Fighting that Doll stereotype

Sterotypes exist for a reason, so I'd be willing to be a large chunk of doll owners DO fit with the "gothy, animey, japanophile, weirdo" thing. But I mean, at the end of the day what does it really matter? I don't wanna sound like a hallmark card but so long as you stay true to yourself and junk, such things shouldn't matter to you

 

if I'm weird for playing with my doll like a little person, it's fun to be weird.
I know he's plastic, but I don't let that stop me.

 

Alot of people think im some kind of perv for having a boy doll who is realistic in "every" way.... I try to ignore them but sometimes it's really hard I wish more people were open minded!

 

I think you'll have stereotypes with this (and really, any) hobby - we're weird because we like dolls like little kids. I've never actually heard much about the gothic stereotype, though. Collectors of BJD vary vastly, though; for example, me: a high-schooler who goes out on Saturday nights with her friends like a normal teenager who then comes home and says hi to her dolls. You've got people like me on the young side of the spectrum, you've got middle-age moms who knit for their dolls, you've got older women who just appreciate dolls; you even have men of all ages who just like dolls. You've got everyone in between there. Contrary to the slight embarrassment I felt getting into the hobby, I now could care less what people think about me and my dolls because it's really none of their business what I do with my time and money. My true friends don't care that I collect, and some even appreciate my dolls. My group of friends is full of people who break stereotypes, and I am just glad to be one of them.

 

A lot of people think that all dolls are 'creepy'. I've been collecting various types of dolls for quite a while, so different people have said that either my American Girls, Bratz, Madame Alexander, or whatever dolls are 'creepy'.

I think it has to do (in part) w/the fact that they 'look' human (especially w/more realistic dolls), but they're clearly not human.

As for other stigmas attached to doll collecting in general, most cultures have pretty well-established ideas about who can play with toys and when. Usually, it's restricted to people under a certain age. There comes a time when it's considered Appropriate and Expected of the person that they will adamantly reject 'toys', as part of their Maturing process and becoming an Adult. Because of this, anyone seen doing something that is not usual for a person of their age group is seen as 'strange'.

Personally, I think it's up to you to determine how you're going to handle strangers' reactions, but remember that kindness goes further than snark. If someone makes a comment on your doll, introduce them to the doll! LOL Tell them a bit about your doll, where s/he came from, the fact that the wigs & eyes are interchangeable (a lot of people seem really fascinated by this), etc. I usually see their comments as someone who is trying to figure out something that they don't immediately understand. No more, no less.

 

These were some mighty interesting discussions around the perceptions of doll collectors. The way I see it, devil may care what others think of a man collecting BJDs. My dolls are a reflection of aspects of my imagination and I make sure that they are well cared for, well clothed and look sickening and feirce at every turn. If there are people who don't like it or think it is strange oh well. I have not met another black male BJD collector but I am sure there are more like me out there and I will be proud to share and show off my dolls to them or whomever I encounter in life's jouney.

Life is too short to concern yourself with what others who project their own fears, insecurites, and lack of understanding on what you enjoy! Like I tell my girl friends (platonic), you all spend all this money on purses, shoes and other accutriments which make you feel good about yourselves. I choose to spend the equivalent on BJDs that bring me enjoyment so STAY IN YOUR MF LANE!!!!! Funny, after that conversation is had, it never seems to come up or be an issue again

 

Looks like here on DOA, you have found a comminity that accepts you for who you are and likes what you like so just enjoy that. Soon you will find others in your geographical location that are also into BJDs. People can be silly and evil in the things they say but life goes on and it is good that you found sokehting that makes you smile and is a good creative outlet to focus your energies. Besides, how would they even know that the doll is anatomically correct unless you tell them?

 

People seem to put an age limit on this hobby. I honestly don't think there's really an age limit foranything that people enjoy. I mean, dolls? I could be into many other things like drinking or vandalism, but instead I spend my time making art, just in 3-D form. People just don't understand, so I just ignorethem. Keep doing what you love!

 

It's been said that people always fear what they don't understand. A lot of people don't understand the appeal of bjds or dolls in general, so they tend to pass judgement on the dolls as well as their owners. For example, I showed my sister a doll I wanted and she told me flat out that the doll was creepy.

