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How do you deal with people who think BJDs are for kids

Dec 7, 2011

    1. = .=;... so a day or two ago I was trying to make plans to split money to buy a bjd. I was going to buy a cheap one at first, just for practice. Anyway that aside, my friend attacked me. Telling me it was a useless hobby. I told her that I wanted to be a talented face up artist. Because I already draw lots of faces anyway. Might as well use a 3d canvas. She kept saying BJDs are not art, and how it's not original that I am buying a ready made sculpt to paint on it. That the concept of art is now distorted. I know those things are not true.
      And I know that giving money for charity according to my friend's suggestion is a good thing and all.

      But I don't know how to react to her opinions. =_= Like dolls should only be for kids.
      Getting dolls to show them off is vain. >_> Photography isn't art. All these reactions
      how do you counteract them. If your friend looked at you like you were lesser
      because of a hobby you didn't even pursue yet. How would you deal with it.
      :doh
       
    2. I have never had this happen...Before I got my first doll I believe my family had their doubts but once she arrived you could really see how amazing they really are. None of my friends or family have reacted negatively about them.
      I think I would have to just talk to my friend and say that it is not her decision. Everyone has different hobbies that make them happy! :)
       
    3. Generally, I'd respectfully appreciate their opinion, before ignoring them. There was a point years ago where the people I was friends with and I had to share almost all of our hobbies. When we all left home, we all split our separate ways, I doubt we have much in common anymore. Most of my current friends and I only have a few overlapping hobbies, and that's what I love about them, we're all different combinations and have different ideas and opinions. You learn to be respectful of another person's various hobbies and learn to not let too much stick to you when they do otherwise. Your friend is obviously vehemently against it, if she brings it up on her own, I'd suggest that you heard her, it's none of her business what you do with your own time and to please leave it. If it doesn't get dropped, I'd consider new friends. Opinions are nice, someone trying to force you to change your tune about a non-harmful activity is going to have other things to worry about with them.

      You might take a look into the "sell the dolls, says the potential mate" thread as while it's directed at romantic relationships, is mostly applicable.


      AnchientSama, I might be remembering things a little wrong here, but I heard on the BBC that your area is also having a lot of discussion due to this year's events for "what is art?" and what is "permissible as art". It is interesting to think of how dolls might fit into this.
       
    4. I don't think this happens as much as people think. Perhaps if you gently explain that these are not dolls, but art dolls that are made of special materials and are pretty fragile, they'd understand.

      BJDs aren't art?
      This can still be argued, but if you're the one doing some faceups, taking photos, sewing clothes, doing hair, then it is customizable art. It's like saying sewing isn't art, or photography isn't art. And drawing and painting on a 3D canvas you bought and didn't create (just like REAL canvases.. most painters don't make their own canvases), how is that not art?

      Photography isn't art?
      Tell them to go to some art galleries, since it's kinda obvious they haven't been to any.

      Getting dolls to show them off is vain?

      Getting a car to show it off is vain, too. In the BJD community, we share what we have with each other, for educational purposes really. "This is what this doll looks like", "this is what this company's resin looks like" "here's such and such's new sculpt".

      Dolls should be for kids?
      I'm a kid on the inside. If a person doesn't have an inner child, then they just aren't having as much fun as they could be. Dolls are also good collectors items, such as barbies that can cost hundreds. You don't exactly see all little girls saying "I would like to add this barbie to my collection." and keep them in the box, now do you? They get them to play with them, and so do some of us.

      The way I see it, those arguments are flawed, and easily counteracted due to real life comparisons.
      On a more personal note, it doesn't sound like your friend is very nice... :(
       
    5. @knightjeran
      It's slightly frustrating yes .3.
      D; Lots of my friends are just very blunt .3.
      If they don't like something they'll go all out about it.
      But it's not that she's not nice, it's just that I guess she's highly opposed to it .3.?
      Anywho, to not wander off topic.


      ^_^ I am just not very good at making come backs, and since I noticed
      that maybe this will be an issue with not only my friend .3. I'll have to have
      good come backs as to why? Anyhow that aside :3 I am liking the answers you said by far.

      And to those who replied by far thank you. o-o My parents are still another factor I have to deal with.
      Since they're not very supportive of expensive items, and they think in an almost similar way in terms of some points ^_^. So any answers that the thread generates will help me with multiple people too .3.
      <333

      @Ice Mutt
      ^_^ thanks for the thready. Imma read it thoroughly :3!!!
      Can I admire the fact that you have a homestuck related avatar ._. (... it makes
      me want to make a homestuck bjd XD shot shot shot shot!! <--- spontaneous idea!
      especially of karkat!)

