Dolls and money: guilt trips over spending?

What confounds me is that there seems to be some kind of unspoken assumption in a few of these posts that you can only do one thing *or* the other... Either you live your entire life thinking of others and giving all of your spare money to charity, or you live a completely self-centered life and spend it all on dolls and other unnecessary goodies at the expense of the planet and the rest of the human race.

That's a very strange idea.

There's no reason in the world why you couldn't be both charitable and occasionally self-indulgent. Use part of your fun money to buy dolls, or music or whatever makes you happy. Use the rest to sponsor a child, donate to your favorite cause or send bees and chicks to people who need them. Spend part of your time playing. Spend part of it as a volunteer.

Who says it has to be either/or?

The key here is balance. I do believe that we have a certain reponsibility to this world and to others, but as someone else said up-thread, we also have a responsibility to ourselves. One isn't any more important than the other. Both deserve our attention... So relax. Rather than going too far in either direction, find the middle ground. Generosity, rather it's charity or just doing something kind for a neighbor or a friend, is good for the soul. But it's not the only thing that can enrich it.

 

Very well said!!

 

I agree with this completely.

I don't see the point in starting a thread like this other than to try to make other people feel bad. Looks like it's backfiring, as most people don't feel guilty about spending their own money on things they want. I know I don't.

 

This once more comes down to "what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours." If I have the money to buy my doll gold watches, diamond necklaces, an interior decorator for his "room", or if I decide to leave all my money to my doll when I die (no, I'm not that level of crazy )that is my decision to make.

I don't need to hear anyone's opinion on whether or not I'm being over the top, or "OMG! Do you know how many starving children in Africa you could feed for that price?". I hold myself accountable for my spending habits, and I spend my money on what makes me happy. I stay out of your pocket, you stay out of mine.

 

Exactly. Very few people people spend ALL of their extra money on a single thing. It's not like anyone has to make the decision to ONLY help others or ONLY treat themselves.

Even within BJD collecting, there are ways that you can help others if you're so inclined. Discover Card allows you to donate your Cashback Bonus to charity if you so choose; I'm sure there are others that have similar offers. eBay Giving Works allows you to auction items with a percentage of the final sale going to the charity of your choice. If you make and sell items for BJDs, you could make a special OOAK item for charity. Or you could auction that gift head you got but don't need. Give 10% or 100% to a cause you support, whatever you want.

While it might not make a difference to the charity in question, I think it's always better to support a cause because you want to, not because you feel obligated to. The former will make you a far happier person in the end.

 

I like to look at it this way: As far as luxury items go, our dolls are a fairly ethical investment. You can give people a hard time because their expensive starbucks isn't fair trade (consequently, it's also really bad espresso), and their victoria's secret bras are actually worth less than a penny to the person who made them, but many people actually give up spending money on things like those to save for their doll, and most of the money we spend there goes to small groups of artists. I actually feel good about sending money to these people so that they can make a living making art.

As for all the socio-economic stuff that's related to other "luxuries": Maybe people should feel guilty for their fancy purchases and soft lives, maybe they should try to help those less fortunate around the world. Who am I to say? It's a sweet sentiment. But what about their governments and their leaders? What is mine really supposed to do? Human rights groups constantly put pressure on countries who allow child labor and sweatshops. These countries and leaders will not stop because, presumably, they are making money off the venture. The rich pay hundreds of dollars on their end and it comes out to fractions of a cent on the other end of the pipe. I certainly can't stomp over there and tell one Indonesian man to treat another with more humanity and share more equally. It's really as much his problem as it is ours, and it's still sort of none of our business.

 

There is no philosophical aspect on ownership of money. I work 40 hours a week. I do not work for free, I work in exchange for money. The money is given to me in the form of a check with my name on it. Thus, it is mine to do with as I please.

If I choose to buy dolls and clothing for my pomeranian, that's my business and no one elses. I don't feel that humans have any obligation to take care of the rest of the human race. For instance, when I was younger, I could not resist giving money to any bum downtown asking for it. I felt so terrible for them, and such an overwhelming feeling of guilt because I was going to the mall to spend money and they were starving in the streets, so by the time I actually got to the mall, I was broke from giving out dollars.

Donating to charities is great. Giving money to bums is great. However, I am not going to put my well-being and health at risk to give all of my money to someone in need. If you feel like you need to give money to charities rather than making yourself comfortable with the money that you earned, that's fine, but it's presumptuous to say that all people should feel obligated to live in squalor because they gave all of their money to the children in Africa.

/endrant

 

This whole thing is making me think of a letter to the editor I read in TIME magazine a few months ago.
In a previous issue, they were profiling this guy, a police officer, who had spent over 5k on finishing a tattoo sleeve.

Someone got their panties in a knot and wrote a letter to the editor saying that the 5k that he spent on himself would have been better spent being given to charity.

I was just floored. This guy is a COP. He puts his life on the line daily in his job. What more do you want a person to give?

There's something seriously sad if we've gotten to the point where we're not supposed to spend money on ourselves.

Yes, helping others is a good thing. Hell, I've got a portion of every single paycheck that goes to a few charities that are near and dear to my heart. Volunteering is a good thing. We should all give some of ourselves.

We do not need to give everything though. Someone made a comment that people who give everything, unselfishly are considered saints.

I don't want to aim that high. I want to enjoy my life, have a few nice things and try to leave the world a better place than when I came into it. As long as I can achieve that, and not hurt anyone in doing it, then I'm ahead of the game.

 

No. You didn't get my point. Meaning that you are wailing and beating your breast over things that you obviously know very little about.

