Fighting that Doll stereotype

I'm not goth at all, but... I do have a fascination with gothic culture/books/movies/ect. I don't know if that makes me fall into a stereotype or not, because in person I'm the most feminine girl you'll come across. If I cared less about what people thought, I would run around in lolita fashion.

I've had friends act as though I'm childish or weird for liking dolls, or "less mature"... which irks me. What someone collects and what they like doesn't make them mature or immature... that's dependent on actions and decisions and state of mind. If I go around wearing overalls and pigtails and drag a blankie, but also know how to take care of myself and respond in emotionally stable ways, does that make me less mature than someone who wears a business suit?

It's really sad what certain stereotypes have done to our culture as a whole, and why people DO feel uncomfortable at expressing themselves. I know a lot of people who stopped collecting or doing what they like to do because they thought it was too childish... not because they simply stopped liking it. It's sad.

 

What is perpetuating this gothic stereotype? Am I in the wrong hobby because I care so much that the crowd here seems overwhelmingly gothic? I don't appreciate this stereotype mainly because I hate it when people jump to conclusions about me based upon my likes. Please share your thoughts. I've been itching to discuss this for the longest time.

Hm, the only way I can think of is that people who don't understand something tend to stereotype. Or perhaps, as you posted, movies and media have a play on the stereotype.
The one stereotype that I noticed some people have problems with is the "look at the kid with the sex doll!" stereotype. I read a couple of stories on other threads that had this stereotype problem. I think that one is the worst one.
Honestly, I don't like to be stereotyped and it's a reason why I don't go into mass public carrying my dolls or figures etc, they stay at home. I also try to stay around hobby oriented people who have similar tastes.

 

For a while I agonized over the set stereotype that people who collect dolls are 'weird' and 'creepy' because, although I know I shouldn't care what others think of me, I didn't want people to see me as a societal recluse with no other purpose in life than to sit in my room and talk to dolls.
But, I don't think I understood BJDs back then as well as I do now, and I've learned that although yes, there are some people I consider to be 'over-the-top' collectors, the doll community isn't the weird, freaky subculture that it has been portrayed as. I am INSANELY IN LOVE with BJDs...I think they're gorgeous, filled with personality, and I find myself straying from schoolwork to daydream about owning my own. But, I'm fully functional...I'm just a typical young college student, no 'gothic' strings attached - I just happen to love BJDs!

 

When it comes to the steriotypes I find the best way to deal with them isn't to ignore them, but to confront them as intensely as I can, which isn't easy to do with most steriotypes, like the skinny man with glasses obsessing over D&D, or the fat lazy guy playing world of warcraft, and eating pizza, but us BJD lovers have an advantige that WOW and D&D lovers don't have; our dolls! I take my boy with me almost everywhere I go, my head held high, and smiling at all who stare at me. More often than not this gets more curious and amused looks than anything else. It's all about our attitude. In the 2 weeks I've had Pegasus, I've had about 20 people ask me how to get a BJD. If you expose people in your area to them more, then they get used to them. Steriotypes start when people are uneducated and ignorant, so I make sure that everyone who lives within 2 miles of me knows what a BJD is. Just take your child with you, and act casual. It's hard at first, but after a while you don't feel nervous about taking them out in public, and you even start grooming them or playing with them as you would at home, as easily as you would talk on a cell phone or play with your ipod. There's enough of us around th eworld now that if we all started carrying them with us, people would catch on, and the steriotyping would end as acceptance comes in.

 

I think there's a stigma attached to many hobbies--it's outside of the status quo or even sometimes defies the status quo, so negative stereotypes are attached to the hobby. I just let the comments roll off my back and enjoy the hobby.

 

I don't think its insomuch the doll-collecting that has that stigma attached to it as it is.... carrying them around? IMO, the collector stereotype I see is a rich, maybe older, lady who has dolls in haute couture, or what have you, locked away in cabinets. With which I, personally, don't have a problem.

Now, as soon as you start taking them with you, the general public would perceive you as the "weird type", treating a doll as more than just a doll - since you obviously feel the need to carry them. I mean, I'm sure we all took our favourite toys out when we were little to "see" the world, and I think that's the immediate association others around you get. For example, a few days ago, I was out for an out door meet at the botanical gardens, and in the end we decided to take a little walk to find good photo backgrounds. As we were waiting for a part of our group to catch up, this elderly woman came up to me and asked me if I was "taking my babies out for a walk". I replied that "well, they're my dolls, but I suppose so - yes." She seemed really surprised I made the distinction.

