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Friends flippantly joining hobby?

Oct 2, 2010

    1. EDIT

      This was such a ridiculous thread, honestly, I apologize for such a ridiculous thread, ridiculous question, and childish view.
       
    2. Eeeeh, I don't think we'd really have any rights to tell someone off for wanting to buy the same doll as us... Sure, it's annoying, but it's hard to argue with something like that without sounding like a jerk.
      I think it is kind of dishearting for someone to just randomly decide to jump into it because they can and because they're pretty, without even really having too much knowledge about what to do with them. These dolls require a little more attention and thought put into them than that, and it can offensive to some doll owners when people can't respect that.
      Now then, as for myself I have "converted" one person into dollydom... But, she doesn't have a lot of money so she'd have to save up for a doll on her own, and I feel she would cherish it and take care of it a lot more because of that. Also she's never considered buying any of the same dolls as me or using any of my ideas. We've been partners in our art for a very long time, and we pretty much know each other. As far as characters go, we know not to steal from each other. We do have similar ideas and interests often, but we're not that blatant. I trust that she can make her own decisions and get a doll that's truly hers, and not just copy one of mine because she likes it.
       
    3. Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?

      Yes, several, bwahahaha. Resistance is futile ;)

      And resented them for it afterward?

      No way. They can do what they want with the hobby, I do what makes me happy and there's no problems.

      Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?

      No, but it doesn't matter if someone does. One of the neat things about abjds is that the same sculpt can look drastically different in the hands of different people. I actually like to see how other people style the same sculpts that I have.

      Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'

      No. Being pretty is a perfectly legitimate reason to want a doll -- in fact it's the main reason many dolls are purchased. My dolls aren't special because of their sculpts -- they're special because of the work I put into them. That's what makes them unique and mine.

      Did you feel bad or guilty about feeling that way?

      I don't feel that way, so no guilt here. You're going to feel what you feel -- you're entitled to that. However, it might also be good for you to put some things into perspective. One is that your dolls are unique because they're yours. Nobody buying the same sculpt is going to have a doll that looks quite like the one that you have. That's the beauty of customizable dolls. Secondly, people get into the hobby in all different kinds of ways and for all different reasons. Some people plan and wait before jumping in, some people dive in headfirst. Both ways of doing things are acceptable (I was a headfirst type of person). It's also pretty common for people to be exposed to abjds through other friends and people they meet that have them. And thirdly, there are a wide variety of economic situations here from people with good stable jobs who can more easily afford things, to students who have to save for long periods of time and all sorts of folks in between. If someone has the money to buy a doll, well, good for them. It doesn't have anything to do with anybody else's experience in the hobby, and therefore not worth getting worked up over.

      Now, I think it would be good for your friend to at least look at other dolls so she can be sure of what she wants, but if she wants the same sculpt and it becomes her dream doll too, well...she has the right to buy whatever doll she wants for whatever reason whether or not you saw it first. Maybe she'll love her doll and really get into the hobby, maybe this is just a passing phase. Either way, it's really not doing you any harm. The only person who decides how special your doll is is you. A friend having the same sculpt doesn't have to kill that for you, and it won't unless you let it.
       
    4. Agrees with Taco
      It's hardly possible to be the ONLY owner of a mold so that you and you alone are unique. If someone just gets the same mold as me, no big deal, lots of other people probably have that mold as well. Now, when someone else starts copying my choices EXACTLY, like, the same wigs and eyes and clothing styles I get for my doll, then it gets bad and I have to tell them off. But until then, they can do whatever the heck they want as long as they don't bother me about it.
       
    5. Sounds to me like the both of you are quite immature and are having relationship problems that have nothing to do with bjds. If you are indeed friends then why are you not excited for her getting the same mold as you? Why are you not sharing the experience together?
      Instead of demanding that she should get another doll how about trying to explain why you are upset and talk things through?

