Dolls and money: guilt trips over spending?

I think we have to remember, above all things, that dolls are a luxury. Like many of you said, you spoil yourselves with items that may not be dolls but they are luxury items. Having a guilt trip over a $600 doll doesn't make sense to me when you decide you can have all sorts of other things and shell out that money for a new Wii, and other things you may want and THEN not feel guilty. Which is exactly that anyway: WANT, not NEED.

I don't really see where people get at when they try to balance out, almost explain, WHY they got the doll because they help charity. Sure, I volunteer, donate food, clothing, give money to help people, but should that dictate what I should and should not enjoy? Recognizing that people need our help is wonderful! That makes me believe that we have a chance in helping thousands that need help, but being in sociology and anthropology has opened my eyes to a lot of society issues that need to be understood according to culture. And honestly food and clothing are the best things you can give, and in a more local area, your time. But you actually need to do it.

Buying a doll shouldn't make you feel bad. A lot of people work hard and save for the dolls that bring them so much enjoyment, so why feel guilty about something you worked hard for and deserve? It' important to consider other people and do our best, but if you feel guilty about it, this isn't the hobby for you- in fact, any hobby isn't for you since you'll feel guilty about it, if the charity issue is the case. If you don't feel you can get a doll without feeling that pang of guilt, I assume you should get involved in charity, since sitting around and feeling sorry for them won't help one bit.

I really believe that you can help people by taking ACTION, and still enjoy your doll hobby. It's natural to feel guilty or unsure about spending so much money, but it is your decision. So is shelling out thousands on a car.

Point is, you can help others and still buy a doll without feeling bad that you did.

 

This is a doll board. You say you don't have anything against people who buy dolls. Basically, all you know about the majority of people here is that they buy dolls. You have no idea what the rest of our "mindsets" are. You just made a judgment that everybody goes around being unaccountable. And your "debate" doesn't really seem to be about dolls at all, it seems to be about some general problem you have with the world that you just decided to toss up on here. With that, I'm going to excuse myself permanently from your "debate" because as far as I'm concerned, it's strayed far away from the issue of spending money on a doll, and is off topic.

 

Wow. Wow. Thank you so much for holding my response -- which was taken more than slightly out of context -- as your own personal poster child for the degradation of humanity and selfish behavior. I appreciate that, really I do.

I'm actually very offended at the thought that how I spend my money is not my personal affair, because it kind of is. I never said I wasn't accountable, I just said I wasn't accountable to any person, much less a faceless soul on the internet who I don't know from Adam. I'm accountable to myself, my moral codes, and my chosen deity. It pretty much stops there. Whether or not I choose to buy a latte', a doll, or send all my discretionary cash (which isn't much) to Darfur is nobody's business but mine, and the idea of having a human -- any human -- poking their nose into my business and passing moral judgement on my spending choices frankly nauseates me.

^ This. Thank you for summing this up very nicely, bunnydots. This has strayed too far off-topic and is no longer a 'debate', since the impression I'm getting is that the OP is less concerned with hearing both sides of the equation and more concerned with pushing an agenda. Asking people to think about 'maybe they should be spending their money somewhere else instead of on a doll' on a doll board seems...pointless. With that, I am bowing out. This is off-topic now, and would be better suited to a venue that discusses world issues and not a doll forum.

 

Likewise, I'm removing myself from this self-proclaimed debate.

Nothing of debatable value has sprung from any of the OP's posts except for hypocritical, imposing, and self-righteous banter.

 

No guilt.

I've lived in the American standard of "poverty" my entire life. I know it's nothing like second or third world poverty, but by this societies standards my family and I are near the bottom of the pool, you know? I've been homeless an average of once every 2 years since I was born, and even just last year we came to a point where we had to ask my grandmother for somewhere to stay. My family makes less than $14,000 a year.

Do I feel sorry for myself? No, not anymore. When I was younger I felt rage and anger that there could be people who did basically what we do here. To be frank, I hated people like that.

My situation hasn't really changed much, but I have. I realized that I could DO something about my life, and that being poor didn't mean I had to be miserable. When I was finally able to get a job, the first thing I did was go out and work. I also go to college (on a hiatus right now, I'm going back in the fall) and I plan to get a degree so I can get an even better job.

I also realized that I couldn't keep waiting or wishing that people would help. There have been some very kind people in my life that HAVE helped a great, tremendous deal, but I learned that it's MY responsibility to fix my life, no one elses.

