Dolls and money: guilt trips over spending?

I agree. I perfer to send money to animal shelters than to people and their causes for other people. Animals can not help themselves. People can, and due to what went on with me growing up, I perfer to help an animal. I do donate food to the shelters, when my mom goes to drop it off, but that's just me.

 

I know people would think it cruel or whatever [doesn't actually bother me] but I'm like you Rynn007. I'd much rather, and do give on occasion, to charities helping animals than I would a charity for people. I just don't give to them. If I was to give my money to a charity it is to help animals to stop the slaughter, puppy mills, poor conditions etc. Animals have no voice nor a government, they have to rely on people.

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way XD...I get sadder when I see the abused animals on T.V. rather than the children. I used to feel guilty when I saw homeless people on the street, and I would always try to give them some money, even if I was afraid of what they would spend it on. But then I realized that I was only doing this to make me feel better, and in a way, that was a bit selfish of me.

I do not feel guilty about buying my dolls, because I save and work hard for them. I am aware of other people of the world who are less fortunate and I feel very sorry for them. It's heartbreaking, but I don't really feel like there is anything I can do to make a big impact.

 

Just to drop in my thoughts... (beware bad spelling and incoherient thoughts )

I own a small minitaure pony stud.(ot i know but im getting to my point)
my ponys hardly ever cost less than $1000 each plus on top of that is feeding, vet care, tack ect.
now compared to them, my dolls are cheap.

does this mean i should feel bad for owning my animals?
no i feel proud that i can obtain something that special to me.

sure sometimes i 'um' and 'arh' about wether its the right thing to spend my money on, but i see dolls, just like my ponys, as a part of me.
Im not sure if these are the right words to express my feelings but how could i feel guilt about who i am?

i know some people go *wow* thats alot of money i could have spent on something else, its a fair point... but what else and obviously getting the doll was the best choice and the thing that made you the most happy otherwize spent money on other thing.

the only thing gets on my nerves are the people who constantly flaunt or whine about how much their doll cost. those people are just attention seekes, who (in my opinion) buy the most expensive thing in the shop just to be cool...
and how can that work since im pretty sure everyone here apreciates individual taste over whos richer???

anywho, just one more point LOL
besides, its not only me gettign a kick out of them, when i take my dolls out to the park i always have people asking about them and looking at them, little kids especially love them! so do i feel guilty? absolutly not.

hahaha... just one more thing...
i think that people also forget that dolls arnt (just) *playthings* but pieces of art... do people feel guilty about buying a pretty picture in a frame???

 

I don't feel guilty that I work hard and am able to indulge in the things that make me happy and I never will. I also don't feel guilty that I work hard and have a roof over my head, a designer handbag, threw out the McDonald's I couldn't finish today for lunch, and drive a car. It's my money that I earned honestly and I can spend it however frivolously I want to after I have met all of my financial obligations for the month.

I take care of myself, aid my friends and family when I can, and spoil my pets. I do my best to not impede the rights of others. That is, as far as I am concerned, all I need to be held responsible for.

 

Amen, Kim. :0 *love*

 

i don't feel guilty but i know i should.

i'm living technically below the poverty line, so i have no phone, no internet of my own, and i don't eat out very often XD but i still manage to save for dolls, and i feel okay with spending my money on them.

however once i have a full time job (read: finish university) and am earning more than like 8,000 a year, i think i would start to feel guilty, because i'd have the means to support a sponsor child, or buy a goat for a village etc. which are, now i think about it, not expensive things to be doing. certainly less than i spend on dolls

i still try to help out with charities and stuff though XD because it's within my means and i wouldn't feel right turning people away from my door XD but now i've said that, i feel like i should be helping out more, cause lots of my friends families line up at the churces to get free christmas hampers i should buy them hampers instead of dolls XD

that's just me.

 

Ok, I will admit that I have only read the first post, I haven't had time to go and read the rest of this.