      Yes, I have had a similar experience before when explaining about bjds to a classmate, from my art class, her response was very much the same as your friend. It irritated me quite a bit. It had nothing to do with the dolls though but had everything to do with the fact that she irritated me to begin with. She responded that way to pretty much anything I said you see. :lol:

      Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?
      I have introduced many friends to this hobby and quite a few have gotten bjds of their own.

      And resented them for it afterward?
      I have never had any reason to resent them. It has been fun learning things together, talking about ideas, sharing experience and having little doll meets.

      Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?
      I have had plans to get the same sculpt with some of my friends. We have discussed getting one each and perhaps have them be twins or siblings. When you love someone you also love sharing things with them and I love my friends.

      Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'
      Some people get dolls only for the reason that they are pretty and there is nothing wrong with that. My dolls are special because they are mine and because of the character they are a 3D version of. They only need to be special to me though. I do not care if anyone else see them as special or not.
       
    6. Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?

      Actively have converted a few friends!

      And resented them for it afterward?

      NOpe, not in the least!

      Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?

      Yes, a dear friend has a SOOM Corvi, like me, but the characters and face-ups are so different, you would never be able to tell that its the same doll without looking hard.

      Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'

      My friends all saved up, same as me, but it wasnt the first doll they saw. I can understand why you might get peeved over it.

      Just keep in mind that someone that just flippantly buys something is sort of like a baby. Their attention span for it is going to be very small, and they will tire of it swiftly. If you make drama over it though, it'll make it more interesting.
       
    7. Well by technicality we don't really have the right to tell somebody not to buy the same sculpt , but I can definitely see why you are upset. The fact that you worked hard and saved up for your dream doll while she was able to just up and buy it is enough to make anyone mad. I mean it happens all the time here in college, you have some people who mommy and daddy pay for everything including tuition and some of us actually work and save for things so I can see where you are coming from. I personally don't think anyone should just jump into this hobby without doing research and homework first. When A friend of mine showed me her bjd's freshmen year I knew I had to have one but I waited till a year later..doing research etc etc.
      Your doll, however is your doll and I agree wholeheartedly with buff. I mean if you have to have it absolutely unique, give it some clothes and a face-up she could never do ;)
       
    8. Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?

      Not yet... but I have helped give a gentle nudge to people who were already "on the fence". ;)

      And resented them for it afterward?

      Of course not! I'd hate to think that the friend who got me into the hobby resented me for it, and I don't feel that way about any of my friends. The more the merrier! There have been friends who joined the hobby later than me and have three times as many dolls because they have a higher income, and I don't resent them at all. Now, of course I daydream about being in the same situation... who wouldn't? But I don't hold it against them. In fact, I actually enjoy getting to live vicariously through them, since they get to own some of the gorgeous dolls that I don't have.

      Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?

      Yep. Though in some cases, I was the one who bought the same doll after they did. When you're talking about a very common sculpt, it'd be exhausting to hold a grudge against everyone you (general "you") know in the hobby who has the same sculpt! :sweat I have a friend with a marvelous collection of Lishe variants, and she was very excited for me when I finally brought my own Lishe home.

      Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'

      No, absolutely not. It's not the sculpt that makes my dolls special to me... it's the work I put into them and the fun I have with them.

      Besides... I can't fault anyone for wanting something that I also thought was beautiful enough to own! Unless you (again, general "you") are sculpting your own dolls and not marketing them for sale, someone out there is going to have the same sculpt.


      I don't think anyone really has the right to "claim" a sculpt for themselves. It's a freely-available product available for sale. It would be like getting angry at people for wearing the same t-shirt one owns, or driving the same make and model of car.

      I will admit that the "one of a kind unique doll" aspect of the hobby is a major appeal for me. But that's because I make the doll my own through choice of wigs, eyes, clothes, faceups, and sometimes modding... all to fit this vision I have in my head for the finished product. I don't begrudge any other doll owners for starting with the same "canvas", so to speak. It's actually really interesting and fun to see how other people can customize the same sculpt in such a different way!

