Dolls and money: guilt trips over spending?

Simple answer: No, I don't feel guilty. If I did, I wouldn't buy the doll, I'd just give my money and support to some other cause.

As a general matter, and this isn't directed at anyone specifically posting in the thread, but in general: There is so much angst from people about spending money on dolls when they think they should be spending it on something else. I'd be very happy if people would resolve their conflicts about the amount the dolls cost and either just enjoy the doll hobby or sell their stuff and get out of the hobby. The same issues with money seem to come up over and over and it can be a little annoying to read the 47th post about "I want this but it's too much money/ I feel guilty/ I feel embarrassed/ People don't understand/ Is this wrong?" blah, blah, blah.

 

Personally, it all boils down to one's budget. If someone can afford to spend "extravagantly" on dolls, compared to someone who has a yearly salary of 20k, so be it. I only view spending as extravagant when one cannot afford it; for instance, ruining one's credit, paying nothing but interest for many years, or acquiring more debt. I think that there is nothing wrong with buying nice things for one's dolls. I personally would never buy diamonds (I don't find them to be ethical, but that's not the course of debate), but if I had the budget and wanted to purchase an expensive piece for my dolls, so be it.

I think that the "accountability for the extravagant" is offensive, too. Some people work hard and/or have jobs that pay well that allow them to afford their dolls/accessories/whatever. How they choose to spend their money is no one's business but theirs. The entire suggestion of enforcing someone's spending habits and ensuring some of it goes to a "reputable" or "just" cause makes me sick to my stomach.

A person buying luxury goods does not make them lack compassion, and a person who does not purchase luxury goods does not make them compassionate either. I don't even know where the notion or correlation came from. Those who make more or spend more have no right to have their spending questioned any more than those who make less or earn a modest salary.

 

this thread makes me feel evil i've never felt guilty about buying my kids. i worked my butt off for my first kid and my second one is more of a gift from my grandmother(she died a little more then a year ago). the only thing i feel guilty about is lying to my mom about thier prices

 

I don't believe in guilt. Waste of time and energy. Makes your skin break out, gives you indigestion, kills your libido, and creates that scary "please punish me" look in the eyes.

There's plenty of time to bother feeling guilty AFTER I'm dead.... But I probably won't even bother with it then, either.

 

Why, every time it comes to a discussion about money for dolls or the supposed 'guilt' some people feel for buying their dolls should designer items be brought into the equation? Straight away the arguement is faulty in the fact that a lot of SD sized dolls are nearing, if not over, the thousand dollar mark. When in retrospect I can pick up the new spring Vivienne Westwood bowler bag for under $500. Either way, no matter if it's a Hound or a designer purse, they are BOTH luxurious and extravagant items. No one EVER, should have to justify or argue the case of why they brought a particular item of extravagance. If you worked/saved the money for that item, which you desire, then you have every bloody right to buy it. You have every right to enjoy every last penny of that money spent.

I'm not a bad person for having two MSD's, I adore them to death and I saved hard and worked hard to get them. And in the same breath, I saved hard for a Westwood necklace I got myself. Why should a person feel guilty for such a purchase? I work. I saved. I pay my bills and I help friends and family out if they need that help providing I can manage it myself. If you can manage such luxuries and taken account of your own budget and means then you are doing no harm to anyone.

As JennyNemesis said, guilt is a waste of energy. You start to feel guilty when you're out of line with someone and cruel. But if you are reasonable with your finances then there is no need to feel guilty. It's enjoying life. As much as money is an evil in it's own little way, it's a necessity in so many different ways. It doesn't buy happiness, but sometimes it helps.

 

I don't feel guilty either. I deserve to be happy and to have a pleasant life. My dolls are something I give to myself to make up for all the crappy things that have happened to me that are beyond my control.

 

I don't know - I DO feel guilty about spending that much.

I don't necessarily feel that "if you feel guilty you shouldn't do it." But that said, I think if it's something you can't ENJOY because you feel so guilty, then you should consider a lifestyle change. In the end, you have to do what makes you happy, whether that's owning an expensive doll or working for UNICEF.

