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Have you ever had another BJD collector say something rude about your dolls?

Jan 15, 2010

    1. I didn't think it would happen, but a few times already I have had other BJD collectors say things like "That face-up is bad" or "I don't like how you made this boy doll a girl".

      Have you ever had to deal with a rude person who had an open opinion about how your dolls should look? Their style? There gender?


      EDIT: I'm not naive. I have easily shrugged these rude comments off. I'm asking a general question if anyone else has had these experiances... I'm not hurt or anything. Just curious. :)
       
    2. I have heard no rude comments to my face but I am sure some are still said. Being rude seems to be a bit of the way of the world. I have though heard many rude comments about other dolls and their owners at meets and such. This tends to be a bit of a downer for myself. Think positive! :)
       
    3. I've not had any rude comments about my dolls specifically, but one time a girl I chatted with wasn't afraid to let me know that she thought it looked terrible to put a boy head on a girl body even though just minutes before I'd told her I had a Seorin head on a female body. I thought that was rather rude, especially since she happened to have some dolls I wasn't terribly fond of the look of but I refrained from saying so since I didn't want to sound mean.
       
    4. I haven't had many rude things said about my doll from another collector to my face, but I did think it was funny that we had a doll collector calling my roommates Leo a girl repeatedly after we told him it was a boy. You'd think other BJD collectors would be more used to this kind of thing.
       
    5. People will always find a way to be mean or rude :( You just have to have a thick skin and realize it doesn't matter what anyone says, but what you think. ;) Hobbies are personal in my opinion, and as long as I'm happy anyone can say whatever they want.
       
    6. About the only thing said to my face about one of my dolls was someone I'd never spoken to before at a meet coming up to me and telling me how I could "fix" a doll's faceup that had too intense shading along the nose. I told her since he's mostly only shared through photographs and it's just fine in photos, AND since it wasn't my faceup but one done by someone else and I liked it as it was -- *shrug*.

      However, just having preferences doesn't necessarily mean someone's being rude. My response to someone stating ""I don't like how you made this boy doll a girl" would depend a lot on the context and tone. And whether they also made comments about, say, it being disgusting, or how terrible a person I was for doing it, etc.
       
    7. I've had one person at a meetup follow me around everywhere I went talking loudly about how she hated my Yo-SDs and couldn't stand Volks dolls in general (in addition to my Yos, I also had the only Volks SD at that particular meet I think...), but I think gakkuhai has it nailed here, particularly the part about having thick skin. There are rude people in every walk of life, but sometimes you do just need to be an adult, suck it up and learn to either ignore it or - if necessary - temporarily remove yourself from the situation until you can roll your eyes and laugh at those very same people for their lack of social skills. Thankfully in my experience this sort of thing is rare, and most doll-people I've met in person have been absolutely lovely and able to behave like decent intelligent people :)

       
    8. Yes, of course. I've been pretty lucky in this hobby that I've met some really great people, but it's not the rule. My YoTenshi Kasumi was refered to as having 'ugly big eyes' by a doll owner and of being 'freaky looking'. This was to my face, which caught me off-guard at the time, but I do have respect for her honesty, if not her tact.

      I could also come up with a million quotes of what people have said of my SDF Azure and my Aamu Emi, my two favourite dolls who are unusual enough that a lot of people have never seen one. Looking at my own gallery featuring them, the face-ups are both gorgeous by well known artists, I dress them well and my photography isn't terrible. I put it down to unusual facial attributes (that I love them more for!). Overall, I don't let it bother me, if that's what they think, then they can move on to the next Delf El or Dollzone what's-it because it's common enough that they'll recignise it and like it for the sculpt.

      People have a right to an oppinion. Heck, there are a handfull of other BJD forums where the members feel more open to critique. Just because this forum goes on the saying of 'if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all' doesn't mean the rest of the internet (or in fact people you meet irl) have the same rule. If you are sensitive enough to let it bother you, don't post pics on the internet or take them to meets - you may be in for a shock otherwise.
       