      On the whole subject of working for something and seeing someone else get it from their parents... well, that will all come out in the wash as people get older, I've discovered. Those who are willing to work to get what they want will find that their work ethic has its own rewards. That said, there's nothing wrong with receiving a doll as a gift, in and of itself. One can receive an expensive gift and be very appreciative of it, while still being willing to work for their own expenses.
       
    9. I agree that it is frustrating to see people just randomly buy them when you work so hard to save up money. Like I have loved bjd's for about 3 years now and have just recently bought my first. I worked really hard to save up all the money required, and I happen to know a girl who has four.. her mom bought them all for her >_> I think that when you work so hard for something it's hard to see other people get it with no effort.
      On the other hand I feel like you should be happy to have a friend to share the love of bjds with. Trust me, it is much more fun when you can hang together and come up with fun new ideas and maybe even swap clothes and wigs! <3

      I think I agree that if you're willing to put the work or money into it the same sculpt can look incredibly different with faceups. But if the idea of her getting the same doll as you still really urks you then you need to politely tell her how you feel. If you keep it to yourself and she does buy him then I feel like you may be risking your friendship because there will always be that little bit of resentment between you. (super sorry if this makes no sense >_>)

      Besides if you take the time to sit down and talk to her, who knows you may warm to the idea of getting the same sculpt. Twins are always fun <3
      Hoped this helps and good luck!!
       
    10. I can completely understand your irritation in the matter. Though, what would irk me the most in a situation like this is the fact they they're comparing a model to a generic anime character, when I'm sure you have your own ideas for the doll. I imagine that's quite off putting.

      Being friends doesn't mean you have to be excited over said friend getting the same sculpt. I find this thought rather ridiculous in its own right. Everyone is going to view a situation like this differently.

      I've converted a few friends myself. Though we all have such vastly different tastes that we never run into a problem of wanting a doll that looks similar (I myself am saving for a Luts, while the other two a DoD and Dollmore respectively). And even were any of us to get the same sculpt, the two dolls would probably end up with very different feels to them.
       
    11. I wish I had a friend who was into BJDs! Who cares if they bought the doll or if their parents/husband/Oprah bought it for them? Also I'd feel flattered if they liked my doll enough to get the same sculpt. It's not like there aren't a ton of other people out there with that sculpt and my doll would never look the same as theirs due to individual customization.
       
    12. wow, i just wrote out a pretty good sized response to this and it all just got deleted *sigh* I can kind of sorta..maybe see where your'e coming from a little bit. :) I don't understand how anyone could ever be upset because someone else bought the same doll as them...unless you got it first and customized it how you wanted and they copied that! I'm kind of on the opposite end of that anyways, my sister, who got me into bjd's, also has a doll that probably would've been my first had it not been for the fact that she already owns her. Which honestly I'm thankful for, because I somehow love my first girl more than I did when I first saw company photos of her!! But I also think it's kind of silly for me to have felt "awkward" about wanting the same sculpt-guarantee you our dolls would've looked nothing alike! :P

      ok...that's just rambling...Anyways, I do kinda see how you could be upset because this is a doll you have been wanting for so long and saving for and were so excited that you could finally get, and after showing your excitement to friends: they can instantly afford that same doll and are going to buy it without much thought. Mostly that's a financial blow to me! If I had the money years ago when I first saw bjd's I would've bought several, I'm actually glad that I waited so long before getting one, it kinda seems like it means more when you really have to save up and wait I guess

      ...I'm tired so none of this probably makes sense

      edits: seems like it means more to ME. :P
       
    13. I feel like I'm in an interesting position in this debate, considering I'm one of those people who was 'turned on' to the hobby.

      Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?
      Twas my roommate who coaxed me into getting my first doll. I had gone 'ooh' and 'ahh' when I was younger (before I knew her), but never entertained the idea of getting one because I was young and poor. Once I was older, dolls entered the realm of possibility for me and it was that little shove from my roomie that helped me to get my first doll.

