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How did you drop the bomb on your parents / loved ones?

Mar 31, 2010

    1. I know there have been plenty of threads about parents' and friends' reactions towards your dolls, but i haven't really seen one specifically geared towards breaking the news to the parents/SO about owning a doll, and paying hundreds for it (if there is, sorry ^^;).

      My first doll will be coming next month, and as I live with my parents and have no intentions of hiding a large SD in my small wardrobe, my attentive mum is sure to see her. She won't be as bothered by the presence of a doll (she likes dolls in general) as the knowledge of how much I spent on the doll. Although I paid for the doll myself, she's not going to be pleased to know that I spent so much on a doll when the money could be 'saved for emergencies'. I haven't got any passionate stories to convince her otherwise; my reason for buying my doll was a simple 'I like her'. Of course my solution is to lie and mark down the price significantly myself but my mum has a good eye for prices and im sure she'd be aware that the good workmanship of bjds would cost more than whatever price I intend to quote.

      So how did u drop the bomb without letting it explode? Do share!

      All right before you start lecturing me about my use of exaggerated expressions:

      Some of us do have people around us with narrow concepts of money. I've been through rows with my parents over spending on clothes, and I know of people who've gone through the same thing. Remember that to the average outsider who has no interest in BJDs, they are simply toys that do not deserve that much money spent on them. It's different from buying a new iphone, a plasma tv, an LV bag, or even a 10k swarowski lamp, which most people consider the pricing to be justified simply because they are mainstream consumer goods.

      And much as I agree that I have every absolute right to spend my own money as long as I'm not shelving my financial responsibilities for my hobby, some of us like to do it without causing alarm or anger to our loved ones.

      Let's keep this constructive. If you have nothing useful, interesting or funny to add, don't let me hold you up. :)
    2. It's a doll, it's not leukemia or a bizarre career change or a bad report card. I didn't drop a bomb, I said, "Look, I got a doll!" That was it.

      If you don't act like it's the end of the world people are much less likely to treat it like the end of the world.
    3. My husband was acutally working abroad at that time. So it was more like: honey, i bought a doll, he's big and demonic (it was soom Sard). he's a picture *sends a link* his reaction was one word: FARK! >_< He's generally scared of demonic things, but since I am an anime figurine collector - doll was not that big of a deal.
      Parents...well.. "hi mom, i bought an epensive doll, lend me some moneys?" That followed about 10 minutes of random yelling and "so what is that doll thing made of solid gold?" She did like them alot, but well. She did not tip in for that one, but i've managed to get her to pay for my 5th and 6th dolls... hehe... (the dolls are no longer with me thoguh).
      But no, i've never hid the price of the dolls from anyone.
    4. I didn't shut up about how much I loved them for weeks, so then as long as it was my own money I was spending, if it shut me up my parents were fine with it XD
      They did err about the price and say that I could have saved up for a laptop or something, but they weren't any worse than that, it was really surprising actually.

      And then in the end I am using a computer at college like the one I would have bought if I didn't get my dolls, and I hate it with all of my being, so it's a good thing I got them, aha
    5. lol that's funny!
      my mum would probably say something along the same line of the solid gold comment, but replace it with diamonds instead (yea then i could tell her, no mum, diamonds cost more).
      i guess if you're a figurine collector, it's not weird if you suddenly announce that you're an owner of a big doll. My parents are under the impression that I'm scared of dolls. which is true, I dislike all dolls except bjds. so they'll be quite surprised.
    6. THIS. I don't get why people treat telling someone they're buying a doll like like telling them they're dying or moving halfway round the world or turning into a pumpkin. It's a doll, and it's no different to purchasing any other collectible. There's no dropping of a bomb, it's just telling them you bought a doll. Personally, I pretty much said "I like these dolls, I want one and I'll be spending my own money to get it." and that was pretty much the end of that.

      Like chibaraki said, don't treat it like some huge thing and other people won't, either.