Here is my view, and it might make me sound like a non-caring and horrible person, but, here goes:

I work hard for my money, I work hard to save my money, and I go through a lot of agony over how I spend it (money is tight for me right now). I do what I can to help others in need (I joined the military...and contrary to popular belief, we DO help people in need. It's not all about shooting and killing and war, but that's another topic for another discussion on another board). However, I believe that action - rather than throwing money at problems - is what gets things done and fixed. I would rather go and spend a couple hours a week at a homeless shelter, actually DOING something, than throw some money in a pot and hope it gets spent wisely. Besides, by buying things and promoting a healthy economy, we are in turn helping to feed and clothe people less privilaged than ourselves.

Ok...'nuff ranting. I"m going to bed.

La

 

I'll admit, I don't really understand why people guilt trip. If they are really, truly feeling guilty about spending money on a doll, then they would sell the bjd things and spend the money on something that they believe is more fulfilling or worthwhile. Not feeling guilty enough to actually change the spending, yet feeling as if they should feel guilty and thus guilt tripping is simply a waste of time.

Personally, I don't feel guilty about spending money on luxury. Hell, I'm an art student: the purpose of my future career is the design of luxury items that only the rich can afford.

 

Very much a quilt trip post actually.
I grew up poor. I am not rich now.
How poor is poor anyway?
In California in a house we did not own, with neither heat nor air?
Riding a bike to work (at night thanks) because a car is out of the question? And that's 24/7 rain, shine and I'm not some punk kid, thanks!

Poor is poor. So what?

I work hard for what I get. If I chose to spend my bits of discretionary income for a doll, or my piddly over time on clothing or give up TV and CD's and all the other frivilous crap for a doll, then who's business is it anyway?

I finally live in a place with heat and air. I own a very small car, I'm 55 and I'll do what I like. And if some well meaning twit (do NOT take that personally) approches me with some "Oh think of all those starving kids in China" crap, I'll just smile and reply as always:

"No body forced those women to have brats. Let them deal with it."

And no, I am not politically correct. I don't waste my time. Like I said above, do not take it personal. If you do, that's your issue, not mine.

I enjoy my dolls. I told my adopted grandkids to get their own. Anything worth having is worth working for.

 

apart from your comment about nobody forcing women to have kids, i agree with you wholeheartedly. (and this is not an issue i'm debating with you or anyone else don't think i'm trying to start anything ^_^)

i have no phone, no internet of my own, no car, and no air con (i have heating thank goodness) because i am poor.
and it's my right to spend my piddly money on whatever the hell i want as well.
although i probably should get a bike XD i walk


so more power to you i guess. you work hard for it

 

On the further subject of how to make us the best people ever by giving our money to everyone XD!

I won't give to the homeless for two reasons. Reason one being I gave a guy a quid and one of my cigarettes one morning on my way to work. After that I couldn't get rid of him, I ended up giving him over five quid so he wouldn't follow me into my place of work and harass me further. And he was getting extremely persistant and pushy. My second reason is after months of someone giving this homeless guy money for him and his dog. Giving him food and blankets. The whole neighbourhood found out this guy was FILTHY RICH and just play acting! We saw him with his KIDS in a local department store dressed in an immaculate suit shopping with his daughter and later in the afternoon he just wore some old clothes and made his dog sit with him into the early hours again sponging! So sorry..after that, I won't give to the homeless.

I'm a member of the Humane Society and when I can I buy something for my dog or just donate on the site as they do a hell of a lot of good to helps animals. I'd rather give them some of my loose change.

I don't know how we can define poor. Just when times are hard and you're struggling to make ends meet...its not necessarily poor but it's trying to get through life the best you can.

 

No one forces you to buy an airconditioner that you can only afford because those "brats" grow up to live in dormitory accommodation and slave in appalling conditions to cheaply produce the things you are so, so proud of being able to buy now. These women probably only see their children on rare holidays - they're too busy making sure you can have your car and your heating. Make no mistake, your lifestyle is supported by the families of the kids you seem happy to have starve; it's hypocrital to pretend it has nothing to do with you, because you (and we all) directly benefit from their poverty every day of our lives.

