Dolls and money: guilt trips over spending?

^ This. I don't much care if one person on the internet doesn't think I spend my money "appropriately", because I'm not accountable to one person on the internet. In fact, I'm not accountable to anyone but myself for how I spend my money. If you have a cause, that's fine. Laudable, even. But don't try to imply that all of us who purchase dolls instead of paying all our discretionary money to the causes you feel are appropriate to support are selfish asses who do nothing but look out for ourselves. If you really feel this way, you are in the wrong hobby.

 

Warning: I ranted a bit here. o.o;

While I have not bought my doll yet, I have stopped to ponder the price of it. Yes, it's a large ammount (and I'm only getting an MSD), but I saved up that ammount by putting aside all the gift money I've recieved since September. If I hadn't been saving to buy said doll, what would I have spent the money on? Various smaller things, none of which would be charity.

This isn't because I'm selfish; it's because this is what I wanted to spend the money on. And, if you do suffer from guilt trips, think of it this way: just sending off a check to a charity is nothing, unless you muster up a heck of a lot of money. What truly helps in most cases is you yourself going someplace and doing charity work: I volunteer for various things, such as tutoring and food pantries. I'm a member of a group at my school that spreads awareness about poverty, both overseas and in my own country. I've helped in food drives before. I don't think I myself have ever donated money, but I've donated my time, possessions, spare food... so on and so forth. And for that matter, my mother is in the social services; she works every day making sure people have a place to live, can afford food, and so on. Am I going to stop volunteering after I get my doll? Of course not! On the same note, would you begrudge my mother going out and using her salary (which is small, because social workers get a pathetic salary) to treat herself to something nice? I certainly hope you wouldn't.

As Tez said, if you feel really guilty about it, you are indeed in the wrong hobby. Or, if it IS really bothering you, volunteer somewhere! Odds are you could even find a way of using your doll to help people. (Also, let me make this point even clearer: giving money is NOT the only way to help people. In fact, I believe according to my religion it's one of the lowest forms of charity. If all you do is send money off to a charity to ease your mind, then why bother with it if the cause isn't important to you? In that case, either way you're going to end up unhappy. Just mull over that.)

 

I agree with honeyedbiscuit.
You want to know why I don't feel guilty? Because when I find myself feeling guilty about something, I CHANGE MY BEHAVIOR. I don't just sit around feeling guilty. If something doesn't feel "right" to me I don't do it. If something doesn't feel right to you, then you shouldn't do it either - make decisions for YOURSELF, don't sit around looking at others and saying how awful they are, because that's just a good way of making an excuse for yourself. "Oh these people are worse than me," whereas if you were actually doing something, you wouldn't have time to pay attention to what other people were up to, or not up to.

At the same time I don't feel a need to advertise to everybody on earth what I might be doing for the good of the world. I certainly don't feel a need to share it with people on a doll board, where the main thing we all have in common is that we are interested in dolls. This isn't the type of board where I come to kick around the problems of the world.

If some doofus who doesn't know me is going to get all judgmental at me based on a post when they have no idea about me, then hey, they are hard up for things to feel judgmental about, and they maybe need to go out and look to their own life and do a few things for the world themselves and not sit around pointing the finger so much at others who they don't even know.

 

Other people spend a lot on their hobbies, as well - and, as other people have said, how much are you going to enjoy your purchase vs. feeling guilty? How much are you willing to change things that you do feel guilty about? For example, I care about the environment, and I am totally willing to pay more for "green" items, I recycle, I turn off lights, but I am not willing to keep my heat off all winter or go live in a cave just because it will save energy or help the environment. If you didn't spend the money on the doll, what would you spend it on? Would you give it away? Would you enjoy it as much on something else? I know people who may spend $400 to $500 on restaurants and bars over a weekend... because that is what they enjoy. It is your money, spend it in ways that make you happy...

 

Personally, I don't see why helping people needs to have anything to do with money. If you don't want to donate money because you'd rather spend it on other items or fear that it would be badly spent, you can usually volunteer your time, effort and experience, instead - and I find it a lot more fun than just writing a cheque. Plus, it often means you see firsthand how your actions have a positive effect. (It also means that you can find out for yourself whether the charity is well-managed or not.) I don't have the guts to work in a soup kitchen or take phonecalls for the Samaritans, but there's usually something else that I can do. And then there's the stuff that's closer to home - for example, my mum does things like keep in touch with elderly people who have no family and help them out now and then with shopping/cleaning/gardening/etc.

Who cares if your efforts don't make a big difference in the grand scheme of things? If they make a difference to one person, then that's enough for me.

 

While I don't ever feel guilt over the money I spend on dolls *and for me books as well* I do make sure that whatever I spend on them I also contribute to charity. In my case the Humane Society of Silicon Valley.
It seems fair.
Truly if you're guilty about it then stop doing it. You are in control of your life, live it the way you want to. Guilt is not worth the time.

