your parents wish to offer.

But your guilt still comes from you, remember that. You have every power to change your outlook on your situation. Like an above poster said: take a look at your situation. See what exactly is making you feel guilty. Maybe share that feeling with your parents. Seek forgiveness if you feel it's necessary. Communicate to them that you know the financial strain and perhaps offer to try and make it up to them some how. Let them know that this is what brings you joy in life.

Do what you need to do to achieve your utmost joy in life. It's more difficult when living under someone else and being dependent on them. I don't know how old you are or how close you are to independence but you'll find that those feelings of guilt at what you chose to buy won't necessarily just go away with being able to buy them for yourself.

You seem like a smart person. You seem like a caring person (otherwise you'd have no guilt). So don't think you aren't making smart financial decisions. You know what's going on. You're not selfish.

Seems like a lot of BJD collectors are younger and still living with parents. Maybe we should start some sort of younger BJD collector group and then a parents group. This is a financially dependent hobby. But it is also a joy bringing hobby that you can pass down to children. You can create a history in it.

I really do think it's necessary for parents with children who do enjoy more expensive hobbies to have all the information they can about it. To know it's not freaky or weird or pointless. There's a lot of intelligent, good people here. And it would be nice to have a parent's forum so they can know "What exactly am I buying for my son or daughter? What exactly does this mean to them?" And they can speak with ADULT collectors and find out their perspective.

That's my two cents on the matter, anyway.

 

Everyone has their hobbies. I am comfortable with what I spend on them as long as I'm not spending beyond my personal means, and not spending during times where I really should be saving (like now XD).

Also, it's pretty disappointing what some people's opinions on charity work are. I bet the people who have lived through horrible disasters, or those desperately poverty stricken, or those suffering diseases that require massive amounts of money for research don't think charity work and the like is "pointless". But hey, as long as it's not you who cares, right? Absolutely deplorable, I really didn't need to hear about some peoples apparent contempt for charity work.

 

Who said that!

 

A few on the page before this one

 

I double-checked to make sure my post couldn't be taken that way but I'm pretty certain it couldn't. I haven't read the other posts, though I will say, for those who are particularly feeling guilty specifically about buying dolls as apposed to giving to charity, there is so much you can do in the vein of charity work aside from giving large amounts of money.

Not that money isn't a great thing for charity, but for those who think that this is the thing that is being taken away from a particular charity in the purchasing of dolls, there are so many other ways to support causes.

 

Totally 100% agree with you. It's a very sad attitude to have.

I think YamamuraTatsuya is referring to posts like this (not yours):

 

Swazini is correct

 

wow...dont even get me started on the whole charity work thing...i do charity work for the Ronald McDonald House, and have lost family members to terminal disesases...did breast cancer walks...so yeah, charity work is majorly important to me XP

but hmm...about the dolls and guilt trips...it depends on the situation i guess. i normally have guilt trips over everything i buy *including lunch if im out* but when i got silence i didnt have one...*thank you job* but *shrugs* it depends on each person and their situation....i guess heh

 

OT: (Okay, this is gonna be a short reply from me, since apparently my brain is dead from doing my stupid composition. )

I can see what you mean by it's 'my' money, but I still feel bad about it, since it is my parents' hard-earned money. Yupp, I did tell them that I really like dolls and it's a hobbie that I want to pursue, so I guess they did relent to that. I think I will still feel bad if I spend on doll stuff when I start earning my own money... But I haven't, so I shall see how that works out in future.

Yupp, i'm only fourteen. D: and in Singapore, at 14, it's really hard to find a job because of the lack of academic qualifications and crap. .__. Yes, that would be great, if they could set up an adult group. Then all the adults can discuss matters and situations that they find themselves in that involve BJDs.

Thanks, I'm glad to see that someone values my opinion in this. {:

 

Well, not really feeling guilty but I do consider very carefully wether I really, really want a doll or not. And I'll pay most of it from my special "piggy bank" - that's a jar where I put one Euro a day plus all the money I get for Christmas, birthday, etc. As the money in that jar is meant to be there for me to spend it on nice but completely useless things that I'd love to get, I'm not feeling overly guilty about spending it.

If you feel really guilty about spending money on dolls, why don't you try and make up for it by sponsoring a kid in a Third World country? I got a sponsorship running for a little girl in Kenya - doesn't cost much, only about 35 USD a month and it's doing those kids, their families and their whole villages a whole lot of good. There's several big organisations running such sponsorships.

Going OT a bit now. As for charity work, I think it's very, very important indeed. Pardon my French but I think what Devyn Star wrote on the subject is utter crap. Everyone can end up as a case for charity work, one way or another. Be it through illness or just a streak of very bad luck. It has happened. That's why it's so important to keep it going and I salute all those who contribute to it. And not only for that reason. Why should we care for others that are completely unrelated to us or our family? Simple. Because they're fellow human beings. And if more people cared just a little more for their fellow human beings, I think there would be a lot less problems in this world. *steps down from soap box* Thanks for listening.

 

Devyn Star - Did three ghosts visit you on Christmas Eve?