I felt a bit bad,but could understand. I think bjds are a little too human like for most people and most of what I hear is about the stare the dolls can give you. I think once you learn to appreciate the dolls for what they are, they seem a little less creepy and people are less skeptical. I think as people in the hobby, we have to keep our chins up and try to take the "scary/creepy" out of dolls for other people!

 

I've run into countless stereotypes with this.

-Too old/acting like a child. Ummm...these ART DOLLS are really not meant for small children....

-anime/manga obsessed. So the ONLY manga I've ever read was Kingdom hearts and I didn't even finish it. The ONLY animes I've even halfway kept up on are Deathnote and Ouran High Host Club. and I'm not even halfway through either of them. Start naming anime/manga characters and I'm lost.

-Japan-obsessed. Actually...I don't think any of my dolls are Japanese. lol And while I do find parts of Asian culture interesting, I'm FAR from obsessed. I had Japanese neighbors growing up. If I were truly obsessed, I would have been over there learning the language and culture and going back with them when they went back to visit (I WAS invited!) I'm actually much more fascinated by Arab and Scandinavian cultures than Asian.

-Lolita. Sorry, you will NEVER catch me in a lolita dress. Same goes for my dolls.

-Goth. I used to be when I was younger, but am out of that stage now. It doesn't bother me, but I really just don't see how doll = goth.

-pretending to be a mom/sad childless lady/crazy with "replacement" baby. Noooooooo....I hate kids. I love dolls. Enough said.

-Pervert. So....just b/c my boy has a penis, he's automatically a sex doll? He also has hair. Does that make him a hairdresser practice head? He has eyes. Does that make me an eye doctor? He has legs. Does that make me his running coach? Come ON. Seriously. There is NO way any of my boys function as sex dolls. Even the ones with magnetic parts...they're for mobility and more realistic poses, not functioning. How is this any different than toes that can point or knees that bend or arms that can be raised?



I really just don't give a damn what anybody thinks. If they're too immature/ignorant/hateful/judgmental to actually talk to me and see what it's about (or if they don't care, to just be considerate and shut up), then I really don't want to waste time caring what they think. The ones that really matter either try to understand it or simply just don't care. The ones that make rude comments or scream 'scary/creepy".....I just assume they're all idiots and ignore them....

 

People can tack any stereotype they want on me, I honestly couldn't care less.

You only get one life to live, and if you live it worrying about what sort of groups others shove you in based on things as minuscule as what hobbies you enjoy in your spare time, you won't really enjoy life to it's fullest. You know what you are, and the people that truly matter in your life know who and what you are. That is all that matters in the end.

 

I don't really fit into any of the stereotypes; I don't like anime, Lolita is too 'cute' for me (I liked it when I was like 13-16 but now I'm into sexy stuff rather than cute hah), I'm not into Japanese or Eastern culture in a big way and much prefer Europe and European history, and I'm not into Yaoi or 'pervy' stuff because I just don't think of dolls as sexual in any way.

The only thing is Goth, but I'm really not the typical dyed-black-hair, clunky-black-boots and stud-and-chains type of Mall Goth. Think Goth in an Alexander McQueen, classical art and taxidermy sort of way.

I don't like Mall Goth style, and it's a shame people associate BJDs with this style in my opinion. I'd rather people think of them as overgrown Barbies. Barbies are all-round Queens with style, Mall Goths just sort of scream awkward teen phase to me, we all went through it and come out the other side thinking "what the f*ck was I doing". For me it's not a stereotype because it was truth, and I know a few others who had the same post-Goth revelation at 16, hah.

Thankfully, the only people I've heard the anime-lolita-japan-weeaboo stereotype from are people online. When friends see my dolls irl I've never had people blurting out stereotypes or negative reactions, but I have a lot of arty friends so I guess they just 'get it'.

 

As a toy photographer, I find the stereotypes are around anybody over the age of *blank* that buy toys for themselves and take them out of the packaging. Collecting is fine as long as the blister pack stays in tact and they proudly displayed on a wall or something. The moment you take it out of the box and start playing around with it, then you must have something wrong with you. You are told things like "Go get a gf/bf!"

*shrug*

As far as I'm concerned, I enjoy all my toys, and wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

 

The biggest and most annoying stereotype in this hobby that I run into is the overweight shut-ins that try to act either wise when they're not or they have a tendency to be hypersensitive and freak out at anything that could maybe possibly taken as any form of insult or something. I'm not saying that all overweight people in this hobby are like this~ my best friend is overweight and I just love her to death and that's not what I mean. But I find myself having to do disclaimers in everything I post here just in case some hypersensitive girl reads it.