[/quote] Anything worth having is worth working for.[/QUOTE]

Someone born to a poor family in China probably works a hell of a lot harder than any Westerner, in much worse conditions. It doesn't mean they'll ever be able to afford the luxury goods they're slaving to produce.

It's not an either/or thing. You can save up for luxuries for yourself - I'm all for focusing discretionary income on things like savoing for dolls rather than Starbucks - and extend hand and wallet to help other people who don't have clean water, let alone discretionary income, in the first place. Liking dolls shouldn't mean that you are incapable of compassion, empathy, responsibility or perspective.

 

Autumnrain - if we're going to go down that route, then you probably should throw out all of your clothes, shoes etc because they were probably made in a sweatshop somewhere unless you buy organic fabrics and know exactly where your items you wear on your back come from. It's all well and good to start the arguement about kids in China that have to endure working hard in factories in bad conditions. But unless you are taking direct action to not continue to put your hand into your pocket and dish out cash to buy products from companies that use these factories, then preaching about what's happening is pointless. WE ALL KNOW ABOUT THIS ALREADY. But this doesn't stop people buying from Gap, Nike etc that use sweatshops.

The whole arguement about sweatshops and charity are extremely annoying. You get too many people wanting to push giving to everyone and preaching about the better good. When in fact we're all intelligent human beings here that are fully aware of the tragedies and hardship that happen in the world. I'm pretty sure no one here needs someone regurgitating the 'facts' and how we're naughty people and need a slap firmly on the wrist for not being better human beings and giving to charities each and every month. And *gasp* buying something of luxury when we've worked hard ourselves.

 

I agree, and this is just the reverse of people flaunting cost of a doll - it's people flaunting what good people they are.

And Calflove - regarding your story about the guy in your neighborhood, that's unfortunately all too true. Other people are just sadly addicted to something and when you give them money supposedly for food it gets spent on something else. At the local train station, daily I pass people who are begging money "to get something to eat", it's like a script. There is actually a large, nationally known homeless shelter just a few blocks from the station that would hook them up with a meal, and there are plenty of other places to get free meals in the area (churches, etc.) if someone truly needed some food. They are actually getting the money for other things - drinking, drugs. They will target who they ask to try and get people who they think are sympathetic. When I'm dressed casually I get asked all the time because these people think a female of my race dressed like she works for a nonprofit will be all sympathetic to them. I hate being typecast that way.

I agree with the "action" part. I do a good bit of work on behalf of people who can't afford to pay and so do a lot of my coworkers. My employer supports this. And if I wanted to get more involved I would probably join Habitat for Humanity and work on fixing up a house for a family to live in. Something like that. But I'm not going to just hand people or even charities money that is likely to get misspent.

And I really don't see a need to justify my life or tell other people what I do or don't do. I think that what a person chooses to do for other people is really their own business. If you run around broadcasting it then it loses a lot of value because you're showing off just as much as if you ran around bragging about how you could afford expensive dolls.

 

Oh God, you have NO idea how much this feeling of guilt is tugging at me. I've always been against serious overspending, and have never had respect for people who waste money on $13, 000 clothes and what-not while people in poorer nations starve to death.

That said, I've become MEGA OBSESSED with these dolls from the moment I first laid eyes on them, and that doesn't happen very often with me. And, despite knowing that it's going to take forever to save up for one, I'm giving myself the go-ahead.

Thing is, I'm not the sort of person to self-indulge. I hardly buy clothes for myself (it almost turns into a celebration for my mom when I manage to find something I like xD), I buy only ONE pair of quality shoes at a time that last me for about 4 years before they tear, and am one of the SIMPLEST people you'll ever come across. So, I suppose it's ok to buy one or two expensive items once in a while, since I rarely find anything I like.

