How do you deal with haters?

Jul 8, 2019

    1. I know the saying “haters gonna hate”, but something really unpleasant happened to me recently, and I found really hard to adjust my mood.

      So few days ago I post some of my doll’s picture on social media, some random person that I don’t even know comment under says “Thanks for making me never wanna buy this sculpt anymore”. It immediately sunk my heart to the bottom cause that’s probably the worst thing you wanna heard about your doll.

      I do wanna just curse that person so bad with all the bad words vocabulary I had, but I also know that if I do that it’s just gonna be a bad cycle and nothing is gonna change so I didn’t and just deleted that comment. It’s like that old saying somebody bite you but you can’t really bite them back in anyway. I know I did the right thing but I just can’t help to feel bothered by it for a long time.

      Any of you guys run into a similar situation? I wonder if there is a good way to make myself feel less bothered and just get over it.

      (My plan for now is go hot yoga and sweat a hell lot today )
      • x 4
    2. I’m sorry this happened to you. I've never had this happen to me and could only imagine how hurt you must feel.
      The first thing that popped into my head when reading this was that this person must not have been happy themselves at the time and were lashing out or it could have been pure jealousy.

      Unfortunately, in all hobbies you will get those who go out of their way to be horrible due to their own insecurities or issues, however, just like you said you can’t retaliate otherwise its just one bit hate cycle. You were the bigger person for not lashing back! – high five for that!

      I know its easier said than done but, as much as it seems impossible ignore it and don’t let them bring you down otherwise they win! There are more kind people than not in this hobby. People like that aren’t worth the second thought and your happiness is far to important for them to bring you down to their level.
      • x 9
    3. What I usually think, "no matter what you do, there is always somebody who dislike/hates/speak badly about it" and it can be anything... doll, your own looks, your tastes, your skills, your nationality.. even food you eat or clothes you wear. Or books and movies you love. The person who wrote a bad comment, they might struggle in life or feel bad, so they attack you, to make themselves feel powerful bc you get hurt. A lot of trolls in internet trying to make fun of ppl and purposely upset them. "Do not feed the troll" also very good one, just calmly delete the crap and show you are above them and not a childish hate spammers as them. I hope you will feel better soon <3
      • x 11
    4. I agree with what others have said. You were very mature to simply delete the comment. The person who left it sounds like they're very rude and it wouldn't have been worth engaging them. I think, by their words, they were just trying to cause hurt (and it worked). I'm sure your dolls are wonderful, so try not to let it pull you down too much. As @Adalwolf said above, there is always somebody that's going to dislike and speak badly about something you enjoy. It's hard and very hurtful, but best erased or ignored. As long as *you're* happy with your dolls, that's all the matters.
      • x 6
    5. First off — sorry such a thing happened to you. I don’t understand why people have to be cruel to others about their dolls or how they choose to customize them, but it does happen. Posting on social media is both a blessing (making new friends who like what you do and sharing a hobby you’re proud of) and a curse (dealing with haters and falling prey to the “like/fame” monster) but there are some things you can do to help minimize the effects trolls have on you.

      First, accept them for what they are. Trolls. People who get off on hurting others, have too much free time on their hands and so they post hurtful things that an otherwise busy person with a fulfilling life wouldn’t have time or desire to post. There’s always something fundamentally wrong with haters that really has nothing to do with you or your doll or your content. Consider that even the “most beautiful people” get hate on their accounts too. No one is ever good enough and trolls always find something to criticize and be mean about because that’s literally their goal and life aspiration.

      Sadly, social media platforms don’t do much to help counter cyber bullying, so there’s not much in the form of punishment or discipline that can help change the ways of these trolls.

      When you look at them as just pitiful people whose life must be so empty that they would stoop to be so extra, you realize their opinion hardly should impact your life!

      Remember you and your dolls are beautiful. They do not lose their meaning or value just because someone else doesn’t agree.

      If you’re on Instagram, block those accounts and delete comments. They want a reaction from you, so don’t feed the trolls what they want. And report them if they harass you. You can also turn on a manual filter for comments in which you blacklist certain words that can be hateful so they don’t even make it live. Finally, you can also set your comments settings to have only your followers / people you follow comment. The troll can always follow you, but it’s a first barrier of defense.

      There is sadly a lot of negativity online. You can’t avoid it if you’re going to be active on social media. The only thing you can do is protect yourself and have healthy ways of coping with it when it does hit (yoga is great) and also taking breaks from social media. Enjoy your dolls in a private manner for awhile. Take pictures sure, but maybe create some albums or scrapbooks so you can enjoy the fruits of your labor in a way that isn’t connected to an online photo library of your dolls.