 

This has been an issue for me also since I'm not goth or into any additional Asian things like anime. I think it just goes with the territory. Like - my husband is fine with it, but he still thinks that it stems from childhood trauma. I just like CUTE things!!!! I only buy the cutesy ones. That's my thing. That's what I love. Am I crazy cause I buy dolls instead of excessive amounts of shoes and handbags just like every other chick my age? No. We all buy things we like to make us feel happy. We're all the same. The end...

 

I know what you mean. Can't say I agree with the overweight part, since I only know what about...maybe...idk 5 or 10 DoA members even look like at all, and from my experience, weight has nothing to do with personality of the few I do know. But the hypersensitive thing makes me crazy! It IS super annoying when any comment you make about anything becomes a direct stab at them. Any chat with anybody else makes them feel unwelcome and left out or ignored. Not commenting on their ideas or dolls means you hate them and they're worthless. And as low as their self esteem may be, they still think they know it all and if you don't follow their tips/ideas/preferences/etc, you're a terrible doll owner.....but of the hundreds or thousands of doll owners I've seen on DoA, FB, real life and so on, I've been fortunate enough to have only seen a handful of these types, the rest seem to be really nice people. So to say all doll owners are like that IS a stereotype I don't like being cast into, since that is SO not me! I mean, don't be nasty for no reason, but I'm not going to go cry for an hour because you have an opinion different from mine.

 

You know - I've been considered "weird" ever since I got into Star Trek, way back in school. A few years later, I got into live-roleplaying (yes, that's that hobby where, basically, you dress up in a fantasy outfit and play "Lord of the Rings" or something like that). Then, I got into BJDs.

Somewhere along the line, I simply stopped caring what people - especially people I don't know - think of me. So I'm weird. Fine. When I look at what's being considered "normal" nowadays, I'm glad I'm not normal. So they think I'm a loner, weirdo, goth, japanophile person who never gets out, got no friends and only talks to her dolls? Fine, then just - think it. I don't care. People who know me and whom I know - they also know what I'm like. People I don't know - don't care about them and if they got a problem with me and my dolls (or other "weird" hobbies) - well, it's their problem, not mine.

 

To be really fair to the stereotype there are wierd dolly people out there, I know because I have been collecting dolls all my life & if that makes me weird then F*^k it, I'm weird! I know I'm a closet dolly collector, but to me they are just that, dolls.

They are refured to as my children/babies but in truth they are just dolls.
If people think I'm weird I really don't give a monkeys, I Am what I am!

And just to clarify somthing I am one of those people who thinks Crocs are the ugliest shoes on the planet, alough they are awfully comfy and I have a pair in gold that I have been wearing all summer all over the place! ( even to the pub)

Hangs head in shame

 

I've been weird my whole life (well in other people's eyes) - Tolkien freak since 1967, totally into Star Trek/Dr Who/Star Wars since they debuted, a SCAdian LOL since 1981, a little hippy chick in the 60s, a witch.... No one in my family is very shocked about me enthralled w/BJDs.
Oh, & I am totally into anime, manga etc, all things SF/fantasy, Asian cinema (since the 70s & Bruce Lee).
LOL
AND what is wrong w/Goth, pray tell? I'm not (unless being obsessed w/Shelley, Byron, Keats, Coleridge counts) but my eldest is & goes on endlessly - pretty interesting actually.
Stereotypes have some truth to them or they'd just disappear.
I wonder what the Japanese think of BJD owners....

 

Strangely enough, I'm not against stereotyping. The reasons stereotypes existed to begin with was as a defense mechanism of the mind to ready yourself against similar people (not in a bad way, just to get a feel for their essence to keep the peace). It's only out of control because people start stereotyping in a negative way. And people hate it because they don't like to feel that people actually know them hence the line "You don't know me!". -__- I hate that line. Sometimes, other people know you better than you know yourself.

As for the doll owner stereotype, specifically the creepy part, It's understandable, fear of personified objects is a common fear and so the fact that we actually like that quality is something they cannot fathom. I embrace them for that, because it just proves that people are all different and that we need to be more understanding of each other.

Now to REALLY address it, I'm going to call out background and culture. It honestly depends on the way people grew up. There's always a reason for everything.