 

hmmmmmm. Interesting and I think I want to spend some more time thinking about it too. But as an initial response/reaction, I'd have to say I'm dont feel overly guilty about it in the way you mention.
I grew up in poverty (by the north american definition - not 3rd world) and clawed my way out of it; started working quite young and finished univerisity by working 3 jobs (1 full, 2 part time) and going to school part time (took 10 years to do it). I still have 2 jobs now, although one is much more for fun than money. So I have worked hard for what I have and continue to do so. I appreciate what I have.

This year, for Xmas, I "gave" friends lots of goats and tools and chickens via Oxfam to help families help themselves. I didn't do it out of guilt, but because I thought they were wonderful gifts. I also gave some frivilous gifts too.

I like to think I have an appreciation of the value of money. Yes, I spend it on luxeries, but I recognize that they are luxeries when I do it, not necessities.

But as I said, I'd like to think more on this and may come back again.

 

Quite frankly, no.

Yes, yes, I'm a horrible person, I know this

I work damn hard to earn the money I spend on my dolls, so why shouldn't I spend it on something that will ultimately give me the most pleasure.

I give to charities I think are worthy on a regular basis, hell I sent $25 to someone I don't know towards her husband's funeral (he was killed in a car crash) because she'd only just had a baby, couldn't work and was hurting. I did that because it was nice and I wanted to help.

So I'm not a complete bitch.

I'll eat almost anything - if it's put in front of me. I don't wear expensive or designer clothing and in fact most of it comes from charity shops ('op' shops in Oz i believe they're called?) and cost me less than £10. I spend more on DOLLY clothes.

My biggest luxury apart from dolls is books. I don't keep manga and tend to buy it, read it and sell it on but I somehow can't sell a book. So I spend a fortune on them.

I don't sponsor a child in Africa or whatever because you know what? I see no fruit from my labour. I work to support ME. I give money to causes or people if I know I will see how happy it makes them, or how much it changes their life. If I give money to some 'Sponsor a Child' scheme, I'll NEVER see the kid I'm sponsoring (oh perhaps pictures and letters, translated by some faceless person) and I have no guarantee that they're getting all the money.

If I'm going to do that I'd rather fly out to a third world country myself and just HAND it to them.

I know I sound cold and heartless and completely apathetic to the plight of the world around me but I used to be different. I'd watch the Children in Need videos of all those tiny starving kids and I'd cry myself to sleep that night (yet I'd still watch them every year like a div) because I couldn't bear to see them suffer. I always wanted to make a difference.

The reason I'm not like that anymore is because I know I can't make the kind of difference I want to make. So why should I suffer too? Why can't I have nice things? I don't get my money from anywhere but off my own back. I earn it. And I do a blooming lot of volunteer (UNPAID) work too.

Heck, my workday consists of about 8 hours paid work then 12-14 hours unpaid work then 2-4 hours sleep.

So, to reiterate. No, I don't feel guilty in the slightest ^_^ I love my life, and I love my dolls ^_^ And I want more of them ^_^ I can appreciate them more because I know what they cost and I know what I did to get them, not to mention all the things I give up for them. (Like £200 worth of other stuff).

I know, I know, I'm horrid, I'm a terrible person

 

the only guilt i feel is directed towards myself, certainly not for ignoring the christian children's fund, or whatever other organization dragging some poor kid around in front of a camera

i feel a tinge of guilt because i rather spend money on building my doll collection instead of saving up to pay for my private student loans. i'll just keep putting that thing in forbearance. i can easily rationalise not saving up for that mighty and great loan, but every once in a while, when i'm doodling one of my future dolls, i'm thinking to myself what the hell?

 

Uh, you're not, but you're continuing to reinforce the fact that if you don't give your money to this charity, sponsor some kid in a third world country, spend your money on luxury goods, you're a terrible person. You aren't hurting anyone by purchasing a doll, so why do you feel the need to devalue your character? I'm not sure if you're being completely facetious, but there's this thread in your post that consistently references that you are a terrible person, but maybe not that terrible, etc.

This isn't directed at Ehryn, but people don't have to prove or explain anything to anyone. You don't have to say that you work 15 hour shifts or get 1 hour of sleep a night, in order to justify your spending habits. If you don't give to or volunteer at a charity, that does not make you a horrid person. If you don't feel guilty because you spend your money on a doll, that does not make you a horrid person.

bunnydots brings up another great point. If you feel guilty it is about whatever you do, get up and do something about it; you change the problematic behavior. When I've done something wrong, I don't wallow in guilt at what I should have done. I do whatever it is that I can to start making amends.

If you feel guilty at the thought of spending money on a doll when it can go to a "more charitable" cause, then don't buy a doll. Put it towards something you feel is more worthwhile. And if others don't, well, it really wasn't your business to being with.

No one is saying that if you do give to a charity or volunteer at a shelter, it's a bad thing. It's great that people are concerned about the well-being of others, and it's nice to know that many actively participate in their communities to make a difference. However, you don't need to do either in order to assuage feelings of guilt about a purchase that was hopefully responsibly made (and I admit, I'm one of those people who think it's incredibly stupid to ruin your credit to buy a doll, but if someone wants to, so be it, it's his/her credit, not mine).

Hobbies are generally expensive, and this one is unquestionably one of the pricier ones that doesn't just stop at buying the doll.