      And honestly, if you (general you, since I see a lot of people saying the same thing all the time) are an adult and are spending your own money, that *you* saved up or had left over, or were given, or acquired in whatever way you acquired it and you've paid up all your bills and obligations, it is nobody's business but yours if you decide to spend it on a doll.
    7. Well, if you tink about it, the I bought a 2K doll is similar to "honey, I bought a 10K Swarowski lamp for our living room. Isn't it pretty?" Majority of "civil" people would go O_o WTF? and that's normal. So it's not really a bomb, it's more like... announcing that you're into slightly odd things. ^^
      P.S. I so want to pitch a baseball into that lamp. ^^;
    8. Gee so maybe I used exaggerated words, but everyone has different concepts about money. Am I not allowed to incorporate my own lifestyle and experiences into the discussion? It's not even like I'm spamming. This is a legitimate concern for me, and I'm pretty sure there are others who have the similar issues. I'd really prefer some useful and interesting inputs over 'that is so not a bomb'

      And nope, never spent 10k on a Swarowski lamp before or bought anything more expensive than my own 1k+ notebook to be honest, so I really can't empathise.

      Sorry if I'm snarky yea? I'd just like to have a civil and constructive discussion, that's all. If this topic doesn't struck your chords, you're welcome to overlook it.
    9. @kurodatenshi
      It's ok, that's how I understood it. ^^
      P.S. I'm glad she did - this way we're even - we both spend money on things that have little or none practical use. XD
    10. Heehee I am horrible I live with my mom I am an adult who is going to school and as it is my money and in my name this so called money Ispent it on dollies now my mom doesn't like them she thinks as per most people have said I think those things r expesnive...blah blah so I choose do the mature and respoible thing ( teehee jk) I hide them. I feel that I shouldn't have to hide them but u know its my choice and eventually like when i Move otu if I move out they will come with me.
    11. My mom knows I ordered a doll, with my tax return (only small portion other portion went to pay of credit card bill mostly). She was more annoyed by the fact I added back onto that debt by buying a tiny because I just needed to get a girl to dress up because my boy won't be cross dressing. Anyhow it's not her I'm worried about anyhow, she doesn't mind it so much because it's my money and I'm doing with it as I like.. I get my bills paid, pay for animals, and help her by buying groceries helping on rent and such... I think the girl tiny thing bothered because the card is in her name (no credit = no card for me) but I pay the bill.

      As to everyone else in my family... I don't think my mom's side will care all that much, they may bug-eye at the price.. but.. yeah...

      Dad however, I'm still wondering how to 'drop the bomb' all I know is if he doesn't think it productive and uses up money, it's a waste (like my animals). The thing is I can safely not tell him, since he lives in a different city.. but, I'm planning to ask his fiance to teach me to sew so I can make their clothing.. so.. He's going to learn of them. Perhaps I just won't tell him the price.. but I doubt that's going to work.. he's a craftsman himself, I'm sure he'd manage to guess the prices I've paid. So.. It's probably going to be me turning up holding a large doll and showing it to him and fiance. "Look I got a pretty doll that I enjoy, I want to learn how to sew." Perhaps not such childish wording but.. yeah.. then just tune out the lecture.

      Basically same for my grandmother.. though after her dad might already know to expect a doll to accompany me to visit. xD
    12. A simple search of the word 'parents' in the discussion forums would bring up numerous results, including but not limited to:
      how did you tell your parents: (the same thing you are asking about) http://www.denofangels.com/forums/s...w-did-you-tell-your-parents&highlight=parents
      and not quite the same but related (and has some good information about announcing your new arrival)
      how did you convince your parents?

      The search button is your friend.
    13. I was terrified of telling my mother, personally. She's very... domineering/overbearing, and she objects strongly to how I spend my money. I thought if she heard I spent $200 on a doll, she would flip - as much as she loved the doll I already had, he was a gift, so that was a whole different story. Luckily, I don't live with her anymore, so I had the relative luxury of telling her over the phone and knowing that the worst she could do was yell at me (which is still a Big Deal to me because of my anxiety issues and history, but it's better than having her in my face about it).

      Unfortunately, I didn't get to plan out how to tell her about it - it slipped. I was talking to her about the dolls, and which ones I liked best, and so on, and she started asking questions. She was asking which one it was I liked, and sort of leadingly... I thought she was going to offer to help me buy the one I wanted! So I had to tell her, "I already ordered her, actually." And true to what I thought, she freaked when I told her how much she had cost. Sigh.