    9. I'm sorry but that is a very naive way of looking at the world. No hobby that involves any kind of creativity is entirely free of opinion or predjudice, because no style is universally liked.

      This is even more true of hobbies were a large amount of money is spent on items, becuase (and this might be an unpopular opinion) high-end hobbies often attract more drama queens, as the items involved can easily be used as status markers.


      I have had people say unpleasant things about my dolls, both to my face (though the girl didn't know I was the owner of the doll in question- that was a barrel of laughs!) and on the internet. And the best advice I can give is that if you are happy with your dolls, then just ignore it. :) There will always be people in the world who see things differently to you, and when it comes to the things you love- weather it be dolls, tattoos, clothing, hairstyles... whatever- you either accept that and continue to love it or you worry yourself into the ground.
       
    10. not really about my dolls specifically, but some of my dolls are from a somewhat cheaper company. And there are a lot discussions about cheaper companies being bad and stuff, and sometimes that can sting a little because I love them anyway, and it doesn't matter if they where cheaper than other dolls.
      but other than that never really heard anything bad about them, not that I think no one ever says anything but, whatever.
      And I recognize what Wilson said, most people assume that they're all girls.. that can be somewhat offensive sometimes.. :P
       
    11. I've got to agree with Guide on this one. Just because we all enjoy the same hobby doesn't mean we all share the same tastes or even that we should share the same tastes. Lots of people enjoy manga too, but they don't all like the same series.

      Some people are just rude people who don't know that you can communicate an opinion without being overbearing or offensive. Those people and their opinions shouldn't interfere with how you face-up or dress or play with your dolls. I'm sure there are people out there who don't like my dolls or don't like the way I do face-ups, but that doesn't matter because I like them and they're my dolls and ultimately it's none of their business :) I know for a fact that there are people who dislike my Dollfie Dream, but I love her, so it doesn't matter what they think.
       
    12. No one's ever said anything rude to my face about any of my dolls, and I can't think of anything directed specifically at my particular dolls online either. Plenty of generic things about their sculpts, companies, fur wigs, styles, hybridization, etc get said a lot (I do have an El and a Dollzone Mo...) but those things don't bother me as long as they're not pointedly about my actual dolls. I have no problem with people saying things in general like that because everyone's entitled to an opinion and I have my own negative opinions about certain sculpts and companies!

      Some people are just less tactful than others, though, and some have no tact at all. The thing is that at a meet or online, you are less likely to know ahead of time what that person's innate "tact level" is. I have friends with a very low "tact level" - I know they're likely to state their opinion bluntly and it might come off as rude. I know they don't MEAN to be rude, so I keep this in mind and try to find the intent of the statement rather than getting defensive or angry about what actually came out of the person's mouth.

      Some people really are just rude, though. I try not to let it bother me. My stress level is high enough without letting other people's opinions get me down.
       
    13. Many people have tell me they don't like my dolls, but they weren't rude or anything, at least to my face, behind my back I don't know and I'm not interested.
       
    14. Id have to agree with a few others, that really is naive thinking. There is an opposing site out there, where negativity, rudeness, and opninion brutality is encuraged to hate upon other doll owners and there dolls if they deam a doll "ugly" or even if they do not like the quality of the photographs. They are even rude to each other if they do not like what another member says.

      People will always have their own likes, and dislikes, just because we are in the same hobby doesnt mean we all think with "alike minds". There is a thread on here that asks if people like vampire dolls, half of which dont, half of which do. It all just depends on personal preferance.. Its just a sad fact that some people will be rude about stating their opinion, and try and force it upon someone else.

      We all just need to remember, that everyone likes what they like, and we dont always have to agree with it, but we should always strive to be nice to one another anyway.
       
    15. I have had it happen, in fact there is an entire forum parodying the style of den of angels whre snark and rudeness are the norm, basically a place where people can totally diss other members of the community and their dolls. A very respected member of THIS community went on that board and dissed several people I was friends with and then called one of my dolls "fugly" I have never forgotten it. I really respected this person before that, now...well lets just say they showed their true colours. I don't normally care what people say, but when they are deliberately and openly rude and hurtful, and they are someone you respect it can cut pretty deep.