Anyways, I never take my dolls out unless it's for a meet or other such occasion. They stay safer, and less for me to worry about. When I do, I make sure to dress as presentable as possible (which is what I do anyways - habit) looking like a normal, well-dressed woman really takes a lot of the stigma out of the experience, or so I find anyways.

 

I agree with Krissy on this one, I've actually personally never heard the "goth" stereotype, but have heard the "too old to play with dolls."
I think no matter what hobbies you have there will always be people who think you are strange. Therefore, it doesn't matter what these people say. It just matters that you are enjoying yourself and what you do.

 

I haven't come across alot of Negative Doll stereo type. (my family/friends say the dolls are creepy but thats all) But I come across plenty when I tell people I play World of Warcraft. (no life, ultimate geek)

Can't do much but ignore it, there is no point in letting it bother you. ^^

 

Sofar, I've encountered the following stereotypes:

Friend's Husband: "Oh, those Goth dolls right?"
Me: "Well, yeah, but mine aren't dressed in goth in the slightest."

Friend: "So are those sex dolls?"
Me: "Uh... no. They have bits, yes... but it serves no purpose other than to be realistic."

Random person: "Look at that that girl with the doll. Omg, she must be one of those shut-ins"
Me: *overhears... while standing in a large group of friends, non-doll people.*

The best way to deal with stereotypes is to accept that the stereotype exists, and then discreetely show yourself as the exact opposite of that stereotype.

I'm a part of a lot of hobbies that are typically associated to very weird people.

I cosplay. Therefore, I must walk around in goofy costumes all day long.
I play video games. Obviously, I must sit infront of an Xbox all day playing Grand Theft Auto or some other kind of game that I absolutely hate.
I like Japanese music. This must mean that I run around singing Japanese all day... or that I speak weeaboo. (I hate this term)
I draw comics. This means I must draw superheroes and girls in tight spandex outfits that shoot lazer beams from their eyes.
I like designing and making websites. Obviously, I must be some leet hacker and programmer.
I'm into BJDs. I either collect sex dolls, I'm mentally deranged for playing with dolls as an adult, or I'm a complete shut-in and I can't associate with other people and would rather have dolls for company.

Basically, I am everything that a woman near 30 should not be. I should be a doting housewife and soccer mom, working as a secretary, nurse, or teacher. This is just what the stereotype of someone my age is. So technically, I am going against this stereotype by just being myself, at the same time bringing in a boatload of other stereotypes. But I simply counter those out by being discreet about them in public settings. Essentially, I fangirl in private until I find a friend to fangirl with. I keep it to myself and otherwise blend in... (except when I'm holding a doll or cosplaying, but whatever)

To be honest, when I got into BJDs, people that knew about them were shocked because I'm not like what the assumed stereotype is. Sure, I may be a little socially awkward at times and I'm a total introvert, but I love going out and having a good time with my friends. I'm not goth in the slightest, although I've been tempted to dress in Goth Loli at a convention at some point in time. (Halfway tempted to make a John Deer Loli costume, or kiddie tools with lace just for luls and wtf-ery). If anyone seems shocked, I explain that I collect figures, and these dolls were just a natural progression. Since I'm an artist and seamstress, I love customizing them... and then photographing them. It's just a fun a hobby as anything else, and they're not my "kids" or "friends" to me. But I enjoy showing them off or finding other people who like the hobby when I carry them. I just like making new friends.

At that, I usually get "Well, that's nice, but they're creepy." And I tell them "To each their own". :3

And that's it.

 

I feel that the "Gothic Lolita" stereotype would more or less stem from Japan, where lolita and cosplay are very popular. It makes sense that it comes as a common fashion for these dolls as well, seeing as where they come from. I see it more as a "costume" type of clothing rather than a style or a label.
But myself, being on the darker side of creativity, have always loved those types of clothes, decorations, or styles. When I saw lolita clothing for Hisui, I thought " wow, how pretty. I have to get it! " considering that I myself have a few outfits that look almost just like it.

I was this way long before I even learned about BJD's. What attracted me to them was that I've loved dolls of all kinds ever since I was young, and it had very little to do with the way of it's dress. I was allured by their beauty and their uniqueness, so I don't think you can really put me into the "stereotyped" crowd that's drawn to them.

And yes I like anime as well, and j-rock. Although unlike most people I can't sew, I don't like cosplaying (it makes me feel like an idiot. Personal opinion), I'm not a shut in or obsessed with dolls- it's just a nice little thing that I like to do. I've always wanted to collect things, something I enjoy, and ever since I saw my first BJD (friend had it in high school) I was in love with them.