Still, I totally understand what you're getting at, and yeah, I do feel the burn. But, being what I am makes me feel somewhat justified to get a doll. Even if that doll will eventually get me bankrupt. *faints*

 

Oh man.

Every time people talk about homeless people I just can't help thinking about the lyrics to the song "Underwear goes inside the pants"

Which is not to say that generalisations about homeless people are entirely untrue, but it is very east to pass judgment on someone when you don't know their circumstances.

One of these days I'll get my ass to the bloodbank and donate some of the red stuff (and finally find out what my bloodtype is in the process!)... but I digress.

 

My problem with topics like this is that they seem to assume that caring for others (be they people or animals, loved ones or strangers) and buying dolls are mutually exclusive things. It's as if once you decide to shell out that money on a doll you've somehow sold your soul or something. It doesn't really make a whole lot of sense.

It also runs the risk of making judgements about people's spending habits and finances when that's info we're really not privy to. Just because someone takes some of their extra cash to buy a doll doesn't make them irresponsable people. If you really think about that line of reasoning --buying dolls is something to feel guilty about-- then the same should go to any nonessential item which leaves buying any luxury items at all a reason for guilt. And when you pear down to what's absolutely essential, well, lets say I have a hard time seeing people really doing that, nor is it necessary to do so. I'm all for trying to not overconsume resources and making good choices, but that doesn't mean that no one should have any luxury items. Part of having a good quality of life is being able to move beyond only having basic needs met.

And these dolls are half toys half art made by artists, and by buying their art we help support them. These dolls also encourage their owners to be more creative. I just can't feel bad about that. Art after all, is a very essential part of life (even if our society doesn't always recognize that).

***Edited to Add***

It's perfectly normal and ok to commiserate with people about how you wished you had enough to by doll X or outfit Y. However, the guilt trips, the complaints that things are priced too high, etc. start to get old after awhile. The thing is, this is an expensive hobby. Even the least expensive of the abjds cost a chunk of money. That's just the way it is, and at some point people have to either come to terms with that or move on to a less expensive hobby. A hobby shouldn't make you feel riddled with guilt or regrets--it should be fun.

 

Thank you! I know in my city too that there are plenty of shelters to take in the homeless and give them a place to shower, stay and eat. But they don't take it. Instead the beg for cash and with whatever they've got they spend it on booze and sit together sharing it. I suppose I should be thankful that the homeless have learned the ability to share an alcoholic beverage but personally speaking I would hope they'd spend my pound on a cup of coffee or a sandwich.

The homeless in the city pretty much stop asking me now for change. They know I work at an expensive-ish store so they would bug me all the time, it wasn't until I called one out on it and said my pay blows that they started to leave me alone XD

And on the note of people moaning about not being able to afford things. This happens a lot in other communities, I belong to communities dedicated to Japanese street fashion and the amount of posts that are made in these places along the lines of, 'I saw this in Kera but I can't afford it and x won't buy it - wah wah wah', sorry, but it's bloody old.

 

freya1924, you are grossly oversimplifying the "problem." Accusing people of irresponsibly having kids? (Obviously, you do have people who have children to milk money from welfare, but in the scope of things, outside westernized countries, the government gives people absolutely nothing for having children.) There's a lot more to it than that - a lot more (start at the root of education). This may not be the case, but I'm getting the impression that personal experience, social institutions, and distorted media articles are responsible for the amount of blanket statements that are being attributed to this thread.

Other people would find that saving for Starbucks is less of a perversion then saving for pieces of overpriced resin. It's all in the eye of the beholder. And while it's great that so many people lend a hand to those who lack the basic necessities, those in this hobby who aren't concerned about certain issues shouldn't be greeted with disdain and scorn. Simultaneously, liking dolls does not mean that you are obligated to demonstrate compassion, empathy, responsibility, or perspective in order to prove that you are a "good person" or not wasteful.