I also noticed you avoided my questions about what sorts of causes you are giving your money to. I suspect it's because you don't really know. In addition, you avoided my query as to whether you were working for change on a local level as opposed to sticking your nose into the business of other countries.

I will take your silence as proof of your inaction, and therefore the invalidation of your entire argument.

 

I couldn't agree more with Brightfires. Why does it have to be one or the other? Why should I feel guilty or be held "accountable" for my $600 doll?

I spent two years working for a company that's soul purpose was to help people wil disabilities and barriers to finding employment get their life on track and find jobs. We helped them develop work skills and social skills some of these people otherwise lacked so that they could become "productive members of society", and so they could generally live life easier and happier.

I've volunteered most years since 2000 for an event held by a non-profit organization that provides people with healthcare at home.

I did volunteer work through highschool, and I have made donations to various causes such as Unicef, cancer research and diabities.

During the holidays I worked two jobs in order to cover expenses because my girlfriend was unemployed. I gave up time with her and my family during the Christmas season so that I knew the bills were paid and that come post-Christmas we weren't going to be in debt like many people I know.

Yet I'm supposed to feel guilty because I purchased myself a Senior Delf Ethan? I bought a doll that made me happy after giving up 50+ hours a week to mall retail and I should feel bad about that because that $600 could have all gone to children in *insert your chosen developing nation here*?

Nah, sorry. Don't think so.

 

*double post*

 

People give to the world in many ways. Some of us have lots of funds that we distribute to charities. Some of us research our spending carefully so that what little funds we do have go to support the most worthy businesses and individuals we can find -- including doll companies, which are in many cases small businesses struggling in countries that are not as modernized as the US, Canada, and European nations. Some of us, like the cop mentioned in the example above, or firefighters, teachers, and small-town clinic doctors -- spend almost every waking hour working in the service of others.

To imply that people do not care about the world around them or should have deep guilt because they have purchased one or two BJD shows an astounding lack of understanding for the manner in which the real world operates, and a total lack of a respect for those who do far, far more for the planet than merely wax poetic on a doll forum.

 

I don't feel guilty because of having dolls. I work hard to earn my money and I give all I can to people I love or needs something and I can give.

But I think is easy to feel guilty when we have food, comfort every day and a lot of people in the world are starved.

Anyway, solving this sad situation doesn't depends on how many dolls we have.

 

i dunno...im not sure you really read what i said >_<; theres not anything to thank or smile about, basically i said i get what youre saying but i completely still stand by what i said. i duno, maybe in a mature debate section i was expecting more of a response to what i said than a thank you maybe i'll just leave this be since i do feel theres just not much left to discuss then a giant enquiry as to why chizze shark feels how she feels. which personally im not overly interested in and although it seems people are trying to pull this towards dolls where they can it just seems like such an irrelivent part of the actual debate

 

This I think says it best. If you really want to help the world, talking on a doll forum really does very little. Most of the people here have made up their minds already to buy a rather pricey luxury item. They should not be made to feel guilty for trying to gain a little pleasure in their lives. No one should have to justify to others how they spend their money, as long as it's THEIR money. Period. "Social obligation" doesn't work as an argument.

Like Brightfires said, nobody blows all their money on luxuries, just as no one gives every penny to charity. Most people strike a balance that works for them, morally as well as financially. To assume this isn't the case isn't giving people here the credit the deserve as people who can weigh their financial choices with their own moral compasses. It kind of implies you feel their compasses are broken, and they need external guidance. This might not be your intent, but that's the impression given. Surely you can see why this is off-putting and has gotten people a bit riled.

If you really want to change things for the better, pick your battles better. Or better yet, change by doing, rather than just talking. Anyone can say they're going to do something or that "we" should do something, but the ones who make a real difference are the ones that go out and do something. Many people have listed what they do personally, where you can really see a difference. There is a lot of good examples throughout this thread. Volunteer. Give the gift of time, it is more precious than anonymous cash and you can actually see what the results are.

 

I didn't have the opportunity to read every post, but I quickly scanned the different perspectives.

To be honest, I do personally donate to a child in a foreign country. On my salary that is what I CAN do. Why worry about what I can't do? It's self-defeating. You can buy dolls and be a caring person. Everything - giving and taking - should be done in moderation to achieve a healthy balance. But that's my personal perspective.

 

After the fiasco with the Red Cross Katrina funds, I'm a bit jaded when it comes to donating to charities - even well-known and respected charities. I feel I have to check sources and make sure that my money really is going to go towards the cause in question, rather than being tied up in paperwork nonsense, or ending up in the pockets of a struggling country's dictator, or in the salary of the charity's president. Charities can be incredibly misleading, which is very sad - the Humane Society of the United States, for example, has far more to do with leftist animal rights terrorism than helping the thousands of animals dying in shelters. The latter would be the responsibility of the American Humane Society (in the case of the US)

I'd rather give up hours working for pay to volunteer for a cause than pay money out of my paycheck to a charity, unless I know where my money is going. When the Human Rights Campaign volunteer stops me on campus and asks for money, I ask him whether he has any volunteer opportunities to offer, instead.

Short version: I don't feel guilty about my dolls, because I give my time to help out whatever causes I feel strongly about.

 

As much as you may think of it as the business of others, it's NOT. What I do with my money is my decision and my decision alone. When those "others" are there standing next to me helping me EARN my money, then it becomes their business how it is spent. Until then, I answer to no one.

My bills are paid every month, my family is fed and clothed. It's really not anyone else's place or right to tell me what I should do with what little is left.

No, I don't feel guilty about my dolls.

 

I agree wholeheartedly. Also, your icon brings me great joy.