 

Personally, there are two stereotypes I've faced when it comes to dolls. The first, that playing with dolls (they say "playing" and not "collecting") is childish, it doesn't matter if these are not toys, require a lot of care a child wouldn't be able to offer, or that you collect them for the artistic value: doll = toy = anyone who have them = childish. Well, I'm sorry to say people in my country seem to be quite prejudiced about LOTS of things; for instance, any anime, it doesn't matter if a movie so dense as anything from Mamoru Oshii, is intended for children so OMG! If a woman is depicted naked in an anime, that's corrupting our children. Even if that's a hentai and not intended for children in the first place, mind you. Likewise, a male BJD which is anatomically correct? So wrong it can't be allowed, because it'll force your daughter into underaged sexual acts! I kid you not. People complained in my country when the anime Ranma 1/2 was aired, stating that it could "confuse the sexuality of children who watched a show about a boy who turns into a girl when water is poured on him". Yeah.

The second stereotype is the one related to realistic dolls = so creepy = people who have them are also creepy. That's it, they're creepy while they're not being childish. There are lots of urban legends and myths in my country that tell about living dolls, and in all cases, these are evil creatures who try to harm you. I don't kid you either if I tell you many people won't keep realistic dolls, mostly 1/4 or 1/3-sized ones, because of the believe they roam your house at night. Stories about dolls that move by themselves are very common; I remember a university classmate who tore apart a doll's legs her father bought when she was a child, so "it couldn't go after her at nights". So I think the stereotype goes like this: if a doll is so creepy, why would people want one? That must because those people are also creepy or weird.

In my case... Well, I'm well-aware that some of my relatives think I'm weird, though they've never said why (they haven't said so to me directly, though I suspect their opinion is due to the fact I'm not a very social person). I'd say, half-jokingly and half-serious, that I bet they won't be so surprised if they were to learn I'm into BJDs. And while I'm not bothered by my relatives' talking, I actually found it funny that my friends have asked me how I can sleep while keeping my floating head in my room. It has red eyes, so my friends find it very disturbing and... well, my best friend told me she couldn't look in the same direction of my doll while in my room. And it's just a floating head! I'm dying to know what they'll say once the body I bought for it arrives. I joke by telling them I'm not afraid of my floating head because, since it's only a head, it can't go after me at nights due to its lack of legs, or try to choke me to death due to its lack of arms. Hmm, I think I'm understanding why people say I'm weird...

 

The problem with the stereotype is that to many people think dolls are scary. They are created in human image, but without the humanity which makes the seem harmless, to many people this is a scary thought. Something which is essentially human but not. Is it any surprise that people would therefore carry this stigma over to the owners? I think the best thing to do is merely ignore the negative stereotypes. In the end people aren't judged solely on their hobbies, and although it may sounds cliché, those who do judge a person based on one aspect of life, really aren't worth talking to

 

it is always bin and always will be that people who don,t understand something, they have to be negative about it, and say nasty things about it.
my family and friens think my dolls are scary but that,s all.
personally i don,t let it bother me

 

People's need to stereotype is part of a basic survival instinct that helps us distinguish who is "safe" to associate with, and who isn't. Nowadays, it doesn't always serve the general populous well, but I've never had any real issues with it. Some of my friends joke about my doll, but most are supportive and even interested. On the singular occasion when I took my girl out, she didn't have any sort of face-up, so it wasn't surprising when people called her creepy.

When people stop doing what they like because people think it's "childish", they're really just perpetuating the stereotype anyway. By stopping their hobby, the person is basically submitting and agreeing with the stereotype, because if it weren't true, there would be no reason to stop.

 

I learned something new today.

 

So, I belong to a pretty whacked out family. We're all geeks, freaks, nerds, etc. We've got costumers, recreationists, computer geeks, con goers, etc. We've even got a jock. But he plays Dagohir on the side so that's ok. Anyway, even there, one of my aunts freaks out about BJD every time they're mentioned. My father and I (-such- a daddy's girl btw) just look at eachother and ignore her. Because really, I could point out that people look at her funny for dressing up in Civil War era clothes all the time, but -I- don't find it wierd.

 

Ah =S It seems I am contributing to the stereotype? I am into gothic lolita and other gothic fashions. I don't believe doll collecting to be an immature hobby, though. My grandmother loves dolls, and how immature can the elderly be? Besides, most goths are teens and most teens can't afford dolls this expensive.