I pay my bills, and when they need me to I pay my families bills as well, and I help with rent and daily necessities. I don't shirk my responsibilities to my family, and when I'm in a place in my life to help not only my family and myself, but others as well without sacrificing the small luxuries that we've been allowed (computer, my own room, phone, health care) then I will do what I can to help others in this situation too.

I don't even have a doll yet, but I still don't believe I'll feel guilty. Maybe that's a bad thing. Shouldn't we all feel an obligation to help out others, even if it means a small sacrifice on our part? But there's a difference between a feeling of obligation and a feeling of guilt. So no, I don't feel guilty.

EDIT:

Li Chan, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was raised like that too, and yes, when you can finally spend a little money on yourself, it really is a huge shock.

I don't think getting use to EXCESSIVE luxury is a good thing, no. Especially when your ignoring your financial responsibilities like providing for your family or paying your rent or the like. But the small, quality things... I think they're important in the long run. Invest in yourself all at once on something that will last, or piddle it away over three months or so on junk that you buy on impulse. The same money will be spent, but what do you have to show for it at the end? Even if it seems selfish, I think EVERYONE deserves a little bit of selfish happiness, even -especially- people living in poverty.

As someone who knows the kind of life and feelings you say you've had, please believe me when I say you shouldn't feel guilty. Be THANKFUL you're in a position to finally do a little extra for yourself, but don't lose the level-headed responsibility that this life usually instills in people. And when the oppurtunity comes to help others, take it. That's all we can really do in this life. *hearts*

 

This is in your ideal world, though. There's utopia and then there's reality. In utopia we all live in perfect bliss in perfect love with no worldly problems, no need to worry about material wealth. In reality most people worry about their day to day existence, work for what they can get, and indulge in whatever daily luxuries they can manage. They take care of themselves and their own. This is not utopic, but this is average. Being average doesn't make anything right or wrong, it's simply life. One can argue whether this is human nature or not, but too much for me to get into right now.

To diverge to a related topic... altruism or lack thereof. Those who are ragging on others for not saving the world getting a smug little feeling that they are. I'm not saying this is you or anyone here, but whoever out there is doing charity work just to feel good about themselves. And as others have said, that is a luxury in itself. This is the main reason that I was proposing that a person doing good works should avoid condemning those tending only to the welfare of themselves and their own.

 

No one is calling anyone names (I didn't see poophead or dodo bird being flung around). No one ignored your post, but what you bring into your posts have nothing of substantial value to debate. No one is getting angry either.

You're wanting to make this personal instead of objective.

 

I'm not really a feelings person, so I really don't feel too guilty using money that I have earned to buy something nice for myself. The way I see it, spending money is actually a good thing; by supporting a company you are helping them grow, creating more jobs, enabling them to pay their existing workers better, or research new products. From what I have read, many people in the third world actually welcome the arrival of new factories because it means more jobs to that area. Any factory job is better than wandering around picking up trash or selling rags for only a few pennies a day. As far as charities go, I don't think that throwing money at poverty is the best answer. I firmly believe in the Teach a Man to Fish idea- help someone become more self-sufficient. I support charities and companies who help people get more educated or help them develop more marketable skills. For example, I buy Always brand stuff because they donate pads to girls in Africa so that they can go to school when they're on their period (which is something I never thought about until I saw the commercial, but I digress). Just giving someone money doesn't solve the problem; it just puts a Band-aid over it. Educate people and help them realize that they can rise above and make something of themselves.

TL;DR version: I don't feel guilty about spending money.

 

thanks for the reply. reading over what you said i do get what youre trying to say, however it's just not coming accross in a very objective manner. sorry if i seemed ranty.

and yes people are attacking chizzie_shark theres no point saying theyre not. that feels laughable. the tone of many people, including myself, has been quite rude and theres no point denying that. im not gonna act like i dont get offended when it feels like someones being offensive.

anyway, yes, i think i get it a little more now. yes, i suppose my money could be spent a little more wisely, if i look at what my mother spends on food and all the other neccessities. but one day ill be doing all that to. i help her as much as i can in other ways but that simply isnt my responsibility right now and i think you need to be able to see that too. its easy to feel guilty about things that seem big, but sometimes you need to step back and see that what makes you happy is important to.

i do agree this is turning more offtopic/not debate. generally, theres nothing left to debate, you either feel guilty or you dont and have your own personal reasons for doing so. discussing what you think is over the top doesnt seem very debate sufficient; thats more discussion.

 

It's never bothered me, no. I'm firmly of the opinion that you can do whatever the hell you like with your money as long as it's not illegal, and the only person that can hold you accountable is yourself. If you feel guilty, stop what you're doing. And others shouldn't be made to feel so for making themselves happy. I like dolls, therefore I buy dolls. My friends like clothes, therefore they buy clothes.