      As to what qualifies as art .3. thinks.. I actually didn't know about that. I get my news by word of mouth :3 <3 But now that I know D; hmmn I guess if it generates amazing results that make me
      awe it's art no matter what the medium. I am one of those people who don't think
      that digital art is cheating. Art is limitless if people try to limit it it's just putting a graveyard
      to one line of art. Each medium has it's own way in which you can excel. ^_^ That's my personal opinion <3 .3. <333


      @Animethemed
      Nyuu thank you for the sweet reply. I wish people would see it that way o-o!
      .3. All I can say is your lucky you have such a supportive family ;D
       
    6. I have to agree with a lot of what has already been said. People choose what hobbies make them happy. I'm sure your friend has something quirky about her (him? xD) that sets them apart from the rest. It's our differences that keep us exciting and interesting, if we were all the same and liked the same things, life would be very boring very quickly.

      If I were in your situation, I would (as politely as possible) explain to your friend that these are obviously not for children--just look at the intricacy at which they are made, and furthermore look at their price-tag.
      I would also explain that, while I hold their opinion in very high regard because they are my friend, that I wasn't asking for their opinion nor was I interested in it.

      The bottom line is that you are allowed to like different things and, so long as your friends still accept you as a person, what you collect really isn't of consequence to them anyway.
       
    7. My parents don't know about my hobby hahahahaha! (I saw you mention them in your post below haha)
      As for my friends...well, the ones that don't like bjds, as long as I don't talk to them about it they are ok. You should search BJD in wikipedia and show your friend ;) It says there clearly, that BJD is for 'adult-collectors' or something. Also, tell your friend that face-up artists make good money *shot*
       
    8. What your friend does with her own money and tim e is her own business, what you do with yours is YOUR own business, and she has no right to dictate what you do with it - if she thinks she has that right then she isn't actually your friend at all.
      Teddy
       
    9. If your friend can be so blunt about her opinion of dolls, you can be equally blunt and tell her to stuff it. I know a couple of "artists" personally that say photography, esp. digital photography, is not art. You can argue that it takes a level of skill, practice, and talent to take a beautiful picture, just like it does to make a painting or sculpture. ANd as for BJDs not being art or a canvas for art, there is a ton of highly respected and admired works of art that are made using found objects that are just put together in a new and exciting way. BJDs are no different; they are a 3D canvas for an artist, be she face up artist, photographer, seamstress, wig maker, or writer, or whatever to use as a base for their work, or as inspiration.
       
    10. Ah, well, this kind of digs up the question, "What is art?", and I think I've got an answer to that that your friend will probably have a hard time arguing against.

      Art is any form of expression that allows the artist to reinterpret the world and then share that interpretation with others. It's about personal perspective, and finding a way to represent that perspective so that other people can see it. They may not like your perspective, but they still get a glance at how you think.

      So, by that token, photography is definitely art, perhaps even in the most literal sense in that the artist uses a camera to make an image of what they see and how they see it. A faceup then is art in that it reinterprets the existing sculpt, allowing you to show people things in that sculpt that they may not have seen before. The dolls themselves, then, are interactive interpretations of people, characters, and fantasy figures, rendered out in resin and/or vinyl.

      So, while traditionally dolls are for kids, there is a lot that can be done with them that adults can appreciate and enjoy. It's just that many choose not to, and it's up to each person whether they choose to find enjoyment in dolls in adulthood or not. :)
       
    11. There was this adage I heard a long time ago...
      As you get older, you become younger.

      So, ask your friend this, what am I too young for?
      Because for hobbies, I have never heard that someone is too young to start one.
       
    12. it has never happened to me before, i never come across friends who think bjd's are for kids
       
    13. Acknowledge their feelings and move on. Sometimes what can "help" that opinion is actually seeing and physically handling a bjd. Not that children's toys aren't complex, and not to say you can't or shouldn't let kids play with bjds, but they don't exactly scream "gimme to a kid!" The construction and quality of a bjd generally inspires the idea that this is a collectable meant to stay on a shelf and be admired. They may still think the doll is silly or a waste of money, but I bet they don't think it's a kid toy. ;)
       
    14. wow, i wouldnt consider them friends if they are kind of insulting you by basically saying you are wasting your money and time :(

      dont liston to them its only a usless hobbie when YOU deside it is , no one else has the right to tell you what you can or can not do.

      become a talanted faceup artist and shoe them its what you are good at and its what you want to do

      being a artist is about making something inot something its not , jsut cause its been made and then your using it doesnt mean that its not art :/ to me that would be like saying art sculptures or metal sculptures are not art just becasue they use something that they have not made ;(

      also giving your money to charity is good but they need to realsie some charaties dont give all the money to the intended for , so uness you take the money to tha charratie you never know were that money will end up.

      i carnt tell you really what to do but when people say dolls are for kids.... they are not, millions of people have some sort or doll, wether its a BJD, china doll, a barbie or maybe even a sex doll, they are all still dolls, so no dolls are not just for kids,they are kind of igorant to quickly judge you for wanting one of these awazing dolls.

      to me i would no longer accept their feelings nor would i accept them as a friend,

      a friend is ment to accept you for who you are , what you are and all your hobbies , your way of living

      they should see you and nothing else, they probally have hobbies you dont like, and you probally dont say anything about their hobbies

      dont worrie , you have many people here including me who will not judge you or stant for people telling you nou can not have that hobbie!