      The only thing I can say is do not let the detractors get you down. There is a BIG difference between giving helpful advice or constructive criticism IF you handle it well AND it was invited OR you know the person well enough that you know they will not take it hard and just being rude or critical of others. If someone does not like your dolls well that is THEIR problem, not yours. The only response that you ever really need to keep in mind is "that is your opinion, and if you don't like it don't look".

      Sadly we live in a world where many people seem to think that "open and forthright" means "rude and tactless" and "entitled to my opinion" means "I can mouth off whenever I want and no one has the right to be offended"

      Sometimes when I think about threads like this I hope and wish that the hurtful people read the stories others have to tell, and remember that they wre the one that hurt them, and feel bad about it. Sadly I am certain that the people who actually do this do not care, or worse, are so mean spirited generally that one spot of meanness that hurt someone is just another day to them, so they don't even remember. If anyone has had someone be hurtful, and later realise and apologies, well I would love to hear about that too
       
    16. I happen to be one of those blunt and without tact people, though on other people's dolls--especially to their faces or at a meet--I say nothing. I know I have little tact, I know there are hundreds of dolls (sculpts and styles) that I don't like, but what point would be had in saying that to them? My parents taught me to not say anything at all if it was unkind and nothing would be gained to say it, just as they taught me to speak my mind when it mattered and could have a positive influence.

      The place for saying those things on the boards is the Critique section or upon being asked. And even when asked, I usually ask them if they're sure they really want my opinion. Most of the time, my asking for assurance tells them enough that it's not a happy thing I wanna say that they choose not to hear, even though I always point out the good things while I mention what I don't like. There are good--and great!--things about every doll I dislike and I do want people to know those things, too.

      Point is, no one is going to like anything universally. Not everyone is going to keep quiet about that dislike, for whatever reason. So, when meeting with people, put on your tough skin and don't give in to bashing their dolls because they bashed yours. It'll only make you look bad, like you can't take criticism, and give them more fuel to the flames.
       
    17. One of my friends told me my Abio Angel has too much eyeliner T~T.. she was right though, I was already thinking of re-doing his face up XD.

      Oh and while I was visiting my mother, the members of her church that would visit my moms home would say rude things like "Oh Lordy~ lord lord, why does your doll look so GAY?"

      JKFBGK SDN hjSBFha That would really piss me off. But I dont really stay quiet when people say rude things to me soo.. yah they heard a thing or two >>;;
       
    18. Well I've not had anyone been rude to my face, on the internet, a little but then again its to be expected.

      This view is far too naive. But at the same time, I've seen it so much. Seriously in a hobby that is so wide-spread, there is a good chance of people not liking the same thing as another. I don't understand the need for unity and acceptance from other people for decisions a person makes. If you the person buying it/owning it love it then thats all that matters. I have a very set standard and style I like, there are tonnes of dolls I don't like and I would not pretend to like them. I like the owners of the dolls though, because there's no correlation. At the same time I expect people to not like my choices either. I hold the right to think some dolls are fug therefore I expect some people to think mine are too.

      Don't take comments like that to heart and just be happy with your choice, life' too short to worry over what so-and-so on the internet said about your dolls. If I were to worry about what people think of my dolls, I would be forever unhappy. Just remember some people are just rude, while some are just tactless.
       
    19. But you know, there's the other kind of rudeness too -- from those who take offense when you don't say anything about their doll or don't give enough praise to suit them -- who take it that your silence or limited praise doesn't mean you have different taste in dolls (and might actually also like some aspect of presentation of theirs), but must mean that you totally hate and are disgusted by their doll and you're ruining it for them.
       
    20. I don't have any bjd collecting friends living close by. My Mom however said she thought my msd Narae was anorexic:lol: She'd never seen a bjd before. Mostly she's very supportive of my doll collecting. My friends are usually complimentary. They are not doll collectors...