      Don’t let haters stop you from enjoying or loving your doll. That’s what they want, but it’s also so perfectly okay to step away when you need to recharge too. Even if that means going on a hiatus or deactivating some social media accounts for some much needed peace and good energy.
      • x 6
    6. First off, good for you!
      You went public and that's a big thing!
      As for their commitment, that's a reflection of themselves not you/your doll. They could have been more specific as to why but doesn't matter. Their loss.

      Don't let them get you. Positive criticism or a private message if something was "off" (wig slid, wonky eye, hands on wrong or something crazy) but just plain rude isn't right. Even "not my aesthetic" or "not my preference on size/color/face-up" whatever. Who knows what their hang up was/is but don't let it stop or hinder you.

      Keep posting. Do more/better sewing, face-up, crafts etc.

      In my personal experience the online stuff bothers lesss than in person. I've had family call mine creepy (I respect that. Their entitled to their opinions) I've also had family drag one of my boys face down across the table only to pick him up, touch his face, pull down his pants, then call me a weirdo. His nose had to be slightly sanded.

      Overall do your best, have fun, be happy and always find something to smile about, no matter how small.
      • x 1
    7. The internet is a breeding ground for trolls who have nothing better to do with their lives. Twenty-plus years of writing fanfiction has pretty much made me immune to those sorts of comments. But you did the right thing to just delete and ignore. Responding to these people only adds fuel to the fire. Frankly, they aren't worth wasting your time or energy on.

      Don't feed the trolls, as they say. :)
      • x 5
    8. @xiluoxia In awful situations, I do what you did up top, which is to vent to a third party. I'm also one to dwell on events, to pick them apart and guess why the other person was being a twit. I agree with the others, how that commenter wanted to make you feel bad. You did the right thing by not engaging.
      • x 1
    9. I'll never understand what makes someone deliberately go out and be rude to a total stranger. What a horrible thing to say to someone! :evil: Also, not that anyone would deserve such a mean comment, but your dolls are all very cute and totally inoffensive so I'm especially confused as to what could have set them off...

      Anyway, I think you did the right thing. I'm sure they were probably hoping to get attention, so taking away their platform seems like the best way to deal with it. If you didn't already, I'd go ahead and block the person too. It's important to curate your social media space to be comfortable and pleasant for you first, and if someone is going to be cruel then they certainly don't deserve access to your posts!
      • x 4
    10. Absolute truth! My manager and I got into a silly argument recently over what fruits are good or gross! Some people will always want to argue or insult others. (Manager and I are fine, we just always argue over stupid pointless stuff. Lol)

      I think the best thing to do is ignore it and don’t dignify it with a response. People like that take pleasure in the drama stirred up from hurt feelings. They get bored quickly when there is no drama. Ignore them, delete their comments, block them, whatever you need to do. Go read some positive comments or look at the likes you got. Even if you’re new or not popular, even knowing your doll has one person out there following and liking can be comforting.

      Also, look at the support in this thread’s responses! There are some hateful rotten people in the hobby, but I think most are good or at least don’t actively take part in hurting others.
      • x 1
    11. The only thing I can say for sure - in this case you need to understand that this is THEIR problem, not yours. THEY "suffer" from something (e.g. "suffer" from seing faceup/photo/etc that they do not like) and they want to make YOU feel bad because THEY feel bad. But actually it's only their problem, not yours. You are happy with your doll, and this is the only thing that matters.
      #11 silent, Jul 8, 2019
      Last edited: Jul 8, 2019
      • x 1
    12. I really can't understand why anybody have an urgent need to bully someone. If He/She doesn't want that sculpt anymore, it's not your loss. Just enjoy your dolls. I agree with @silent. Happy people don't bully others to claim attention.
      • x 1
    13. You really can't take anything said on the internet personally. The internet let's us do pretty much anything with, under normal circumstances- maybe there are some secret tech wizards lurking nearby, of anonymity which people like to use as a free pass to be jerks.

      You really just need to remember that this is a random person who has no bearing on your life what so ever. I'm assuming this isn't someone you care about or even know which makes what they say pretty insignificant.

      And if it's any consolation, I'm pretty sure the comment was made out of jealousy. I've seen your dolls and they are very lovely.
      • x 1
    14. First, sorry you've been through such a sad experience. And then, I second what was said before. A comment like this shows more of the person who says it than about the thing they are talking about. And I believe you did the best just deleting the comment. Someone who does this want to get a reaction out of you, to make sure you got upset. Don't feed the trolls.

      Actually, something that relates to it happened to me once. In a meet, a girl I've never seen before came to me and said "Is that doll yours? He's ugly." (For the sake of curiosity, it's an Iplehouse Dexter, default faceup, IH wig and clothing, so nothing "unusual" about him). It was out of the blue, I was so weirded out I didn't feel hurt by it, I just looked at her and said "Okay. I like him."