      i guess its up to you on how you deside to deal with them,

      i wish you all the luck on dealing with them

      *hugs* if you need to talk im sure everyone will liston

      sorry for the long reply too, it gets my blood boiling when people act like that to others just for wanting something diffrent
       
    15. Everyone I've ever spoken too acknowledges that they would never allow a child to play with an $400 collector piece doll. Plenty of adults collect dolls, it's common knowledge.
      Adults who have visited my home have been very reluctant to allow their children to touch my dolls because they know that these are not kid's dolls, they are Art. I have two dolls that I would allow children to hold and play gently with- Two. Out of about twenty one.

      (aside, slightly Off topic: And if your friend thinks photography isn't art, she needs to get out from under her rock and go to a gallery for once. I'd ditch this "friend" or just never share your dolly hobby with her, since she obviously isn't going to be kind to you about it.)
       
    16. "What is art" is a rather loaded question, with very personal answers when you get straight down to it. I had an entire class on the subject (well, really it was a discussion class, with no right answers, just debates over the idea as well as debates over how one uses language). What I did learn from that class it to never call oneself an "artist" because you're placing too much pressure and expectation on yourself from the world. Kinda hard to explain, but it works. Saying you're a "photographer" or you have a lot of creative skills is easier on the self-confidence than "artist".
      I do wish I had a link to the story I heard on BBC. It was very interesting for me.

      Back on topic, I'd agree that handling can help with someone who is only iffy about the dolls. If someone is strongly against them, I wouldn't let them handle them. It's not going to help, and likely, their issue is less with the dolls and more you're doing something they don't want you to do. It's almost funny, because it seems like dolls are such a harmless thing for people to fly into rages over. And actually, it's pretty often that people use the "donate to charity instead" response to it, there was an NPR story covering dollectable a few years back, I was really let down by NPR's coverage (their, assumed freelancer, reporter was looking for "sensationalism" which is not really an NPR thing), and there were many responses along the same lines from non-doll folk. For example, if instead of dolls, there was a conversation like this:
      A "I'm going to buy this guitar, I've been browsing around and this is the one I like"
      B "Why would you spend your money on that"
      A "Because I'd like one / I have an interest / (I have skills in a similar area)"
      No one really bats an eye...well, maybe somebody does? But the two are maybe comparable in price ranges, care, and spawning of other skills as well as creativity. But somehow, I think the idea of dolls comes out incredibly silly to other people. Perhaps someone would not like to say "Oh, so and so is making stuff for her dolls again".
      I remember my folks were very upset at me (and for someone who hasn't done their research into the hobby, rightfully so) for ordering my first girl. They felt I'd never see the doll and I just sent my money away. Short while later, I had my girl, and now, years later, they could care less. As long as I'm paying them my rent, they don't care what I'm spending my money on (Fortunately, I do care, so it's mostly not dolls). They know the friends I've made through them are better than the majority I made through either high school or college and were honestly surprised when they learned I had taught myself to sew through the hobby. I no longer get complaints on it. But then, those are my parents and I'm stuck with them, while I'm not stuck with the friends that can't be respectful.
      Sometimes, I guess even if you are feeling like it may be more childish to play with dolls, you can rest assured that with the right attitude, you can be more mature to other people's odd hobbies and passions. Anyone who can't be mature about ANYONE's other hobby that doesn't affect them (or isn't causing legitimate concern for their friend's or other's well being) hasn't grown up yet.

      To quote Greg Behrendt (in his bit, You Must Rock, which is very NSFW speech): "Anyone that doesn't dig your [stuff], then you need to move on".

      Not that we know if you're at that extreme yet, but that's a thing to keep in mind.
       
    17. I would stop being friends with your "friend". They sound like a snippy, whiny, ignorant person. You don't need someone like that in your life!
       
    18. Dealing with these kinds of people is a regular thing for me; in the end I just gave up trying to convince them otherwise and scratched them off my birthday list. ;)
       
    19. I ignore bringing my dolls up around people who feel that way. It's not because they might be trying to be mean, it's just that I never feel like bringing up the debate. If, by chance, they bring up the topic of my dolls, I usually like trying to change topics, because I'd rather not hear about how dolls are for kids. There are a lot of other things that we could talk about, and we'd both agree on.

      I've never been told showing dolls off is vain, or that photography isn't art, though.
       
    20. Apart from all the separate specific issues, I see one main concern you have stated here: I am just not very good at making come backs,


      I like to think about things like this, why I wouldn't agree with your friend's opinions. It is great to have the chance to talk with other people who can understand my love for bjd. It is good to have words to help form and explain feelings. But I finally realized that sometimes I can just step back and let people have their opinions. Sometimes step back is the perfect "come back"...Give them space to disagree or lack any real comprehension about how I see or feel things.