Or both! I just bought my first doll, but I also want to intern for Invisible Children or some closer-to-home aid agency. I think there are a lot of people who get into financial situations that are out of their control or are caught in conflicts, and I don't think it's mutually exclusive to a "person of privilege" and help others. Educate yourself and others and volunteer your time (which is just as important as cash) or your money.

 

I totally agree with this point - that every person is different, has saved and scrimped for their dolls and made sacrifices at different points or justified it to themselves in their own way. That not everyone buying a doll IS spending extravagantly, but may in fact be saving every penny that goes into the doll or simply sacrificing something else - the same could be said for someone with a really nice car but a very small apartment, or people who wear the same clothes all the time but who go on great vacations.

This, however, I totally disagree with. I think we have EVERY responsibility to the homeless and starving. They say "you can measure a nation by the least of its citizens" and I think it's completely true. Does the 500 dollars spent on your doll mean that you're taking away from someone else? No, probably not. But I DO think you and I and everyone else should be AWARE of what others go through, how even the smallest things we do can help or harm others.

I think every person in the world has an obligation to every other person in it, to be honest.

 

I agree with this post. I think some of the "accountability" issues for other items, such as clothing, come from the idea that some designer items are made in sweatshops or that some items (like diamonds) may be considered unethical to purchase. But I don't think that issues with specific types of products should carry over to a general dislike of all luxury spending. While some luxury spending might be done by "idle rich", a lot of it is done by people who work very hard for their money and like to treat themselves now that they've managed to achieve some measure of success.

It seems that this issue comes up with dolls over and over because so many of the people purchasing or wanting dolls are not at the high end of the financial spectrum. Perhaps it's also that a lot of doll buyers are young and struggling with what they value in life. You can see businesspeople taking out expensive memberships at country clubs and paying a lot of money for their golf clubs and other sporting accoutrements, and no one ever questions it - and if someone felt guilty or didn't like that kind of an activity or lifestyle, they simply change it, drop out of the country club and join the Peace Corps or something. But these are generally people who are older (as I am) and more sure of what they value and what they want to spend their time and money on, so they're not all in conflict about dolls vs. something else the way someone who hasn't solidified their value system might be.

 

I don't feel guilty when I buy anything, be it dolls, clothes, or anything else. Life is truly too short. I earned the money and feel its my right to spend it, as long as I prioritize putting life's necessities first, things like shelter and food. I also give to various charities, and sometimes individuals. And when I buy, I try to buy as much as I can in support of a cause...like purchasing Product Red stuff to help fight AIDS/HIV. While I don't condone the ridiculous spending we see some celebs engaged in, like when the baby gilr of a deceased celeb is given a birthday party costing millions of dollars, I gotta wonder what in the world the newly named father is thinking. But on it does keep all of the people that provided services or goods for this party in business, there by giving them an income to spend, which is good for the world's economy.

There's nothing wrong or sinful about feeling good, and if buying a doll, makes you feel good, then you are one more person with a positive outlook. And positive people often find themselves so energized by their own level of happiness and contentment that they're able to take action, and effect positive change. So don't waste time feeling guilty, instead use that time finding a way to "use your powers for good"!

Juli DC

 

I can assure you, I'm well aware of the homeless and starving close to home. Whenever I see them I'm heartbroken, and I get thinking about single-handedly bringing them out of poverty. These thoughts depress me, because I know I can't do it, so I put them in the back of my head and go on dealing with my own problems. And if I do honestly think about giving them my spare change, what's always creeping around in the back of my mind is HOW they'll spend it. I don't want to facilitate a drug or drinking habit. I really don't.

However, I was referring to obligation in the sense that it is our mandatory duty to take care of these people and help them. Maybe I'm just bitter when I say we have no obligation to them - As I stated earlier in my post, I'm not terribly fond of humanity.

Responsibility? Yeah. I can agree with that. But moral, mental, physical obligation? No.

 

I don't feel guilty. You can't please everybody but you can please yourself. I buy my dolls with my own money and on my own accord. My bills are taken care of and everything else I need to survive so why not spoil myself when I have the chance.

I also agree with Mukino Kuneka and Honeyedbiscuit.