 

I don't wholly agree with Devyn Star, but I do see where she is coming from. I personally don't think that charity is a waste of anything, not of time, not of effort, and not of money when donations go to the right place. They also always need voluteers. And just this Thanksgiving, I found myself really wanting to help out with the Thanksgiving SuperFeast, but life gets in the way and I was sort of obligated to be with my family. As you know, Houston went through hurricane Ike this year, which I guess could have been a reason why I felt so charitable this fall/winter. Even though it affected me directly and indirectly. I got hit by the hurricane, sure, but I didn't lose a house or even a fence. Not even a tree. So I feel guilty sometimes when I think about the others out there in Galveston that lost more than I ever have. But it's not something that I worry about. I have enough on my mind as it is with school and with my family. My father lives overseas and we never get to see him except when he has a vacation or we go to visit. I'm just typically thinking of other things. So unless it affects me pretty directly, I probably won't lose sleep over it.

So no. I don't think I can be guilt tripped into thinking my dolls could be going to something better. Even if they can and probably should. But it's not like I'm buying dolls left and right, spending money I don't have on them. No. They actually are gifts. I get them only on special occasions. They are simply items I enjoy and that is all. I don't live my life for my dolls or for money. I live it for myself.

I realize that there is a difference between happiness and selfishness, but where it concerns me, it's more about happiness than it is about selfishness. I don't hoard dolls. I don't hoard money (I have none to speak of). I do think I could probably give more though. But that's a personal concern that doesn't involve anybody else. I will do whatever I want with my own money. But with my time? I'm sure I could give a little bit more of that.

 

Wrong post, sorry!

 

I find it odd that, as some people have said, there seems to be this idea that dolls and charity are mutually exclusive. Or that we're somehow all wealthy with a lot of discretionary income? I make far less than 20k a year, donate a small portion of my check to a local charity, buy a Christmas gift for a needy child every year, and still buy dolls.

If you (as the OP or anyone else feeling guilty) don't feel that you're doing your part, then. . . go out and do your part. No one's stopping you. You don't have to give away everything you have or drive yourself into poverty to help the poverty-stricken or those in need. Take out a small percentage of your paycheck (or allowance, or whatever) and donate it to a charity that you like, or volunteer every once in awhile, or something.

For heaven's sake, just because you buy expensive things, it doesn't mean you can't help other people if you want to. And if you don't want to, that's your own business. I do believe we all have a responsibility to each other in this world, but you're accountable to no one but yourself and whatever deity you happen to believe in.

 

Amen. End of story.

 

Woah, I'm surprised at how many here don't feel guilty at all. I wouldn't have expected it...

YES. I feel guilty. I don't even have a doll but I feel guilty whenever I -think- about spending the money.

I'm Christian, I was raised Christian, so I know that has a lot to do with it. Feeding the hungry and clothing the naked, you're helping God who visited you through those people. Not only that, but the story of the widow who gave all she had was greater than the rich who gave a portion, even though their portions were so much bigger than what the widow had. So yeah. I fret.

I could easily also say "I earned it so it's mine to do what I want" but even living in a country where I -can- earn real money is a blessing. The reason we have illegal immigrants is because people, men especially, are desperate for jobs that actually pay money so they can support their family. In mexico, if your boss doesn't pay you, there's not much you can do about it. Meanwhile even little kids are trying to do their parts to feed the family. Then there are other south american countries where people are born into poverty and stay there because the rulers of the countries refuse to share the wealth (which they didn't even earn).

The only reason I could even consider buying a doll is because I was blessed to live in a country that has honest paying jobs. That's all there is to it. The "I worked hard for it" thing is bogus. Millions of adults in this world "work hard" but have nothing to show for it. If I have the money to buy a doll, it's through nothing I've done, ultimately, but everything I was blessed with. And if I'm blessed, I should in turn share what I've been blessed with... There's no real justification for spending money on a doll. Better to see it for the blessing it is and not act prideful about it.

Yeah. I feel guilty.

There are also a lot of people on here saying "I can't save the world so why should I bother donating anything?"

Here's a story for them.


The Starfish Story

adapted from The Star Thrower
by Loren Eiseley (1907 - 1977)
Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

 

I'd think as long as your grateful for what have and don't make fun of those less forunate, you aren't do any wrong. Making a donation for them helps too though.

 

My family doesn't participate in charities regularly, and while I don't feel guilty buying dolls, I think I would if I were wasting food or buying expensive clothes when I like the cheap ones I have just fine.

Most of the guilt tripping I get is from my parents in the form of 'Why are you buying dolls when you still have your car/bills/school/debt to pay for- you never used to play with dolls as a kid, why the sudden fascination?'

I DO feel a little guilty buying dolls instead of saving for classes and whatnot, but in that respect, I need the dolls for the sake of my sanity because my social life is limited to text messages right now ^^; It's nice having something calming other than video games waiting for me when I come home.

 

As much as I would like to say I donated I gave to a charity as good as that sounds it really dosent help the bigger picture i mean sure you can donate $50 dollars and such but that can only feed them for a limited time, and it cant feel everyone, and how can you be sure its going right to the cause?I dont donate to things because im paranoid and I question that kind of stuff, and its my hard earned money I worked for it so by time I get my paycheck I dont feel guilty getting something I really want weather it be nice clothes or some nice new art supplies :3
I do though give to people who ask or some food like the hobos (the ones i usualy see without booze) i see around town alot if they ask i dont mind at least i know its being used on what its suppose to be used on. :3

 

i don't know if anyone posted this allready or not (this is a loooong thread! ^-^) but did anyone consider the jobs that are created by 'luxury' items? there's plenty of poor people in the countries that make these dolls, and some of them have close ties to the u.s. (i'm in america, so this would be a concern for me), so helping their economies helps out ours. i work a retail location, so i understand the value of 'luxury' items that help pay my home and food!