      And resented them for it afterward?
      I don't think there's any resentment on either end.

      Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?
      This is where it gets kind of interesting and very specific to your topic. My roommate wanted a Soom Sard, but when he was released she couldn't afford him. (She got another doll instead.) Fast forward a few years to where we meet and we're in the hobby together. Instead of Sard, whose price has inflated to ridiculous amounts, she sets her sights on a male Soom Dia.

      I had seen Dia (I wanted the female version) and the sculpt fit a character close to my heart and I offhandedly mentioned that I might get one, should funds permit it.

      Her reaction was the opposite of yours, to be honest. She gave me this look of 'atta girl' and we both went on our way, joking about having a Dia army. We're both artists and appreciate the uniqueness and beauty of the sculpt so the thought of having two was one of, 'yes!'.

      As it turns out, we both have our Dias, mine female, hers male. Mine has a faceup that is radically from what she wants her Dia to look like and when you think about how different the same sculpt can look just with the addition of a faceup, it doesn't matter.

      Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'
      My Dia was not my first doll and yes I do think she's pretty, but a lot of consideration went into what sculpt I wanted. It just happened to be the same one my roommate wanted.

      Did you feel bad or guilty about feeling that way?
      I only feel guilt in the respect that I was able to get my Dia easier than her because my financial situation was slightly better than hers. Regardless, she got her Dia before I got mine and once the doll is there, does it matter who came first?

      Like what Nihmo said, it almost sounds like there's some underlying jealousy issues.
       
    14. Umm, no because I am a grown up and I have friends who are already in this hobby, and I have turned others on to it, but I could not care less what dolls they get, only in a vicarious way.
      You need to learn to detach yourself from obsessing over what other people have. Appreciate what you have. The ability to have the discipline to work and save for something is a truly big deal. You should be grateful that you have that ability.
      In my experience people value and esteem what they work to get.
      And, there is a reason why it is a mortal sin to covet someone else's wealth or anything else, and that is that it leads to nothing but grief.

      My BDF (best dolly friend) and I have a couple of the same sculpt, but they look completely different, as our styles (and our doll's ) are totally different. It is actually fun to own the same sculpt, and to see what the possibilities are.
       
    15. Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?
      None of my friends seem interested in BJDs mostly because of the price.

      Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?
      I dont have a doll yet, but if a friend wanted the same sculpt I would be fine with it. If they got the EXACT same wig/eyes/face-up I might get a bit annoyed but seeing as I dont want the ones pictured on the site I might be safe.

      Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'
      If a friend decided to jump in head first and get a doll, I would encourage them to shop around first and find something that is more than just "pretty" to them. Their first doll should take their breath away! However, if they ended up wanting the same doll as me after looking around I would actually feel like my doll was MORE special since they wanted it that much too.

      Did you feel bad or guilty about feeling that way?
      Nope, why would I feel bad that my friends like what I like?
       
    16. I have been turned someone on to the hobby , but actively communicated that we would respect each others space.
      In my opinion 'Anyone has the right be upset by something! I believe it is physically and emotionally stressful to try and stump a feeling from surfacing. We have emotions for a reason! It's okay! But I believe that it is not right to HARM someone because of them. That's when you cross a line.

      I think your friend needs to evolve this friendship into a better understanding and realize that she's hurting you the way she's acting. If she loves you, she'll get a good wake-up call and your friendship will if nothing else become stronger.

      Yes, she can buy the doll, but she probably already has so much as it is.

      I think the biggest thing you're feeling is that she will never appreciate this as much as you will thus there's no point in sharing something with a friend when that token will just go to waste.

      If she really cares for you, then she needs to understand that DISTANCE is a good thing in a relationship, of any kind.
      You're not being immature in this, you're being human.

      Nine times out of ten, this problem will continue, she will want you to do this, and that, and that.
      Telling someone that THEY should do something has already happened to you. Maybe if you tell her why you 'DON'T' want
      to get the female version, she'll also understand that it's not fun to be told what you can and can't do.

      My friend and I both want a CD Yeon-Ho and I have no problem with that because it was mutual.^^
      And I stayed away from DOD Ducan because I knew she wanted him more. We're those kind of friends
      that know the more the merrier yes, but also know that you learn from understanding things you previously
      didn't know.^^

      Take Care!
       
    17. I think it's really immature of her to not even look at other dolls, she knows you just bought that one, why does she NEED to get the same type? And now she's calling it Mello? So what, he has no personality of his own? I think I'm a little too angry about this. Need to calm down. It's just that it sounds like she knows NOTHING about dolls, and if she buys one, I'm sure she's gonna hurt it..... she wants him because he looks like a drawing she likes? I'm sorry, I should stop talking... answer questions, ok, here goes:
      Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?
      No, I got my BFF to at least admit they're pretty, but she finds no use in them. Most people call me stupid for wanting something so expencive.
      And resented them for it afterward?
      If whoever I converted started up and buying the same dolls as me, yeah. But if they buys different ones, I'd be super happy about it.
      Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?
      No, but I'd be kinda pissed. If we both had a couple of dolls, and we so happened to have one of the same, without one of us going 'That one you just bought is pretty, I think I'll get one' I'd be fine with it, I think.
      Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'
      Yeah, you really should check out other dolls before going 'oo, it's pretty' and buying it, they're kinda expencive for that.
      Did you feel bad or guilty about feeling that way?
      No, I would feel threatened if they started buying doll molds just because I have the same ones.
       
    18. It can definately be upsetting when someone close to you gets something you've wanted for a very long time first.
      It can be hard to feel happy for them but on the positive side it can give you time to reflect and learn through their experience - which may or may not change your mind about your goal.
      Having someone to share the hobby with can be fun and even if the two of you end up buying the same sculpt chances are your dolls will end up looking quite different from each other. You can change their eye color, make up, hair style and color as well as clothes.
      I think it would be cool. I wish my friends could join in the hobby with me. They are all interested but all currently have other financial responsibilities. It would be totally cute if one of them bought a twin to one of my dolls - and really interesting to see how they would end up looking different.

      ~*~

      The question is - if the two of you are indeed friends...
      why are you sharing your thoughts with us instead of your friend?
      They might be more considerate of your feelings if you explained things to them!
       
    19. You seem a little jealous over your friend's position to be able to afford a doll. This seems like a maturity issue you might have. My advice would be to drop it, and focus on something more positive in your life. Be happy that you have ANY friend you can share your special interest with at all. You are fortunate. Dolls should only bring more joy and pleasure into their owner's lives, not envy and negativity.
       
    20. Have you ever turned a friend onto the hobby?
      Nope, although a friend and I discovered the hobby together..

      And resented them for it afterward?
      No, although I have introduced friends to other hobbies, had it catch on with them and had them excel at it better/more than me. Or have more money to participate in it right away while I had to save. However everyone's life experience is different than yours, I dislike people who get things 'easier' (aka have money/connections that allow them to do whatever they want easier than me saving) however you don't know what other things in their life is lacking.

      Has a friend ever bought the same sculpt as you?
      Yes ^_^ my best friend bought a PukiPuki Sugar, NS (same as mine). it doesn't bother me though, since they're totally different.

      Did it almost make it feel less special if someone close to you just decided to get it, the first doll they ever saw, because it was 'pretty?'
      Umm, no? I mean, why do people buy dolls at all? Isn't it for their own reasons, pretty or otherwise? I don't understand how it would make 'it' less special (are we talking about a specific doll or the hobby in general?) The hobby is what you make it, so if you feel it's less special, then it is. If you don't let it effect you, then it won't bother you. :)

      Did you feel bad or guilty about feeling that way?

      Nope.