Dolls and money: guilt trips over spending?

i feel guilty, but not for the same reasons mentioned.
i was always poor. when i was 16, i was the only one in a family of 5 with a job, and was pretty much providing for the household.
ive never had money to spend on something i want, becouse there was always something i needed the money for: rent, food, bills, things like that.
im now an adult and just recently engaged and living like a big girl with my fiance, but i still feel this. right now im living out of my mother country, so the job i have doesnt pay much. my fiance is a manager, and makes a bit over double what i make.
my fiance makes enough to cover everything right now, and i have a new job opening in October. (yay work visa!) so if i DID spend the money i have on that doll whos actually very well priced full set and has been tugging at my heartstrings, we wouldnt go into debt or anything. the only bad thing that would happen is my fiance giving me "the look" for blowing so much on a doll, and then laughing it off and tell me not to let "it" in the bedroom.
every time i get money i feel like it should always be saved and spent on food or bills, or if i want to "have fun" with my money save it for my wedding. even though i REALLY want that doll, i guess i feel like i dont deserve to use the money on her, or what i want isnt as important as what WE as a couple need.
but on the other hand, my fiance bought a brand new 400 euro graphics card (twice as much as my wanted dollie) and it wasnt an issue for me that he spent the money, i thought he should have what makes him happy if he can afford it.
yet for some reason what makes me happy, or what falls under hobby, is never as important as what we may need later.

so the question is:
dont get that doll: i really probably should save the money for just in case wedding costs, or food, and then theres my finace knowing i blew so much on a doll as he puts it, and just wish that i had bought her.
or
get the doll: i know i dont NEED her, but she would make me very very happy, and isnt that the point of most things we buy when we can, to make ourselfs happy? dont i deserve after working so hard for every penny i make to use some of it for my happiness? and i do use them for quite a few reasons, as my main creative outlet, drawing, sewing.. it would defiantly help my skill, and i could sew more clothes for more people (i tend to give away as gifts most of the clothes i make) so in a way its helping any making me better at what i like, and helping out others? but i would end up feeling guilty that i spent the money on her instead of being "responsible" and saving it for jut in case.

what do you think? i really am torn up about it.

(good lord that ended up being a long post. O_o;; )

 

I need to vent, since I feel extremely guilty at the moment.

I'm actually quite proud of the money I spent on Hazy because I saved for years to get her. However, I feel immense guilt over my Ryu and clothing purchases I've made lately. Why? Because I knew Ryu was an impulse buy and I always regret impulse buys, yet I still did it. I tried to cover up my guilt with confidence that I could re-sell him but I still knew it was wrong and so did my bf and family.

More often, though, I regret things when they interfere with my financial hierarchy of importance. I used to pride myself on being so much more responsible than everyone else by saving a great deal of my income for retirement and future purchases, but here's a good example of what I've done lately: I set aside a certain % for savings this paycheck and then bought an outfit I knew would go past my budget. Then, I went back and lowered that savings % to make up for the amount I went over. Bad, bad, bad, bad!!

I feel better about my situation when I hear about people maxing credit cards because I (for now) would never spend more than I could afford, but I used to say I would never do this and that and now I break my own rules. I need to refocus my discipline and remember that owning 50 dolls is not worth it if I have mountains of debt.

As for other people in the world who are not as fortunate, there will always be people like that and no one person can fix such a global problem. This factors into the whole idea of spreading out your money to more things than just dolls. Save some $, spend some $ on dolls, donate time and $ to help the less fortunate. I don't think one should donate all they have because people have to look out for themselves as well. Balancing your $ spending is the way to go, in my opinion.

 

I feel and have always felt that BJD is a luxury hobby, if you cant afford to spend that much money without blinking or feeling guilty, try another one. Everyone always has a risk that they'll somehow end up in dire straits. You should probably have a savings account before a doll and definitely have insurance.

 

I understand what the topic starter said. I actually had the same train of thought last night.
I was pondering saving my money and trying to figure out which doll sculpts I like, how much for wigs, clothing, etc. when I realized it was in the $400 range.

It's odd when you think how much it is, true, whatever doll I get will be priceless to me, but $400 is $400 to someone in need. And when I think of saving up that money and how it can be spent on me, which no matter how much I want the doll is still a selfish desire, or on someone who really needs it...in the end I come off as selfish anyway. Will I feel guilty? Probably not; could I use the money in a more socially helpful way? Of course But you only live once. My saving for my doll is not going to get in the way of my donations to causes I feel drawn to, and the moment it does I'll have to re-evaluate. But in the mean time, my budget is set.

 

Chizzie--first let me say I LOVE your avvie!