Anything that resembles humans yet is not will always be creepy to us, if you ask me. BJDs in particular can look very realistic = more creepiness. Also, their eyes are so beautiful that they're almost scary (I first thought this when I saw one in RL).

 

I don't think theyre creepy, I think they are the cutest things ever my friends who think they are creepy only think they are becaue of their eyes(they say they are too big) I just laugh and say 'yeah...' xP I love them xD I don't think I've ever(other than that music video) heard a doll be called creepy xD

 

i do kind of see the stereotypes. i have seen the videos and whatnot of the goths with their dollies. or the cosplay-ers with their dollies.

i live in Phoenix AZ USA, and to be honest, i have never actually SEEN a bjd in "person" before. i found them on the internet by accident while surfing a Bratz forum. i used to collect bratz. i have like 300 of them. i take them all out of their boxes and change their outfits and shoes and blah blah blah.
but once i found my first bjd (happened to be elf I-Ra from DoD omgomgomg) i was hooked.
now a little about me. i am 31, the stay-at-home mother of 3 and adopting another. i am a fabulous domestic goddess to my wonderful hubby. i am basically a yuppy, a doting housewife and soccer mom. we dont make a lot of money, and in todays economy we sometimes struggle. i am not a recluse. i am involved in my community. and i love my dollies. so where do i fit in the stereotype?

i have ordered a couple (DoD E-an cuz i couldnt have I-Ra and an FL Ante) and i think about them non stop. but i dont know if i will take them out in public ever. deff not on like a daily basis or anything. i absolutely cant fathom that i will think anything about either of my dolls is creepy. but im not going to call them my children. or talk to them (well maybe lol) or worry about them seeing me naked when i change or shower.

today i posted on facebook how thrilled i was that i was able to order my first doll. and you know what my friends said? they all scoffed at the idea of paying so much money for a "toy". (haha and they think i only spent like $200! o if they only knew the truth!!!) it REALLY pissed me off! its ok for girlfriend (1) to spend thousands of dollars every couple of months on her husbands sports memorabilia collection. or for girlfriend (2) to spend hundreds of dollars each month to keep up her hair extensions and mani/pedis! gggrrrrrrr!

gawd! why do we all have to be so judgmental? even to those we love like our friends or family??!! i mean if im not hurting you, and i have my priorities as much in order as any other person, then why judge me if i carry around my creepy little goth loli dollie!
rofl!

 

"I'm bothered by this. To me, the abjd hobby is still small and niched, but there's already a stereotype being affixed to it, and the above is what it's gonna be. I admit that bjd's tend to attract peculiar people and there's something inherently creepy about these dolls, but for those of us who aren't gothic lolita or aren't in that sort of thing, that's something that we're going to have to deal with.

What is perpetuating this gothic stereotype? Am I in the wrong hobby because I care so much that the crowd here seems overwhelmingly gothic? I don't appreciate this stereotype mainly because I hate it when people jump to conclusions about me based upon my likes. Please share your thoughts. I've been itching to discuss this for the longest time."

Well I am not so sure about all this stereotype thing...but I will say this:

I am a goth (I'll keep wearig black untill they make something blacker, now hand me that eyeliner)
I play RPGs (like dungeons and dragons, though not specifically that one, now where did i put my D10's)
I spend way too much time on computers and used to own a gaming cafe (a little WOW anyone?)
I am obsessed with fantasy novels, particularly those with a humourous note (heheheh "ask ME about Pins!")
I collect many things, of which dolls are just one...

by stereotype I am a geek yes? perhaps I should be a gothic shut in, swilling cola and cheeseburgers while fantasizing one day I will meet someone as pretty as my dolls or my gorgeous night elf WOW character?

now let me add:

I am a vegetarian, non smoker, non drinker, political lobbyist, bisexual, and a former model, who is still damn hot let me tell you. I am in my 30's, in a professional career and have multiple degrees. I have been with the one partner for going on 10 years, and I am a fetish freak. I used to run a nightclub.

How is that stereotype going now?



No matter what we do or who we are we are subject to judgment of who we are by simple terms, but the more we know about a person the more they become divergent from the stereotype. I go to meetups, and most of the meetups I attend I find myself and my partner to be the only goths there. I find that the vast majority of us are what would at first glance fit into the category of "normal". People will judge based on first impressions, and just think, they are the ones who are missing out if they negatively judge just because someone has this hobby.