 

I don't think there is a single person on this forum that isn't aware of the issues going on in this world or the homeless, starving, the suffering. That's just being presumptious. It's a personal choice if you want to give to a charity, if you want to give some of your time. But buying something for yourself when you've worked for it, when you've saved and desired it, there should never be a question of morality.

Because we're not on the streets or in a third world country, doesn't mean that each one of us has suffered in some way or another. I'm sure a lot of us on this forum have had to go some pretty rough and crap times, times that some wouldn't even want to fathom. Buying a doll, a piece of jewellery, an expensive coat, shouldn't make you feel guilty the next time you see a homeless guy on the street begging for change. You've been through crap times too and worked through it. If you choose to give that guy some of your change is your choice, just as buying item x is your choice.

 

To "curb" the guilt I would feel, I think of buying a doll as supporting the artists who make them avaliable for everyone.

I do give money to my church, but I do not give to charity, because I am paranoid that the money goes to the pockets of the "volunteers" trying to feed the starving children or whatever. Even members of my church organization live large with mansions, gas-guzzling SUVs and servants while working as "missionaries for Jesus" in foreign countries. This is even more of a waste of money than dolls are, because when you are buying a doll you are at least supporting the artists so they can buy/upkeep their equipment to make more dolls for more people. When I think of it this way, there is no guilt associated with spending a lot of money in this way.

My mom always tries to make me feel guilty about spending so much money and having so many dolls though...!

 

I think one would have to extraordinarily daft, sheltered, or young to think that people don't suffer in this world and that each person's actions bring about a reaction. When it comes to contributing and helping humanity, many people have reduced it to implausible simplicity and forget that we don't live in an ideal world and many problems aren't as easily fixed.

bunnydots makes a great point. A lot of people in this hobby are young and not financially stable. And my priorities have changed ever since I graduated from college and lived on my own. I work hard at my job and when I get my paycheck, I enjoy it. I buy "frivolous" things such as bath products, dolls, and makeup, and I don't feel guilty. For what I put up with, I relish the things I can buy with my paycheck. How I spend my money is again, a moot point, as it's nobody's business but my own. If purchasing a doll in the doll hobby can cause so much internal turmoil and horrible feelings of guilt, then this hobby is definitely not for you. It doesn't get any cheaper.

 

Well said. I feel the same way--I spend 40 hours a week, week after week, month after month at my job and sometimes I feel the need to buy myself something nice. If I didn't, I think I wouldn't feel as positive about my job. That doesn't mean I don't care about other people or what's going on in the world, it just means that I need to take care of myself too. Part of feeling like I have a good quality of life is having a little extra to spend on the hobbies that make my life happier.

It's also perfectly possible to still put some money aside for charity or donate your time along with saving for dolly stuff.

 

Well, if you ever want to feel good about where your money is going when you buy a doll remember that you're supporting an artist with every purchase you make. Most of the sculptors and companies that manufacture and sell the dolls aren't big scale operations so every doll sold is a big deal to them. If I can enjoy my earnings and support someone that makes a product that is well-made and has a great deal of thought and creativity put into it then I feel pretty good about myself.

 

Sometimes I feel guilty.
but even I feel guilty, things won't get better.
I don't think I can really help those people.
So I try not to feel guilty for that.....

 

I felt guilty when I was younger but now I don't. It's my money I can spend it the way I want. My kids are growing okay we pay bills on time if I have extra money to spend on my hobbies that is good. Spending actually helps the economy.

My husband do not understand why I buy dolls he rather buy clothes bec. it is a need like eating. We both have different point of view. I grew up in Canada and used to the luxury while my husband grew up in China and used to boil water to take hot bath and wash clothes using hands.

Currently I am in China and I see poor people and rich people. We donate and give away clothes here like we do in Canada. I am learning to be less materialistic but it is kind of hard and trying to think positive all the time. Glad I have access to internet here if not I would cry

 

To that...I do have compassion, just in a more focused manner. If a friend or family member of mine was struggling, I would help them far above the cost of a doll, as I was able -- until I couldn't help them anymore.

Donating money to people I've never met, however, feels strange to me. It's great that there are people out there who give freely, but it's really not for everyone.