Okay--now that I have that out of my system, to the debate:

I honestly do not feel really bad about any purchases I make which might be considered "frivolous," and this includes movies, doll things, etc. The money which is paying for these things was not gained at anyone's suffering but my own, and as a member of the Human race I kinda feel as I have a right to spend the money I've earned for my labor as I so choose.

So--am I a heartless little wench who cares not a jot about the hungry and the poor? Hardly that. I will every now and again go through my things and send them off onto a donation truck. I send money to ministries that go into foreign countries and help the poor and the needy. I have given away food to hungry people.

Yes--there's always more to be done, but I like to think and hope that what I do is a start and helps to balance things out a little.

 

I don't feel guilty. I work, I save my money, I buy what I want...thats how it works everwhere.

If it helps any, even if all the people on DOA stopped buying dolls and pooled their money and gave it to charity, we still wouldn't make the slightist dent in world hungry, poverty, or what not. Understand, a lot of that stems from currupt goverments, who will in fact take charity money and use it on themselves. And even if you were to add up what you spend on this hobby from now until you pass away it would still be tiny compared to the amount our government "gifts" to other countries every year.

So my advice, its always good to give to charity but understand its ok to give to yourself too. This is YOUR life, relax and enjoy what you love.

 

I guess I would only feel guilty if I were using my parents' money to support such an expensive hobby. At the moment I'm studying in university and working part time just to save up enough for this hobby. I have classmates who don't work, yet regularly splurge on designer items with the pocket money their parents provide for them. For me, it all depends on how much effort one puts into attaining the money they use for spending. Not sure how to phrase it well, but that's the gist of it I suppose.

 

I feel a little bit guilty. I have other things I could be using the money for, so I'm trying to cut back a TON.

Plus I just got back from spending a week with a group of about 43 abandoned kids who live at a camp run by a charity and have very, very little of their own - just a pair of shoes or two, a couple sets of clothes, a school uniform and maybe a toy or two all provided by donations. And they are so fun and happy! They love borrowing iPods and listening to music, and taking pictures with our cameras, but didn't really seem to feel like they were missing out on a lot. They all took care of each other, had fun playing with whatever was there, and really took delight in the simplest things, like making crafts with us and coloring. I just got back to my crammed-full house, and I think I have WAY too much stuff.

I don't plan to get rid of my dolls, of course, but I think I may try to simplify some otherwise. We throw away, store away without using, and collect so much JUNK sometimes!

 

I don't feel guilty, because I know that if I let myself start feeling guilty about decadence in one aspect of my life, then it would only be fair that I make sure I feel guilty about every other equally decadent part of it too. And that would just make me feel horrible.

I realize that I am completely spoiled, that I live in a country and a home life that offers me far more than is fair compared to the majority of humanity. But I think... sort of like... Lots of things. For example, would those other 'unfortunate people' appreciate me feeling guilty and pitying them because I have more, and how many of them actually feel bitter and disgusted with people like me for living the way I do? Is it really 'wrong' of me not to feel bad, when I am simply blessed with a beautiful life that I should instead concentrate on appreciating? After all, these kinds of good graces is what those less fortunate wish to have, if they don't, and if they managed to come across similar good fortune, they likely wouldn't feel bad for doing so at all. They shouldn't, because that's supposed to be a good thing, and both they and I and people like me are all just that. People who, if they prosper, should have every right to enjoy that they do. Right?

Instead of looking at it as being 'the bad guy' for happening to have more than the person next to you. You didn't do that to them, and yeah, they probably didn't do that to themselves either, but while sure you can feel bad for their situation, you shouldn't feel guilty when it wasn't your fault and being in a better situation isn't effecting the situation either way. Yes?

So it's like I do feel that I live unfairly, probably at the expense of others (however indirectly) , and others could appreciate what I get far more than I do. But I do not want to make myself feel bad for these things, when I should be feeling good about them. Also, it's something a little about fairness in a colder objective view. If I feel guilty about xxx, but not about yyy, that's just pathetic of me to let myself ignore something else just as bad despite knowing that it's just as bad, but making myself feel bad about something else because I don't want to feel like a jerk for not feeling bad, or for feeling bad for something despite knowing that it's not that terrible compared to the larger scope of things that I should be feeling bad about. Yes, that made very little sense. But it's my own convoluted mental moral balancer, that calculates what I should feel is wrong or right for what reasons when held up against everything else I know about the world.

Er... yeah, I've thought about this sort of thing a lot (this is a quick explanation compared to everything in my head =P ) , maybe not particularly about dolls but about spending and living in the metaphorical lap of luxury in general. XD

ali

 

I think guilt comes from the fact we are brought up to think "is this really worth what I'm spending?" or "Do I really need this?", and apply it to our daily lives.

