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Extreme guilt over wanting to sell my doll?

Jul 4, 2016

    1. Hello everyone. I looked everywhere for a thread that covered this but I couldn't find one. If there is one and I maybe missed it, could someone show me where it is? ^^"

      I've read through the discussions here on DOA about selling BJDS, but I have yet to feel any better. For a while now, I've been considering selling my tiny BJD--a Mystic Kids Julien, to be exact. He's my third doll; I bought him during a sale back in January (I believe) and ever since then, I've only handled him a handful of times. I never interact with him, not really; the only thing hes ever really done is sit on my desk and keep me some sort of hollow company while I work. But I'm not very happy with him. In fact, I don't even FEEL anything for him, other than that I have an attachment issue to him because I bought him and he's mine. But that's it.

      However, I know that he would make somebody happy. I know that while I don't do anything with him, he would make someone smile and give them happiness like my other dolls give to me if I sell him--but that's just the thing. I feel terrible about even THINKING about selling him. I have some sort of worry within me that I'm going to sell him, and then if something doesn't go wrong where he gets lost in the mail or worse, the person who buys him will not love him. they will sell him again. And then the person after that will want to sell him. I know it's a really irrational worry, my worry that he won't be loved or that he'll be mistreated, but its pestering me inside and making me anxious when I think of it.
      On top of that I want to use the money I get from buying him to buy another doll I really want, one I'll love more. :'( And that makes me feel TERRIBLE. Because I don't love my MK Julien enough, I want to replace him. It all is holding me back from selling him.
      I feel so guilty about not liking him and wanting to sell him.

      Does anybody else ever share these fears? Am I being ridiculous to feel guilty over wanting to sell my doll? If anybody has sold a doll before and felt guilty, what did you do to overcome it?

      Thank you very much!
    2. Lots of people feel the way you are feeling right now. Its okay not to bond with a doll. Its okay to sell a doll you aren't bonding with to get a chance to bond with a different doll.
    3. I know how easy it is to anthropomorphize these dolls and how prevalent it is in the hobby to attribute some kind of special status to them with the whole "bonding" thing.... But seriously... It's not a child or a pet that's going to suffer because you decided to swap it for something you liked more. Being inanimate, it's not capable of caring and so there's absolutely no rational reason to feel bad or to have any guilt over the choice to sell it on.
      • x 7
    4. It feels like you kinda bonded with him in a weird way. You have way to much pity and empathy towards him and that is making you feel guilt. I have attachment issues as well but attaching to something over guilt is another story... I wouldn't want to have something around my house which gives me bad vibes like guilt, sadness, anger and etc. I am sure you will be much happier once he is gone. I hope it makes sense. sowwy :(
    5. I like what some of the other threads say here... Also you mention that you bought him during a sale, maybe that was one of the reasons you chose him? And not through the oh wow factor. I believe that if this little guy moves on and you then get to buy a doll that gives you the oh wow, then that's great, and he has served his role for you, and gets to move on to adventures new...us doll lovers are not big on doll mis-treating ha ha ... I say let him go, give him over to someone else who wants him, and enjoy your new doll...don't feel guilty, or bad...this great hobby is all about having fun, remember :3nodding:
    6. I have never felt guilt over selling a doll. I've felt conflicted, and I've felt remorse, but to echo what Brightfires said, there is no reason to feel guilt over selling an inanimate object that cannot suffer. Plenty of people do get emotionally attached to these dolls, to the point of worrying about their fate when they sell one, though.
    7. I think this is some of the best advice I've ever read.
      OP, if having him around gives you negative feelings, I think you should sell him and buy the doll you want. I tend to get personally attached to items as well, but whether or not he goes to an owner who loves him isn't your burden (as another user said, he isn't a pet or a person, so it's okay! :) ). Just take care of yourself and your feelings, because anxiety tends to grow the longer we wait.