 

People who drop every penny they don't need into the hands of those that do are called saints by some. I'm not aspiring that high.

Spending $600 on a doll you don't need really isn't any different from spending $600 on a couch you don't need. Just because it's a more typical price and a more utilitarian object doesn't change the fact that you could have lived just fine without it.

But just about everyone who is not starving buys things they could have done without when they could have been feeding the hungry. I don't think our expensive hobby assigns us any particular guilt.

Charity is a noble endeavor but it's better to think of it as good on you for doing it rather than bad on others for not doing it.

 

Sorry honeyeyedbiscuit, I wrote that post at like 2am last night I was being sarcastic since I frequently get (albeit not from DoA... yet...) people saying 'omg you're so selfish! you'd rather buy something for yourself than for an orphan child '

This amuses me greatly, so I suppose I was beting facetious But it was late, I wasn't thinking very clearly

 

QFT. Giving money to charity is kind of a luxury in itself, as not everyone can afford to do it, and it's not really 'necessary' in order to survive.

 

im not entirely comfortable with you saying that. were not all stupid; i myself dont even buy from crappy coffee companies that rip people off. this is exactly what im saying; you have no idea of what i do with my time and my personal views and to imply that i dont think about these things i find somewhat rude. we dont 'all have to agree to disagree' all of us? it gives me the impression you didnt really take in what the majority of people are saying; they dont really want to tell the world what they do because thats their business. of course buying something effects other people but it is my business

i dont mean to sound ruse but i hate the 'lumping in with the rest' mentality. and if the dolls dont bother you im not entirely sure why this is posted here..

 

Well I think this is a tough discussion that really depends on each person. I respect all opinions and I am going to give mine.
A lot of people has told me the same thing, the "How can you spend so much money on figures and dolls and comics, are you crazy?" stuff. And well, I don't care. I spend my money in figures, you spend your money in drugs like alcohol or smoking, or in food, or luxury, going to cinemas, etc. It's the same thing. Everyone needs to spend money in something and have fun and each person can spend it in what he wants, it's his/her money.

Offtopic: And turning to the topic of the charity business... yes I know that everyone in the world should join hands and do something, it's a beautiful idea, but each person has his own reasons to donate or not, and you can't blame someone for buying a doll instead of donating. I also think that there are a lot of powerful people who should donate in the first place, instead of just thinking how can they become richer and more powerful (that is the real selfishness) because they can REALLY erase poverty once and for all.

 

Well, in theory, that's something that taxes are meant to help with; a portion of everyone's taxes paid should go to helping with subsidies, humanitarian aid, publically-funded healthcare, welfare etc. None of those things are charities per se, but they're still meant to contribute to the common good and help those who are less fortunate. The fact that they're badly managed is another issue completely. My point is, most people (especially in countries with extensive welfare systems) do pay money that, technically, is meant to help others.

 

Life is about choices. Choices about who you are going to be and what will you do with this life and energy. You make or will make choices about, money, education, careers, health, and philosophies. Life is not fair and can be cruel. LoL!! So if life hands you lemons make lemonade! The glass is either half full or half empty, etc.

By choice of my career, I see people who begin to walk the fine line between life and death. Suddenly they are faced with enormous choices of life and death. They realize that they are finite and how precious time is and how fast life goes. I am both a spectator and particpant in this process and this can be both rewarding and tiring.

So I choose to spend my money on things that create beauty and happiness in my life. Dollfies are one thing. I also spend money to travel the world. I also spend money to eat in nice restaurants. I spend money on things that others cannot wrap their minds around such as my southern style buckskin dress. I have spent close to $10,000 on my Native American regalia.

I don't flaunt my material things. I make no apologies for my expenditures. If I choose to donate or take up a cause, it is my business; and I do it without over analyzing it. I don't judge others or their circumstances. So, NO- there is no guilt on my part for my hobby and passion of collecting dollfies and the money that I devote to it.

 

I don't feel guilty, not at all. I volunteer at a local hospital, I volunteer at a local animal shelter, I, just like Selmada, gave goats out for Christmas (worldvision.org), I am co-founding my high school's Save Darfur club, which, last year when I was in the middle school, raised several thousand dollars, I tutor my classmates in algebra.

I think that if I want to spend my babysitting money on something pretty for me, I'm well in my rights to do so.

But, even if I didn't volunteer, I still would have the right to spend MY money how I want to spend it. If someone doesn't want to donate their money to stop genocide or child labor or poverty in a foreign country, they don't have to. If someone is volunteering just because some faceless person on an internet forum told them they were a bad person if they didn't, that's still not good. And using the fact that you donate your time and money to guilt other people into donating theirs makes you just as bad as the person who buys a 13,000 dollar pair of socks that was made in a sweatshop in China by a blind, deaf, ten year old hermaphrodite with botulism, polio, and smallpox.

 

Don't feel guilty, spend your money how you wish. Think of the celebrities out there and their spending (no offense intended to anyone). I personally don't have enough money to spend on a doll and I don't really care that people have multitudes of them. I think these dolls are beautiful and eventually I may make my own.