      Quick thinking saved the day, though. I quickly cut in and told her how I was paying for all of my expenses just fine, and that I wasn't breaking the bank to pay for the doll and that I would be just fine. I told her that it was my money and I wasn't spending it so frivolously that I wouldn't be able to pay for the things I need. That calmed her down, and in the end she told me that the only condition of her being okay with my getting Kazuki is that I send her pictures when she gets here.

      So it turned out okay, despite my nervousness. Actually, my mum is even okay with my getting more dolls now, as long as I can afford it and such. (This surprised the hell out of me - she usually hates when I spend any money at all.) She thinks they're gorgeous, and since she refuses to spend the money to get one for herself, I think she's kind of living vicariously through me and my dolls.

      My advice, then: Be clear that it's your money and that you haven't drained your bank account for the doll, and that you're being perfectly responsible. Tell them how much you love the doll(s) and that they mean a lot to you. Hopefully they'll understand.
    14. d'oh yes that was exactly what I was looking for. Thank you. I used the wrong search terms.
    15. I said "Mom, look at these dolls~ they average $500 a piece."

      she said "Jesus christ... for a doll?"

      I said "Yeah..... so... I bought one." The colour kind of drained from her face, until I reassured her that I had bought a less expensive one, and then she was cool with it. I am sure I will buy a more expensive doll in the future, and she will throw a fit - because she sees it as a "waste". But I'll deal with that when that day comes.

      I can always just bring up up the 3456457 robots my dad has, and how much money he's "wasted" on them..

      As long as the money is yours and you aren't in dire need of some necessities, just reassure your mom that you're fine in the financial department, and it was your decision.
    16. No problem. :) The search can be tricky to get used to at first. It's all about choosing the right keyword to search for. You can also try a search for 'family' in titles. That might bring up more results.
    17. Well, since I got my first doll as a X-mas gift, there wasn't any problem. :lol:

      But now I'm saving for another and...ehm...my parents won't be happy...sooo...I don't really know how to tell them. Maybe something like: "Hey, mum, dad I saved for a doll and I'm gonna buy it no matter what you say. So make up with it :mwhaha :wigle :XD: "
      That will be really interesting...if they don't kill me first :lol:
    18. I just get frustrated because people treat buying a doll like it's coming out of the closet or something. It's an expensive luxury item. Your parents are all right, you probably SHOULD be saving for a car or a laptop or to move out of the house etc etc etc. I SHOULD be putting money in savings instead of buying dolls. One of the prices of living with your parents is getting to hear their opinion on things whether you like it or not.

      That said, even when I did live with my parents, as long as I was spending my own money I didn't feel the need to present all major purchases for audit. Sometimes my mom gets on my case (gently) when she visits along the lines of "How many dolls do you need anyway?" but I brush it off. It's not really her business and I know it.

      It's bothersome to me that "revealing" dolls to parents or significant others is regularly presented as some kind of crisis along the lines of coming out of the closet or having some dread disease. I don't see why there needs to be some big reveal anyway (I just bought a doll, I didn't tell my boyfriend because he doesn't care), and even if some "disclosure" has to happen, I'm REALLY CONVINCED that if people would stop treating it like a huge, life-altering event, the people being told would also not treat it like a huge, life-altering event. Unfortunately there is very much a feedback loop here of "Dolls are life-altering and people who are not doll people will never understand" and "when I get my doll everyone will PANIC AND FREAK OUT because omg I bought a DOLL aren't I SO WEIRD", so that's how everyone seems to treat it.
    19. My mom may think I'm crazy for spending my money on the things I do, but as long as my bills are getting paid and I'm paying for them myself she leaves it alone. I'm lucky though, even if she thinks the stuff I buy is weird (I used to wear EGL before this haha) she's always been very supportive of me because I am my 'own person'... and her motto is I'm the one getting weird looks not her, so why does she care? XD So I've been very forthcoming with my doll purchases ;D

      Also totally agree with chibaraki for most cases - I don't make a big deal of my 'weird' or 'expensive' hobbies so other people around me don't tend to.
    20. I showed my mum pictures of them and spoke about them for a few months and then one day one turned up on the doorstep. ( I'd bought it). Her reaction wasn't great but I tried not to make a huge fuss over it and over time shes come to like them. Nothing dramatic by any means.^^;