      I'm weirded out to this day.
    15. Block, report, move on. That’s the part of the equation you can control.

      I had a person a couple of years ago steal a photo of my Feeple 60 Chloe and put it up on their Tumblr blog calling her terrifying and gross. The whole blog was about hating “creepy” dolls. In reality, she was gorgeous and half the commenters were laughing at the OP for putting her up there, so I rolled my eyes and reported the post to Tumblr for taking my image. That’s all you can do in that situation, really. No point in engaging with someon who isn’t even trying to be rational. Your doll isn’t unattractive just because some jerk on the internet tries to tell you it is, so try not to let it get you down.
      • x 2
    16. Oh my, it's such a rotten feeling when someone criticizes us without just cause. I'm sorry that happened to you. I've been in various fandoms and hobbies and I've never had someone be so cold and unthinking. If I don't like something someone posts on social media, I usually skip it or congratulate them anyway because it makes them feel good. You did the right thing and just deleted the post. I agree with others here who said possible motivations for the nasty remark, either a troll or someone jealous of your doll, or just someone who is cranky and mean to begin with. Keep your head high and enjoy what you do! Have a wonderful day/night/week!
    17. For every bad comment just remember there are many more good comments. Not everyone has the same tastes and just because someone does not like your doll does not mean a bunch more people did not love getting to see your doll and felt inspired seeing your art. Remember the good, focus on the happy in the hobby, and keep working on what makes you happy.
    18. Ooooh, yeah that kind of crap happens in a lot of areas, not just the bjd community. There's a saying of "Don't feed the Trolls." and it's apt. Delete their comment and move along, and if they insist on bullying(otherwise known as harassing) you, report the heck out of them. Like the others have said, just focus on what makes ya happy!
    19. I had people say a lot of ill intended stuff about various of my dolls, but more so about my Limhwa Mano and Sephiroth Minimee sculpts. They never said it to my face, but I had a few people screen shot and message me their comments on other forums I wasn't a member of, and link me to one of a blog from a Russian DoA user. I wasn't upset about it, I was already in my mid-to-late-twenties back then, so I was used to being called all sorts of things to my face, due to the fact that I am a strict vegan and have been all my life. Having people saying thing about my dolls behind my back, wasn't necessarily something that bothered me at that point. I was a lurker for the most part, I rarely commented or posted other than some gallery threads of my own, so I was mostly surprised that people knew that I existed, because I certainly didn't know they did. I have throughout my life received feedback as well, because I have always loved art and have taken many art courses. Sometimes critique is not pleasant to hear/read, but it helps grow. I know that people insulting your dolls is not the type of critique that will help any of your skills grow, as would art critiques based on actual constructive opinions, but it will help you grow thicker skin as a person. I always take comments that are not too kind as, "wow, that person took time off their life to waste on a mean/ill-intended message on one of my posts," I must be doing something of importance to them, even without me knowing. I wouldn't personally go out of my way to comment on things I don't like, it's a waste of my precious limited time and pointless to me. So in a way I think it's encouraging to receive comments, even if they are not meant to be that, because the person is wasting their time to comment on your posts -- they are the ones losing something, not you. Unless you waste your time dwelling on it, which I guess can be hard not to do for those who have never experience any sort of criticism in real life, but it's not as big a deal as we sometimes make it out to be. The only suggestion I can give you is to take it as their loss, and not personally, because they probably have issues they don't know how to deal with other than trying to be mean to others. (:
      • x 3
    20. Wow i really didnt expect getting this much support and comfort from every one, It already makes me feel much better.

      @Kentarin D'Ley @Adalwolf @Nissa @Stormlight @saraquill @silent @Triexiz @officialorange @GreenVixen @haliemerson @CuteyCreations @Enzyme Thanks for your kindly advice! After reading up your comments i realized that its not even worth to be bothered by the haters while i have all the nice people like you guys showing me support and enjoying spending time with. As long as i know I love all my dolls, also i am happy with my collections, thats what matters!

      @dollsoflace @redfeathers @CloakedSchemer I have also taken the advice from you guys and go ahead blocked that person, if similar situation ever gonna happened(I really hope not) i'd done the exact same thing as today. I know for sure lashing back to the haters will only satisified them more, besides they doesnt deserve my time and attention in anyway.

      @The_Modern_Maiden @Matafleur @Amet Thank you all for the comforting, i am also sorry to hear that similar situation has happened to you guys, hence the fact there are haters every where, we can't really control what they do and what they say, but we definatly can ignore them and enjoy ourselves.

      Overall, I am really appreciated for very post under this thread, you guys are all so sweet and nice with a very kind heart. With this much support and possitive suggestion there is not reason for me not to move on and just ignore the haters. I love ya'll!
      • x 6