      I know it's hard because dolls have eyes and look human, so it's almost as if they're people staring back at you, but it's not real. Imagine that he's an every household object that you bought for yourself, like... a teacup. And you simply don't get enough use out of this particular teacup. You've been looking at other teacups and it's great you think you found one that you might like even more! It probably won't be too hard to find someone who would like to buy your old teacup, and that's lucky because you can certainly use that money to get that other teacup that seems more "you". So why not put the old one for sale soon, so you can get positive feelings and excitement over the new one and not have any more teacup troubles? Sorry if all this sounds silly but I hope you feel better!
    8. What if you were to box him up and put him away for a few weeks?Or better yet, box him up and give him to a trusted friend to hold onto so that you can feel what it will be like with him not around. If you feel better when he is away, then I say sell him. Dolls are supposed to give you joy- but if this one is not, he will probably be better off with a new owner. On the other hand, if you just can't stand it when he is "away"- try giving him a totally new faceup, wig, clothes, and name. That may make him feel new to you. Good luck!
    9. The first time I decided to sell a doll, I felt this way. She was my first girl doll, but honestly I bought her because she was cheap and in stock and not because I really loved her. I kept her for a year and a half before finally deciding that she needed to go. I felt bad, because I had always thought I would never sell a doll, and I thought that after so many years of talking about how bad I wanted a doll, my family would think I was horrible for letting her go. Once she was gone, I felt a lot better. The second doll I sold, I had hated from the start. His company pictures were beautiful, but in person, I felt he was just...ugly. His faceup didn't look as nice, his face looked mashed and squinty eyed and his body left a lot to be desired. I tried so hard to fix the problems and like him, but I never did. I sold him and used the money to get a doll I really loved. Once I had the new doll in hand, I had no regrets at all about selling the others!
    10. I have a little friend who is autistic. Whenever I get a doll that I just don't like I call her mother and ask if she needs a new friend. Most of the time her mom thanks me and says she would love one. I would feel bad about off loading the unwanted dolls on her, but she sends me pictures of all her friends. As far as I can tell she has yet to get rid of a single doll. It does make it a little better to know how much loves all the dolls.
    11. This is totally an okay feeling! I very, very recently just sold a doll (a Mystic Kids Lillian, oddly enough). She was my first girl, but after I think about two or three months, I found I was putting her on a shelf more than playing with her. I had got her after not knowing a lot about BJD, and it was some summer event if I remember correctly. I thought I was losing my mind, I mean, I had spent my very first paycheck from my new job on this doll that cost a couple hundred. It wasn't until I bought my second and third dolls did I finally understand it just wasn't happening. So finally, I decided to put her up for sale, and I have to admit I had second thoughts, especially when it took about a week for her to get sold. But now that I've seen the new owner (who was new to the BJD hobby yay!) with the doll, I knew then that they would love that doll more than I could. So it's okay to feel these things! If you're not sure, then just sit on it for a while, I kept mine for almost 8 months. I'm actually very relieved she has been adopted cause I just got a new doll that I'm even more in love with. :D
    12. It's all too easy to feel sympathy for these dolls as if they are alive because they look so lifelike but you have to take a step back and look at it logically. The doll is no more alive than a plastic spork. Both are plastic molded into a shape but we feel sympathy for one and not the other because of that shape. The doll won't and can't care if you sell it, if the next person sells it, if it gets tossed into a woodchipper, etc...Don't keep something you don't like especially if you need the money because of a misplaced sense empathy. There is no reason to feel guilty.
    13. I get attached to and feel guilty over my treatment of all sorts of inanimate objects. So I can totally relate to not wanting to get rid of the doll, even though you're not into him. I think you need to find someone who really, really wants that doll. When you see how happy it would make them to have him, that feeling might overcome the guilt.
    14. First of all, thank you so much everyone for your responses!! After hearing other people's opinions and thoughts about it, some of the anxiety has been taken off the thought of selling my doll. As @HoneyRyder said, I think one of the reasons he was so enticing to me was that he was on sale, and on top of that, though he was cute, I hadn't really wanted him all that much before that day. I think what a lot of people said, about him being inanimate, is something I've been trying to remind myself of, but hearing the thoughts and opinions from others has been s lot more convincing. I know that he's an inanimate object and it's ridiculous of me to feel bad--but its just the over-attachment to him that kept me from really settling and deciding selling him would be a good idea.
      Though like @kittypotpie said, I dont have a friend to give him to temporarily, but he might as well have been sitting in his box all this time ive had him--all he does is sit on the shelf behind everyone else. I never think about him. Like, ever. So I do very much think that I don't have a particular love toward him.