The example you provided of paying $30 a day for a child doesn't seem like an 'only' situation to me. That would cost nearly $11,000 a year. Now, unless you know exactly
what that money is doing, it seems like waste to me. I haven't spent half that on all of my dolls combined including faceups and shipping.

And the point you just raised, I don't think it becomes over the top until someone can't afford it anymore. If I had £200 to burn, maybe I would buy my dolls random odd accessories that are completely useless. It's my money to spend.

 

That's not going to stop anybody making personal attacks though, will it?

I don't think that there's such a thing as spending too much on your dolls. If I can afford to buy my dolls gold watches and diamond necklaces and their own personal limousines and want to do so, nobody should be able to stop me. As long as you aren't interfering with your own health, or the lives of your families (eg, buying a new doll instead of spending the cash on a doctor's appointment for your kid) it's not that bad. It does worry me when people say that to afford their dolls they ate nothing but ramen for a month. There's a little part of my brain going "heart attack! clogged arteries! eep!" whenever I hear someone say that.

 

I have a feeling this may be a tad off topic, but here goes anyway, for what it's worth!

Whether you're someone helping a friend or relative pay for a doll, getting one for them outright, or getting one for yourself - you know where your money is going, and you should know whether or not it should be going there.

If someone gets you a doll or helps you pay for one - don't feel guilty! They are responsible for themselves - trust them to know if this is really something their money should be going to. Appreciate their help!

If you get one for yourself - same rule applies! You are responsible - you make the final decision to spend that money, whether or not it should really be spent! Enjoy your dolls! Whether or not you work hard for them! XD
It's your money!

If you reaaaaaaly feel guilty to the point where it's affecting you psychologically and physically - maybe it wasn't such a wise financial choice!
But that doesn't mean you can't fix it. You can always sell the doll to another loving home! IMO, no doll is worth your psychological and physical well-being!

 

Ahem.

For someone that presumes to speak with authority about a great many subjects, your credibility would be greatly improved were you to do a little research, first.

http://www.starbucks.com/aboutus/fairtrade.asp

While I appreciate the fervor of your idealistic bleeding heart, 'think of the children in Africa' is not exactly the best way to go about change. Have you looked into the charities you support? Who manages their funds? Have you requested a detailed accounting of how their money is spent? That's the unfortunate risk in giving in to the televised pleas or narrowing down your good works to 'just 13 cents a day!'

While we're at it, do you recycle? Do you buy locally grown produce and meat and shop only at small businesses? Have you made your home 'green'? If you haven't worked for change in your own backyard, and you haven't done any research beyond knee-jerk reactions to the structure of the global economy, how can you chide people on an international forum for their lack of action?

 

Mosaicwolf has expressed this very nicely, I feel.

As for feeling guilty for buying dolls.... well... no. If I did, I would stop buying them, after all, and at the end of the day I have earned the money I use to pay for them, and I am free to give myself a little luxury now and then.

 

I can't say that I don't feel guilty. There are times when I do about spending so much on 'frivolous' things, (I think this was ingrained in me from the time I was a very small child, as I feel guilty about spending money period, even over necessities). However, my doll purchases have all been the result of long term savings...a little here, a little there, and I definately feel that this helps to justify the spending for me a little; they become more a reward for my savings I think.
I also do a lot of charitable work, (playing charity concerts for Shiner's, fund raising and I've had the privilage of doing some aid work in East Africa and am a liason between a group here and a sister organization there), and while I don't contribute money to those causes, I do contribute my time.
In a lot of ways I feel that is MORE valuable than any money I could offer up.
So...I suppose I occassionally feel guilty at some level about spending on dolls because I'm spending. But I don't feel guilty about spending in leau of donating. If that makes sense...

 

^This. Most people don't realize that when they give to most charities, the vast majority of every dollar is spent toward administration and advertising, unless they specifically say upfront that 90% or whatever goes toward the people being helped.

 

QFE Mosaic.

If you personally feel guilty about it - don't buy them. Otherwise, it's none of anyone else's business what someone spends the money they earn on.

Unless you are married to them, their child or someone they owe money to - it's non'ya.

Guilt-mongering really has no place on a hobby board where people come to share their interest in a hobby rather than get someone else's ethics or ideals force fed to them. It's up to the individual to decide how and what they are going to contribute to others, their community or globally.

Just because people collect dolls doesn't mean they don't do anything charitable or good. If you want to give up all your material goods and become a monk, have at it.