The doll hobby is that - a hobby. If you have the time/money to do it, go ahead. I used to do cross-stitching and needlepoint, and at one point, maintained a little aquarium. All that requires money that could be used for something else.

I know it hurts to know that people out there are starving and hurting, but I'm glad to know that you're also putting money aside to sponsor someone. Someone on this thread said you can't save every single person on the planet - to me, to help just one person is better than none.

I don't think it's fair when people say "GTFO of the hobby". I think it shows that you have emphathy, which I think is totally admirable.

 

Here's my opinion on this.

I was born in a first world country and for that I'm lucky. I was born into a family that will pay for both my college and my car and I am extremely thankful for that. These are both gifts and I know they are such. I don't feel guilty for them. I get these gifts because I work hard in school and behave well.

My parents raised me very well in that I understand the value of money. I worked around the house to get my first game system. My Wii and DSi were both bought on the very first day with my money. I save the money I get for Christmas until later in the year, for something I truly want. I abhore debt and rarely borrow money. My mom has to get me to go clothes shopping and I don't demand expensive brands. I did get a nice purse this year and they paid for half of my new bike, but again these are gifts and things I am thankful for. I will be paying for my gas for my car and paying for any dolls I buy.

I work for my money.

I'm aware not everyone has that ability, but that does not cheapen what I do. If you work for your money and understand it's value, there is no reason for you to feel guilty on spending it on what you will. Giving to charities is great. By all means , if you would prefer to do that, do! But it's just one of the many options of what you can do with your money. Besides, as people have said. There are many charities that don't do as much as they say or are conditional with their giving, so you never really know where it goes with that.

 

Oh, hah, I didn't see this ^^; . You may have figured this out on your own by now, and if so, that's great! But if not, maybe I can help?

I think that you can totally get your doll without feeling guilty =P . I'm not sure at all about things with weddings or anything, but you could try finding a way to tie the purchase of the doll to your wedding. Like, a wedding/congratulatory gift to yourself, or as a decorative piece at the wedding, like people do by buying expensive flower arrangements and balloons and things. If you can sew and enjoy doing it, and know the measurements to your doll, you can make a wedding dress/tux to even dress them up for the occasion, and maybe put something in their hand like roses or something wedding-themed to bring it all together. Or something like that XD . Well, unless you're afraid of rude comments or people being creeped out/bothering you too much about its cost or whatever. Though why they would go around asking how much things cost at a wedding is beyond me =P .

Anyway, also maybe consider it a congratulatory thing for getting this far, or a conviction to feel better about yourself and not be so guilty about this stuff? If that part of your life is behind you, and you want to leave it behind you for the happy place you're at right now, this would be a good step to put you're set of mind in the right place! These dolls ARE luxury items, so get into the right frame of mind for it! Feel good, don't worry as much about this particular joy, all that stuff. I dunno', whatever helps you =P .

ali

 

I feel guilty.

Like quite guilty. It's not cheap and while i "can" afford it, i shouldn't really.

I'm feeling a little happy though because i bought it... So maybe i should rationalize it away... What's 800 dollars for a little bit of happiness?

 

I sometimes feel guilty when I buy expensive things like dolls, or feel like I should have spent the money on something else or more useful...but it doesn't bother me if other people do it, it is their money and they can spend it on whatever they want!

 

I don't feel guilty about spending so much money on dolls. I feel like the people who do have the type of money to send to the poor, that is great, and they should do it. However, I save my money to get the dolls that I get. I don't have the greatest job either, (waiting tables is not very awesome). I feel a sense of accomplishment when I saved up the money I worked hard for, to buy something I want so badly. I do get the occational, "I can't believe you would pay that much for a doll", but I ignore it, because I know that I worked hard to get that doll, and I'm going to love it.

 

My mom always quoted this poem when she bought a luxury, even a little one:

If of thy mortal goods thou art bereft,
and from thy slender store
Two loaves alone to thee are left,
Sell one, and with the dole
Buy Hyacinths to feed thy Soul.



That's what pretty things are: hyacinths for the soul. You need beauty in your life, and it's worth it.

 

I hear you! I work in a medical library entering foreign medical journal articles into a database. It's not a lot of fun, but it keeps the roof over our heads, and I honestly believe that when I get the doll I've saved for I'll deserve it. OK, in this world and this economy it might seem irresponsible to spend hundreds on a doll, but...hey,. Hyacinths for the soul.

 

i think they are worth the money so i buy them.......

 

That's wonderful

 

I definitely feel guilty with the dolls, I really enjoy them. It's a great hobby, but I always have those little pangs of guilt for how much I spend sometimes.