      @ker246 had a wonderful analogy About teacups and I have to say, thank you for tthat! Putting it that way has made me see greatly that selling a doll really is not much different than selling a teacup. @Nefla mentioning her analogy and how dolls really are just a plastic-type compound molded into a shape, not an actual little human, was also helpful.

      Hearing everybody else's personal stories, too, was very good for me because hearing from others and how they saw their similar situations helped me see it too. Thank you everyone for all your responses and I can say safely that I feel much more confident about selling him here on the marketplace! It still makes me slightly scared and worried about him, but I do think it will be better for me to give him to someone else who will appreciate him and hopefully love him more than I did. I'm going to do a little more research on how selling here works (this will be the first doll I've sold and the only thing of mine I've ever sold online) but he will be going up on the marketplace sometime.

      Thank you again, everyone, for all your helpful and insightful responses, ans for all your help!! I appreciate it so much!!
      • x 4
    15. Aw I'm glad it helped, and happy to see you're feeling better about the situation! :) Good luck with your sale, and I hope you enjoy whichever doll you decide on next!
    16. My first sculpt (head) I never really bonded with and I ended up selling the head. I had a hard time giving her up just because she was my first but after buying my next BJD I was excited because I had more money to buy what I always wanted. Yes I was sad for a bit but I never looked back. Good luck with your decision.:)
    17. I tend to pick a sculpt first, and then the character comes from that sculpt, so when I was starting to feel like I needed to re-shell my 1/4 into a 1/3 size doll, for the longest time I was thinking how would that even work? :sweat So I have some guilt over selling her. More like sad nostalgia really, when I see photos of her I think she was still very cute. But while her character was very dear to me, I was giving all my attention to my larger dolls. I even told myself "I'm going to get her a different faceup, change her style!!" but that was constantly forgotten about. So I suppose I also feel guilt from when I still had her, and not giving her attention. But I also feel relief knowing she's coming home again in a size I care much more about, in a sculpt I'd been admiring since her release ;)
      Part of my mixed emotions over selling her was because she was a doll picked out with my ex, during my first long-term relationship. But still a $400 purchase and months of waiting I couldn't just let go!! But in the end the entire doll was just connected with the bad end of my relationship, and letting her go was for the best.
      It helps a lot if you think about if the sculpt is still available to purchase, or was limited. My MSD is a basic Luts Model Delf, and if I truly missed her, I could always buy her again (her faceup was the default too). Less guilt that way ;)
    18. Try looking at it this way - He's an inanimate piece of resin that has no real feelings, just those you attribute to him.

      So selling him on is no different from selling on a table you no longer want. You wouldn't fel guilty about selling a table, so there's no need to feel guilty about selling on a doll.

      • x 1
    19. I'm glad you're feeling better about the whole situation! I too feel intensely guilty when it comes time to sell a doll and I can put if off for WAY too long simply because of that guilt. But I've noticed that once the doll is actually sold and gone, there comes this intense relief that is very satisfying. It's so thrilling to have helped someone get a doll they're excited for, and it makes me happy to know the doll is going to get a new life, even if it's not with me.

      Also, I don't know if this will help, but since it helps me alot I figured I'd toss it out there anyway. Even though you don't care for the doll itself so much anymore, are you still attached to its character? Since my dolls represent my characters, I find that's what also makes it harder for me to let them go, it's like I'm giving up on that character. But once I start looking around for a replacement for that character, I start to feel better. The character, or the essence of that doll, isn't going anywhere! He or she is simple going to be reshelled. And that's exactly what the doll is, just a shell, and once it's empty it's okay to let it go and focus on replacing it later.
    20. I believe, you have given it a good go and this bjd and in the end, he just does not fit in. So its best to rehome him and get someone else that will be much more special to you. As most have said he is animate object not a real person, so feel relieved and sell him on :) Take care, HUGs :hug: