have other people swayed your own opinion about your doll?

Oct 14, 2021

    1. I’ve wanted a doll for about five years now and I’ve been very passionate about owning one.. (he should be arriving in the mail tomorrow ^_^)! But i have a small problem :/ the way my parents talk about him bothers me and its making me feel like i’ll enjoy him less somehow.

      im ok with people calling it “creepy,” i actually take that kind of thing as a compliment.. but my parents call him stuff like “perverted” and “gross” despite supporting my hobby and buying him for me. so their choice of words is making me feel unsure about how much i like him. >_<).

      im hoping that being able to hold him in real life finally will make me forget about it but im scared it wont ;^_^)))..

      so to my question .. have other people made you feel differently about your doll? if yes.. how did you deal with it ?
      • x 5
    2. Never have I allowed people's opinions to sway me one way nor the other, or influence how I feel about my hobbies. I was always a huge weirdo, and because of my parents life style choices (and my own now, for as long as I am old) I was always bullied in school. I was made fun of, on a very ill-spirited level and incredibly personal as well (by the other children). Which was always kind of an eye-opener for me as a young-child. As I grew older, I got more thick-skinned, so when I got into graphic design and received not-so-constructive criticism from fellow course-mates whom weren't familiar with the term, all the comments just slid off me. I was always an art-nerd, so I had already received plenty of "constructive criticism" from fellow students and teachers throughout my life. Then when I got into this hobby, and I thought I was as anonymous as a friendly-ghost, I got a few people "secretly" commenting behind my back about how ugly my dolls were to them, or how terrible my customizing skills were. It was hilarious to me, as it was specifically pointed out to me that all were grown-adults with kids -- and that thought really seemed to irritate the person who made me aware of the "forum for making fun of other adults who collect dolls." That part was also a learning experience, I sincerely felt what the person was trying to say, but what can anyone really do about it.

      I guess my advice as an old-fart is, whatever might seem like the end of the world right now, it's probably not that lasting. It might seem like it's hurtful because it is happening right now, but time has a way to make things feel like a vague memory. Even deeper wounds like losing a loved one become blurred or foggy over time (I guess that's one thing that old-age has an advantage over). You can always let the comments affect you more than they should, but in the end of the day you are the only one who can let them get to you. Maybe your parents don't realize you take their comments as seriously as you do, and they might not mean them in an offensive way. I have been told to my face my dolls are creepy too, but as a lover of horror and monsters, that is also a complement to me. Although, I take most comments (to my face "online") with a grain of salt, because I don't know the commenters on a personal level to know if that's what they mean. You may or may not know if your parents mean it in an offensive way or not, but you could always tell them that it does affect you in a negative way. Maybe they'll stop saying those particular comments to you, or maybe they'll explain they don't mean to be offensive. Only you know your parents, so that may or may not be something you want to discuss with them, but if you have a good relationship with them and they are supporting you to the point of actually paying for the doll for you, it might not hurt to ask. I have never received negative comments from family, but I feel like most of them keep to their business, and I pay for my own hobbies so they truly would have no say in it, even if they did have something negative to add. (:
      • x 14
    3. I'm very sorry to hear that OP. Especially the language that your parents are choosing to use to describe your doll. Similarly, if someone calls my doll 'creepy' it's not hurtful at all to me... but I don't know how I'd handle someone (no less my parents) referring to my doll as "perverted" or "gross". To me, that's just mean spirited.

      My best advice is to respectfully counter with (next time they say something mean):
      "I know my hobby isn't easy to understand, however, it's my hobby to enjoy, just like your hobbies are yours to enjoy. I would appreciate if you wouldn't use hurtful words like "perverted" or "gross" when you talk about my dolls. It makes me feel bad for enjoying them."

      I hope your parents will get the message.
      • x 13
    4. thank u guys for your comments so far ^_^).. i think i’ll be able to explain how i feel to them once im finally working on assembling his faceup and wig with him here, because at that point they’ll maybe understand that its another outlet of art for me >_<). maybe i can talk to them about it while im working :P

      even though theyre probably just playing around with their comments, it still hurts some X_X). hopefully once they see him in a more “whole” or “complete” form they’ll get it ^_^
      • x 1
    5. oof that really sucks OP, one way i get people to understand the dolls is to call them art pieces which they are, they're designed and sculpted by a handful of artists and brought to life and they're also an outlet for art and creativity as you can paint their faces and change their hair and eyes and dress them however you want! Explaining it like that has helped people around me understand it and even though sometimes they might not, I try not to let it get to me as I enjoy this hobby and dressing up and customizing my dolls.
      • x 2
    6. Whilst it sucks that your own parents say uneducated swill like that, I personally think that you live life in general alot better when you don't care for uninformed opinions even when they come from loved ones. Infact, I personally care very little for the opinions of other people, period. If the commentary isn't constructive, I personally wouldn't hold onto it. Bending your head down to listen to things that hurt you, that aren't even true, will make you miss the world around ya.

      So long as you know what you're getting, how you see your doll, and what the doll actually means to you, I think you shouldn't need to care what a parent, who isn't even in the hobby, says about your property. :3nodding:

      Cause really, if they really cared about how you feel (which I assume they do considering they're supportive of your hobby), they'll eventually come around when they see how you keep your doll. I like your idea of letting them in on your creative process, if they take it, I think that's incredibly wholesome. But please enjoy the hobby, or hate it on your own terms and your own opinions. Not from the chattering of the birds outside the bubble.

      'Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.'
      • x 2
    7. Why do they think he’s “perverted?” Just because he’s anatomically correct? That’s so bizarre they’d say that. Hopefully they are just joking around with you because it’s unfamiliar to them and they like to tease (my family does this a lot.)

      either way, try not to let it bother you. Especially since you’ve wanted for him for so long.
      • x 2
    8. Sometimes people just don't understand how their word choices effect others. They'd probably be more careful if they realized. I'm sure I've made the same mistake, and would certainly apologize if I knew. :frownyblush:

      This is an opportunity to learn how to deal with these situations, with people who love you. The world will always present this challenge.

      Now I can't wait to see your fascinating dolls box opening tomorrow! How exciting! :thumbup
      • x 2
    9. Nah, I don't care about other people's opinions.

      I would suggest to start ignoring other people's opinions as well, because there will always be someone who think their opinion is the right one and will vomit words at you without consideration for your feelings.
      #9 Demiurgo, Oct 14, 2021
      Last edited: Oct 14, 2021
      • x 1
    10. I agree with Demiurgo, doesn't matter what other people think.
    11. I love my dolls, and nobody is going to change that. Though cruel comments might change my opinion of those people. :| They don't have to enjoy my hobby, but I feel anyone who truly respects me as a person wouldn't say intentionally hurtful things about harmless things that make me happy.
      • x 6
    12. Not really.

      The only opinion that matters about your doll is yours. Other people are, of course, entitled to their opinion, but it really shouldn't have any impact on your own opinion of the doll.

    13. I always think of Marie Kondo asking people, does it spark joy? It can be tough and embarassing when people make fun or talk down of your hobby, but if your doll sparks joy within you, try not to let what other people think affect you too much.

      It especially sucks that it's your parents saying these things. Hopefully they realize that their words are hurtful and coming from a place of misunderstanding. Once they see you doing your face ups and creating wigs, maybe they will realize it's a much more creative hobby than they realize!

      Congrats on your first doll by the way, that's super exciting!
      • x 6
    14. I have some odd hobbies, and some people in my family have said some things to me about them, so I have two go-to responses. The first is always some form of "I respect your opinion, but this is what I enjoy". That's usually the only one I have to say, but if they continue, I say, "This makes me happy. Do you not want me to be happy?" That puts it in perspective for them.
      • x 3
    15. I prefer something more direct, such as, "If I wanted your opinion, I'd read it in your entriails."

      • x 5
    16. We’re not talking about “other people” though, @Xxyaeba_444, we’re talking about your own family giving you a hard time and acting like starting a niche hobby makes you a bad person. Of course that feels bad.

      The best phrase I’ve learned to stop that kind of lol I’m just joking don’t be so sensitive nonsense is, “It’s just a hobby. Why are you making such a big deal about it?” Because people who push those buttons want you to be the one having the bigger reaction, and if you make them out to be more invested in the argument they back off. It also makes you a lot less fun to razz when you’re just sitting there blandly asking them what their problem is.

      I hope when your doll arrives you’re able to enjoy him. It’s hard when the people around you are so determined to be a buzzkill.
      • x 7
    17. Other people's opinions never affected how much I liked my dolls, that never changed. It more affected how I saw myself and my hobbies. My dad didn't like my dolls because he viewed them as a waste of money when I should be more responsible and spend the money on college loans or college based necessities. His hatred of them made me ashamed of liking them and keeping them in my closet instead of playing with them. I could never bring myself to sell them, even when money was tight, because I still loved them so much. Now my husband is super encouraging of them and wants me to enjoy them, but I still feel embarrassed about liking them and have a hard time even imagining telling people I've met and become friends with since college about them. To the point where none (aside from my husband) who didn't know me in high school don't know I like them yet.
      • x 2
    18. My parents and family made fun of me when I was in highschool and wanting a bjd so bad that I was trying to make one, since I couldn't buy one. I got a fair amount of mean spirited remarks when I bought some cheap porcelain dolls at garage sales to get their wigs/eyes/clothes (my aunt even once advised a seller against letting me buy a doll, saying I was just going to dismember it!).

      It didn't stop me from still liking dolls, or from eventually buying a real bjd. But when I finally got my first bjd I hid it from them, and I've become careful about talking about my hobby, even with people close to me. I don't need them to enjoy my dolls, and if they've decided they don't want to respect something that makes me happy, I'm not going to bother listening to them anymore.
      • x 4
    19. Tw: pedophilia

      When I started the hobby some 8 years ago, I heard mostly negative comments, also from my closest relatives. Its being a waste of money was just the tip of the iceberg. Comments on how my doll's freckles look like bad acne or how generally plain *ugly* it is were endless... On top of that, one of my photos ended up on one of those 'theugliestbjds' tumblr blogs... Around the time when tumblr was the online kingdom of bjds for a while...

      But, anyway, I've moved on. Now I have 'generic-looking' dolls that pretty much everyone agrees to label as cute/pretty. And creepy too, of course, because dolls, right? (Ugh I wish people knew a little more than just the chucky and puppet master crap... augh).

      Looking back at my old photos and dolls, I have to admit... They were ugly as hell... Was it okay for the people to say it to my face? Perhaps not. Was it untrue though?

      The information given by the OP seems limited. I mean.. Why are the words 'gross' and 'perverted' even used? In reference to what specifically? Someone mentioned/deduced it's the doll's being anatomically correct... Well... If that's the case, then 'it's not you, it's them'. I know some adults who are so prude they marvel (or I don't know how else to label their reactions) at erected genitalia of animal males when visiting a damn zoo... So yeah, I'd not be bothered. But then, I once knew a guy who was in the hobby (later driven away by the local community due to recasts) and he was like 30 at that time, and overly attracted, for the lack of a better word, to one 14 y o girl who was there too... Interestingly, all his dolls were looking like 12 y o girls with skimpy clothes. The guy's 'pedo' persona was not just giving a vibe, it was freaking screaming at you when you looked at or talked to him. Was his way of styling his dolls gross or perverted? Well... Put in the context, yes, gross asf.

      Now, don't get me wrong OP. It's not okay to hurt people and throw around insults, but I don't understand the situation really... Why have you taken it personally to such a degree? Was it really about the doll or was there some underlining issue there? I can see how some things can hurt bad, considering that dolls are customizable extentions of ourselves.

      To say a bit about my current 'afraid-I-may-be-judged' situation... I have plans to bring back to my crew a boy-who-dresses-as-a-girl again. I hadn't had one for years and for years, I felt ashamed. My ex would have definitely ridiculed me beyond just teasing... But since we broke up, I decided now I want to live my life... If any next guy in my life came and said, 'hey your having this crossdressing doll of yours is f*** sick' then it'd be our last date. But not because I'd take these words personally... More like, I'd just not want such a narrow-minded no-fun in my life lol xD again... It's not me, it's them! :)
    20. I had a minor hiccup with my new boy because of my best friend, and it was actually kinda funny.

      I'd shown off pics of Remi when I'd ordered him and my Bestie thought he looked really cool. So of course when Remi arrived and I had gotten him dressed and wigged, I took him to show off and asked Bestie what he thought. He kind of... stared at Remi for a long moment and then said he'd be right back, and left the room for a few minutes, coming back with his phone and saying 'I don't like your doll'.

      I was highly offended of course but looking at the pic Bestie had pulled up on his phone... I had accidentally made Remi into the mirror image of Bestie's ex-girlfriend! It's mostly in the long hair and the pointy face, so hopefully once I get the wig trimmed to a proper length and eyes changed, it wont be nearly so eery, But I was side-eyeing Remi for a few days after that XD
      • x 4